Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

« Re: Media Sexism, Ctd. | That's Too Bad »

Friday, June 13, 2008

Fuck This, I’m Out

posted by on June 13 at 10:48 AM

I’ve had enough. When I agreed to my stint as a guest blogger here, it sounded like fun, as well as a good way to gain exposure for my own blog. Well, I was right on one count, at least.

A couple days before I started writing here I commenced jotting down a list of potential topics: things I like, things I’m excited about, things I thought should be shared with a larger audience than the regular readers of Who Did What To Who. That list sits across the room from me, untouched for days. I no longer want to share these things here, though I know them to be perfectly serviceable topics. I am aware that what I have contributed here so far has been enjoyed by quite a few people, and I thank you for reading. But I have no desire to contribute here any longer. I am taking my ball and going home.

I was warned beforehand that some of the commenters on Slog could be mean. That was an understatement. The word I would use is cruel. Luckily, I have a strong enough sense of self that I do not take the insults hurled at me to heart. In a way, I am glad that I was chosen to be the first guest Slogger. It could have been a far less stable person in my position, someone less able to separate the internet from real life. Or, God forbid, someone more prone to acts of violence towards themselves or others. That may sound melodramatic, but we do live in a world where bullying, both electronic and otherwise, has led fragile people to commit truly terrible acts.

When I say that there are cruel commenters here, I do not want that to be taken as a blanket statement. There are also thoughtful, witty, and interesting things being said. But here the good is overshadowed by the bad. As is the case in most forums with little to no regulation, the worst voices are the loudest. And then, rather than being discouraged (or banned, as they should be), these people are rewarded with more attention: Freaky Friday Slogging privileges, etc.

No matter what I post here, it will be ripped to shreds, whether by the grammar police (I dare you to find me something more boring than someone correcting another person’s grammar), the pearl-clutching grannies who take umbrage with my use of profanity, or those with a general distaste for what and how I write. That’s not what bothers me (I just find it intensely dull). What bothers me is that I woke up these last few mornings perfectly happy… until I remembered that I had to write something for Slog and the dread set in. I found myself unwilling to send in my best material, wishing instead to post it on my own blog where it remains mine, unsullied by comment threads that are at turns spiteful and boring. So, haters, rejoice. You have successfully defended your sad little fiefdom. Comte, I believe you called the date of my departure. Congratulations.

Mr. Poe, Jubilation T. Cornball, I want to address the two of you directly, as much as I hate to give you the attention you so clearly feed on. You hate me? Fine. I literally could not care less how you feel about me. But I need to say this: How can you possibly think that it is acceptable adult behavior in any venue to tell a stranger you know next to nothing about that they should kill themselves? That doesn’t make you look smart, interesting, or witty. It only makes you look like small, awful, miserable people. And fuck you for putting me in a position where I had to tell my mother, who was so excited that I would be doing this, that she was not, under any circumstances, to read the comments because I did not want her to know that anyone was treating daughter that way. Fuck you both.

So this is it for me. For anyone who cares to read, I’ll be back at Who Did What To Who*, where I can actually enjoy myself. Thank you, Amy Kate Horn and Dan Savage, for giving me this opportunity. It hasn’t been all bad, just bad enough that I don’t see any real reason to continue here. And for what it’s worth, please consider switching to a commenter registration system, or at least more regulation. I cannot imagine how many readers are silenced because your comments are overrun with vicious bullies, tearing apart anyone they don’t agree with.

* For the record, I am perfectly aware that the phrase “who did what to who” is grammatically incorrect. It is a Southern turn of phrase (as in, “She came in here lookin’ like who did what to who”), and I like the sound of it.

RSS icon Comments


Oh, you poor thing. Run along now.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 10:58 AM


Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 11:00 AM

I'm sorry, Chelsea, but with this post, you officially lose.

Posted by tsm | June 13, 2008 11:01 AM

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

BTW, a while back a bunch of Sloggers had a go of it on "Freaky Friday." We didn't rip them to shreds (even Aislinn, who slept until 2 in the afternoon). You know why? Because they were part of this community. Not some whackadoodle whom we'd never heard of who had been given a soap box.

So fuck you too, bitch. And the horse you rode in on.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | June 13, 2008 11:03 AM

Amy, you line them up, we'll knock them out.

Posted by Choder | June 13, 2008 11:07 AM


Thank you.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 11:07 AM

O brave old world that has such people in't!

Posted by umvue | June 13, 2008 11:08 AM

I'm not sure where all of the anti-Chelsea stuff on Slog came from. It doesn't seem in the least bit deserved. Though I've only read a few of her posts, she seems like a fine and decent person. There's a bitterness and ugliness among some Slog commenters that's just bizarre. Mr. Poe in particular has a bitterness that's unalloyed by any amount of genuine wit or humanity. You're right to tell him to fuck off, Chelsea. I'm sorry your guest-blogging experience was tainted by a few trolls.

