Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

« U.S. Olympic Committee Targets... | I Just Read Your Back and I Wa... »

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Sexist, Egotistical, Lying, Hypocritical Bigot…LIVE!

posted by on July 23 at 11:56 AM

I enjoy two things: Crank calling Hillary Clinton at 3AM every morning, and 9 to 5. The movie. From 1980-ish. Waaaay before I was born. (Hush up.)

I’ve said it before (and I shall undoubtedly say it before again), I love me some 9 to 5. LOVE IT! In my list of all time favorite movies, it is right up there with Pee Wee’s Big Adventure and the movie that hasn’t been made yet that I star in that wins me an Oscar. 9 to 5 changed my life. I’m not sure exactly how, or if it was for the good, but…

The strange thing? I hadn’t seen it in at least fifteen years. Tragic! Sinful! Disturbing beyond comprehension! I know! So I did what I had to do, and I did it just last week: I Netflixed the damn thing or whatever, and, glory. How I still love it. How it fills me with joy. And how totally it holds up, baring the gigantic telephones, the conspicuous lack of PCs, and the maniacal XEROX machine the size of box car that brings Jane Fonda to tears. It holds up so well, in fact, that I spent at least twenty minutes of film time pointing at the screen and screaming, “This HAS TO BE produced for the STAGE! Do you hear me, ye gods? It just HAS to be!”

Well, ye gods were listening. Or ReBar had their damn spies following me. As usual. Behold:


Frank Hart is a pig. He takes advantage in the grossest manner of the women who work with him. When his three sassy assistants manage to trap him in his own house they assume control of his department and productivity leaps, but just how long can they keep Hart tied up? It’s revenge of the Nerds for “Office Cathies”!

Indeed! The inimitable Nick Garrison is to play Judy Bernley, Jane Fonda’s character (I would have made a great Judy Bernley—or Jane Fonda for that matter), my friend Andrew Tsakos plays Lilly Tomlin’s corpse-napping character Violet (I would have made a great Violet), Brandon Whitehead plays Mr. F. Hart (that sounds about right to me), and an actress I am not familiar with called Rebecca Davis is playing Dolly Parton’s girl, Doralee. And she better be damn good, because I would have made a spectacular Doralee. Word.

The event is only three nights, July 29th through the 31st, at, duh, ReBar. Reservations will not be taken, so come early. I will be ensconced in the front row for every performance. I might even cry a little for no apparent reason. If it happens, please, just…look away! For the love of God! Look away!

Thank you in advance.


RSS icon Comments


I have my computer dial Hils at 3 am just for shits and giggles.

Posted by Will in Seattle | July 23, 2008 12:13 PM

Nick Garrison ruins everything. His characters are all the same and so are his jokes that are not all that funny. I really like the others but maybe Ian should try and recruit some new talent. Jacki Hell would be great in this.

Posted by Money Tree Caterpillar | July 23, 2008 12:34 PM

also opening on broadway as a musical with music by Dolly Parton this spring...


Posted by ian | July 23, 2008 12:40 PM

The Dolly Parton musical version is starring Allison Janney as Violet.

Posted by Darrell Seeger | July 23, 2008 12:51 PM

wait, is this the original irritating guy in a suit Moneytree caterpillar that was still somewhat cheesily endearing, or the current very irritating, dumb and boring CGI Moneytree caterpillar?

and I love in-jokes...

Posted by michael strangeways | July 23, 2008 12:57 PM

Me and the man toy are there. Oh yes, we are.

Posted by Original Monique` | July 23, 2008 1:09 PM

ian @ 4...REALLY? REALLY? REALLY? REALLY? REALLY? OMG!!!! if i have to walk...i will be there. opening night. i promise you.

Posted by adrian | July 23, 2008 1:20 PM

@5 The rumor I have heard is Ian Bell was the original Caterpillar. But I heard if from some gays and they cant get married so I am not sure if I believe or trust anything they say.

Posted by Its a way to make a living | July 23, 2008 1:37 PM

@5 & 8:

Not a rumor.

And Adrian, how could you NOT have heard of Rebecca Mmmmmmmmmmmmm Davis? Hostess of The Stay Up Late Show, and all-round funny, loud-mouthed Lesbo?

Posted by COMTE | July 23, 2008 1:51 PM

well, comte, i stopped reviewing theatre every week going on two years ago...the world has passed me by...

Posted by adrian | July 23, 2008 2:13 PM

i know...that's why i made the in-joke joke.


Rebecca Davis is an institution.

Posted by michael strangeways | July 23, 2008 2:31 PM

I agree with COMTE and michael strangeways - how do you not know who Rebecca Davis is? I can't remember the last time I saw local theater (er...maybe I shouldn't admit that) and even I know she is Teh Bomb.

Posted by genevieve | July 23, 2008 3:48 PM

money @2...I have to disagree with you. I think Nick has am amazing arsenal of comic timing and pop culture references.

Jackie Hell has been in many Brown Derbies and is the sickest bitch in show business. I mean that in a good way.

Posted by ian's other half | July 23, 2008 5:09 PM

@ number 2- sad to say I agree! I have been going to these wonderful shows for more years than I'd like to admit *cough cough*, and I'm ready for some variety! The other actors sparkle and there's been some great new talent but I'm sorry, NG is hashing out the same old drag and the same old jokes in the same old way. Ready for something different! Sorry, I'm a bitch!

Posted by front row queen | July 23, 2008 6:32 PM

Hmm. Isn't a requirement to work for the Stranger the ability to form coherent thoughts in writing?

Posted by Simac | July 23, 2008 8:30 PM

well, frankly, everyone in Brown Derby is retarded and I all wish they lived in a group home so I could burn it down and replace it with a new outlet for Mars Hill...or a Lover's Pantry.

Posted by michael strangeways | July 24, 2008 9:58 AM

Who is the coward posing as the money tree caterpillar? It is so hard to consider the source when they are in hiding. As a collaborator of Mr. Garrison's for over 10 years, I can say I have never worked with someone so incredibly creative and someone who plays the moment in everything he does. And if you are at all interested in what the Brown Derby aspires to ( see: Ludlum and the Ridiculous Theatre, campfire skits and the silliness of British panto) you would know that having a "call back" or a recurring character or bit is something to be savored and enjoyed again.

Posted by srudinoff | July 29, 2008 1:54 PM

Comments Closed

Comments are closed on this post.