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Monday, July 21, 2008

I Scream

posted by on July 21 at 17:27 PM

Coming soon to your mass-market ice cream: gelatin (i.e., the delicious rendered bones, hooves, and connective tissues of cows or pigs).


Photo by Kurt Schlosser via the Stranger Flickrpool

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WOW. Tomorrows news today!

Posted by Beau | July 21, 2008 5:27 PM

Possibly the best post ever.

Posted by It's Mark Mitchell | July 21, 2008 5:34 PM

They talk in that article about keeping ice cream in your freezer for 4 months. I'm lucky if it lasts 4 days!

Posted by Balt-O-Matt | July 21, 2008 5:37 PM


Posted by N | July 21, 2008 5:46 PM

You mean it's been some vegan bullshit up till now? That REALLY pisses me off.

Posted by Ziggity | July 21, 2008 5:48 PM

Since bovine milk is essentially a mixture of grass and blood that comes out of cow tits, the addition of hooves shouldn't really faze you.

Posted by bronkitis | July 21, 2008 5:53 PM

I (Heart) Connective Tissue

Posted by Mahtli69 | July 21, 2008 6:10 PM

Cool, now I can get the Mad Cow Disease risk of hundreds of animals in one convenient serve!

Posted by banjoboy | July 21, 2008 6:11 PM

I kind of like freezer-burned, melted-and-refrozen ice cream. Does that make me a bad person?

Posted by Fnarf | July 21, 2008 6:20 PM

Q: Why was the chicken fired from The Stranger?

A: To get to the other Seattle alternative weekly!

Posted by Snark of the Covenant | July 21, 2008 6:20 PM

Better than cow-based ice cream, according to several cow-eating people that I know. Especially the chocolate. It's fucking fantastic. And no lactose, no soy, no cholesterol, no connective tissue, no white sugar or corn syrup. . . but mainly, it's yummers.

Posted by violet_dagrinder | July 21, 2008 6:24 PM

Bronkitis @ #6,

I think mammery glands are actually modified sweat glands.

Posted by Y.F. | July 21, 2008 6:24 PM

Does that make it *gelatino*?

Posted by kinaidos | July 21, 2008 6:33 PM

Milk is indeed blood. Coconut milk, based on the nutrition label of that ice cream, may not have any cholesterol, but it is thick with saturated fats.

Posted by rpv | July 21, 2008 7:07 PM

Is the gelatin replacing the seaweed that has been in ice cream for years?

Posted by RainMan | July 21, 2008 7:25 PM

Milk is not fucking blood. It's fat globules and other stuff suspended in water, secreted by glands.

Posted by Fnarf | July 21, 2008 7:28 PM

That suddenly makes non-fat gross.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | July 21, 2008 7:50 PM

@16 - Milk contains living white blood cells.

Posted by Mahtli69 | July 21, 2008 8:39 PM

great. way to ruin a vegetarian treat, scientists.

Posted by josh | July 21, 2008 8:41 PM

Breastmilk is amazing. The lactation consultant told us you can leave it out at room temperature for 8 hours and the bacteria count goes down, not up. Due to the living white blood cells, and tons of antibodies.

White blood cells are pus. Enjoy.

Posted by elenchos | July 21, 2008 8:43 PM

@11: that stuff is fucking delicious! i tried it once from sidecar and now all other ice creams fall short. well maybe not maggie mudd, but i like the shakes there better anyways. mmmm coconut ice cream.

Posted by Cook | July 21, 2008 9:25 PM

"Contains white blood cells" doesn't make it blood. Blood is 1% white cells. Just because there's vanilla in chocolate chip cookies doesn't mean that cookies are vanilla.

Posted by Fnarf | July 21, 2008 9:38 PM

Isn't gelatin already in food? Like marshmallows and such?

Marshmallows are, in fact, delicious.

Posted by Abby | July 21, 2008 9:50 PM

Oh please. More hysterical yucky icky sensationalism from the vegans. Boring.

I've got news for you, princess: you're not special. You and me and everything else on this planet are composed of the exact same shit. Some of it really is shit. Sit back and tell yourself that ice-cream really is pig hoof if it makes you feel superior or feeds your eating disorder, but spare us the vegan dogma. It's pathetic.

Posted by montex | July 21, 2008 9:53 PM

Milk isn't "blood", but the liquid comes from blood plasma. So, I suppose it originated as blood. And yeah, it contains cells. But meat is made of cells too. As are plants. So, if you don't want to eat cells, you're gonna be hungry.

Milk from factory farmed animals -- that is, almost all milk -- comes, at least in part, from cows with mastitis. Udder infections. This puts pus (ie. white blood cells + bacteria = pus) and whole blood into the milk. Gross, but it'll be pasteurized. Won't hurt you.