Posted by Gabriel | June 13, 2008 11:09 AM

You people are assholes. Chelsea, I liked your posts and from what I know of you through your voice here I like you.

I think you're being a little thin-skinned, though. I realize that Sloggers can be rough, but it's part of our style. I wish you'd stay and write some more.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 11:09 AM

For the record, Chelsea, though I never commented, I never did understand why people took such pleasure in ripping your posts to shreds. It is extremely cliquish here (#4 says it all right there) and while it usually makes me laugh at how pathetic is is, I sometimes feel really badly for the people they tear apart (e.g., ECB, Charles Mudede). I guess this is just a place where people come when they have nothing better to do (like me at work all day). Anyway, good luck with your Blog, and I'm sorry "they" ran you out of town so fast.

Fifty-Two-Eighty: That was so crazy-immature, that I have to wonder if you meant it as a joke.

Posted by DanFan | June 13, 2008 11:11 AM

Bizarre post.

Anyway, the title of your blog is grammatically incorrect. It should be Who Did What to WHOM.

Posted by Trevor | June 13, 2008 11:11 AM

I am so sorry Chelsea. The Sloggers are mean, sexist punks who have nothing else better to do than stand behind their ridiculous monikers and throw rocks. If any of them had anything insightful to say they wouldn't have to lurk on Slog all day. It is unacceptable to tell anyone to kill themselves and calling a woman a bitch or worse is simply a shortcut to thinking. Scared, sad, little boys throwing rocks - that is all they are. Although, in my experience - they are pretty tame compared to the political bloggers in this town. Just imagine them wearing nothing but their boxers and a dirty tee-shirt, sitting in their mom's basement, typing away on their p.c's - and laugh. Because they are funny cause they are sad.

Posted by smp | June 13, 2008 11:12 AM

I agree with Fnarf, who once called me a pile of vomit.

Posted by povertyrich | June 13, 2008 11:12 AM

COMTE was spot on in his prediction. Give that man a prize!

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 11:12 AM

Mmmm! Attention! I feed on attention! Preaze! More! MORE!!!

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 11:13 AM

Yeah community of the people really always does win these situations. I find the who's in and who's out applies to just about any place where people regularly write something. Shit, they even go to the bar and hang out. You can't crack that. Doesn't make it right, or smart, but I doubt anyone here is either of those. But what do I know, I only post in video game topics.

Posted by harold | June 13, 2008 11:13 AM

Thanks for giving us another view of the world, Chelsea. It's sad that people here think it's admirable to be cruel, but it's the nature of the 'better than thou' crowd The Stranger attracts. And I know I'm just as much a part of that crowd as everyone else here. The vehemence you felt from the small few don't reflect the entire Slog community. But you're right, the meanest voices are often the loudest and most frequent.

Posted by Enigma | June 13, 2008 11:13 AM

err slight correction to mine @16. I meant "i doubt any one here is looking for either of those"

Posted by harold | June 13, 2008 11:14 AM

What a childish, defeatist attitude. Hillary never got to where she is today by giving up. You think Obama never had days where he didn't want to get out of bed. You don't give up because people are mean, you fight back, you prove them wrong. Sure, it's a game, and you don't have to play if you don't want to, but to get ahead you have to master the tactics.

That being said slog is a pretty cutthroat place. But that's the nature of the game, and you'd be a better blogger if you kept playing.

So go back, if you like, to your little echo chamber and sniff your farts to a ripe old age, or stay and practice your jedi skillz. Your choice.

Posted by Super Jesse | June 13, 2008 11:15 AM

Can we nominate people for the next guest slogger spot? How about Karla from Fucking hilarious.

Posted by Jerod | June 13, 2008 11:15 AM

When you make a major blunder right out of the box (for those who have forgotten, the topic of your first post was "What's up with those crazy Sex and the City girls?") you have to work extra hard to be taken seriously. Sorry the kids on the playground were too rough.

Posted by J.R. | June 13, 2008 11:16 AM

Really, Slog needs to get a guest writer that is both a ball buster and somewhat conservative. Does the Stranger have any balls at all?

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 11:17 AM

Sadly, this experiment was doomed to failure. Many in this room wouldn't have allowed it to work no matter what was written. Had the guest blogger been from the acceptable list of insiders, however, you'd have made it. Oh well. It's a big internet, there are lots of other things to read.

Posted by heywhatsit | June 13, 2008 11:18 AM

I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but I honestly have no idea who you are. When were you guest slogging? I guess I tuned out for a bit there? Anyway, sorry it was a bad experience for you.

Posted by Levislade | June 13, 2008 11:19 AM

@ Gabriel I agree with you.

Anonymous cruel comments on a blog are cowardly. I doubt that those of you that can find it in yourself to say such angry things would be able to say the same things to someone's face.

No one deserves to be on the receiving end of ignorant rage.

Good luck Chelsea. I have only read a few of your posts, but wish you the best.

