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Friday, June 13, 2008

I Win

posted by on June 13 at 16:07 PM

When I sent my last post to Amy Kate, I felt better than I had since this whole Slog debacle began. I’d said my piece and was ready to wash my hands of the whole issue. While I don’t think of myself as a quitter, it has always been my policy, when I find myself in a shitty situation, to get the fuck out. So that’s what I did, and I couldn’t have been happier. Maybe I am thin-skinned, but trading insults with strangers has never been my idea of a good time. I am fully aware that for a lot of commenters this is a game. That’s fine. It’s just not a game I’m interested in playing. Especially since I wasn’t getting paid for it.

Until, that is, I got an e-mail from Amy Kate, telling me that none other than Tim Keck was disappointed that I was quitting, and that he would like to up the ante. One dollar for every comment on ‘Fuck This, I’m Out’ posted before 4 pm… if I was willing to write about how I spent the money. I agreed, and since then have been hitting refresh on the thread, watching the money roll in. I saw a lot of assholes being assholes, and nice people being nice. But what I was really glad to see was people discussing the state of the comments on Slog, which I hoped would happen.

But I digress from the point of this post, which is this:


I win, bitches!

I’ll be back next week with how I spent the money. Enjoy your weekend!

RSS icon Comments


Mr. Poe lights his farts with $200 bills. But hey, money. Cool!!!

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 13, 2008 4:18 PM

You are the best!

Posted by Cori | June 13, 2008 4:18 PM

Keep telling yourself that.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 4:18 PM

Nice! I'm happy to have helped put a few bucks in your pocket. And when Poe realizes he gave you like 20 bucks, his head's gonna explode.

Posted by Gabriel | June 13, 2008 4:19 PM


Posted by The General | June 13, 2008 4:19 PM

You bought a gymnastics trophy? Shit, don't you know it's Friday?

Posted by Ziggity | June 13, 2008 4:21 PM

Gabriel, please stop acting like you know me. I'm very amused right now with Chelsea. You...not so much.

#6 is making me howl with laughter.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 4:22 PM

Reproduction in moray eels begins with a courtship ritual in the summer months when the water is warmest. Opening their mouths very wide at each other signals the start of this process. Morays will then wrap their bodies around each other for hours. Once the female lays her eggs and the male fertilizes them, the pair leaves one another.

Posted by Charlie the tuna | June 13, 2008 4:23 PM

@7 Don't know you, don't care. But happy I get under your skin.

Posted by Gabriel | June 13, 2008 4:24 PM

I want one. I haven't won a trophy since I was on a soccer team that gave everyone a trophy at the end of the year.

Posted by Abby | June 13, 2008 4:25 PM

you certainly didn't win a prize for being principled. what else will you do for money?

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 4:26 PM

Chelsea, can you please donate my $2 worth of comments to saving the dolphins?

Posted by The General | June 13, 2008 4:26 PM

Your mama named you Chelsea?

I'd say you lost.

(Congrats on that whopping double Benjamin. Now you can finally fill up your Hyundai to the tippy-top instead of only putting in $10 at a time.)

Posted by Dickie McRausch | June 13, 2008 4:28 PM

Poe is kind of a giant loser.

Posted by bellevue & belmont | June 13, 2008 4:28 PM

I'm trying to think of anything that could be had for $200 that could cause anyone's heads to explode with RAGE that they have been outmaneuvered.

I can't right now. But I'm sure something will come up.

Posted by Gloria | June 13, 2008 4:32 PM

I hope someone is very carefully documenting the various dynamics afoot here. Even if this wasn't hatched as some grand Sloggian experiment, it sure as hell has become one.

@11 -- Don't ask me that question. Please.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 13, 2008 4:33 PM

With $200, she could get laid!

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 4:34 PM

this is rural idiocy!

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 4:35 PM

you are getting "payed"? well no wonder.

Posted by jameyb | June 13, 2008 4:37 PM

#13 for the win!

Posted by Is The Worst | June 13, 2008 4:39 PM

@16, I think the dynamic here is:

Don't act like a childish twerp if you can't handle being called out as said twerp.

Posted by Dickie McRausch | June 13, 2008 4:44 PM

I find it pretty funny that the abuse was so bad that she left, but now that someone is paying her to stay she thinks she's won something or has something over us.

That'd be like a rape victim celebrating a civil court victory that is paid for by state

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 4:44 PM

I'm glad you will be back Chelsea! Don't let the snot faced little brats get to you!

Have fun with the $200! Pamper yourself and come back on Monday. I look forward to reading what you write.

Posted by mj | June 13, 2008 4:50 PM

more zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

not worth insulting

as my daddy would say, "give a shit"

Posted by John | June 13, 2008 4:50 PM

@16: I think the dynamic afoot here is:

Don't act like a childish twerp if you can't handle being called out as said twerp.

Posted by Dickie McRausch | June 13, 2008 4:53 PM

Yes! You did win! Way to smack a bitch down. You're my hero for the day.

Posted by DJSauvage | June 13, 2008 4:54 PM

Get a tattoo!

Posted by James | June 13, 2008 4:55 PM

Now you can have the prettiest Quinceañera dress of them all.

Posted by la boca grande | June 13, 2008 4:55 PM

Slog has now officially jumped the motherfucking shark...

hopefully, the dolphin guy will be confused and fuck it...

Posted by michael strangeways | June 13, 2008 4:55 PM

Has anyone let Chelsea know she can post something to Slog and turn the comments off? Amy Kate?

Posted by Dan Savage | June 13, 2008 4:57 PM

I am incapable of creating a cogent reply to this information. My normally formidable writing skills have been rendered moot by this entire debacle. So, I offer up the one word that encapsulates a wide range of emotions, to be interpreted by the reader as he or she will:


Posted by PopTart | June 13, 2008 4:57 PM

Now you can have the prettiest Quinceañera dress of them all.

Posted by la boca grande | June 13, 2008 4:58 PM
Posted by bobcat | June 13, 2008 4:59 PM

Keep whining and maybe daddy will give you a pony too.

Posted by giantladysquirrels | June 13, 2008 5:00 PM

@22 I would not compare this to rape! Rape equals power and the snot faced wimps making idiotic comments have 0 power.

She has won because she is going to pamper herself this weekend with $200, come back on Monday and kick ass.

