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Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Today’s HUMP Classified Ad

posted by on June 24 at 13:40 PM


Redhead male with small dick looking for once only extra role

Hi, this is the first time i have done this. I have always wanted to be part of a Sex or Porn movie. I don’t think i am star material but think as an extra i could play the part. I am willing to do anything as an extra. I have a small uncut dick that measures 2.5 soft and 3.5 hard. it is small and some say cute. I am a redhead and good looking. Well i think i am…lol maybe a role as a humiliated husband or boyfriend. a cockold role would also be suitable for the situation. Can anyone help me here and point me in the right direction. This would be a one off. Well if i was good and liked it i would have to give my day job up.

To respond to this ad, go here. To read other HUMP ads—or to take one out yourself—go here.

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And people scoff at redheaded step-stereotypes.

They turn to the left and they scoff.

Posted by jackie treehorn | June 24, 2008 2:14 PM

I never pictured Mr Poe having red hair.

Posted by Ginger Balls | June 24, 2008 2:48 PM

More tiresome sleazy hump stuff. If this keeps up, I just might retire from commenting on Slog.

Posted by raindrop | June 24, 2008 3:05 PM


Posted by Greg | June 24, 2008 3:07 PM

If commenting on tiresome sleazy Hump stuff will speed you on your way, I'm more than happy to oblige...

Godspeed, little raindrop! Godspeed!

Posted by NapoleonXIV | June 24, 2008 3:12 PM

When I was in a porn movie I was under the impression that

a. people generally don't find gay men licking straight women wearing chicken masks to be desirable
b. porn directors don't wear clown masks (as in another ad)

When I saw Hump's premise I was under the impression it was a porn movie making festival/contest and would be advertised as such rather than these horrible adverts you are using.

what are you trying to promote? stupid parody of porn? Porn that nobody wants to watch for the porn aspects? Comedy videos containing nudity and blowjobs?

Get it together.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 24, 2008 3:14 PM

And isn't that chick wearing a rooster head? What kind of kink are they trying to peddle, here?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | June 24, 2008 3:17 PM

My dick is huge.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 24, 2008 3:32 PM

I have to agree with you Bellevue. I went to HUMP last year and was disappointed by the lack of hot sex. It all seemed to need a funny or ironic twist that killed any real sexual vibe. I wondered where the hot fucking was.

Posted by PussyDunkinHines | June 24, 2008 3:38 PM

I wanna see it Mr. Poe.

Posted by PussyDunkinHines | June 24, 2008 3:54 PM


Just what I thought it would be. If you could humor me, how many of the entries would have been radically different without the inclusion of sex?

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 24, 2008 4:05 PM

That's not what I've heard.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | June 24, 2008 4:06 PM

Poe, I really think you should just reenact scenes from your sex life and narrate them in a play by play fashion.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 24, 2008 4:07 PM

Holy fuck, fatman. Who is that boy holding that camera? Bears go growl!

Posted by Shawn Fassett | June 24, 2008 4:08 PM

Wait, that's a woman?

I agree with Bellevue Ave @6. While funny, many of last year's films were disappointingly tame. I hope it's not like that again this year, or else I may just have to whip it out in the theater and add my own commentary.

Posted by Greg | June 24, 2008 4:24 PM

"chicken head" is african american slang for "a female who likes giving head, bobbing up and down like a chicken". so bravo, mask selector.

Posted by max solomon | June 24, 2008 4:33 PM

#16 - you win!

Posted by KELLY O | June 24, 2008 4:38 PM

Thats a retarded way of showing it then.

"I know, lets get a guy on his knees groping her breasts and then have her wear a chicken mask. Surely, the connection of a woman that gives head all the time will thusly be made."

To which most of us went: "Whose stupid idea was it to put a chicken mask on her head and how is this sexual at all?"

Why isn't SHE on her knees? Possibly grabbing her high heels and pecking at his crotch? Or both of their crotches? or there could have been like 20 dudes all laying on the ground and shes all bent over, like a chicken and they all got hard dicks in their yellow shorts?

If you're gonna make a reference to yard bird and sex get your shit so it makes sense instead of being weird and creepy and having no connection to the slang it refers to other than there being a prop involved.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 24, 2008 4:47 PM

#18 - *ALL* porn is weird and creepy, in some way, to someone. This year, HUMP! is close to Halloween, therefore masks... Also, analyzing the campaign photo shoot is boring. MAKING a porn is exciting. $2000 cash isn't half bad either

Posted by KELLY O | June 24, 2008 5:13 PM

And if there's something *you* want to see in HUMP, make a film and submit it!

Posted by Dan Savage | June 24, 2008 5:21 PM

been there, done that. id direct except I highly doubt theres 20 dudes and 3 girls thatd do a corporate world themed gangbang, blowbang, bukkake, movie for free. let alone I've never directed a movie before

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 24, 2008 5:24 PM

kelly, i knew it was you that art directed the photoshoot. i just knew it.

Posted by kevin jones | June 24, 2008 5:32 PM

I think you're slightly off with the chicken head/yard bird. I think this is a reference to the saying "Erotic is a feather, kinky is the whole chicken".

Posted by yucca flower | June 24, 2008 5:39 PM

Clearly I have no taste, I thought the ads were pretty cool.

Oh, and to the small dicked dude who wants to be in a porn movie: go you! Little dicks FTW!

Posted by Willie Hewes | June 25, 2008 8:01 AM

@21: You've just made me imagine a beautiful scene where everyone starts off alone on their phones on a conference call, spread throughout cubeland (with some overhead shots of everyone getting happy alone) and then joins together in a meeting room for the glorious ending...

It could be an ode to finding connections in the oppressive and dehumanizing environment of the modern corporate office.

Posted by Dawgson | June 25, 2008 11:49 AM

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