Posted by mmo | June 13, 2008 11:19 AM

@4 "part of a community" Now that is hilarious. Give me a break dude. A real community has accountability. It's easy to talk shit when you don't have to say the things you say face to face. Nerds. Go meet someone offline for a change.

Posted by BenskiBeat | June 13, 2008 11:21 AM

What amazes me is that all of the nasty comments came within minutes of this being posted. In the middle of the day on a week day do you guys really have nothing better to do than read blogs and make mean ignorant comments?

On the other hand, if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen and if you can't take abuse from ignorant shitheads don't post on the internet.

Posted by Colin | June 13, 2008 11:21 AM

For the record, I don't think anybody here was offended by your swearing. They were offended by your misuse and purposeless overuse of it. I'd love to know what pearl-clutching granny reads the Slog.

Unless by "pearl-clutching" you mean... heeeeyyyyy.

Posted by The General | June 13, 2008 11:23 AM

maybe if there were some sex involved in this ordeal she'd get to tell her story in nyt mag as a parting gift.

Posted by Josie | June 13, 2008 11:23 AM

You know, the first poster in a thread is usually the one with absolutely no real life.

Posted by chris | June 13, 2008 11:23 AM

I can't believe you told your mom to read you on Slog. Had you even READ Slog comments before?

Posted by w7ngman | June 13, 2008 11:24 AM

Was it a pile, or a bag? I forget. I usually go with "bag", though.

What happened here was that upon hearing of this experiment -- guest sloggers from outside the community -- everyone immediately started licking their chops at the prospect of attacking her. Look back at that first post and you can see it. I did it too.

Once she got here, it didn't really matter what she wrote or what she was like. People were going to shred her; it was a game.

My game, on equally slim evidence, was to go the other way and defend her, which was, to be honest, not really from the heart but intended to ramp up the intensity of the game, by setting up potential conflicts with evil motherfuckers like Poe and Jubilation.

Which was fun.

But Chelsea, what you should do to turn us into your fans is play along. Don't take your ball and go home; jump into the fray. Mr. Poe and Mr. Cornball are, while admittedly totally evil, are actually very nice and very funny fellows.

And I can tell from your writing that you're normally (when you're not being shredded into lint) a bright, perky, charming young lady. There isn't anyone here who doesn't like bright, charming young laydees -- though perky is always going to be a tough sell.

Did we go too far? Yes, of course; that's part of the Slog Style Manual. Day before yesterday I went too far and celebrated the horrible death of 23 players (and others) of his favorite football team in a jolly little song. This song's sole purpose for existing is enraging Man U fans, and it was mean of me to sing it here. But I did, and Jube will never forgive me.

Except he will. And no doubt he or someone else will probe and find my weak spot and make me cry someday too. It's a form of play. If we went too far in attacking you, I'm sorry, even though I was your defender. And I will continue to defend you, because I think you're swell, and I want you to finish out your month.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 11:25 AM

Welcome to the internet.
(or at least the parts of it wit anonymous commenting allowed)

You should check the comments on youtube sometime...

Posted by The Baron | June 13, 2008 11:25 AM

25 you're wrong. They're rude in real life too. Just go to a slog happy hour. I'm sure Poe will be happy to tell you to kill yourself, right to your face.

Posted by Brian | June 13, 2008 11:26 AM
(I dare you to find me something more boring than someone correcting another personís grammar)

Here you go.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 11:26 AM

WELL it's good to know that Mr. Poe has nothing better to do than to read slog all day and comment on the posts.

also, @4? you don't own the comments section. just because you and a few other commenters frequent the slog doesn't make your opinions have more value. actually, if anything, i think it may mean less (similar to what i said about mr. poe).

Posted by Cook | June 13, 2008 11:27 AM

I don't know who Chelsea is either, and had no idea that she was a guest Slogger -- I assumed she was a new intern or something.

Her posts were dime-a-dozen banalities that brought down the property values around here, though, so I can't say I'll miss her.

Posted by Bison | June 13, 2008 11:27 AM

The commentors here are a bunch of quilting bee ninnies, but it's why I love them.

Also, I liked all of your posts and I'm kind of pissed that the cranky bitches made you quit.

Posted by Soupytwist | June 13, 2008 11:27 AM

There's no point in taking anonymous or semi-anonymous blog comments personally, here or anywhere else.

Posted by jmr | June 13, 2008 11:28 AM

I would love to see more regulation on Slog comments. There are often some valuable insights buried in them, but digging through the dross is almost never worth it. The internet does not need yet another forum dominated by overgrown 15 year olds who get off on being mean and petty. It's just boring, predictable and depressing.

Posted by gfish | June 13, 2008 11:29 AM

If WDWTW is a showcase of your best writing, I guess it doesn't take much to become Guest Slogger.

Hey, guys, I have a blog too. I don't use it to babble about "I'm listening to a rap CD" or "this is the best fucking tuna salad recipe ever", though, so I might be underqualified.