Chelsea I'm glad you are coming back!

Posted by mj | June 13, 2008 5:01 PM

"how can we miss you if you won't go away?"

Posted by brett | June 13, 2008 5:01 PM

I'm hating The Stranger a little bit right now.
Or maybe they brought this idiot who can't write on "staff" for a month for the sheer amusement of it all.
Isn't it nice to be used Chelsea?

Posted by D | June 13, 2008 5:02 PM

Now this has gotten really sad. Keck gives you a few bucks, and now you're going to stick around for more abuse?

You're the guy dangling over the dunk tank, shouting insults to get the crowd to buy more balls...but the balls are free, and you're already soaking wet.

Posted by Bison | June 13, 2008 5:02 PM

Being bribed to keep blogging is nowhere near winning. Nonetheless, enjoy your consolation prize.

Posted by Ashley | June 13, 2008 5:03 PM

Being bribed to keep blogging is nowhere near the definition of winning. Nonetheless, enjoy your consolation prize.

Posted by Ashley | June 13, 2008 5:04 PM

Keep whining and maybe daddy will buy you a pony, too.

Posted by giantladysquirrels | June 13, 2008 5:04 PM

Now this has gotten really sad. Keck gives you a few bucks, and now you're going to stick around for more abuse? And that's your follow up to your big, "you're not gonna have me to kick around anymore" principled stand?

You're the guy dangling over the dunk tank, shouting insults to get the crowd to buy more balls...but the balls are free, and you're already soaking wet.

Posted by Bison | June 13, 2008 5:05 PM

What are you, 14 already? Come on. NOBODY seriously thinks we really MEAN much of what we post, do they? It's the WWE of the internet, staged for your enjoyment.

Get a thicker skin. Learn to laugh at yourself. Everybody else is, why not join in?

On SLOG, I might tell you where to go. In real life, I'd probably just offer you a map. And if people are correcting your spelling/grammar, maybe you should take that as a learning experience to make you a better writer.

The point of the post was to show us a vaginal landing field? Well played. The only way you could "win" harder would be to make it smell-o-vision or snatch scratch-and-sniff.

And it's too late for you to make money. You said you were going away earlier. Please do. I'd even send you a dollar.

Posted by Wolf | June 13, 2008 5:07 PM

What's sad about Slog comment thread is that I've seen more intelligent conversations on /b/.

Posted by Scalpel | June 13, 2008 5:08 PM

What's sad about Slog comment threads is that I've seen more intelligent conversations on /b/.

Posted by Scalpel | June 13, 2008 5:08 PM

I'm delighted that you got a measure of your own back on this.

I think you should have a cake made with the words "Mr. Poe's Face" written on it, and then video yourself (discreetly, of course) pissing on it til the words flake off and run away.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 5:11 PM

we had the power to get her to leave when she only had her dignity to protect. now that shes traded dignity for cash shes come back.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 5:14 PM

The new Ludacris CD?

A Starbucks card?

Gas for your SUV?

Frivolously froo-froo Trader Joes shit?

Massively fattening and unhealthy McDonald's fried breakfast sandwiches?

Can I get a dollar for each one I guess close?

Posted by K | June 13, 2008 5:15 PM

How do you discreetly video yourself pissing on a cake?

Posted by Gabriel | June 13, 2008 5:15 PM

@50 - Rule 34

Posted by bob cat | June 13, 2008 5:17 PM

Ha! Yay!

Posted by Sachi Wilson | June 13, 2008 5:17 PM


Original over-the-top insulting & cruel comments: Lame. Offended party suggesting that rudeness should get commenters banned, then later self-righteously bragging about how she got an important discussion on the State of Slog Comments going: Super-lame.

I'd say it was a tie, except I predict that only the latter is going to lead to a long-lasting and annoying dialogue.

Posted by leek | June 13, 2008 5:18 PM

Goddamn comment system motherfucker!

Posted by Bison | June 13, 2008 5:19 PM

this is also a very poor message to send to other women; "the more you're a victim the better the reward." nevermind that what you really care about will never be taken at face value if the almighty dollar has a say in it.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 5:20 PM


Posted by umvue | June 13, 2008 5:23 PM

YOU GO GIRL! Mad props. I hear Tim Russert's job is open? LOL :)

Posted by It's Just Audrey! | June 13, 2008 5:26 PM


And why exactly is it her responsibility to be a role model for other women? Why do you flip out anytime a woman fails to measure up to your expectations? Are you as harsh and judgmental to men or are we special?

Posted by keshmeshi | June 13, 2008 5:27 PM

Said my piece?

Posted by Soo | June 13, 2008 5:27 PM

haha congratulations. you can practically see mr. poe flipping his shit in the comments thread on this one. does part of the cut have to go to gawker for fueling the fire?

Posted by Cook | June 13, 2008 5:29 PM

you're right kesh, it isn't her responsibility to be anything but what her actions show her to be.

and yes, any man that would do this would incur my ire.

as you were barnacle.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 5:35 PM
any man that would do this would incur my ire

I'll believe it when I see it.

Your persecution complex is showing, zip it up.

Posted by keshmeshi | June 13, 2008 5:37 PM

there hasn't been any relevant example on slog. so give me the benefit of the doubt instead of trying to tack my balls to a wall for ruffling your fat feminist feathers for christs sake.

anyway, poe and I are going out for drinks to celebrate the massive boost to our egos.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 5:40 PM

I just find it funny that someone would trade her integrity for $200 or so, and then brag about it. Everyone has his price. We know hers.


Posted by Wolf | June 13, 2008 5:41 PM

I'll double Tim Keck's money to see you suicide bomb the servers that host your blog. The money will go to your family, Hamas-style.

Posted by Get cash now. It's your money- use it when you need it. | June 13, 2008 5:42 PM

Is this rule about guest bloggers getting paid retroactive?

Posted by jmr | June 13, 2008 5:42 PM

jmr, you werent victimized enough to deserve compensation.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 5:43 PM

The real question is: Is she cute? Because then anything will/can be forgiven.

Posted by Tizzle | June 13, 2008 5:44 PM


Not after you have already repeatedly implied that any woman being herself reflects badly on women in general or serves as a bad role model for women. Try proving that you're not a sexist asshole for once.

