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Friday, August 15, 2008


posted by on August 15 at 12:50 PM

So… Russian tanks are within 15 miles of the capital of Georgia, Tbilisi, and Condi Rice is in Tibilisi right now hanging out with the clearly unstable president of Georgia. (As opposed to one unstable president George.) What happens if the Russians capture Condi Rice? Would it be a violation of any quaint Geneva Conventions for the Russians to use “enhanced-interrogation techniques” on an actual member of the Bush administration?

Oh, and Russia is absolutely furious that Poland has agreed to let the US build SDI missile-launching sites on Polish soil, and has let Poland know that US missiles makes ‘em a target for Russian nukes. George Bush is mad, John McCain is sending advisors to Georgia (isn’t that presumptuous of him?), and Barack Obama is still on vacation, where he’s having shaved ice and his ass handed to him.


Yet here I am, sitting at my desk, more concerned with whether or not Michael Phelps shaved off his pubic hair along with his pornstache before the Olympics. For this I blame Towleroad for directing me to pictures like this one over at the Chicago Tribune’s website…


There are more pictures of Phelps’s crotch at the Chicago Tribune. We’re all going to die and so go enjoy them while you can.

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I might care about Michael Phelps' pubes in 15 years.

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 15, 2008 12:56 PM

I have been thinking about Micheal Phelps (and his crotch) quite a bit lately. Hence, Georgia has not been on my mind.
God Bless American shaved distractions.

Posted by Stephanie | August 15, 2008 12:59 PM

Huh. Why does the Chicago Tribune put funny captions under the photos? Like this:

"(Wally Skalij / Los Angeles Times / August 10, 2008)"

Posted by coarse_can_alias | August 15, 2008 1:01 PM

Wouldn't all that chlorine burn a freshly shaved junk? Is it just the top or a full on Brazilian. My main question however is if Dan Savage does?

Posted by Nair | August 15, 2008 1:03 PM

I think it's fair to say that the Russians are smart enough to wait until after Condi leaves. She makes a great human shield, but is unlikely to care enough to remain one.

Posted by eric sic | August 15, 2008 1:05 PM

Last night (the night before?) when they were profiling Michael Phelps and his, um, measurements, we were surprised they didn't do any strategic airbrushing to make him more Ken-like. But there he was in all his glory, arms outstretched, waiting to be gawked at.

Posted by Balt-O-Matt | August 15, 2008 1:06 PM

I wish Mr. Savage wouldn't parrot Andrew Sullivan the way that he does.

Posted by Bub | August 15, 2008 1:11 PM

what the fuck crawled up Putin's ass?

Did Bush piss him off at the Opening ceremonies and not invite him to the after party at the Beijing Hooters co-hosted by the women's volleyball team?

or is he just irritated that Russia's been so preoccupied with turning Russia into GangstaLand that they've not participated much in the world scene for the last 15 years, and have in turn, been rather ignored and considered irrelevant?

Posted by michael strangeways | August 15, 2008 1:12 PM

Oh, and I'm not sure I'd worry about Obama and McCain. I think for people who follow this stuff, it might be concerning that Obama took a vacation, but for real? Most people aren't paying attention. They're looking at Michael Phelps or the gymnasts or some other athletes.

But the Georgia thing does concern me. This, America, is what 8 years of amateur hour looks like. Thanks, Bush. Jesus. H. Christ.

Posted by Balt-O-Matt | August 15, 2008 1:12 PM

Last night, after Slog Happy, a table of very erudite gays were discussing whether or not Phelps is hung. There are some aspects that hint as much -- horseface (leading to horse cock), huge feet (leave Frizzelle out of this, people), Adam's apple big enough to make its own pie, etc.

And yet, no one could recall seeing a photo that spoke to there being more than the average skinwad "down there." And you'd think there would be by now...


Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | August 15, 2008 1:13 PM

See the "most viewed" to the right. The readers of Chicago Tribune are a cultured bunch.

Posted by Gloria | August 15, 2008 1:17 PM

Well, if he's a grower and not a shower, we might have something...

Posted by NapoleonXIV | August 15, 2008 1:18 PM

@8: I believe you've got it- Putin doesn't want Russia (and therefore himself) to be irrelevant any more.

I hate this whole situation, and most everyone involved. Sigh.

Posted by Abby | August 15, 2008 1:18 PM

It is completely routine for competitive swimmers to shave all their body hair. Notice none of them have any pit hair either. The guy behind him in this photo even has his head shaved.

I don't know if it makes any real difference, but there is a widely held perception that smooth skin makes them glide faster through the water. That is the purpose of the new body suits: they theoretically help the swimmers glide through the water more smoothly.

He might be a total bear, for all we know, if he didn't shave his body. Still, those pics are smokin hot!

Posted by Reverse Polarity | August 15, 2008 1:18 PM

In times like these, it's gotta feel good to have a shit ton of oil INSIDE your country.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | August 15, 2008 1:30 PM

Did Slog ever decide on a male version of a "Butter Face"... whatever end product came out of that discussion, Michael Phelps is definitely one.

