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Friday, June 20, 2008

“Guessing the Flavor Is Just the Beginning”

posted by on June 20 at 10:40 AM

Wishing you’d never tried any is the rest.

Doritos has introduced yet another variety of chips. Frito Lay declares it a “Mystery Flavor,” and you’re supposed to guess what you’re eating.


I’m going with salted-Jolly-Rancher-powder-on-communion-wafer flavor. That or Kool-Aid-and-corn. Maybe other bags have different seasonings but, personally, I’m done with the mystery flavor.

Unlike the Dorito flavor naming game—see “X-13D” which David Schmader declared “Beef Tallow n’ Tartar Sauce Crunch” which Doritos executives claimed to be “Cheeseburger“— these packages direct snackers to an X-Box-hyping web page that makes no sense and are adorned with “extreme-green” to emphasize that this is a gamer-snacker promotion—an obvious cross-marketing demographic if there ever was one.

PS—My most regretful apologies to David and Megan for stepping on the gross-experimental-snack beat.

RSS icon Comments


It's Mountain Dew, and it's vile.

Posted by Lobot | June 20, 2008 10:44 AM

Gross. Does it turn into mush upon immediate contact with saliva like a communion wafer does?

Posted by keshmeshi | June 20, 2008 10:47 AM

@2 -- Wow, that's all that happens? I figured in your case, kesh, that the Host would explode in a giant conflagration, hideously disfiguring your mouth and tongue and leaving nothing behind but the eternal, lingering taste of Bellevue Ave's sweaty balls. But ISTBC, of course.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 20, 2008 10:51 AM

For me they were more in that half-way-to-stale limbo land where they still crunch a little, but it feels sorta mooshy too. I only tried them once so I can't say anything about bag to bag variations.

Posted by Lobot | June 20, 2008 10:52 AM

i thought all doritos were "mystery flavored."

Posted by brandon | June 20, 2008 10:53 AM

Yay! In spite of yesterday's flare-up while lambasting BA himself, JBC has avoided going for the obesity insult today.

We'll get this place up to etiquette code yet!

Posted by leek | June 20, 2008 11:19 AM

@1 - I never would've guessed Mountain Dew.

I believe they're all the same from bag to bag, just like last year's hideous "cheeseburger" flavors. I'm just glad that they made them in grab-bag sizes this year. I got sucked into buying a full-size bag last year. Although reading the ingredients basically gave away the "mystery" last year..."beef flavor, mustard...ketchup...cheese powder..." right.

Posted by schnoodle | June 20, 2008 11:24 AM

Mountain Dew?


I love Mountain Dew, but mixed flavorwise with that?

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 20, 2008 11:28 AM

May the flavor Rize with you.

And no, I don't feel like letting it go.

Posted by The Incredible Sulk | June 20, 2008 11:48 AM

I saw that at Wally's last week and thought about trying to figure it out based on ingredients. It was then I realized I don't know shit about chemistry and I was pretty well screwed and bought beef jerky instead.

Posted by TroyJMorris | June 20, 2008 11:57 AM

Like eating the dried acid crust off your car battery terminals.

Posted by Fnarf | June 20, 2008 12:29 PM

Writing in Microsoft Word makes lots of evil little characters, Dominic, but I'll forgive.

Posted by w7ngman | June 20, 2008 12:44 PM

My guess was lemon meringue pie... Mountain Dew? Really?

Posted by gross | June 20, 2008 3:19 PM

W7ngman, it doesn't have anything to do with Word, it has to do with browser character encoding. If you look at this page in Unicode, it's messed up, but if you look at it in Western (ISO-8859-1) it looks fine. I doubt he used Word to compose this; probably Safari.

Posted by Fnarf | June 20, 2008 4:10 PM

@11 if it tastes like that it's a win!

I suspect that something went very wrong at the factory and they've got a seasons worth of otherwise unmarketable "food" to dispose of.

Posted by K X One | June 20, 2008 6:52 PM

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