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I love beets. Beets taste like soil only good.

Posted by D. | June 5, 2008 12:40 PM

Dan, your "Breaking News" beet pee is exactly why I read the SLOG at work. It makes my little cubicle-dwelling life a little brighter! Unfortunately, I've never eaten enough beets to be able to identify. Mistaking asparagus stank piss for some unholy form of twat rot is as close as I get!

Posted by schnoodle | June 5, 2008 12:43 PM

great question for Ask Science.

I mean how ds that stuff get into your blood stream and then back out seemingly intact.

I mean, when I eat beets does my blood turn that incredible magenta hue?? Would folks freak out if I began gushing fuschia colored blood?

Posted by ho' know | June 5, 2008 12:44 PM

It can happen to your poop too.

Posted by Andrew | June 5, 2008 12:48 PM


That my friend is the reason for the universal appeal of chocolate. dirt, that tastes good. think about it.

Posted by ho' know | June 5, 2008 12:50 PM

What Andrew said. Watch the swirls of purple in the bowl around your poo!

Posted by Tlazolteotl | June 5, 2008 12:55 PM

If you ever get a bladder infection and have to take meds for it, you will find that those medications turn your pee a beautiful shade of fluorescent orange! The exact same shade as an orange highlighter.

Posted by DanFan | June 5, 2008 12:58 PM

You're just not eating the right kind of beets, Dan.

Posted by COMTE | June 5, 2008 1:00 PM

What Andrew said. Beets are one of my favorite foods (roasted in foil nestled amongst the coals, oh Jesus), but they never affect my pee. Dan's right, though; every time I catch a peek of my sit-down efforts, I think "oh my god, I've lost my bowel, I have but seconds to live" until I remember "beets".

Posted by Fnarf | June 5, 2008 1:02 PM

Dear Science. we must have an answer!!!

(duh, I think we know how that pooh shit happens - it's fuckin tube dudes. But in and out osmotically through your bloodstream - that's wack shit.)

Posted by ho' know | June 5, 2008 1:02 PM

What COMTE said; plus, golden beets are less likely to stain those summer whites.

Also, I think the asparagus / beet pee thing is genetic. ...although I could be mistaken.

Posted by BWA | June 5, 2008 1:07 PM

I had a similar psycological trauma, but out the poop end, due to red velvet cake. I got one for my birthday and just about ate the whole thing in one sitting. It has about a gallon of red die in it and when i excused myself from the dinner table later that evening to "make a penny" as they say in England, the result was like something out of a horror movie. I was actually consulting with a friend (poor bastard) about what to do (call 911?) when he reminded me what i had eaten ealier in the day. sweeeeet relief! To this day i considder this experience to be the true test of any really good red velvet cake.

Posted by longball | June 5, 2008 1:09 PM

What COMTE said; plus, golden beets are less likely to stain those summer whites.

Also, I think the asparagus / beet pee thing is genetic. ...although I could be mistaken.

Posted by BWA | June 5, 2008 1:12 PM

Seconding Fnarf. Never had beets affect #1.

Posted by Levislade | June 5, 2008 1:12 PM

you eat beets? Red piss is the least of your worries. Fucking gross.

Posted by Mike in MO | June 5, 2008 1:12 PM

My lifelong fear of bleeding out the ass and/or penis precludes me from ever eating beets. Yes, I know I'm missing out, but I am the type that would forget I ate beets and have an embarrassing bathroom freak out.

Posted by Hernandez | June 5, 2008 1:22 PM

@16, it's not embarrassing unless you call other people in to look at it.

@12, I believe the expression is "spend a penny". Eating food is the "make (or 'earn') a penny" part.

Posted by Fnarf | June 5, 2008 1:31 PM

Huh. I've never had that problem with beets. Though I do get asparagus/coffee pee something fierce. And I used to take a multi-vitamin that made my pee highlighter yellow.

I was just talking with a friend who just had a baby and she was telling stories about how babies who are fed formula can have poops that are crazy colors (e.g., turquoise). Now that's some crazy shit.

Posted by Julie | June 5, 2008 1:34 PM

For some reason, that happens less (to me) when I eat them raw.

Plus, they taste better that way.

