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Friday, July 4, 2008

The Morning News

posted by on July 4 at 8:58 AM

God Bless America: Jesse Helms is finally dead. The fucker was 86.

Center Lines: Obama says he may “refine” position on Iraq, but still committed to withdrawal.

Central Intelligence: Government workers snooping on celebrity passport files.

Mercury Sizing: Planet’s diameter has retracted 1.5 miles due to cooling core.

Two Dead: Helicopter hits power lines and “instantly created a blinding flash.”

The Sanctity of Marriage: GOP Governor of Florida, Charlie Crist, proposes to girlfriend of nine months.

Hostage Takeover: After six years in captivity in Colombia, Ingrid Betancourt returns to France for hero’s welcome.

Poland: Rejects US proposal to host 10 missile interceptors.

Like a Short, Long Pit Bull: Mini dachshund gnaws off sleeping owner’s toe.

Short Order: Judge sends wordy lawsuit—465 pages—back for a succinct rewrite.

When the Levy Breaks: Pike Place Market levy will likely lack controversial provision to re-landscape Victor Steinbrueck Park.

Red, White, Black and Blue: Denver mayor sore over performer singing “the black national anthem.”

RSS icon Comments


Weird -- that Jesse Helms story has a date of "July 5, 2008" on it (New York Times). Suddenly, I feel like I'm in an episode of "Early Edition."

Posted by Jane | July 4, 2008 9:51 AM

that heiress crist is engaged to has the most smug look on her face. just looking at her makes me want to give a resounding slap.

Posted by ellarosa | July 4, 2008 10:05 AM

let's take bets on when Jesse Helms' secret interracial love child comes out from hiding..

i'm so happy that fucker is dead.

Posted by apres_moi | July 4, 2008 10:10 AM

Helms is dead oh happy day. Satan, he's your bitch now!

Posted by Happy Comment | July 4, 2008 10:10 AM

@2 -- Mr. Poe will do worse than that.

Ladies and gentlemen, friends of Slog -- I beg you, keep Mr. Poe in your thoughts and prayers in these coming days. His hopes, his dreams, his very raison d'etre have been dashed into myriad pieces by this horrible news. The death of a dream is never pretty, but the death of a child's dream is sadder still.

Chin up, Mr. Poe. Be strong.

Carry on.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | July 4, 2008 10:12 AM

I fully expect a series of anti-Daschund posts starting today. I mean, bandages provoked the dog, so obviously the dog is damaged goods. And, most other dog attacks don't leave people maimed. It was probably bred that way.

And, worse yet, they're much cuter than pit bulls. So, they're very decieving.

Posted by TheMisanthrope | July 4, 2008 10:12 AM

Never has a beard looked so good!

Posted by demo kid | July 4, 2008 10:38 AM

Ahhhhh, you should all go find a copy of MC Hawking's immortal rap "Why Won't Jesse Helms Just Hurry Up And Die", and play it repeatedly at volume this weekend.

Posted by Breklor | July 4, 2008 11:16 AM

Steinbrueck park is dangerous mostly because it is so isolated. Solution: pedestrianize the entire market area, including Western between the garage entrance and Lenora. Patrol the market with beat and bike cops. End of problem.

Posted by kinaidos | July 4, 2008 11:21 AM
Posted by Fe Man | July 4, 2008 12:02 PM

Years ago when I was delivering pizzas during college, I was bit by a dachshund while its owner looked on and then asked for nine cents change instead of offering a tip.

The bite didn't break my skin, but I held a grudge against the breed for years after. Fucking asshole wiener dogs.

Posted by Cascadian | July 4, 2008 12:45 PM

I'm just glad he didn't get shot dead. I guess that pig heart finally gave out.

Posted by Vince | July 4, 2008 2:47 PM

My doxie sleeps down by my feet in the bed, under the covers,and he constantly licks my feet. I used to think it was sweet; now, thanks to you and your weinerism I will be paranoid about this habit.

Posted by M | July 4, 2008 2:50 PM


Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Posted by Y.F. | July 4, 2008 4:25 PM

Thanks for posting the dog story.

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Posted by 1800flowers | July 8, 2008 11:35 AM

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Posted by 1800flowers | July 8, 2008 11:37 AM

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