Posted by K | June 13, 2008 11:30 AM

@35: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Jerod | June 13, 2008 11:30 AM

Chelsea, I'm sorry this experience sucked for you. For the record, I enjoyed your presence, and I especially enjoyed the article you linked to yesterday.

I do agree with Fnarf that I wish you would stay. I think there was a period of hazing that was really, really rough, but I looked through the comments on your post yesterday, and most people were discussing the substance of the article. There wasn't any pearl clutching or what not.

Posted by arduous | June 13, 2008 11:30 AM

#26, if you look in the flickr pool right now, you will see photos of lots of us having fun at Slog Happy last night, ie "meeting people offline for a change".

Granted, 5280 wasn't there...

Posted by w7ngman | June 13, 2008 11:31 AM

Some of you commenters are embarrassing yourselves, fwiw.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | June 13, 2008 11:34 AM

Slog commenters are for the most part a collection of trolls, not a community. I wish you wouldn't throw in the towel, Chelsea, but I understand.

Ultimately, I don't want to hear what any of the aforementioned fuckwads have to say about anything, which leaves no choice but to recruit bloggers from outside this so-called community to be guest-Sloggers. I can't help but think this will end up a failed experiment because of a few bad apples.

Posted by T | June 13, 2008 11:35 AM

sorry to see you go - a little strange that it did not occur to you when you took the gig that a lot of people that post are insane and this is their way of adding value to their lives at the expense of others. Doesn't mean you need to be treated in the manner you were of course. good luck in your next gig!

Posted by mj | June 13, 2008 11:37 AM

Which ones, Lloyd?

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 11:37 AM

I'm sorry, who are you again? I don't recall ever reading any of your posts. because I only read, and comment, on the ones that interest me. Sometimes I come off as an asshole (usually on the posts by Charles) or snarky (Erica' posts) but I think the majority of my posts are thoughtful and kind (at least I try).

I think Fnarf (and even Mr. Poe) are good guys in person, but the net is like the potion Doctor Jekyll used to turn into Mr. Hyde. In print we come off worse than if you met us in person.

Chelsea, you really should have read the Slog, and especially the comments, before agreeing to guest blog here. Slog Readers have a low tolerance for bull shit and we call our Sloggers on it, even though we still love them (even Charles and Erica).

Now let the grammar and spelling Tsars attack!

Posted by elswinger | June 13, 2008 11:39 AM

yah slog is sux. i try to stay away for the most part, but i have a little problem sometimes.

Posted by um | June 13, 2008 11:39 AM
Once she got here, it didn't really matter what she wrote or what she was like. People were going to shred her; it was a game.

Sometimes I think the same applies to ECB posts. She'll post on the most innocuous, non-controversial thing and the comments will be all like, you're an idiot with no value as a human being whatsoever.

I usually don't take the time to read the comments on her posts anymore because what am I getting out of reading shit like that?

Posted by Julie | June 13, 2008 11:40 AM

"this community" = people who have spent countless hours slinging vitriol in the comments section of the Slog? Nice community you got there.

"some whackadoodle whom we'd never heard of who had been given a soap box" = sour grapes? Sounds like somebody wanted their own soap box.

Posted by Kalakalot | June 13, 2008 11:40 AM

My dear Alvarez-Bell:

I find your writing to be completely and utterly inane. I am, frankly, glad you will not post here anymore.

That said, I do not recall telling you to kill yourself. That doesn't sound like something I'd say normally -- and I try not to drink and Slog.

So, if I did indeed wish such end upon you, I apologize and take it back without reservation.

Best wishes to you, and, like, totes wow!!!

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 13, 2008 11:45 AM

We're under your skin. You can't shake it off. You will smell us all summer long.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 11:46 AM

I'm so happy fucking that I'm leaving!

Posted by Chelsea | June 13, 2008 11:48 AM

Sorry, but I've just lost most of my patience for those complaining about the existence of rude people on the Internet at this point. If I blogged here regularly (beyond my admittedly subpar Freaky Friday contribution), I'd consider myself a failure if I didn't inspire some vitriol.

Posted by tsm | June 13, 2008 11:50 AM

@44 thanks for the heads up. It was a previous slog happy, I think, where there are photos of Mr. Poe's Jew. DAMN. Congrats, Poe.

Posted by rb | June 13, 2008 11:51 AM

Chelsea, I'm really of two minds on your decision to quit.

On the one hand, I didn't like your posts. I thought they were boring, and your overuse of the word "fucking" as an adjective felt contrived and deprived your writing of any semblance of flow. That is my personal opinion, nothing more, and I expressed it in comments on your posts (which is the exact same thing I do to any Slog poster when they post something I find vapid and/or banal).

On the other hand, Fnarf is right - what we've done to you since you started posting here basically amounts to a type of hazing. What we really wanted you to do was play along, but instead of choosing to say "fuck you, I'm staying", and not let us get under your skin, you said "fuck this, I'm out". And that, my dear, is disappointing. I hope you would reconsider and finish out the month.