Posted by keshmeshi | June 13, 2008 5:46 PM

Good point, Tizzle. That's the REAL ruling principle of the Internet.

Posted by leek | June 13, 2008 5:46 PM

reflects badly on women in general or sets a bad example for other women to follow? read what I said, not what you think i said, if at all possible.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 5:47 PM

and if being herself constitutes getting in a huff over what people say to her and leaving a blog only to be bribed back, then yes, it is a bad example for other women, men, geese, anyone to follow.

being easily bribed on a matter of principle and integrity is not a desirable trait.

thus endeth the lesson

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 5:51 PM

So many thoughts...

1) trading insults with strangers has never been my idea of a good time

Don't you get it? You don't have to "trade" insults. That is boring. Use your tiny little pea brain and figure out how to zing them intelligently (selling out to sympathy money doesn't count).

2) Abby @ 10: I haven't won a trophy since I was on a soccer team that gave everyone a trophy at the end of the year

So, in other words, your soccer team always lost?

3) Dan @ 30: Has anyone let Chelsea know she can post something to Slog and turn the comments off

Dude, that is the pussy way out. Unless you're posting something totally emotional, you gotta let the comments fly.

Finally, everytime someone gets their wittle feelings hurt on The Slog, people start calling for registering. Well, once again, I gotta say, "FUCK THAT!"

That is all.

Posted by Mike in MO | June 13, 2008 5:51 PM

Keshmeshi, at this point I have learnt that Bellevue hates women, Heath Ledger, Native Americans, and probably everyone else. You're better off shrugging your shoulders and letting it go. ;)

Posted by arduous | June 13, 2008 5:53 PM

Chelsea Alvarez-Bell,

Are you getting anything for these comments? If so, with all the double posts you can easily rake in another $100, or do the double posts only count as one?

Posted by yucca flower | June 13, 2008 5:55 PM

Michael @ 29. Slog has been a motherfucking, shark-jumping machine since the third week of it's first season.

Posted by Tim Keck | June 13, 2008 5:57 PM

Oh, yeah, one more...I bet $2 hundy could buy a decent abount of good shit, even up there in the S E A.


Posted by Mike in MO | June 13, 2008 5:57 PM

Bellevue, stop being so dramatic!
Chelsea did not let you win anything. She is basically saying she does not care anymore and that is not a victim mentality!

Don't deceive yourself into thinking you have any power. You're just a dweeb sitting at a computer arguing with women you don't know. You're actually kind of sad and weak but you go and enjoy your little perceived victory.

Posted by mj | June 13, 2008 5:59 PM

I love it! Chelsea landed Slog a Friday afternoon post on Gawker -- of course she's getting paid to stick around. Well played.

Posted by kid icarus | June 13, 2008 6:00 PM

GODDAMNIT! I keep having more thoughts after I post. This is the last one, I promise...

I like how the Gawker thing refers to us as "mean" commenters.


Posted by Mike in MO | June 13, 2008 6:00 PM

I've finally figured it out.

Maybe I'm wrong, but doesn't this disclose a MAJOR, SEVERE conflict of interest between publisher and columnist?

"Tim Keck was disappointed that I was quitting, and that he would like to up the ante. One dollar for every comment on ‘Fuck This, I’m Out’ posted before 4 pm… if I was willing to write about how I spent the money..."

Where I went to journalism school, this would have been a MAJOR, MAJOR no-no. Especially accepting cash for personal gain, not to mention bragging about it. Not to mention the unnecessary four-letter words that were only thrown in to seem "hip."

Posted by Wolf | June 13, 2008 6:05 PM

I like you

Posted by Porkchop Sandwiches! | June 13, 2008 6:13 PM

Well, that was fun.

234 comments on a single Slog post has got to be some sort of record. And you got us that nice mention on Gawker. And thanks to Tim Keck, Mr. Poe's insults have been twisted in to your personal financial gain. I'm not sure what the moral of this story is, but on some strange level I'm very impressed.

Posted by Hernandez | June 13, 2008 6:18 PM

@81 - She's not a journalist. She's a guest blogger.

And journalists get paid, anyway. I must have missed your point.

Posted by Tizzle | June 13, 2008 6:21 PM

Did you just bring up journalism school on Slog? Seriously?

Yeah, well, when I was in music school I was told to sit up straight and make sure each note was played with a full tone in precise rhythm. But I'm not exactly shouting that out at Neumo's on a Saturday night.

Journalism School?

Posted by Highland | June 13, 2008 6:22 PM

Where did you go to journalism school that taught you it was a major no-no to work for pay? That doesn't make even the tiniest grain of sense.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 6:27 PM

The ladies, they are borderline crazy. It is because of the menses. If they do not have someone to engage in the physical act of love with, they waste their eggs and that makes them more than a little mad.

Get yourself a nice husband and a nice house, pretty lady. You will not miss this sloggingness when you have a house full of babies and one on the way. It is God's wish for us.

Posted by Nofostrau | June 13, 2008 6:35 PM

Gabriel @50: I mean, you can't see flesh, just pee. Hitting the cake. What, is that weird?

Chelsea dear, spend the money on a splurge meal at Le Gourmand. You'll love it.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 6:41 PM

Man, too bad you didn't think of this idea BEFORE you made the original post. Because then I think you would've earned some respect from the trolls for making a buck off your cool understanding of how best to inflame them into putting money into your pocket. Punk'd!

As it stands, though, I kinda think it's mostly just sad. Especially because you seem proud of how it all turned out today -- like you've accomplished something grand by quitting and then being bribed to stay out of pity over your hurt feelings. $200, hmmm? Way to go? I guess?

I'd suggest turning the comments off when you post about how you spend your new dough -- if that's something you can do here. If you can't take the heat. . .

Posted by Jane | June 13, 2008 6:43 PM

#84: Then don't present her as a journalist. It's that simple. And don't pay her if, as you say, she's not a journalist. And she shouldn't take bribes from the publisher.

@85: I fail to see what honesty in reporting has to do with band.


Columbia. And we don't work for bribes from our publishers. There's a difference in honest pay and bribes and a difference between news and press releases.

Posted by Wolf | June 13, 2008 6:43 PM

You should follow Charles' lead and just not read the comments. I always thought the Sloggers were paid by the comment.

Glad you are staying, but I probably won't read your stuff unless it is relevant or interesting.

