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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Morning News

posted by on July 15 at 7:35 AM

Genocide: International Court files charges against Sudanese president.

He Thought They Said “Drinking”: Bush lifts off-shore drilling ban.

Plane and Simple: Former Justice Dept. head says US should fix terrorist watch list.

Strained Peas and Matlock: Can a 72-year-old man be president? Some retarded Americans think so.

Tapped Out: Jesse “The Body” Ventura decides not to try to take on Al “Stuart Smalley” Franken in Senate race.

Georgia governor wants guns in airports.

Blinded By the Light:
Hordes of Russian ravers blasted by lasers!

Slugger: Josh Hamilton hits record 28 homers in first round of derby, still loses.

Since SOMEBODY crushed my hopes for a new, kick ass Batman movie, here’s some fucking Aquaman bullshit.

RSS icon Comments


Do you think you could refrain from using the word "retarded"? It's really un-PC. What next - Spics? Chinks? Gimps?

Strained Peas and Matlock: Can a 72-year-old man be president? Some retarded Americans think so.

Posted by What a fucking megan | July 15, 2008 7:54 AM

Even retards aren't retarded enough to vote for McCain.

Posted by An offense to retards everywhere! | July 15, 2008 8:08 AM

The Stranger is

Posted by retarded | July 15, 2008 8:08 AM

Since we're being all un-PC, I have only two words for Slog: Retarded hos.

Posted by Banna | July 15, 2008 8:20 AM

('pretard' is the fetus.)

Posted by Karen Carpenter | July 15, 2008 8:26 AM

I absolutely agree: Aquaman is bullshit, Jesus Is Magic, and the hater population of SLOG is an embarrassment to muppets and musicians everywhere.

Hence, @1, @2, @3, @4, & @5: You gyus suck (sic)!

Posted by Cookie W. Monster | July 15, 2008 8:32 AM

Really Mr. Spangenthal-Lee,
there are a number of reasons not to use term "retarded" as you do.
1. It's the N-word of the developmentally disabled. They know what it means and how it is used. They have feelings. Every parent, relative, health and mental health worker of the developmentally disabled are turned off and pissed off when people use that term the you seem comfortable using. Get a clue.
2. It's lazy and inaccurate. Use a thesaurus and a bit of critical analysis as to why people might vote for a 72 year old.
3. It marks you in a way I doubt you want to be marked, both internally to yourself (as in you are the type of person who labels and bullies the disabled) and externally to those around you (as in what an insensitive lout).

Oh, and the agism has to go as well.

Posted by LMSW | July 15, 2008 8:36 AM

I'm so very, very sick of Jesse Ventura.

Posted by Big Sven | July 15, 2008 8:49 AM

you're all a bunch of retarded old fogies.

Posted by Jonah S | July 15, 2008 8:51 AM

Agree with the "retarded" usage -- drop it.

And I looked all over and don't see anyone fucking Aquaman.

You guys are so lazy and uncreative for peopel who spend their days with language/writing.

Posted by Hartiepie | July 15, 2008 9:02 AM

Expect nothing less from "Seattle's Only Newspaper" - this is why you guys are never taken seriously in spite of all your pathetic efforts. How'd you do at the Alt Weekly awards? For that matter, WON any awards lately? Didn't think so.

Posted by Spaghetti Lee | July 15, 2008 9:04 AM

Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contenly and to feebly ask, "Where is that marvelous ape?"

Posted by John McCain | July 15, 2008 9:13 AM

@7: Wow... that's a lot of pretentious PC angst bullshit to stuff into one comment. Sure, J S-L could be less than a tool, but giving him an arrogant, holier-than-thou liberal tongue-lashing? Get off that high horse, man.

Posted by Guess I'm an offense to retards everywhere! | July 15, 2008 9:29 AM

@12: That's just an horrible, horrible example of apeism. I demand you stop that right away.

Posted by Guess I'm an offense to old people everywhere! | July 15, 2008 9:30 AM

Yeah, how are your awards, eh? Are they numerous? You should be quite concerned, or at least rather concerned if they are not numerous. I'm got a less-than-developmentally-disabled haircut yesterday (same glasses, though) and I'm putting out a new album called The Arbiter. Please buy loonie -- I mean one -- when it comes out.

Posted by Geddy Lee | July 15, 2008 9:35 AM

The thing to keep in mind about McCain's demographic is that it is getting smaller and smaller every day as they die off. With the general election coinciding with the start of the respiratory infection season, McCain could easily lose a percentage point or two just by attrition.
Also, you figure that maybe 5% of McCain's consistuency will simply forget where they are on election day and not vote, get lost on the way to the polls, or find themselves afraid to leave the house that day becuase they are feeling paritcularly incontinent.

Posted by kinaidos | July 15, 2008 9:48 AM

@11, there are "Alt weekly awards"? Is that like a consolation prize in the special olympics? How pathetic.

Posted by there are awards? | July 15, 2008 9:51 AM

1. @1 "retarded" is okay and not offensive because it's really directed at people who like McCain.

It's only when satire is against Obama that it's not okay.

2. No news item on Obama's ecellent foreign policy speech today?

He linked up oil, the war, climate change and national security saying the drainage of our dollars for foriegn oil props up terrorism and dictators and shifts away our leverage to the oil exporters.

This is one of the most substantive things anyone has said in this whole campaign, and it's the kind of long term investment in edukatin' us retardo Amurikunz so we see thru this militarism bullshit to know the oil men from Texas is just selling us out to the oil exporters and making us less secure.

Pls put up a post with huge quotes from his speech. Thank you.