It's the hormones and antibiotics that I'd worry about.

Let me reiterate that Coconut Bliss (see 11 and 21) is AWESOME. lol

Posted by violet_dagrinder | July 21, 2008 10:43 PM

It's not vegan dogma. Vegans would be against your having ice cream even if there weren't hooves added, etc etc. Just the mere enslavement and milking of the animal is crime enough for them.

It would be the vegetarians who pursue the ick factor on this one, folks who otherwise aren't against milking an animal for years but not killing it for its tasty flesh.

Another sort of person might be concerned about this news: those who are just sick of the continued dumbing down, decontenting, and industrialization of food at every turn. Real food gets rarer and rarer.

Besides, stuff like belongs in yummy sausages, heh heh.

Posted by CP | July 21, 2008 10:45 PM


Yes, coconut contains saturated fats. Some people think the shorter-chain saturated fats aren't as bad for you as the long-chain ones found in animal fats, but I'm not aware of research supporting that claim, and there is research contradicting it.

So, public service announcement: do not base your entire diet on ANY kind of frozen dessert. Kthx.

Posted by violet_dagrinder | July 21, 2008 10:46 PM

$53 says montexo is enormous and will die young of heart disease.

Posted by poppy | July 21, 2008 10:56 PM


Ten bucks says that ice cream with gelatin isn't as good without, at least when it's still fresh.

Posted by keshmeshi | July 21, 2008 10:58 PM

My problem with the freaking-out over this is that it's not like gelatin is something we just came up with and decided to add to food now. It's already in food. If you've had mass-market marshmallows or gummi anything, you've had gelatin. So why the sudden fear now that it's likely to be added to mass-market ice cream as well?

Posted by Abby | July 21, 2008 11:14 PM

Because the Stranger wants us to live in Fear.

Luckily, we in Seattle are made of stronger stuff than that.

Posted by Will in Seattle | July 21, 2008 11:30 PM

wait, this was intended to be scary? I thought girlfriend was just excited that ice cream was about to get more delicious?

Posted by Postum | July 21, 2008 11:41 PM

Some of us vegetarians just prefer to avoid gelatin - so I'm already avoiding mass-market marshmallows, gummi anything, and most yogurts. For non-vegetarians, I don't see how this would be a concern.

Posted by zachd | July 22, 2008 12:04 AM

You can't replace cream with coconut.

Posted by Sirkowski | July 22, 2008 12:14 AM

What else were you gonna do with those hooves, anyhow?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | July 22, 2008 12:39 AM

Ice cream is so easy to make at home it isn't funny. I haven't bought ice cream in years. All you need are a refrigerator and a freezer, a sink and a countertop, and an electric ice cream freezer. I got mine for $6 at a thrift shop 15 years ago.

If you're not living in a storage locker or a Porta-Potty, you can make ice cream at home.

Posted by ivan | July 22, 2008 7:00 AM

I was a vegetarian for a long time (am not anymore), and I had a kind of obsession with avoiding gelatin in dairy. Generally it's fat-free (sometimes low-fat as well) dairy products that use gelatin to make up for the creaminess that is lost when you take out the delicious milkfat. So if you want vegetarian yogurt or vegetarian sour cream, you are best off getting the full fat kind. It tastes better anyway- if you want low-fat you might as well not eat dairy in the first place.

Adding gelatin to full-fat dairy (like ice cream) is a departure from normal industrial food practices, far as I can tell.

As an aside, a fun trick you can play on vegans or vegetarians (which I used to do in college a lot) was tell them that you read in the newspaper that gelatin was now being added to fresh fruit to make it plumper. This is especially effective if they are biting into a plum or kiwi.

Posted by oljb | July 22, 2008 7:41 AM


Don't knock it 'till you try it.

Posted by violet_dagrinder | July 22, 2008 8:05 AM

@36 I've been experimenting with making my own ice cream this summer -- strawberry /nectarine, and a really fat chocolate chip so far. Raspberry is next, if those half-flats at the QFC hold out until this weekend.

Posted by It's Mark Mitchell | July 22, 2008 8:34 AM

Lt's just clear up that whole milk/coconut thing right now, shall we?

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | July 22, 2008 8:37 AM

@40 Thanks for that, J.T.C. You understand the importance of choreography in settling an argument.

Posted by It's Mark Mitchell | July 22, 2008 8:47 AM

I guess any reason to stop eating ice cream is a good one.

Posted by K | July 22, 2008 8:48 AM

So, who sells this Coconut Bliss miracle?