Posted by robo | August 15, 2008 1:36 PM

@12, all because someone is tall and lean does not mean they have a huge dick. I know, I have checked all the tall guys out and have been more often then not let down and disappointed by what they had.

Phelps is probably a little under 7 inches uncut.

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger | August 15, 2008 1:37 PM



Posted by Seth | August 15, 2008 1:37 PM

ok, my previous comment was relatively serious, or at least was commenting on the more serious aspects of Dan's post, (ie, impending Russian induced armageddon), but now I feel compelled to ask:

Is there someone on the swim team staff in charge of bodyhair removal? or do the athletes do it themselves, or have a "special" fun night before competitions when they shave each other?

inquiring minds, REALLY want to know...

and watch.

Posted by michael strangeways | August 15, 2008 1:38 PM

I'm amazed that you were somehow able to wrangle some beefcake into a post about international politics....

@10 I vote for hung.

Posted by boxofbirds | August 15, 2008 1:39 PM

@12 and @15, THANKS! I knew this crowd could cough up whatever was out there. It would appear there's some fire in the hole...but how does that garden grow?

@18, you are so last two BFs have been 6'+ and, while equipped with perfectly serviceable penises, they were not, shall we say, to scale. Which is fine, BTW.

@21, you are far too adorable to be talking like that.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | August 15, 2008 1:47 PM

...and in its censorious keeping-its-Red-state-Puritanical-viewers-in-mind, NBC rarely lets its nomadic camera eye drift below any of the male swimmers' waists. However, in the gymnastic all-around Jonathan (HuggyBear) Horton was sportin' quite a mound in profile and otherwise. Contradictorily, the gnomish Chinese nymphettes are clearly not developed enough to be showing any Dina Martina camel toe - and thank the alleged God for that.

Posted by RHETT ORACLE | August 15, 2008 1:57 PM
24 i the onliest one who is wondering about yao ming's jerky?

Posted by reverend dr dj riz | August 15, 2008 2:12 PM

@20 Sorry michael the swimmers do it themselves. although it may help to know that when I swam we use to all hangout in the showers together while shaving. as homophobic as athletes are we do some pretty gay shit.

Posted by Mark | August 15, 2008 2:16 PM

@20 Sorry michael the swimmers do it themselves. although it may help to know that when I swam we use to all hangout in the showers together while shaving. as homophobic as athletes are we do some pretty gay shit.

Posted by Mark | August 15, 2008 2:19 PM

I used to hang out with the swimmers at U. of Texas (big Olympic program), and I am happy to report that there is a high percentage of gay within this sport compared to most sports, and even more so on the dive team. Dunno why, but I'm thrilled to say that it is true.

Posted by robo | August 15, 2008 2:20 PM

@20, 25/26 is probably correct for most experiences, but both my high school and college teams had occasional pre-meet parties that involved the female team shaving the guys and the male team shaving the women. For all the practice the women supposedly had, they invariably cut the guys more. At the big meets you would run into the guys in the bathroom shaving their pubes (and leaving the hair strewn all over the floor).

Posted by Different experience | August 15, 2008 2:31 PM

Dan, at least you're not obsessing about Fred Phelp's shaving patterns.

Posted by rh | August 15, 2008 2:41 PM

Ughhh - I think those low-slung pants things make him look fat around the middle...

Posted by Ayden | August 15, 2008 3:15 PM

@30--For reals?

Posted by Balt-O-Matt | August 15, 2008 3:27 PM

uh, what fat?

the man has like, .01% body fat...

and my estimate: 7ish but a thick 7ish.

Posted by michael strangeways | August 15, 2008 3:43 PM

You think that's Michael Phelps' cum face?

Posted by MrEddieFather | August 15, 2008 3:56 PM

Every time I look at Phelps I'm amazed at how much you look like him Dan. I'm serious.
The two of you could be brothers. And Putin has a right to be pissed. Bush is a tit.

Posted by Vince | August 15, 2008 4:33 PM

@30: It's people like you who pushed Karen Carpenter over the edge....

Posted by NapoleonXIV | August 15, 2008 4:35 PM

Whichever ad exec told Michael Phelps to take the top of his suit off all the time deserves his own gold medal.

This is why Men's Swimming is the best sport in the world.

I vote for totally shaved, and 7" sounds fair.

Posted by Aislinn | August 15, 2008 6:02 PM

I have it on good authority that it's only 4", but it's prehensile.

Posted by Fnarf | August 15, 2008 10:12 PM

Even if it doesn't improve performance, shaving it all off seems like the courteous thing to do, you know, so there are no pubes floating in the water.

Posted by keshmeshi | August 15, 2008 11:06 PM

@38, Wonder what BA is doing tonight.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | August 15, 2008 11:55 PM

yawl dont even see the big pic on this do ya?

Posted by rawdawgbuffalo | August 16, 2008 2:01 PM

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