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Friday, July 11, 2008


posted by on July 11 at 11:59 AM


She’s just an inch or three away from FLDS hair, and has that extra-white inbred look, featuring the just-very-slightly wonky eye. Her suit enjoys that tedious off-center closure and has that crappy little pleated puff at the top of the sleeve, which is a small detail, but speaks volumes as to the hideousness of her taste. (I’ve looked in vain for a picture of her in the orange sweater/white skirt combo she wore a last week. That was an inappropriate look, I thought. The informality was good, but with her hair down and the big gold sunglasses, she was rather Housewives of Orange County.)

May I suggest this dress, from the Chanel couture show?


It’s like an expensive gift wrap for an adulterous (trollop/cunt) rich lady. It is also hideous and gray, so might suit her taste. It has deep folds in which to hide things like John’s creepy fake smiles, offensive attempts at humor, and her own criminal past. The cinched waist keeps it real, because real fancy heiresses don’t actually eat—except for occasional nibbles of the tasty sacramental flesh of the poor!

Now to get those maddening thoughts of inherited wealth and ruling-class entitlement out of your head, here’s Betty Hutton! For Fnarf! Sing along for fun!

RSS icon Comments


(It's) Mark Mitchell, I love you. And I do not ever want you to see me clothed again. You know what I mean.

Posted by Jen Graves | July 11, 2008 12:13 PM

i get a legally blonde vibe from her

Posted by Jiberish | July 11, 2008 12:13 PM

Oh, I get it. It's considered sexist to comment on Hilary's outfits, but with Cindy McCain it's awesome! (An admittedly scary person.)

I don't know why I felt the need to nitpick about that, but I did.

Sorry. :(

Posted by godsactionfigure | July 11, 2008 12:17 PM

I get a Glenn Close in The Stepford Wives vibe from her.

Posted by monkey | July 11, 2008 12:21 PM

she looks like an alien form star trek or something.

Posted by douglas | July 11, 2008 12:23 PM

Stepford wife all the way, but of course the most expensive model that lactates beer. Careful though, if you are poor this model is known to bite, and not in a good way.

Posted by Sad Comment | July 11, 2008 12:25 PM


Posted by schnoodle | July 11, 2008 12:26 PM

She has a preternaturaly elliptical head, you could run the Kentucky Derby around the perimeter. Perhaps bangs would help ameliorate that oval, but something must be done.

Posted by inkweary | July 11, 2008 12:33 PM

Is it me or does Cindy McCain look like Cruella de Vil without the giant fur coat?

Posted by montex | July 11, 2008 12:40 PM

This is what I've read elsewhere.

"She is suffering from Madamisim....Madamism is the new Muppet-inspired look on the rise.

Victims display over-pronounced cheekbones, jutting chin, and quite possibly, hinged jaws and a hand up their arse."

Posted by jeffg166 | July 11, 2008 12:43 PM

You're still here! Fantastic. And hooray for Betty Hutton.

Posted by squidoo | July 11, 2008 12:46 PM

IMM, you have nailed it! The gray in the Chanel is magnificent for her violet eyes, and those big pleats will hide a pharmacy's worth of barbies!

IMM, will you dress me someday? I need your fashion sense in my life...

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | July 11, 2008 12:47 PM

Spy Magazine used to call them "Too Rich, Too Thin".

The Chanel looks like a very elegant bottle stopper.

Thanks for Betty, It Is. Hey, "It Is", did you have contraction-reversal surgery or something?

Posted by Fnarf | July 11, 2008 12:50 PM

That forehead's somewhere between 70mm and IMAX.

Posted by DOUG. | July 11, 2008 1:11 PM

Thanks for implanting Betty Hutton into my psyche for the rest of the day...The Greatest Show On Earth will be playing in my head for the rest of the day.

Posted by michael strangeways | July 11, 2008 1:18 PM

Not since Nancy Reagan.

That song was great, though, so thanks for that.

Posted by flamingbanjo | July 11, 2008 1:20 PM

Mark once told me to not wear my favorite hat. boo!

Posted by NaFun | July 11, 2008 1:21 PM

@13 the apostrophe in "It's" broke teh Internets. Unfair!

Posted by It's Mark Mitchell | July 11, 2008 1:29 PM

Mrs. McCain was so scary-looking on the cover of Newsweek.

The other potential First Lady, though, is beautiful. I'd love to see commentary on her style from you, IMM!

Posted by V | July 11, 2008 1:29 PM

She does have freakishly wide-set eyes, though not nearly as wide as Jackie Kennedy. She was almost a bullfrog, but people still thought she was beautiful.

Posted by Mason | July 11, 2008 1:38 PM

Hey, It's Mark Mitchell: You can find all the standard escape characters for HTML over here if you're interested.

To make an apostrophe when a regular one won't work, type in ampersand number-sign 39 semicolon.

Posted by flamingbanjo | July 11, 2008 1:45 PM

I think she's the perfect compliment to McCains "Howdy Doody" look. Gawd Haute! But the Channel looked at up side down looks like a space ship. Space ship to hell!

Posted by Vince | July 11, 2008 1:50 PM

Not that I know from fashion, but I thought the Chanel looked like a half-closed umbrella.

Posted by Ramdu | July 11, 2008 1:54 PM

X-ray wives ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | July 11, 2008 2:06 PM

The Housewives of Orange County are much more attractive.

Posted by elswinger | July 11, 2008 5:06 PM

Here's her in the orange sweater white skirt. If it still matters.

Posted by Stella | July 14, 2008 10:18 AM

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