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Monday, June 23, 2008

Website of the Day

posted by on June 23 at 16:37 PM

Sex Is For Fags


Number 4 on the list of “10 Cool Things All the Cool Dudes are Doing Instead of Being Lame and Queer and Having Sex”—right after “Study for School,” “Join a Boy Scout Troop,” and “Play Football”—is this…


There is nothing more wholesome than a boy and his dog. And at night, when the sin fairies are tickling your shame buds, you can distract yourself by training your bitch to grow up and kill: shaving her, kicking her when she makes on the carpet, and punching her snout so hard she learns never to whine during the rad 7th Heaven reruns which reinforce your awesome “abstinence-only” lifestyle choice.

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Study for school? Play football? Get a pit bull? All this instead of sex? Eww.

I'll take the smoking hot gay sex, thanks very much.

Posted by Reverse Polarity | June 23, 2008 4:54 PM

see also, for the ladies.

Posted by j beezer | June 23, 2008 4:57 PM

Um, How about None of the Above?

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 23, 2008 4:57 PM

This is has got to be a joke. White House Office of Youth Purity? Really?

Posted by Mike in MO | June 23, 2008 4:59 PM

this is obviously a parody, I suspected it from the title of the website and it was confirmed within two seconds that its a fucking joke, dan!

that said, fags do love sex, hot man on man sex, and since the website talks about getting 'girl slime' and 'weevils' from girls, isn't it really a pro-gay sex website?

Posted by high and bi | June 23, 2008 5:06 PM

follow the link Dan has provided and on to the "White House" for the officious site of Prez GW Bush.

Posted by ozchick | June 23, 2008 5:11 PM

I think Dan knows it's a joke, yo. Although this sort of program would probably go over really well in the small Indiana town from whence I came.

Posted by Balt-O-Matt | June 23, 2008 5:22 PM

"shame buds"?

that's no Betty Bowers, but it's good work.

Posted by max solomon | June 23, 2008 5:24 PM

I shit you not, but there's this T.V. show on Saturdays that is JUST like this. I woke up early (late) one morning and caught it. Maricopa county actually pays for a T.V. show aimed at teenagers that promotes all the super cool stuff you could be doing instead of fucking. Yeah, really. It has 'real teens just like you' talking about how they love doing shit like hiking and surfing instead of wasting their time dating and having sex and stuff, because white water rafting and hang gliding is way more fun than getting laid. When I started watching it I thought it was a post-tequila, jello shot delusion, but it was real. Your federally funded 'Abstinence Only' education tax dollars at work.

I wish I could find a clip of it on YouTube because it truly is unbelievable.

Posted by Y.F. | June 23, 2008 6:26 PM

It's just a joke, like my douchebat t-shirt that says "Homophobia is totally gay."

Posted by Jay | June 23, 2008 6:50 PM

I meant douchebag, though douchebat is almost as good.

Posted by Jay | June 23, 2008 6:52 PM

Well, you can't have enough parody websites! Although Slog remains my favorite.

Posted by Bob | June 23, 2008 7:11 PM

@8: Actually I suspected Betty Bowers before I even clicked on the link. This is brilliant!

Posted by RainMan | June 23, 2008 7:15 PM

The Iron Hymen site taught me that tampons are nothing more than thirsty little albino penises. I think I need to buy more tampons.

Posted by Julie | June 23, 2008 7:31 PM

11, you have inspired a new term or two here, unwittingly. i personally got inspired to think of "doucheboat" (like, you know, dreamboat) when i read your post. cheeers!

Posted by ellarosa | June 23, 2008 7:35 PM

I love the testimonials on that website though. They all sound like they're repressed homosexuals! This is my translation: Bert would rather fuck a guy than a girl. Greg wants to be a prison guard in a male prison and have sex/rape the inmates, or a priest so he can molest altar boys. Zach is already having sex with God, and everyone knows that God is a male, and Tim is going to hire male prostitutes once he gets his trust fund.

Posted by Anna | June 23, 2008 7:37 PM

Two words: Poe's Law.

Posted by Babito | June 23, 2008 8:57 PM

There are some pretty choice words for dongs in here:

- Smelly parts

- Shame buds

- Man-pipes

- Groinal giblets

- Sweaty bits

- Tasty bits

I'll have to remember these...

Posted by männwich | June 23, 2008 9:54 PM

I would've thought that "shame buds" were breasts, akin to Carrie's "dirty pillows."

Posted by keshmeshi | June 23, 2008 10:46 PM

Do you think I could get one in time for Pride?

Posted by Joy | June 23, 2008 10:52 PM

"Douchebat" and "doucheboat" are BOTH wonderful additions to the language!

Posted by saxfanatic | June 24, 2008 12:17 PM

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