Posted by PC | July 15, 2008 9:54 AM

god i hate aquaman.

also, can anyone suggest a word to replace retard that caries the same weight? there's just something about the term 'retarded' that cuts right to the heart of things.

Posted by douglas | July 15, 2008 9:55 AM

@19, how about moron?

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | July 15, 2008 10:00 AM

The current internet standard is "moran", from the famous picture of the spelling-challenged pro-war sign-holding moran.

The correct term for McCain himself is "doddering old fool".

Posted by Fnarf | July 15, 2008 10:08 AM

#19, how about gay?

As in, "Slog really is getting kind of gay these days."

Posted by w7ngman | July 15, 2008 10:09 AM

If only I could post images inline I would photoshop in What a fucking megan @1.

Posted by Anon | July 15, 2008 10:28 AM

It's waaay retarted to vote for president a socialist whose been fermenting in the bash-America-first hyperbole by Rev. Wright for over twenty years and who's at the beck and call of George Soros and Al Gore.

Posted by raindrop | July 15, 2008 10:29 AM

@19 Well since they are extinct (except on television), terrified Neanderthal would do.

Posted by LMSW | July 15, 2008 10:33 AM

@24 you are mistaken he's not a socialist he doesn't want a govt run health care system with no ins. companies like in Europe he doesn't want full govt paid college for everyone he doesn't want the broad social programs they have in England Grermany France Italy Scandinavia which have led to better lives, better health, better education, less economic troubles than we have right now, and where even when the conservatives win they don't undo:

-college tuition for all
--national social commie health care for all
--laonger vacations and better benefits for all

thereby proving these systems work. The people there have chosen them they've had about 50 years to undo them, and they don't.

So you dont' know WTF you're talking about do you.

Pls. make a note of it.

Posted by PC | July 15, 2008 10:37 AM

Well, let's find a word that doesn't mock disabilities....

1. A stupid person; a dolt.
2. Psychology. A person of mild mental retardation having a mental age of from 7 to 12 years and generally having communication and social skills enabling some degree of academic or vocational education. The term belongs to a classification system no longer in use and is now considered offensive.

1. A foolish or stupid person.
2. A person of profound mental retardation having a mental age below three years and generally being unable to learn connected speech or guard against common dangers. The term belongs to a classification system no longer in use and is now considered offensive.

1. Lacking the power of speech. Used of animals and inanimate objects.
2. Often Offensive. Incapable of using speech; mute. Used of humans.

Nope, sorry. Deal with it.

Posted by sepiolida | July 15, 2008 10:45 AM

Careful. "Moran" could wind up pissing off the Irish.

Posted by keshmeshi | July 15, 2008 10:48 AM

Re: International Court

I hope Bush & Co. are next.

Posted by Mike of Renton | July 15, 2008 11:04 AM

I think retarded is preferable to water-head.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | July 15, 2008 11:04 AM

As for McCain, "McSame" doesn't stand on its own because it has to refer back to the inferred Bush. Also, many people find comfort in things being the same (ie they have a fear of change) even while they know things must change.

John McJudasgoat might be particularly good because of its more direct and visceral references. Judas - the great betrayer of Jesus (sure to cut into his already weak hold on the religious right). Goat -slightly agist but more about the character of the person than the age per se. Judas goat - the creature trained to lead its' followers to the slaughter. Then of course the "Mc" part which McDonalds has copyrighted every possible variant of. I admit its a stretch, but then so was Santorum.

Posted by LMSW | July 15, 2008 11:10 AM

hmm, moron just doesn't have the same zing as retard does. gay has a good ring to it, but it's even more offensive when used in a negative context. terrified neanderthal is just silly. idiot doesn't flow right...

i think retard might be staying.

Posted by douglas | July 15, 2008 12:17 PM

Hey, congratulations to Cadel Evans for taking over the yellow jersey yesterday, too.

Posted by Fnarf | July 15, 2008 12:26 PM

Why should I have to change my usage of the word "retarded" just because one group claims to be offended by it? If you're intelligent enough to understand the meaning of the word retarded, then you're not retarded. Furthermore, being offended on behalf of retards is retarded, so don't be. Change your definition of yourself to "_____ handicapped" or "____ disabled" and quit being offended by my usage of a goddamn word.

Posted by Taking a stand | July 15, 2008 12:52 PM

@34 - or ... you could get a life and stop being such a retard.

Posted by Will in Seattle | July 15, 2008 1:03 PM

Spend some time volunteering with people with intelletual disabilities then we'll talk about terminology and r-e-s-p-e-c-t......

Posted by Hartiepie | July 15, 2008 1:09 PM


Posted by NapoleonXIV | July 15, 2008 1:26 PM


OPEC sells oil for $145.00 a barrel (or more)

OPEC nations buy U.S. grain at $7.00 a bushel (or less).

Solution: Sell grain for $145.00 a bushel.

Can't buy it?

Tough! Eat your oil. Ought to go well with a nice thick grilled filet of camel ass!!!

Posted by Thought o' the Day | July 15, 2008 1:43 PM


Go ahead and keep using that word. Just keep in mind that no one with any sense will regard you with any amount of respect for using it. "Retard" is a word for sixth-grade boys and those who still haven't mentally left the sixth grade. Enjoy.


And then the Chinese will start planting acres of wheat and corn and our agriculture will completely collapse.

Posted by keshmeshi | July 15, 2008 1:54 PM

Why haven't you changed the word "retarded" yet? You have gotten several comments. Why be offensive? Why can't you just say "stupid" instead?

Posted by Change it | July 15, 2008 2:57 PM

Because, 40, that would be retarded.

Posted by Jonah S | July 15, 2008 4:53 PM

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