Let me just put it this way - McCain is like Bob Dole, but with less courage and a lot less funny.

He thinks twitter is the new dance craze at the sock hop ...

Sounds like a brilliantly cryptic insult to me.

Well, how else are they going to make their Earl Gray tea?

McBush's public speaking style is simply dreadful. His speeches sound like he's reading a terrahist's list of demands.

Obama could read a grocery list a make people weep with hope and joy, so he's gonna wipe the floor with McBush in the debates, no question.

It wasn't the hot water that weirded me out about that line, it was "dehydrated babies". It sounds like something you would order out of the back of a comic book.

Fuck. They're trying to lose.

It's a trap! A TRAP!!!!

We should be able to deliver nachos to iron-workers trapped in bridges.

I think he meant to say rabies, not babies.

I've heard reputable doctors say that he's showing early signs of Alzheimer's. Have you heard that? I got an email about it.

My predictions for 2009: McCain steals the election, Iran nukes Jerusalem on January 21, "President" McCain retaliates by nuking Hanoi.

And then he invades Iceland in order to steal all their ice for the benefit of the Coca-Cola Corporation.

Confused? Trust me, it'll all make sense after Chief Justice Hillary Clinton unilaterally overturns Roe v. Wade in 2010.

Part of me is giddy and excited that McCain won the repub nomination. There's something indeterminately personable about him, he's like your crazy racist uncle who's fun to party with. He's so wrong about everything that you can't help but love him, but you would trust him as your babysitter, not for even five minutes.

The spectacle of the general election will be a sight to see as grandpa McCain says all the wrong things and finally parades the idiocy of the conservative platform for all the see.

You can never have too much Coke, Jeff.

We should be able to deliver non-dairy creamer to Afghan tribal elders.

I don't trust McCain to rehydrate the powdered childrens.

Sorry, just working on McCain's next speech here.

My opponent prefers wrinkly, dessicated babies. Friends, that's not change we can believe in. [creepy smile]

THE SMILE. OH GOD THE SMILE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aMDJP4VxY4

Does anyone else get the sense that he's laughing at how bad he is with the teleprompter?

Or maybe laughing at how they put the same lame spin-off catch phrase in the speech 20 times. "Oh god, I have to say that again?"

Hilarious, either way.

If you think that our top priority should be delivering apricot Snapple to Nepalese Maoists, then by all means, vote for the junior senator from Illinois.

The green backdrop is terrible, too. If not for the white writing, it looks like they had him in front of a green screen and forgot to swap in stock footage of black people and women.

Try and remember McCain is from Arizona. If somebody does some crazy $hit here we just assume it's heat stroke....or meth.

Needless to say, but McCain's speech would've been a whole lot better if he had just got up there and sang When the Children Cry by White Lion. He's always at his best with White Lion material, and I don't think we've really seen that so far in this campaign.

Will in Reykjayik,

Exactly--or bottled water, hot or cold. Which is why McCain dropped that not-so-subtle shibboleth to his potential corporate donors in the water-privatization biz about which country we'll invade next if he gets the brass ring.

Burn, Reykjavik, Burn!

Here's my theory. All of these speeches were pre-written by Mark McKinnon in late May just before he resigned as McCain's media adviser. He's the guy who promised way back when to resign if Obama got the nomination because he didn't want to campaign against him. McKinnon drafted the strategy in the hopes that Obama would win, and the new media guys are too stupid to figure it out.

@17, you're kinda right...he looks like he's loading his depends every time he does that. I've SEEN that expression on babies' faces before, and that's always what they're doing.