Posted by Hernandez | June 13, 2008 11:52 AM

What a small, sad place this is. Ghost town.

Posted by twnty4kgldfce | June 13, 2008 11:54 AM

I smell a fish.

The whole "Chelsea Alvarez-Bell" episode seemed as contrived as an episode of "The Hills". Was this done as an attempt to justify "cleaning" up Slog by using it as an example of how out of control it is?
What did The Stranger expect to happen? Why would you pick such an inexperienced Slogger with limited writing skills to inaugurate the new Guest Slogger position? And the writing was so obviously bad and designed to enrage the hardcore Slogger it seemed fake and contrived. I have to be honest and admit, I'm still not convinced that this was "real" and that "Chelsea Alvarez-Bell" is a Stranger staffer, or friend, in disguise and the whole thing is a dumb joke.

And, if she is real, what did "Chelsea Alvarez-Bell" expect to happen? Had she never read Slog before? Had she never seen the posts on "Freaky Friday"? And how old is she? (She writes like she is about 18).

Were some people overly vicious?

Was her writing inane and inarticulate and contrived?
You bet.

Was it a smart idea to have her guest slog?

No, it wasn't.

Posted by michael strangeways | June 13, 2008 11:57 AM

I've got to echo elswinger @ 49. Since ECB has stop Slogging about the presidential election, I've actually found her articles to be a delight. Charles is a complete other story....

Also, Ms. Chelsea, I'm sorry if you were offended, but after the first "sex and the city" post I swore never to read an article of yours unless it had over 60 comments. So, in the tangled web of my personal relationship with the Internets, Mr. Poe was kinda helping you win.

What would help, I think, as one other Slogger suggested, was to get down here in the trenches with us. Respond to those of us with actual insightful comments (I hope me, usually) or discussions and ignore the trolls. I am amazed you have a blog and have yet to learn this lesson.

Posted by Marty | June 13, 2008 11:57 AM

"I'm so happy fucking that I'm leaving!" - Chelsea.

I think you mean "I'm so fucking happy that I am leaving." Otherwise it sounds like you are "so happy fucking, that you are leaving." If this is what you actually meant then you may need to seek professional help for your obvious sex addiction.

Note to Dan: Please do not hire 14 year-olds to Slog anymore. There are plenty of out of work Journalism Majors that you could hire.

Posted by elswinger | June 13, 2008 11:58 AM

Surprisingly, I did not say anything to Miss Alvarez-Bell, other than poking fun at her for her use of "so" as an exclamatory sentence and that I hoped she would last longer than that one dude from Queensryche.

That is all.

Posted by w7ngman | June 13, 2008 11:59 AM

I feel like she was exploited by the stranger or at least not fully informed of what was in store. She brought quite a few clicks in and what did she get in return?

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 12:02 PM

chelsea you really do need to settle down. this post was a wee melodramatic, i have never commented on your posts and have never been abusive to other slogger, i'm not really into "abusing" sloggers-whatever that may mean- but for the most part the stuff here is harmless, compared to say, Horses ass or other web sites.

the abuse you took is nothing compared to what sir charles and ECB take. but they could care less, and continue to post and as far as im concerned the site is better for it.

you say you could care less, it is obvious by this post that you care.

Posted by SeMe | June 13, 2008 12:03 PM

I guess I was sleeping during this part of the program. Let me see: You were a guest commenter and some Slog regulars didn't like your writing and went all back-of-the-school-bus on you, right? Why did they bother to read you and why did you bother to read them? Set to "ignore" - that's what I do. Less stress for you; less attention for the poor little trolls.

Posted by TBR | June 13, 2008 12:03 PM

Ghost town?

Bands are still playing here and I'm not familiar with any fighting on the dance floor.

As far as Chelsea goes--I have to admit, I don't always pay attention to who writes what on the Slog. Oh, sure...sometimes, you just KNOW who has written something...but I couldn't tell you anything that Chelsea's written., I went back to check out what all of this fuss being kicked up might be about...and I didn't find anything that Chelsea'd written on the Slog. I went all the way to the "more in the archives" forced jump (as my curiosity has its limits, evidently.) Nothing.

As in much ado about, methinks.

If you put your art or your opinions out there...if you feel like you have something worth sharing...then you can't expect that to be treated in the warm, all-embracing glow of benign positivity and acceptance.

If you're in a band, somebody might think your band sucks. If you tell someone that you liked a movie, somebody might tell you that you're wrong.

If you have any faith in what you're doing, you can either take those comments to heart and consider improvements or you can ignore the negative and keep doing what you're doing.

What value is there in doing something only if you're assured that what you're doing is going to be loved--no matter what?

It all becomes a bit masturbatory, then, doesn't it?

Not Ghost Town. Wank Town.

Posted by pgreyy | June 13, 2008 12:04 PM

I honestly think Mr. Poe is a sociopath. What a horrible person.

