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Maybe the whipped cream was non-dairy.

Posted by Cat in Chicago | June 2, 2008 10:33 AM

If she had just gotten an abortion, he'd still be free...

Posted by Mike in MO | June 2, 2008 10:37 AM

What level of sub concious guilt do you have to have to fuck up three (3!) pregnancy tests?

Posted by Providence | June 2, 2008 10:39 AM

Yeah, really. Read the box.

Posted by w7ngman | June 2, 2008 10:44 AM

She obviously didn't use "the most advanced technology you'll ever pee on" brand.

Posted by PopTart | June 2, 2008 11:01 AM

@3: I think it's more likely that the tests were right, the family got her to Planned Parenthood immediately, and they're all pretending the pregnancy never happened. Because it wasn't an abortion if you were never pregnant to begin with...

Posted by giantladysquirrels | June 2, 2008 11:02 AM

Hey Dan - Another example - yikes! One of the things some of the main line churches (and/or their insurance companies) are mandating in recent years is boundary training work shops once a year for all ordained church personnel. Sometimes "youth pastors" are in fact NOT ordained and so aren't subject to theses or background checks and psych evals accredited seminaries make students go through upon entrance, not to mention being followed by a committee from their regional church branch, the seminary, their internship supervisor and church, clinical pastoral education supervisor, and three years of first call training follow up, then once yearly all staff boundary training work shops. Even with all this, some still slip through the cracks, but I think (if I remember right, and I'd have to do some research to follow up) statistically boundary violations and abuse happen most frequently with ministers not subject to these processes. Every time I read one of these postings I wonder if in many instances some professional training, background checks or questioning when hiring by church members was done, it could've stopped the problems before they happened. The Catholic church certainly gets the most press, but the fact is (as your posts illustrate) abuse happens in all denominations, and a question you can/should ask when joining a church is what kind of training did your minister receive? Has your youth director/pastor had a background check (and for that matter other volunteers working with youth/children; they are becoming more common). Your larger church branch should provide that when you're hiring a minister. If they're not, you are doing everyone a kindness by helping your church body make it a policy; it is better for the parishioners AND the ministers! Plus, keep talking to your kids. Drop into Sunday school classes or youth meetings. Be a parent leader that goes along on youth events and conferences. Teach confirmation classes or drop in on camp sessions. Any youth pastor should welcome your involvement. If they don't, you don't want your youth to be a member of that program.

Posted by V | June 2, 2008 11:30 AM

I think @6 has it right...

Posted by Robin Sparkles | June 2, 2008 11:39 AM


Right on. Pregnancy, suicide, marriage, loss of virginity, and of course, the gay. Religion has a way of letting you pretend all kinds of things never happened.

Posted by elenchos | June 2, 2008 11:47 AM

@7, I'm a lay youth worker in a mainline Church and yes, I've been through sexual misconduct prevention training and re-training and I've been through the background checks. The insurance companies demanded it but it's a really good idea. There was a lot useful stuff in the training and one really good rule--never be alone with a child. And you're right, if you're in a congregation that doesn't take this seriously then go find one that does.

Posted by youth worker | June 2, 2008 11:56 AM

Actually, I have had a pregnancy check say I was pregnant when I wasn't - and it was done in a hospital. Sometimes extreme stress [in my case a car accident, but maybe a fear of being pregnant in hers] can mimic pregnancy. Ordinary, over-the-counter-tests are skewed toward false-positives rather risking any false-negatives.

I'm just saying it's posible that the family is telling the truth, even if I agree it is unlikely.

Posted by Schweighsr | June 2, 2008 12:09 PM

@11 The error is usually a false negative instead of a false positive.

I have also had a false positive but just once and it was lab mistake.

Three positives is a little suspicious unless the girl was wanting to see something that was not there.

Posted by mj | June 2, 2008 12:57 PM


What? Extreme stress can mimic hCG levels in urine? Can you provide any scientific literature to back up this claim?

I think it's most likely that she either

a) was taking the pregnancy tests incorrectly (for example, reading the tests after the time limit for accurate results had expired, and mistaking an evaporation line for a positive)


b) was taking "early result" tests and had a very early miscarriage (i.e. the implanted embryo did not last longer than a couple weeks, and her "period" came around fairly quickly).

Or @6 could have gotten it right.

Posted by lymerae | June 2, 2008 2:51 PM

Yeah, I had a woman show up claiming she was having a miscarriage because she'd taken several pregnancy tests. She'd brought them with her, but she'd read them all wrong (I showed her the box and she finally got it). The "miscarriage" was just her regular period.

And I've got to say, of all my patients who have been squished by trucks, broken their arms in three places, had multiple seizures, been stabbed, burned, and beat up, none of them has had a "false positive" pregnancy test due to these extreme stresses.

My guess is that @ 11 was the victim of a nurse or a lab tech fuckup and was given somebody else's result. To cover their ass, someone told her "oh, stress can cause a false positive." Those lies happen all the time.

Posted by Yeek | June 2, 2008 3:16 PM

Still singlehandedly obliterating Christianity! And hetero parenthood!


Posted by Bob | June 2, 2008 5:01 PM

I'm going with either:

miscarried or
hushed up the abortion

How hard is it to pee on a stick?

Posted by puzzlegal | June 2, 2008 8:20 PM

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