Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

« SIFF 2008: Day 20 Recommendati... | Today The Stranger Suggests »

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Fuck You, Pompeii Me

posted by on June 10 at 10:56 AM

So, what do you exfoliate with? Apricot pits? Sea salt? That’s cool.

Oh, me? I exfoliate with volcanic fucking ash.
Thank you, M.A.C. Cosmetics, for providing me with (please read the following in Cookie Monster voice) theee most brutal exfoliating product of all tiiiiime (end Cookie Monster voice). And when I say brutal, I mean that only in the death metal sense of the word. This stuff is surprisingly gentle on the skin, especially when you consider its origins in the fiery molten depths of the Earth. Also, I heard it was made by Orcs.

RSS icon Comments


Once again, a post starts as "Amy Kate Horn" and morphs into "Chelsea Alvarez-Bell."

But I knew it was C A-B the second I read the words "Cookie Monster voice."

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 10, 2008 10:59 AM

Jube, that's because Amy Kate posts up all of Chelsea's items. Chelsea doesn't actually have rights to the Slog. Same as Guest Sloggers of the Day.

Stephen Colbert says never exfoliate with nut shells, they scratch the skin; use microbeads. And Stephen Colbert's skin is DREAMY.

Me, I exfoliate with stress.

Posted by Fnarf | June 10, 2008 11:03 AM

@2 -- Thanks, Fnarf, for explaining yet another riddle of the Blogosphere. :-) Good line about stress...

I exfoliate with Eve Lom cleansing moisturizer and a warm, wet muslin cloth. This shit is the best:

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 10, 2008 11:09 AM

Sock puppets aren't funny.

Neither is Puppetry of the Penis.

Most Muppets are funny, though...

Posted by michael strangeways | June 10, 2008 11:10 AM

When will this torture end?

Posted by giantladysquirrels | June 10, 2008 11:11 AM

I've come to see CAB's posts here as a glitch in the Slog system. Or else an experiment in irony, not unlike the listing of Enemies of Slog on the right hand side. If there weren't a link to CAB's real blog, I'd think the Stranger hired someone to deliberately post in the most vapid girl style possible to rile everyone up.

Posted by genevieve | June 10, 2008 11:12 AM

c'mon, the cookie monster voice was a nice touch.

Posted by tiffany | June 10, 2008 11:13 AM

I exfoliate with the powdered bones of an infant born under the first full moon of the new year.

Posted by You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me | June 10, 2008 11:13 AM

How's that working for you?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | June 10, 2008 11:20 AM

I exfoliate with acid. Sulfuric acid. Not only is it way more brutal than pumice, but it smooths all the wrinkles and sharp edges right out.

Posted by Greg | June 10, 2008 11:20 AM

YBBKM @8 makes a good effort, but I think Fnarf @2 wins the "I exfoliate with..." contest with his opening shot.

Posted by lostboy | June 10, 2008 11:20 AM

"volcanic fucking ash"?

Thank goodness you said FUCK or we wouldn't know you were Slogging along with all the others there who simply can't post anything without saying FUCK.

Now, Chelsea, please tell us which words are modifying each other? Volcanoes residue from fucking, ash used for fucking etc.....

Posted by Hartiepie | June 10, 2008 11:23 AM

my votes for 8

Posted by tfifany | June 10, 2008 11:24 AM

I exfoliate with the comments on Charles Mudede's posts.

Posted by opticsdoug | June 10, 2008 11:31 AM

Greg @10 reminds of this gem:

Mikey was a chemist.
Mikey is no more.
What Mikey thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.
Posted by lostboy | June 10, 2008 11:34 AM

Slog overlords, is this a test? Are we passing or failing? Can we discuss waxing next? Jezebel did a great job on it yesterday but I think we can do better.

Posted by PopTart | June 10, 2008 11:35 AM

I exfoliate with leprosy.

Posted by best word game ever | June 10, 2008 11:35 AM

Nothing new about using volcanic products to exfoliate. Where do you think pumice stones come from?

Nor in using volcanic ash for trivialities. The economy of Seattle's tourist industry depends upon kitsch molded from St. Helens ash.

Posted by OrganizedLightning | June 10, 2008 11:39 AM

I use a washcloth.

Posted by Paulus | June 10, 2008 11:48 AM

I exfoliate with malice.

Posted by Willow | June 10, 2008 11:55 AM

I don't just exfoliate, I fucking exfoliate with fucking volcanic ash and then fucking blog about it.

Posted by Hernandez | June 10, 2008 11:58 AM

Me, I prefer the neatly trimmed p...

oh, nevermind.

Posted by Le Juif du Monsieur Poe | June 10, 2008 11:59 AM

I feel like this post should have just contained the text above the first picture, and the two pictures themselves. The rest was unnecessary, and not very clever/funny. I like short posts, or long posts with something to say, not just blabber.

Posted by A | June 10, 2008 12:02 PM

Chelsea, rather than wasting $20 on some super-special-contains-real-volcanic-ash! exfoliant, do yourself - and your wallet - a favor and drive down I-5 to somewhere between Centralia and Castle Rock, then pull off at the nearest exit. All those hillocks you see along side the freeway are big ole berms created from volcanic ash and mud dredged out of the Toutle and Cowlitz rivers after the 1980 Mount St. Helens eruption. There's probably several million metric tons of the stuff just sitting there free for the taking, and I'll bet when mixed with a bit of lotion it will probably do the job just as effectively as this overpriced crap.

Just don't take any of it into your respiratory system, unless you want your alveoli to be just as smooth and featurless as your epidermis.

Posted by COMTE | June 10, 2008 12:11 PM

@22 -- Hi Juif! :-)

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 10, 2008 12:18 PM

Agent Orange was popular a few years ago - Oh, shit - that was "I defoliate with..."

Posted by RHETT ORACLE | June 10, 2008 12:21 PM

If you just wait, we'll have tons of it pretty soon, on a geological scale - it tends to go off (Mount Rainier) every 500 years or so ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 10, 2008 1:28 PM

"Jube, that's because Amy Kate posts up all of Chelsea's items. Chelsea doesn't actually have rights to the Slog. Same as Guest Sloggers of the Day."

Ahhh. Now can you explain how Amy Kate managed to not fall asleep while posting this snoozer for Chelsea?

Posted by Bison | June 10, 2008 1:41 PM

I just periodically shed my skin against a branch or sharp rock.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | June 10, 2008 2:35 PM

Great, now everyone's exfoliating. The first Dungeness crab I get that tastes like your foreheadasselbowbunion, I'm switching to Pringles and Pop Tarts forever.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | June 10, 2008 4:07 PM

Chelsea, you are so DYI!
I exfoliate with micro-dermabrasion at the dermatologist's after my Botox and follow-up with Retin-A.

Posted by inkweary | June 10, 2008 5:00 PM

Comments Closed

Comments are closed on this post.