Posted by anonymous because i don't want to be bullied by poe forever | June 13, 2008 12:05 PM

What's wrong with being 18? Broaden your world a little bit.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 12:06 PM

you complain about pearl-clutching grannies and grammar nazis and then you head over to the fainting couch and get out the smelling salts over **rude anonymous commenters**?!?

Posted by brett | June 13, 2008 12:06 PM

Another casualty of the internet. You really shouldn't let people who have nothing better to do but to say mean things to you bring you down.

Posted by urban | June 13, 2008 12:09 PM


i think it's unfortunate that you've decided to leave, because your posts were starting to grow on me.

however, i'm not gunna front, your sex and the city opener was not a good one. that's probably what spurred the bouts of animosity; it was just a bit too valley girlish for this crowd.

i liked your cookie monster reference and hopefully you'll keep blogging where the meanies at the slog can't get at you.

Posted by tiffany | June 13, 2008 12:10 PM

SeMe, the fact that ECB and Chaz press on and nary go agro on us about it is because they are obligated to slog by the powers that be. I'm sure charles is an alcoholic and that ECB does a mix of pot and long hot showers to cope.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 12:10 PM

chelsea, bubbeleh, you didn't do your homework. you also didn't drop in on a slog happy hour to check out the sloggers. lazy lazy lazy.

no more nasty remarks about mr. poe or anyone else. poe's a good buddy of mine, and i'm quite fond of him. and he's fond of me, even when i don't buy him a PBR. don't you know by now to ignore such obvious provocateurs? poesie's just a bad bad boy, and i love him anyway.

and yes, dear, your writing was inane. i have suspicions that dan and amy hired you knowing your posts would, ahem, inflame certain sloggers. i've no doubt that if they gave me the opportunity to post, i'd make a hash of it with my awful writing style.

i can only hope you've come away from this wiser and with tougher skin. you got off easy here.

Posted by scary tyler moore | June 13, 2008 12:10 PM

You know, Chelsea, nobody is making you quit; as others have quite correctly pointed out, you're simply giving up - there's a big difference.

Regardless of the accuracy of my prediction, it was pretty clear from the get-go you weren't going to cut the mustard as it were. Really, it didn't require supernatural abilities to recognize that handing over posting to a complete unknown with no previous experience on SLOG was a formula for disaster.

Yes, we're a cutthroat crew, as I described in an earlier comment, and anyone throwing in with such a band of social-malcontents, misfits, and general misanthropes had better be prepared for what's in store. That means either having or very quickly developing a thick skin when it comes to fending off the inevitable flames. That also means learning to not take things personally (as you say, nobody here knows you; we only know the persona you project online), rolling with the punches, giving as good as you take, et al. It's very much like running for political office, as @19 pointed out, and anyone who's done that can tell you it's not something to be pursued by the weak, timid, shy, or thin-skinned.

And I'll reiterate what I said in my original comment back at the beginning of the month: it was foolish and naive on the part of whomever at The Stranger decided to do this in the first place, because they should have known how this was going to play out from the beginning. So, I blame them for making the error in judgement of putting someone like yourself (who is, in all likelihood a quite nice person in real-life) in this position.

Next time guys, if you choose to try this again, take a little more time selecting someone who not only has interesting things to say, but who also exhibits some capacity for being able to cope with the mud-slinging and verbal abuse with sufficient equanimity to survive here for an entire month.

Now, where's my fucking prize?

Posted by COMTE | June 13, 2008 12:11 PM

I don't want poe and and that other dude to be banned but I would love to have the ability not to read their boring crap.
Each reader should be able to filter the crap.

Posted by poster Girl | June 13, 2008 12:12 PM

While I agree that at least a few of the people commenting here are mean, petty people who should make more of an effort to do something useful with their lives, overall I think the level of intelligence and wit is higher than most any internet forum I've visited. Chelsea seemed like a nice person, but she came across as someone who just didn't have much to say. Personally, she immediately rubbed me the wrong way with her by attacking "the bitches" on Sex and the City and then getting most every fact wrong in her post. If she had not purposefully sought controversy, I think she would have been ignored. Or at least mostly ignored.

Posted by PJ | June 13, 2008 12:15 PM

This is getting gross. Slog has turned into Challenge Day.

I'm going to have so much fun trolling your personal blog, Chels! TFE FOREVAZ!!

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 12:16 PM

COMTE @75:

Now, where's my fucking prize?

Now that's an effective use of "fucking."