Posted by elswinger | June 13, 2008 6:46 PM

That's probably wise.

Posted by Wolf | June 13, 2008 6:53 PM

Wolf, I'm sorry, you're completely high.

For starters, "news" is not the same thing as "journalism".

Is someone who writes an article for Atlantic Monthly a journalist? Yes. Do they get paid for it? Yes, yes they do. Does it have anything to do with "news"? Sometimes, sometimes not.

A blog post on a blog run by a periodical is journalism. It just is. It doesn't matter if it's good; it's still journalism. It doesn't matter if it's factual; it's still journalism. It doesn't matter if it's professionally done; it's still journalism.

Opinion pieces are journalism. Humor pieces are journalism. I can't believe that your journalism classes at Columbia didn't at least touch on Mark Twain, H. L. Mencken, Robert Benchley, et cetera. Is Chelsea Alvarez-Bell up to the standard of Mencken? No, I'd say probably not. But she IS engaging in the same profession: writing pieces for publication AND GETTING PAID FOR IT.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 6:55 PM

Wow, great post, this one is going to hit 100 soon too. I hope you don't turn off comments in future posts, look how pissed Bellevue, Poe, and Wolf are! Interesting how you've kinda turned the tables on them :) Every post of yours will turn the knife a little in their perceived ownership of slog as their personal territory.

Posted by DJSauvage | June 13, 2008 7:04 PM

Blah blah blah dramaqueen blah blah blah entitlement blah blah blah narcissism

Yep, you definitely belong in the blogosphere.

Posted by Chris B | June 13, 2008 7:09 PM

sauvage, we aren't pissed. poe anmd I are having a blast with sloog. seriiously, we have a great time beinjg silly bitches on sloog

also, aare youj going too repory this incoome too rhe irssssss?

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 7:23 PM

Interesting how you've kinda turned the tables on them

She did? I thought she shamelessly took $2 hundy in pity money. Not that I would turn down $2 hundy under any circumstances.

(I know I said I was done earlier. Eat me.)

Posted by Mike in MO | June 13, 2008 7:26 PM

Hey, BA, I can't believe you're that drunk at only 7:30. Pace yourself, my good man, or stop typing with your toes.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 7:28 PM

fnarf, I can't he'll it.. im wiith poooe and his jew and my gf and were having a ball.

I blame poe

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 7:35 PM

From the outside, silly bitches look like mean bitches. The words are the same. Bullies always think they are funny, and they are funny to thier toadies. Any I don't buy this "I'm a much better person off the interntet" The kind of people who use the anonimity online to behave differently, are just being more truely themselves when online. The in-person, and more socially accountable persona is the character they assume when someone is watching.

Posted by DJSauvage | June 13, 2008 7:37 PM

@96 sarcasm on. I'm a silly bitch, you sir are a bastard. sarcasm off.

Hoist one for me. Tonight I'm home watching my lovely son eviscerate Lego guys in the Indiana Jones lego video game.

Posted by PopTart | June 13, 2008 7:38 PM

@73: of course we lost. I'm only good at watching soccer, not actually playing it. But as it was from the ages of 7-12, I'm not sure that even the teams that won got trophies other than the general participation ones.

Hi Poe! Hi Jew!

Posted by Abby | June 13, 2008 7:43 PM

So sorry I missed you at Shorty's, B.A. I brought a sockful of quarters for nothing.

Muy excellente prank Chelsea! I knew these tools were being hoodwinked. They love to give themselves way too much credit.

Posted by Dick Johnson | June 13, 2008 7:55 PM

Know what's really really lame? When you throw a tantrum, say you're leaving, and then don't follow through on it. Then you just look like some attention-starved 10-year-old brat. You seem to be under the impression that you have been unfairly attacked by people reading this blog. Unfortunately, you're wrong. The majority of people who read Stranger expect more from it than the banal ramblings of a 13-year-old mind, and that's all you've provided. I'm sorry that you're not good enough, but I don't need to make you "feel good" about yourself. That's what therapists are for.

In short, go jump off the aurora bridge and let me know if they've installed the net yet.


your fan.

Posted by god damnit | June 13, 2008 8:13 PM

Lego Indiana Jones is out already? Crap, I need to cancel everything I'm doing all weekend.

Posted by The General | June 13, 2008 8:18 PM

My heart has been warmed after school special style. This has been an awesome day for Slog.

Posted by tabletop_joe | June 13, 2008 8:19 PM

Owned trolls got owned.

Posted by Sirkowski | June 13, 2008 9:14 PM

Good lord. I'm really quite part time on Slog these days (keeping up with all the posts and comments is a full time job), and I never read Chelsea's posts so I had no idea this was going on.

Oh, Slog of yesteryear, where did you go?

Posted by Matt from Denver | June 13, 2008 9:30 PM


You're the guy dangling over the dunk tank, shouting insults to get the crowd to buy more balls...but the balls are free, and you're already soaking wet.


Posted by Big Sven | June 13, 2008 9:35 PM

dick johnson, you didn't miss shit. I didn't go to slog happy hour because I was grilling with my GF last night. Im also pretty sure you wouldnt have actually swung a sockful of your net worth at me.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 10:28 PM

I can't believe you all are accepting this at face value. Dan, Keck, and Chelsea had this whole little farce planned out from the start. They're laughing their asses off at you gullible idiots right now.

Posted by fffff | June 13, 2008 10:47 PM

I first realized I was a Delphinic Zoophile when I was 12 years old, which is when I had my first sexual encounter with a dolphin. This is not that particular occasion, since my first lover was brutally killed in an act of sensless violence that I will never forgive, or forget. She continues to live in my memories, though...

I volunteer with dolphins whenever I get the opportunity. They are special to me, highly intelligent, empathic creatures that are dear to my heart, and are a healing aspect in my life. So it was that I met this particular dolphin, a female bottle nose dolphin, 7 years old, who is residing at my home cities coastal harbour/aquarium.

She is a beautiful dolphin, inquisitive and playful, and more used to human contact than her other, older pod mates. I answer any questions the general public have about dolphins, and spend most of my free time with them, studying and talking with them. I learned through continued contact that each dolphin has a very particular personality and habits, traits useful for differentiating between the fins who are sometimes hard to distinguish on visual markings alone.

