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Tuesday, July 1, 2008


posted by on July 1 at 13:43 PM

Starbucks has announced it will be closing 600 stores in the U.S.

On a (somewhat) related note: I find those new McDonald’s coffee ads (“Thank God we don’t have to pretend to like jazz anymore because McDonald’s serves lattés!”) incredibly annoying.

(Though they aren’t quite as annoying as those Tulalip Casino ads. “Fun fun fun in the number one place for fun!” Really? That’s the best you could come up with?)

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Don't ever go to the East Coast and see/hear any of Dunkin Donuts' ads about elitist Seattlites and their fey Starbucks coffee drinks...

Posted by Just Sayin' | July 1, 2008 2:04 PM

Thank you for saying that about those McDonald's ads! They make me not want to go in there - and I am someone who enjoys indie films and filet o'fish!

Posted by ovrobindon | July 1, 2008 2:07 PM

I hate those McDonalds commercials so badly. Especially the one with the women, about how great it is to not have to read books any more...

Posted by Abby | July 1, 2008 2:09 PM

And the dude who whips off his fake glasses. Uh-huh.

Posted by Fnarf | July 1, 2008 2:33 PM

The McDonald's commercials are funny because we are a tad uptight when it comes down to our coffee as long as it is not from Starbucks, it has to come from a small indi cafe from some place exotic and strange like Portland. Also I have to admit the McD's coffee aint that bad.

Posted by Two all beef patties special sauce, | July 1, 2008 2:35 PM

Tim Hortons for the win!

(side note: Canadian companies are some of the few in the world doing well right now)

Posted by Will in Seattle | July 1, 2008 2:36 PM

clearwater at suquamish is where's it at

Posted by Jiberish | July 1, 2008 2:38 PM

Isn't McDonalds' coffee Seattle's Best Coffee, which is Starbucks.

I completely agree about those Tulalip commercials. It's called a thesaurus people.

The Angel in the Winds 99 cent food commercials also make me a little queasy. I'd prefer to just pick up some groceries and associate with people who aren't quite so into penny slots and 99 cent egg platters. You have to admit that the staff look friendly though, not a hint of disdain for some of the cheapest people on the planet.

Posted by left coast | July 1, 2008 2:44 PM

I loathe the McDonald's commercials so much I have to turn them off whenever I hear them on the radio. The first time I heard them I thought to myself "McDonald's wants us to become the America of Idiocracy."

As for coffee, I dig Tim Horton's too and always stop in for a double double and some timbits when I'm in the Great White North! :D

Posted by Donolectic | July 1, 2008 2:57 PM

What's an underperforming Starbucks store? Are they generally the second one on the block or the one you'd have to cross the street to get to? I imagine the underperformers are the ones with some kind of ambience. I've had the wonderful opportunity to visit a couple of local Starbucks stores recently and found them to be almost as charming and clean as a typical McDonald's. Appeared to be making money.

Posted by umvue | July 1, 2008 2:58 PM

Will in Seattle has found another acorn. Tim Horton's is, indeed, "the bomb", as you kids like to say. I wish they had them here. There are some in the US; I've been in one in Monroe, Michigan.

Posted by Fnarf | July 1, 2008 3:02 PM

Great story, Fnarf.

Posted by Brian | July 1, 2008 3:08 PM

@6, really? There aren't any companies outside Canada doing well right now? Or just a few? I find that incredibly hard to believe.

Posted by joykiller | July 1, 2008 3:09 PM

Oh. My. God. I HATE that stupid ass Tulalip Casino song! It makes me seethe with rage.

Posted by Queen_of_Sleaze | July 1, 2008 3:10 PM

I agree that it will probably be the Starbucks that are usually pretty quiet and low key that are going to get the ax. The one in Wedgewood I go to us usually pretty quiet except on weekends. Damn that sucks! And I am one of the "uncool" people in Seattle who actually likes Starbucks.

Oh well, this means the other stores are going to become even more like your typical fast food restaurnt.

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger | July 1, 2008 3:12 PM

Reuters just added that Sbux says they'll lay off "up to" 12,000 people this year too. They say that's about 7% of everybody on the payroll. Oh.