Posted by lostboy | June 13, 2008 12:17 PM

Chelsea, this reminds me of my first summer job. I hated every day and never thought I'd get anything right. It was OFTEN affirmed for me that indeed I would not. Somehow I survived the first summer, was astounded to be invited to return, and when I came back for the next summer, some of the trolls I'd demonized kind of admired my stamina, and were now off after the newbies, and off my back. In fact, as time went on, I came to LIKE them very much, and still am in touch with some of them to this day. It also helped that I kept working at my craft and improved. Some of those once trolls, turned work buddies also helped me get a thicker skin and prepared me for future work and life situations, where I could learn to stand my ground, keep my poise, and in some cases from their feedback laugh my ass off at myself wondering - wow - what WAS I thinking?? This is a long way of telling you - you're doing fine. You're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing in your postings; getting practice exploring meaningful - or frivolous and fun - topics, gaining experience and finding your voice. With that comes feedback. I know it's hard -but try to take it less seriously, laugh at yourself a little more and seize this opportunity! Dan Savage invited you to write - how bad can you be?! These guys roughing you up LOVE his stuff, as evidenced by the regular feedback they also give him, and I would venture to guess they hammer him as hard at times as well! AND KEEP WRITING! I would make a bet with you that if you stick this out, they'll be buying YOU a beer at the bar next summer!

Posted by been 'der | June 13, 2008 12:18 PM

Poe is a syphilitic cunt. Cornball rips off my comments. You are right.

But why you were ever given a place here astounds me. Your "blog" is so completely inane it defies credulity. Your great recipe for Tuna Salad? Really?

Look, you whiny, over privilidged, spoiled little whore, take your shit and post it where no one will read it. You stupid fucking blog.

I have no problem giving credit where credit is due, but you should be peeling potatos or giving full release massage at a truck stop. NOT writing, and certainly not writing for money.

Dan should be embarrased he ever brought your miserable and pathetic soul on board.

Have a good day!!

Posted by ecce homo | June 13, 2008 12:22 PM

@60 michael strangeways -- That has been my theory from the beginning as well. The whole thing was so left field, it seemed like a set up. I also presumed the end goal was to justify user registration. Guess we'll wait and see the fallout.

Posted by kid icarus | June 13, 2008 12:23 PM

So, Amy Kate: Who's next?

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 12:25 PM

I don't know Mr Poe, but reading his posts (and lets add Bellevue Ave & Jubilation) he sounds like the kind of bitter angry queen that I learned years ago to steer far clear of. Something about being gay that can make some boys angry, and feel they have to cut everyone down to feel like they're not so bad themselves. I know this happens straight people too, but I noticed it much more when I came out.
I kinda feel sorry for them, but socially, I steer clear. They're are so many quality people, why waste your time on the toxic ones? Unfortunately, they know or sense that they drive people away, which just feeds on the anger and causes them to lash out more.

Posted by DJSauvage | June 13, 2008 12:27 PM

Yeah, Slog has taken a turn for the extra-nasty lately.

Posted by Greg | June 13, 2008 12:28 PM

Man, I'm finding all of these these pep talks to be so depressing...

Chelsea's "I'm so happy fucking that I'm leaving!" did get a laugh out of me, though, so her contributions weren't all worthless.

Posted by Bison | June 13, 2008 12:28 PM
I have no problem giving credit where credit is due, but you should be peeling potatos or giving full release massage at a truck stop.

Three point!

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 12:29 PM

Poe is pretty nice in person, as are all the other "hardass"-style commenters that have gone to Slog Happy. His persona here, along with most others, is just a schtick.

Posted by w7ngman | June 13, 2008 12:30 PM

There, proof: If Ecco Homer hates you, you can't be all bad.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 12:30 PM

who's next? I suggest this blogger:

she's written for the stranger before, and her blog is pretty interesting.

Posted by brett | June 13, 2008 12:33 PM

Y'all got punk'd. It's next week's "centerpiece" story.

Posted by Suck-airrrrrrs | June 13, 2008 12:35 PM

I'm still convinced it's some sort of virgin sacrifice. Is Dan that desperate for good weather?

Posted by keshmeshi | June 13, 2008 12:35 PM

Her best post yet. Finally she wrote about something she new, something heart felt and close to her. I am most impressed that her use of Fuck was contextual and appropriate. Good job. If she had followed this format prior to becoming a sniveling twat I think she could have lasted. Oh well.

Posted by I will miss Chelsea, at least the jokes aimed at her | June 13, 2008 12:35 PM

Sorry to see you go, Chelsea! But, seeing these comments, now I understand why you've decided to throw in the towel. You're better off without this cult.

Posted by James | June 13, 2008 12:36 PM

The Slog (and the whole of the internet for that matter) does not HAVE TO BE a mean/hateful place existing solely as a haven and pulpit for bullies, bitches, and spiteful assholes.

Saying it just is the way it is and refusing to even try to raise the level of discourse around here is a failure on the part of the non-bullies, non-bitches, and non-spiteful non-assholes.

When posting to blogs and forums you do need to be somewhat thick-skinned. But that doesn't mean you can or should make yourself totally immune to hurtful, hateful things your peers lob at you day after day. We all have weak spots and no matter how strong you are, someone will find it.