In order to avoid the bustle tourists, I usually visit the dolphins at night, illegally I must add, since I am considered to be trespassing. But it is the only time I do not have to be distracted by tourists or the staff. I do not expect to have sex with the dolphins every time I visit them; I am not that sort of person. I spend time with them because they are a relaxing and stabilizing source of peace in an otherwise hectic and unbalanced lifestyle. So it came as a pleasant surprise when this 7-year-old dolphin began to engage in sex-play with me.

I was quite happily swimming around with the dolphins when she suddenly decided to grab my foot with her genital slit. Dolphins have very muscular vaginal orifices, and can use these muscles to manipulate objects and carry them. I stayed still for a while, to see if she was just playing, but she continued to masturbate against my foot, and in the light of the torch I sometimes carry, I could see that her slit had become very pink and had swelled as well. She was aroused!

So, I started to back-paddle with my hands towards a small beached area, partially submerged in the water. A couple of times she pulled me forward into the deeper water, but eventually I got my self to the shallows. I dislodged my foot (Being careful not to pull too hard), and took her gently by a pectoral fin and rubbed her belly just to aclimatize her, I guess. She immediately rolled belly up and started doing pelvic thrusts against the palm of my hand. It was unmistakebly erotic, and by now I was fully aroused.

I stripped off my shorts, and gently pulled her into the shallows until she was lying on her side, her belly facing towards me, half submerged in the water. I nestled myself belly to belly against her, and pressed my member against her genital slit. She immediately arched her body against mine, and took me inside her body, initiating a quick series of muscular contractions with her vaginal muscles. I wrapped my left arm around her body and just held her close while she manipulated me inside her body, until I climaxed barely 2 minutes later. Surprisingly, her body also shuddered against mine, and we spent the next 5 or so minutes just lying together in the shallows, holding each other, enjoying our company and revelling in the fact that we had shared something special together, something very few people can claim to have done.

I do not brag about this though. It is not something you can brag about, since it not only is demeaning to the act, but it destroys the purpose of the act as well; to express affection, and trust. I only consent to those dolphins who ask. As a result, I have mated only three times. Each time was memorable and special, because each time it was something we both wanted to share with each other. Sex, for me, is just another, albeit powerful, expression of affection and trust. I wouldn't engage any other animal, though; it is not my attraction. But there is little I wouldn't do for a dolphin.

I am aware there are people who would look at this and turn away in disgust. I can not force my beliefs or my feelings upon them, neither do I wish to. The only thing I ask of those people is that they try to understand that love, and trust, and respect are not limited to within a single species. Human kind has created religions and laws and barbed-wire fences that have been created, written and erected out of the former belief that we are the best, the smartest, the most powerful creature on the planet. Now we are realising that we have been extremely short sighted; many of us are realising this, but there are others who are bound by their former beliefs. One word is the key to improving our civilization. One word which could improve many lives.

My life is now dedicated to understanding dolphin kind. The way they act, the way they communicate, the reasons why a completely wild animal would take any interest what so ever in humans, a very dangerous wild animal. These may be answers that I may not answer in my lifetime, but this is a path that has been layed by a special dolphin who taught me more about love and trust in one week than any human taught me in my entire life. A path that I hope others will choose to also tread with me, towards a pool of knowlegde where dolphins and humans can interact with one another, and learn a great many secrets.

Posted by naughty dolphins need love too | June 13, 2008 10:57 PM

Oh Chelsea, I hardly know where to begin, but to say I'm disappointed at your sudden recapitulation would be a gross understatement.

And not for myself, mind you. You've fallen for Mr. Keck's offer hook, line, and sinker. I truly hope you feel the amount of pocket change he's offered you in exchange for whatever was left of your integrity was worth it - it certainly looks like a pretty bauble, but I seriously doubt either it, or the pittance you'll receive will ultimately be worth the price of your self-respect.

To be blunt: what are you now, but a common prostitute? You couldn't handle the wrath, ire, and vitriol of the Commentors when you had nothing at stake but your own sense of purpose and self-worth, but as soon as someone waggles a bit of filthy luchre in your direction, you SUDDENLY find strength and renewed vigor to press on? To paraphrase a (possibly apocryphal) quote by the late Winston Churchill: "We've already established what you are, Madame, now we're merely haggling over the price".

And don't even get me started on the rather unfortunate precedent this sets. Are you prepared Mr. Keck, to make similar offers of financial remuneration to the next guest? And the one after that? If I were in their shoes, I'd certainly hold out for more than a couple hundred; clearly there's a lucrative trade in being a guest SLOGer. Freaky Fridays are going to be a rather EXPENSIVE proposition from here on out would be my guess.

Sad, truly sad. All the way around.

Posted by COMTE | June 13, 2008 11:03 PM

*awkward silence*

Posted by meggers | June 13, 2008 11:15 PM

Looks like I picked the wrong day to be away from my computer.

I won't waste time dissing Chelsea. I'm sure she thought she was adding something to the Slog, but her topics, her writing style, her opinions aren't a good fit here. She realized and quit. End of story, right?

I'm more annoyed that 1) whoever chose CAB for this project didn't realize she was a poor fit for Slog and 2) instead of cutting their losses they offer her cash to stay and inflict more mindless fucking drivel? Oy.

Posted by genevieve | June 13, 2008 11:30 PM

OH SHEEEEAAAAT Chelsea! You are totally public enemy #1 in all these SLOG commenter cunt's burn books.
Just know this: everyone who has met you in person knows that you are a kind, joyous, funny person.
I'm glad you've decided to stay the course.

Posted by Amy | June 13, 2008 11:36 PM

Comte, we are all prostitutes.

I think Chelse sounds like a delightful person, and I'm glad to see her friends support her here.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 11:44 PM

please delete @112
I didn't read it, but I can tell it's gross!

Posted by ewww | June 13, 2008 11:57 PM

Chelsea would have gain a bit of dignity if she has been as awesome as #33 and rickrolled us.

But alas she is still boring as hell.


Posted by Original Monique | June 14, 2008 1:05 AM

George W. Bush and the Seattle Jewish community have always been strong supporters of Chelsea. The Stranger has gone against popular opinion by being pro-Chelsea. It is only Chelsea who stands strong with us against terrorism in the middle East and the time has come for the Stranger and the entire Jewish community to stand strong with Chelsea.

