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Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The Real Danger of Drugs and Alcohol: Tiger Maulings

posted by on June 4 at 14:56 PM

The teenager killed during the Christmas Day tiger mauling at the San Francisco Zoo had alcohol and marijuana in his bloodstream, according to a toxicology report released Tuesday.

Besides suffering many punctures and scratches to his head, neck, and chest, the boy had a fractured skull and spine. The report says his jugular vein had been cut.

Sousa was with Paul and Kulbir Dhaliwal at the San Francisco Zoo on Dec. 25 when a Siberian tiger escaped from an enclosure and attacked the three of them. The two brothers were also injured during the mauling.

We all owe a debt to those intrepid journalists at CBS news who’ve finally exposed marijuana as the dangerous drug that it is. If I hadn’t known I was at risk of being mauled by a tiger, I might’ve spent another weekend in my living room getting high and watching Mama’s Family reruns on TV, completely unaware that a tiger might be lurking somewhere nearby, ready to pounce.

I think it’s time to get serious about the war on drugs. America needs to hire itself a few good tigers.


RSS icon Comments


Tigers are fucking awesome.

Posted by FL | June 4, 2008 3:04 PM

did they test for the presence of testosterone? that drug interacts with alcohol in ways that marijuana cannot counteract.

Posted by max solomon | June 4, 2008 3:05 PM

Did they really need an explanation after "teenager"? It's the second word in the paragraph and not much more is needed.

Posted by Mike of Renton | June 4, 2008 3:14 PM

You should see how the two brother's have behaved since the mauling. It almost makes me want to let the tiger have another shot at them.

Posted by Thom | June 4, 2008 3:21 PM

Can I get a "w0000t!!!1!" for Natural Selection!!??

Posted by Porkchop Sandwiches! | June 4, 2008 3:27 PM

The species (human that is) got stronger that day.

Posted by cw | June 4, 2008 3:36 PM

thats why I dont goto the park with a swagger, tigers hate it and it returns them to their natural instinct of picking off stoned villagemen.

Posted by j | June 4, 2008 3:40 PM

Mama's Family ROCKS with or without the ganja!!

And the commercials kick ass...they're all for denture cream, medical products and adult diapers.

Posted by michael strangeways | June 4, 2008 3:52 PM

And pot didn't make that kid piss off the tiger. Liquor and being a teenage boy did.

Posted by Jessica | June 4, 2008 4:00 PM

Did the teenager in any way, shape, or form help the tiger get out? If so, they do have a minor case...
Assuming not, though, HAHAHA, that's so ridiculous. Had me a laugh.

Posted by Mr Fuzzy | June 4, 2008 4:00 PM

@1, That's a fact.

Posted by rb | June 4, 2008 4:00 PM

And in the MEANWHILE - they had to kill the tiger. Nuts.

Posted by Patti | June 4, 2008 4:05 PM

We need a couple of those tigers to patrol Third and Bell at night.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | June 4, 2008 4:05 PM

There wasn't any snow on Christmas eve and I knew what I should do...

Posted by Jerod | June 4, 2008 4:21 PM

Anybody with an ounce of sensitivity who spends a little time in a zoo with your eyes and ears open will have your heart torn by the tauntings, spitting, jumping, whooping, etc. to try to get a rise out of the animals. "Hey! Monkey! MONKEY! HEY DUMBSHIT!" says the lardass in plaid shorts trying to capture a little face-on video to bore his neighbors with. He ought to turn the camera around.

Good zoo design protects the animals from the people as much (or more) than the people from the animals.

Posted by rob | June 4, 2008 4:21 PM
If I hadnít known I was at risk of being mauled by a tiger, I mightíve spent another weekend in my living room getting high and watching Mamaís Family reruns on TV, completely unaware that a tiger might be lurking somewhere nearby, ready to pounce.
(emphasis mine.)

I'd be more sympathetic to Jonah's indignation if he could mock the CBS report without misrepresenting it.  The implication is that being drunk and/or high might have contributed to the poor judgment behind taunting a tiger to the point that it escapes its enclosure just to kill your ass.

Whether we accept the connection or not, the setting is circumstantial.  Proximity to tigers is not necessary for poor judgment to be fatal.

Posted by lostboy | June 4, 2008 4:33 PM

I mourn Tatiana every day. *tear*

Also, "Proximity to tigers is not necessary for poor judgement to be fatal" but it is necessary for ones death to be caused by a tiger mauling.

Posted by Dee in SF | June 4, 2008 5:07 PM

Tigers are great for all kinds of crimefighting! Here's the YouTube proof:

The clip is 16:00 in.

Posted by Chrissy | June 4, 2008 5:35 PM

Why did it take 6 months for an autopsy report?

Posted by Wolf | June 4, 2008 6:39 PM

Thinning of the human herd; too bad they try to pin it on pot but if it helps keep that douchebag's family from seeing a penny from the zoo then I say GOOD.

Posted by What a fucking megan | June 4, 2008 7:04 PM

all this blaming of the victims is just distraction from the cold hard fact that TIGERS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OF THEIR ENCLOSURES. a recent audit at the zoo found that the bond money for zoo improvement that san francisco voters passed some years back largely went to tourist-trap features at the zoo, not habitat improvement. that habitat tatiana was in was ancient, and DID NOT MEET SAFETY STANDARDS. do you really want to blame the young douchebags, or do you want to look at the people with the money and power? which choice strikes you as more republican?

Posted by ellarosa | June 4, 2008 7:22 PM

I'm pretty sure snap judgments are non-adaptive and everyone how makes snap judgments about teenagers or tigers or pot or zoos is going to be removed sooner or later from the gene pool and then they'll win a Darwin Award.

Posted by elenchos | June 4, 2008 9:06 PM


The San Francisco Zoo is not a private enterprise. It's hardly run by "the people with the money and power." I reserve the right to trash the douchebags who got their friend killed, themselves maimed, and a wild creature (that shouldn't have been subjected to those assholes' taunts in the first place) killed, while also reserving the right to fault the zoo for not updating its facilities.

Posted by keshmeshi | June 4, 2008 10:39 PM

i meant relatively speaking, keshmeshi, of course, relative to the victims. and they are charged with the public's welfare, the young douchebags were not. that's my point. i don't argue that what happened to the young douchebags was karmic, but that doesn't mean the zoo is not grievously at fault here, as i see it, and the majority of commenters here and in other related posts seem to miss that point.

Posted by ellarosa | June 5, 2008 8:27 AM

i'm speaking relatively about money and power here, keshmeshi. the zoo board wielded alot more of that than the douchebags did. and was charged with public safety, which the douchebags were not. most commenters seem to ignore the zoo's grievous fault here, and focus on the douchebaggery of the victims. that's all i'm saying.

Posted by ellarosa | June 5, 2008 9:13 AM

uhg! why does it DO that when i post?! it eats a post, then when i re-enter it, it puts up both. i hate that.

Posted by ellarosa | June 5, 2008 9:15 AM

How tragic! Another life brought short by marijuana and teen drinking. When wil it end?

Posted by inkweary | June 5, 2008 11:31 AM

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