Posted by violet_dagrinder | June 5, 2008 1:34 PM

Hernandez, you would have hated to be me about two years ago in India. After a few weeks of no issues, hubris induced me to start eating dairy (I couldn't say no to a lassi), and then bad things happened. Bad things that involving spending some very bloody pennies.

Posted by Julie | June 5, 2008 1:40 PM

@17 - It would be embarrassing when everyone within 50 feet of the bathroom hears me scream, "What the hell is wrong with my piss?!"

Posted by Hernandez | June 5, 2008 1:40 PM

Derp, Thanks fnarf. I was definately SPENDING a penny.

Posted by longball | June 5, 2008 1:40 PM

This thread is "Chelsea Alvarez-Bell" level bad...

Posted by michael strangeways | June 5, 2008 1:56 PM

On a (presumably) less gross note:

Hey, Dan! You're inciting stuff on CNN:

Posted by Kat | June 5, 2008 1:59 PM

The more often you eat them the more you get used to and over the OMG, so eat more.

Posted by inkweary | June 5, 2008 2:01 PM

wait till you get the piles, then you won't whinge about beets any more.

Posted by max solomon | June 5, 2008 2:10 PM

Speaking of sit-down efforts, beets are far superior choice to something like, say, a big bag of Doritos. Sitting down after that is like blowing out your jewelry tumbler, where the 'polishing rocks' look a lot more like a rat got into a sack of sesame seeds.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | June 5, 2008 2:48 PM

What, no down-front (as opposed to up-skirt), after-the-jump, NSFW cell-phone pic into the urinal?

Posted by rob | June 5, 2008 3:27 PM

Thanks #24!

I saw the story on MSNBC (after I'd read SLOG) - I'm glad to see Dan is getting credit for bringing it out.

Have a feeling that when that adult man tries to explain to his family, the kids are gonna roll their eyes and say something like "Dad - you are so outta it."

Posted by Ayden | June 5, 2008 3:27 PM

Red Dogs - one of the first things dog people do when their red dogs are losing color is feed lots of beets!

Having black dogs, I generally try to avoid them. If you ever read dog food bags, you'll find that lots of foods contain beets. (Either they're healthy or they're cheap.)

Posted by Ayden | June 5, 2008 3:32 PM

I love beets and I do not know very many people who do.
I love these random posts that you do Dan it does make slog fun.

Posted by mj | June 5, 2008 3:34 PM


I think it's because for most of us our only real experiences with beets has been the clearly inedible "canned pickeled beets" variety.

Posted by COMTE | June 5, 2008 3:47 PM

Keep eating your beets, Dan. Just think of it as fun new way to tie-dye that spiffy T-shirt without having to get your hands wet.

Posted by Spoogie | June 5, 2008 3:51 PM

The worst is when you are a kid, and you go to a restaurant with a salad bar, and you pile onto your plate what you think are candied apples, only to take a huge bite and find out how wrong you were.

Posted by laterite | June 5, 2008 5:22 PM

Beet-pee tricked me into thinking my period had started when I was 10. I was elated. I put a pad in my underwear and ran to a friend's house (she was older) to share and talk about how to tell my mom. When my mom got home from work I summoned all my druthers and nervously, proudly, announced that I was a woman now. She was a little surprised, I was a little young, and she started asking questions. When I said the "blood" was in the toilet and not my underpants, she thought for a moment and then burst out laughing, telling me it was the beets, not my period. She laughed at me, and I was mortified. Crushed. It's been 14 years, and just now am I finally comfortable with discussing anything about my bodily functions with my mother.

Posted by Aislinn | June 5, 2008 6:32 PM

@4 - Ah, yes. I thought I had something horribly internally wrong with me for days the first time I had roast beets.

Now I know it's coming and can eat roast beets whenever I like. I swear, that's my favorite veg.

Posted by wench | June 5, 2008 7:26 PM

You are a big boy now. I guess it is time to go buy your first box of manpons.

Posted by Regulus | June 6, 2008 9:20 AM

I've never had beet-pee, but beet-poop is a whole different story.

I thought I was shitting out my intestines. That pupil-dilating moment of sheer panic, followed by the sudden realization of "Oh, its just the beets." is a very unique, if often repeated feeling.

Posted by Ryan | June 6, 2008 11:01 AM

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