Posted by Josh | June 14, 2008 1:07 AM

QA) What is Zoophilia?

AA) Zoophilia is best described as a love of animals so intimate that the person (and the animal) involved have no objections to expressing their affection for each other in the sexual fashion. This is not to be confused with bestiality, where a person forcefully mates an animal, without their consent, and with no mutual feelings whatsoever. This is something that I would never do to a dolphin, since I love them dearly, and treat them with the same respect that an honest husband would have for his wife and children.

QB) Why Dolphins?

AB) Dolphins are very intelligent, highly emotional and expressive creatures. They enjoy the company of humans, and if a relationship develops between a human and a dolphin, as has happened with me, they will, on occasion, wish to express their trust and affection for you in the most direct way; through mating, or sex-play. You see, dolphins do not use sex purely for procreative reasons. They use it as a way of strengthening the bonds between pod mates (mothers and calves included), and also for fun. Dolphins and humans share this common trait with very few other animals, so sometimes it makes me wonder when people continue to ask me "How DO you mate with a dolphin?". Easy. Let the dolphin tell you!

Q1) How do I tell a male dolphin from a female one?

A1) Probably the most common question I get asked. There are 2 ways of determining the sex of a dolphin. The most obvious way is to take a peek under the peduncle (the long part of the body connected to the tail flukes). On the dolphin's belly, directly opposite the dorsal fin, will be the umbilicus, or the navel of the dolphin. Looking further down towards the tail, you start to see the differences.

Male dolphins have two separate slits for the penis (the urogenital opening) and the anus. These are separated by a bridge of skin. The male's urogenital opening is generally located further up the belly, towards the navel.

Females, on the other fin, have one continuous larger slit, the anus located at the end of it. On either side of the genital slit, you will find two smaller slits; these are the mammary slits, where the nipples of the dolphin are kept for feeding the calves. The slit is also located closer to the tail stock of the dolphin.

The other way to determine the sex of a dolphin, if you can't reach their belly, is to look at their mellon, or head. The males tend to have a fatter, rounder mellon, while the females are more sleek and streamlined.

Q2) How do I know if a dolphin wants to have sex?

A2) There are various ways a dolphin has of showing that she or he is interested in sex.

Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand. If you are in the water, they may rub it along any part of your body, or wrap it around your wrist or ankle. (Dolphin males have a prehensile penis. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.) Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also denotes sexual excitement.

Females can be a little harder. The most obvious way a female dolphin has of displaying her sexual interest is the pink-belly effect. Their genitals become very pink and swollen, making the genital region very prominent. They may be restless, or they may be acting as normal. If you are out of the water, they may swim up to you and roll belly up, exposing themselves to you, coupled with pelvic thrusts. If you are in the water, they may press their genitals up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your crotch, or do pelvic thrusts against you.

Each dolphins way of expressing sexual readiness varies, so the longer you know the dolphin, the better you will detect when they are sexually active.

Q3) What do I do if a dolphin wants to mate with me?

A3) Accept, if possible! I will go through the steps involved with males and females...

The Male:

When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough... so I cannot say for sure if it is safe to mate with them. I would suspect not, due to a dolphins size, but then again, I cannot say for a woman.) WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward....

A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship.

The Female:

Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.

Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.

Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.

One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them.

Q4) What diseases can I get from dolphins? Can I give them any?

A4) I have had no experiences with Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD's) with dolphins, so I couldn't rightfully say. I do know, however, that you can pass the Flu between you, along with other respiratory problems. (I got a cold when a dolphin sneezed on me once. It cleared up after a week or so.) You can also pass some skin irritations on to them, if you handle them with chaffed or broken skin. Just like with a human, it is best to BE CLEAN when you handle a dolphin. If you have cuts on your hands, avoid touching them unless you wash with a Betadine surgical scrub prior to handling. This is available from most Veterinary and Surgical suppliers. If you have some disease of some sort, avoid mating, for the dolphins sake. This is a little known area, more so because Zoophilia is considered illegal in many places (which I think is a load of crud, but the law's the law....)

Q5) Is their any way I can invite a dolphin to be masturbated?

A5) Well, yes. If they are hanging around, but not looking particularly excited, but you are, you can invite them with this way...

Male and Female dolphins can be invited by rolling them on their sides, again, but instead of going straight to the genital slit, rub along their bellies, between their pectoral fins, along the navel, and every once in a while, over the genital slit. If they are responsive, they will show the signs of excitement as described earlier, and you can proceed as usual. If, however, they are not responsive, they will swim away, or turn back upright. DO NOT force the issue with a dolphin! Trying to restrain them will only break their trust in you, and could cause you serious injury. Pat them, stroke them and talk to them lovingly, but do not try anything else. It is best, anyway, to let the dolphin tell you when they are ready. It is far more pleasant, and more fulfilling anyway. And more special.

Q6) Where can I find a dolphin to mate with?

A6) Aquariums are a bad choice, for many reasons. Too public, the dolphins are not in their natural habitat, night visits are impossible, etc etc... some may have external enclosures, which may be accesable, but that is no guarantee. Best thing sometimes is to find a beach or a cove that the dolphins frequent. It takes time to develop a relationship with a dolphin to the point where they will let you mate with them (although some have been as quick as 3 days to acclimatize). Gaining their trust takes time, and you need to visit frequently. This is impossible for some people, I understand, but it is the best way. Sometimes you just need to be in the right place at the right time. I have been extremely lucky on two occasions with wild dolphins, and my current mate is a dolphin who lives in the harbour of my resident city.

Well, I hope this is of use to whoever is interested. One final note. You should love a dolphin, not because of the sexual relief they can provide, but because they are a unique animal, one of the few wild animals that seek the company of man by their own initiative. This is special. Do not abuse it.

Posted by They call me FLIPPER FLIPPER | June 14, 2008 1:10 AM

@myself....don't post when sleepy. damn spelling and grammar.

Posted by Original Monique | June 14, 2008 1:13 AM

yeah, so SLOG commenters are the retarded ones. Not the buffoon whose sees value in giving free money to some high school throwback to right an essay on how she blew 200 bucks.

I predict a particularly inane, cute, sweet tale involving a raptor recovery center, buying a new teddy to appeal to her fetish of gang banging at homeless encampments on queen anne, and a root beer milkshake from Kidd Valley.