Posted by Amy Kate Horn | July 22, 2008 8:51 AM


Although, on some level, I do have to sympathize a with Fnarf here. A friend of mine once shared with me the secret for the GREATEST EFFING MILKSHAKE OF ALL TIME, and it is absolutely dependent on ice crystals. Ready for this?

You need at least two, and at most three ingredients. Cheaporiffic vanilla ice cream (the kind that's almost freezerburned already when you buy it), Milk (preferably 2% or whole), and, optionally, Hershey's chocolate syrup.

First, put a couple scoops of ice cream into your glass. Next, add just a bit of milk. Now, take a spoon (and this is the critical part)... smash the ice cream together with the milk for a few moments. DO NOT stir heavily, just mash it about for a no more than ten seconds, until the ice cream is fairly well covered by the milk. (If you want chocolate, add in a bit of the syrup before mashing...don't worry that it won't be mixed perfectly, it's part of the charm).

Now you need to wait. This is key! Give it a minute, maybe two. At this point, provided you've used fattening milk and cheapo ice cream, ice crystals will begin to form. Big time.

When you're ready, try a spoonful. You'll have a mixture of crunchy ice crystals and lovely smooth ice cream. Enfuckingjoy. it is incredible.

Posted by John | July 22, 2008 8:59 AM


Nearly all dairy farms in the U.S. do regular somatic cell testing (SCC) for the presence of mastitis and other bacteriological infections, and milk found to exceed the USDA standard (anything over 300,000/ml, IIRC) is disposed of before entering the food supply.

In fact, US dairy farmers dump about $2B worth of bad milk every year, or about 11% of the annual supply, so as you say, there's very little risk in developing a bateriological infection from drinking milk - unless you're getting raw, unpasteurized milk from farmer Brown up the lane or something.

And as others have pointed out, all animal milk - including human milk, BTW - includes some white cells; that's one of the things that makes milk such a good food source for infants and small children, because those white cells help to boost immune systems.

Most dairy farmers are foregoing use of hormones - at the rate of something like 95% nationally - not because there are any proven health hazards, but rather for the quite simple reason that the general public has demonstrated a strong aversion to its use.

Locally, Darigold, the region's largest milk producer (and a company I worked for for 6 1/2 years, so I do know a bit about this subject), has had a policy in-place since the introduction of rBGH that 0% of milk from cows given the hormone will go into the food-chain supply, and the compliance rate (the number of coop farmers declining to use hormones in their stock) is virtually 100%.

In addition, it's been noted that cows given rBGH/rBST tend to have higher incidents of mastitis and other health issues, requiring increased use of antibiotics (for which milk is also tested, BTW), so purchasing milk labeled "hormone free" actually increases the likelihood it will come from cows given fewer antibiotics.

As for gelatin in ice cream, if it's high milk-fat content, "premium-style" ice cream, it probably doesn't need the mouth-feel boost anyway. So, just continue to buy the good stuff, and you should be fine.

Posted by COMTE | July 22, 2008 9:48 AM

All gelatin-is-gross-and-I-don't-want-it-in-my-ice-cream issues aside, what I don't get is why they want to make the ice cream last longer. Doesn't that actually hurt the Big Ice Cream Biz in the long run? I mean, if I have to buy new ice cream every time I eat it (about once a month), they will generate more money than if I can nurse the same half-gallon for four months. Seems like they are just digging in to their own profits.

Posted by Sarah | July 22, 2008 10:07 AM

I'm surprised the driving force behind a gelatin based solution is a Hindu (his name is a Hindu name, although he could be Christian--many Hindu converts to Christianity in India keep their Hindu name). His bio says he is from South India where Hindus are usually more strict in their vegetarianism as well. But given that gelatin uses cows hoofs even non-veg Hindus wouldn't eat that, musch less develop technology that uses it.

Ex Seattle-ite in India

Posted by Canuck Wallah | July 22, 2008 10:14 AM

@ 43:

I saw it at the Whole Foods in Portland over the weekend, so I'm assuming the ones here will have it, too. However, Madison Market has a local(ish) version of coconut ice cream that is equally delicious.

Posted by bailee. | July 22, 2008 10:17 AM

@48: Even QFC (on Broadway at least) carries coconut milk ice cream now. Soy cream is still my fav - it tastes better than dairy cream IMO and isn't more expensive. My digestive system can handle binging on soy cream way better than dairy cream too.

Posted by poppy | July 22, 2008 10:31 AM

Cheese has rennet.

And don't even get me started about the scientific studies that prove most vegetables scream when you slaughter them for your salad.

Except the roots and shrooms for some reason.

Posted by Will in Seattle | July 22, 2008 10:57 AM

Overly smooth ice cream is sickening.

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Posted by flow1800 | July 22, 2008 9:13 PM

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