Posted by tomasyalba | July 1, 2008 3:14 PM

i can't drink coffee because it tears my guts up. and i like coffee. a lot.

so fuck all y'all.

Posted by max solomon | July 1, 2008 3:18 PM

who will occupy that strip mall retail space? is slogger "judah marx" on the case?

Posted by Bellevue Ave | July 1, 2008 3:22 PM

That tulalip song is HILARIOUS when typed out. I literally can't stop laughing about it, and normally find the commericials infuriating.

I think it's because I can imagine the marketing propsal and know it had to be typed somewhere, and then someone actually was like "yeah, let's go with that one".


Posted by Original Monique | July 1, 2008 3:26 PM

@19: well, I bet it's in everyone's head now, so whoever thought of it is probably being rewarded. Damn it.

Posted by Abby | July 1, 2008 3:29 PM

Glad you liked it, Brian. I got plenty more. This one time, I used a laundromat in Miles City, Montana. Hard to top that one. And I'll never forget buying that Diet Coke in that convenience store in Salem, Massachusetts -- and now that you've heard about it, you never will either.

Posted by Fnarf | July 1, 2008 3:32 PM

If Starbucks would stop opening stores across the street from each other (see Vancouver, BC), maybe their stores wouldn't under perform.

Posted by elswinger | July 1, 2008 3:43 PM

give me a C. a bouncy C.

and we'll have FUN FUN FUN at the super-fun funny fun place!

hmmm? edit?

okay, but it won't be as good.

Posted by chops | July 1, 2008 3:48 PM

600, really? Thats a good start...

btw, tulalip has one upped themselves: "oh won't you stayyyyy, at the tulalip resort, please please stayyyyy..."

By the way, $4 coffee now comes with an egg&cheese holla!

Posted by j | July 1, 2008 4:02 PM

I wish we could get the food selection available at the Chinese McDonalds' stores - apparently for the Olympics you can get some really neat vegetarian Chinese dishes ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | July 1, 2008 4:37 PM

The McDonald's at Greenwood at 85th Street also closed. Its windows already have graffiti on them. Is this the beginning of the end for the Golden Arches?

Posted by Bub | July 1, 2008 5:07 PM

The *original* marketing pitch was 'fun, fun, fun, at the fun-ber fun place for fun' . (Funtastic)

Posted by seand | July 1, 2008 5:33 PM

@8: McD's used to serve Seattle's Best. They've been phasing it out and have switched to robusta beans from a non-Starbucks source.

@#10: Underperforming stores are the stores that aren't making money. More often than not, you'll find a gaggle of them within spitting distance of each other.

Posted by Jez | July 1, 2008 6:01 PM

Did Starbucks and Seattle's Best consolidate their coffee production? That doesn't sound right. I know Starbucks owns SB now but I thought they would maintain separate operations to avoid destroying the ever so slightly different tastes.

Posted by w7ngman | July 1, 2008 6:11 PM

I was told by a barrista who says that most of the stores will be out of Japan because the Japanese hate how Starbucks oppresses the coffee bean growers.

Posted by elswinger | July 1, 2008 6:13 PM

@Brian, nice.

@Fnarf's reply, also nice.

Posted by PdxRitchie | July 1, 2008 6:34 PM

i'm picturing someone humming that tulalip jingle to themselves while they bring the gun to their head, just for that extra push.

Posted by ziegler | July 1, 2008 6:55 PM

the mcdonalds coffee ads are very funny. they really dont make any sense. I dont have to wear this thing on my face anymore. its great.

Posted by sweet nicky | July 1, 2008 7:59 PM

@6: Happy Canada Day, Will.

Posted by RainMan | July 1, 2008 9:29 PM

@1 I like the new Dunkin Donuts commercials a lot. They have music by TMBG, and they are not making fun of fey coffee drinks IMO. One mostly makes fun of the fake size and drink names at Starbucks. You go to Europe and you would never order anything like you get in Starbucks.

Posted by Andrew | July 2, 2008 9:17 AM

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