Or a subscription to Bang Bus.

Stranger hits a new low.

Posted by ecce homo | June 14, 2008 1:24 AM


You're such a quitter. You even quit quitting.

When I posted in the previous thread, I thought you were naive...harmless, but naive. Now, you've proven yourself to be self-justifyingly annoying. That's worse.

How incredibly childish!

How incredibly Rove-ian! To be trounced painfully in the argument you started with...only to simply ignore the argument as originally defined, to redefine it in terms you feel are beneficial to yourself and then declare yourself the victor, on these new terms of yours.

Rove-ian? I meant childish. (OK, same thing.)

Next question--how many of the 204 posts that were put up in that other thread before 4pm, the posts that earned you the money you agreed to prostitute for, were actually YOU, posting for yourself anonymously?

(And if THAT thought doesn't make the mods institute a registration system, I don't know what will...)

This whole episode makes me wish you HAD simply left--knowing what a nightmare every one of your subsequent posts will be.

(And I'm one of the nice SLOG posters.)

Posted by pgreyy | June 14, 2008 2:15 AM

@ all of us - wtf - Chelsea gate gets nearly 400 posts between the two articles and Dan's first post of yesterday, Required Viewing, only gets 22??? As our penance, I require everyone who's posted about Chelsea to repost Required Viewing on their blogs,
facebook, myspace, etal. I am immediately referring Chelsea to the Obama campaign, since she has the ability to grab readers and make them passionately respond. Instead of all this fury over an unpaid intern how about with our future president! We CANNOT ELECT MCCAIN! rant ended.

Posted by dawicksta | June 14, 2008 6:11 AM

After feeling sorta-kinda sympathetic at the initial rant ("girl must've come from some placid blog") then *not* when she started gloating about important friends who were going to bat for her and haha, I win!, I had to look up CAB's entries.

Um, why was this person ever asked to guest-blog?

I mean, you really couldn't find anyone in all of Seattle capable of either writing well or talking about interesting things? Notice the use of "or" there. I'm not even asking about finding both qualities in one person, thought that would be nice.

I don't live in Seattle or follow Slog—just like to come by occasionally because you have good stories about Seattle city politics. So maybe CAB is right up Slog's alley, quality-wise. I'm guessing this is not the case though, from the trackback response.

Seriously, Stranger editors, what did you think was going to happen when you gave out such a nice perch to someone so underqualified?

Posted by wintersmith | June 14, 2008 7:33 AM

Slog commenters are to mean as plastic picnic knives are to katanas. However, you all do own pseudointellectual gasbaggery. Chelsea, enjoy your moment in the internet sun. You'll be forgotten next week and back on suicide precautions.

Posted by Bob | June 14, 2008 8:16 AM

@113 If prostitution just means being friendly and sharing random, lighthearted thoughts I must be one hot prostitute!
If somebody offered to pay me for that I would be rich.

I think Chelsea is finally having fun.
She has a few of you squirming for insults that only make you look dumb. It is so entertaining and if she is a prostitute by your standards I would hire her! I might even send her a little money of my own.
She really did win!

Posted by mj | June 14, 2008 8:42 AM

I've recovered some of my cogent thinking skills.

I understand Mr. Keck's business decision to do this, she drove traffic to the site and also probably brought new readers to Slog by generating the link from Gawker. That's good for the Stranger, and ultimately good for us too as that means they'll survive longer so we can still play in this playground.

What bothers me is CAB's subsequent post about Mr. Keck's offer. She tagged it "Celeb" and her post was definitely an "in your face" to the regular Slog commenters.

I will feel better about this whole incident if her post next week about what she spent the money on is about something charitable she did with it, like giving it to the ACLU to continue to defend free speech. And if the tone of that post isn't like the tones of her two posts from yesterday but is instead thoughtful in nature, along the lines of "thank you for helping to continue the debate about the quality of the dialogue on the Internet and for making it possible for people who don't normally speak up on Slog to feel comfortable doing so because of this issue."

Posted by PopTart | June 14, 2008 8:52 AM

Wow, all the bitchy a-holes who gleefully crowed when this woman posted her previous entry really don't want to admit that she and others on the staff for this site have just owned you idiots. She walks away with money based on your bullshit and you walk away... as anonymous commenters on a blog. Who won? Not you.

Brilliant. And I have to agree with the person above who said they've seen more intelligence on /b/. I've seen wittier comments on a Fark thread.

Posted by ferdylantz | June 14, 2008 8:55 AM

i just wanted to help make you some money. can we post more than once?

and i totally agree with you, commenters, and certain bloggers, can be very nasty.

Posted by megan | June 14, 2008 9:14 AM

I have to say that I find it amusing that apparently the Stranger staff seems to hate Slog or at least Slog commentators yet our participation on Slog drives up the number of hits which they can then use on their ad sheets to charge higher rates for advertisers.

And a little controversy and a national mention on a major site like Gawker could only drive up hits and generate even more ad revenue.

Well played.

On the downside, people nationally might check out Slog, read "Chelsea Ding-Dong Bell's" posts, assume she is a paid staff writer and wonder how a no-talent twit managed to get herself a job as a paid writer and surmise that the entire staff of the Stranger are illiterate twits.

Posted by michael strangeways | June 14, 2008 9:20 AM

Late to the party, as usual. Few people will be reading this since in a matter of hours more pictures of the Incredible Hulk or something will push this thread off the front page, but I will offer my 2 cents anyway.

Chelsea, I must confess I have no idea who you are. I may have read one of your posts, or maybe not. It takes time to develop name recognition and while the major stars of the Stranger (Savage, ECB, Mudede et al.) are well known, new people are not. Apparently you posted something about Sex in the City. Since I have never watched the show I probably didn't bother to read your article and its attendant commentary and moved on to something else. That's not a reflction on you, just what does and does not interest me.

Having said that, I suppose I should move on to my point. If you are going to put something out there with your name on it, you have to expect the bad along with the good. That is the price you pay for being a public figure. If you don't like to be criticized, choose a profession where you are anonymous from the public view and the quality of your work is scrutinized only by your boss in a confidential annual employee review. Journalism puts you in a fish bowl, for better or worse. It's your choice whether to stay in or out of the public eye.

One more thing: a lot of people post inflammatory comments simply to generate attention. For them, being ignored, left out or forgotten hurts more than the hottest flames. My own posts are rarely answered or commented upon since they are often lame but harmless attempts at humor. The exception would be threads dealing with religion since that is my area of expertise and former vocation. I have gotten into an occasional heated discussion with other Sloggers but survived with no permanent damage. But usually I have absolutely no idea whether anyone has ever read a single word that I wrote. That's OK with me--I am probably the most introverted person you will never meet. Anyone who has spoken with me at Slog Happy, and I have attended all but one, has probably forgotten I exist five minutes later. But that's me--other people want to be known and recognized. For them, trolling is a good way to get attention. It's like a five year old throwing a temper tantrum. I honestly wouldn't take it personally.

Anyway, I encourage you to stick it out and use your time at the Stranger to develop your skills. You're paying your dues now, but I predict 20 years from now you will be sitting around a barroom table with your friends laughing about the shitty job experiences you had when you were young. I'm 46 years old and have already had those types of conversations. Keep going--you will survive.

Posted by RainMan | June 14, 2008 9:25 AM

This reaffirms my decision to quit reading the Slog. Chelsea was an odd and stupid choice for a guest blogger and either reflected the "nepotism"/"good old 'boy' network" here or a desire to create commenter controversy by bringing in an "outsider" who no one is going to like.

Was Tao Lin not available to write some incredibly insightful posts for you?

I only wish there was a way to set up a feed of Paul Constant, Annie Wagner, and Jen Graves posts. They're wonderful writers and incredibly informative. Sadly, that doesn't generate as many angry comments and therefore page refreshes and ad views.

Posted by Dawgson | June 14, 2008 9:29 AM

shut up

Posted by olivia | June 14, 2008 9:34 AM

I always like your comments!

Posted by mj | June 14, 2008 9:55 AM

@130 - you said it best. I had a feeling this was a stunt and it turned out to be a good one at that. The Slog regulars were sucked in by their own illusions of grandeur ("We're getting a name for ourselves!") and their imaginary power ("WE DID IT SLOGGERS!").

I love seeing people slide on a banana peel.

I'm truly inspired by this fuckery. She won. You "SLOGGERS" lost.

Posted by Haw Haw Haw | June 14, 2008 10:19 AM

Heh. Awesome. You keep on doing your thing, Chelsea.

Posted by Greg | June 14, 2008 10:27 AM

Wow. I don't think I've ever seen anyone humiliate themselves so greatly -- and on a literally global scale, no less -- and not have a clue that she's done it.

If the Slog commenters double Keck's money, will you stay away? Or will you start a "stop me/keep me whining" bidding war? As the old saying goes, we've already established what you are, now we're settling on the price.

Your previously-mentioned mother must be so proud of her highly-principled, strong, independent, smart, adult daughter.

Sorry, but -- wow.

Posted by whatevernevermind | June 14, 2008 11:19 AM


Posted by dude | June 14, 2008 11:23 AM

Chelsea is god!

Posted by chelseafan | June 14, 2008 11:46 AM

Mr. Poe is god!

Posted by popo | June 14, 2008 11:57 AM

She's famous and we commenters are infamous once again on Gawker today:

@133, RainMan I met you and I still remember you, even after 3 alcohol drenched slushie bombs.

@134 I miss your comments, at least read it sometimes just to say hello.

Posted by PopTart | June 14, 2008 12:02 PM

Tina Chopp Is God!

Posted by COMTE | June 14, 2008 1:07 PM

Fnarf @117:

I'm more of an ex-prostitute who's moved up to pimping...

Posted by COMTE | June 14, 2008 1:08 PM

funny, i did not see a single comment by mr. poe on this one...

Posted by pretentious | June 14, 2008 2:29 PM

oh wait. he was one of the first. of course.

Posted by pretentious | June 14, 2008 2:30 PM

All y'all need to get yourselves lives. Seriously. At least do it before you graduate 8th grade.

Posted by Darren | June 14, 2008 4:02 PM

@143: You just made me smile. Thanks for the compliment. I wasn't surprised when I saw that some of the most fair, cogent, and kind remarks about this had been made by you.

I need to figure out how to comment without getting so emotionally involved.

Posted by Dawgson | June 14, 2008 6:17 PM

Chelsea, if you post your stuff on the weekends it is more likely to be read because there are only about twelve posts between 10pm Friday and 6am Monday.

That reminds me, whatever happened to Cienna Madrid. Now she is a writer!

Posted by elswinger | June 14, 2008 6:54 PM

Poe, I'm going to now always act like I know you, alright? Are we cool? 'Course we are, brosef. You and me. We're tight. Homies.

And lovers.

Posted by Sam | June 14, 2008 7:47 PM

Wolf, you're a dumbass. Please don't talk about your journalism shit here. You make the rest of us look like poseurs. kthxbai.

Posted by Sam | June 14, 2008 7:58 PM

Yah. Right. I'll believe this when Chelsea posts a scan of her drivers license. She can block out all the incriminating bits but thats the only way I'll be convinced shes not fiction.

Posted by karst | June 14, 2008 9:43 PM

Chelsea, you're over 400 comments combined. You even brought out the dolphin-fucker. Make Tim pay you for both of them.

Posted by Fnarf | June 14, 2008 10:45 PM

@151 --

And you, you can be mean.
And I, I'll drink all the time.
'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact.
Yes we're lovers, and that is that.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 14, 2008 11:26 PM

Big kids knock little kid down. Little kid dusts herself off. I like it.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | June 14, 2008 11:57 PM

Damn that Davie Bowie and writing the words of me and Mr. Poe's life!

Posted by Sam | June 15, 2008 10:42 AM

I was impressed when Trollhatten Saab got a shitload of posts wishing Swade well, but this is rediculous! Over 400 posts for 2 articles for someone who is willing to prostitute herself for a fucking tiny amount of money. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, particularly Cornball, Poe, and Wolf. You indulge this petulent child and elevate her status. Pathetic. I for one will never post to Chelsea's blogs again, the only way to get her to go away is to IGNORE her.

Posted by Hoof Hearted | June 15, 2008 10:59 AM

Go go gadget SLOG!

Another epic post.

Posted by Donolectic | June 15, 2008 2:37 PM


Glad she's gone.

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 15, 2008 10:53 PM

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