I believe that while we (you and me, him and her, them, and those guys too.) may have our differences and may disagree about anything and/or everything, we are ALL of equal worth and we ALL ought to, at the very least, strive to be decent to one another. This means no bullying for sport, no mob hazing, and no lashing out just to see each other bleed. At least, thatís what it should mean.

The Slog especially seems to engender a rush to see who can say the meanest, most awful, most hurtful thing and I have to wonder why? Isn't life mean, awful, and hurtful enough? Why create a space where the negativity, bile, antagonism, and mean-spiritedness are more concentrated and more omnipresent than in real life? What's the point exactly? I made someone feel worthless! I made someone cry! I illustrated exactly how stupid someone is! I am awesome because I shit on someone! I contribute to the nastiness and brutality in the world! Hooray for me! Go Team Total Assholes!

I really don't get it. Why not at least try to do something positive with all the energy that goes into this place? Why not try and be a little more gentle with each other? We don't have to agree on everything or even anything. But we do need to try and rise above our baser, crueler selves - otherwise that's all we're going to have left.

Posted by pollyanna | June 13, 2008 12:36 PM

You guys are kidding yourself saying "if you only waited a few more days, everyone would have loved you!" ECB has been here for years and she gets bullied every post. Charles has been here for years and gets bullied every post.

The Slog comments are a lot like an Internet frat (Alpha Sigma Slog). If you don't fit in (you're not a macho whiteboy asshole), you'll get bullied until you stop saying anything or you leave. Especially if you're a woman. It's horrible and ironic that so many commenters here have the same attitude as most homophobes and gay bashers.

Posted by anonymous (same one) | June 13, 2008 12:37 PM

If you're not taking the mean comments to heart and you could care less what people feel about you why are you leaving?
Why even accept the offer to be a guest slogger? You know how people are on here. I think half the charm of slog is the lack of moderation, even if that means people can say terrible things.
If you plan on writing in any public capacity you are going to need a thicker skin than the one you displayed in your good bye post.

Posted by D | June 13, 2008 12:38 PM

Every internet forum runs it's course because of lame folks who have to make stupid comments on every post. These are typically folks with little else to do with their lives. They bring down every discussion. It happened here 6 months ago, and it's sad, because the Slog comments were once fairly relevant to the broader community, not just to a bunch of lonely internet losers. Now they are mostly full of just trivial drivel from the same handful of posters who seem to not have day jobs, based on the amount of time they have to spend on here.

Posted by Meinert | June 13, 2008 12:39 PM

Hmmm, I'm hesitant to chime in as I've been known to be a bitch so I'm suspecting I'm one of the bad guys here. But, I'll wade into the murky water anyway having recently been the subject of a bit of a kerfuffle on Slog myself and made it out the other side still in one piece.

I think CAB's posting got off to a rough start because it felt like she hadn't spent a lot of time reading Slog to understand what types of things to post about. I also wonder if a lot of the spewing comments would've stopped if she had stepped into the fray right away and issued a few well placed rebukes.

But, I think her post from yesterday about the Atlantic Monthly article was spot on the type of thing that we read about on Slog and not only that her post was short and funny, a good balance to achieve. So, I had expected that by now she's gotten the hang of it and would be posting more stuff like that.

That being said, yes some of the commenters here are cruel. But I've found them also to be smart, thoughtful, and willing to call bullshit. I've been to 2 Slog happy hours now and every single person I've met has been wonderful.

Having read the forums on a lot of other websites it seems like Slog lucks out that the level of discourse is usually intelligent and often funny. Sure, there are the epic battles that rage between commenters here, but after a while they just seem like background noise.

It's a choice we make as readers of Slog whether to read the comments or not. And it's a choice whether to post a comment ourselves. But, if you post a comment here you have to be willing to engage and take the good shit with the bad shit. I learned that lesson firsthand and while my first reaction was to storm off, I just couldn't quit ya Slog.

Posted by PopTart | June 13, 2008 12:39 PM

Sorry to see you go, Chelsea! But, seeing these comments, now I understand why you've decided to throw in the towel. You're better off without this cult.

Posted by James | June 13, 2008 12:39 PM

You joined a team of blowhard assholes, with an audience of the same. Don't take it personally.

This Poe guy is really coming off more and more like a complete waste of skin. The Cornball guy seems smart but increasingly clouded by the hard on for him.

Posted by Postum | June 13, 2008 12:40 PM

Come on man, stop this, some of you motherfuckers are way out of line and acting like starving hyenas feeding on a rotting corpse, or at least ecce is.

The lady is leaving, leave her alone and let Amy bring somebody else. End of story.

Posted by SeMe | June 13, 2008 12:40 PM


I think there's some validity to this theory, but on the other hand, it's The Stranger's blog, and they don't NEED any sort of justification or rationalization for setting up registration accounts; they can do that any time they want, and our approval/disapproval is essentially meaningless.

So, IF it was a set-up, it begs the question: WHY would they feel the need to do so in the first place?

Posted by COMTE | June 13, 2008 12:41 PM

Na Na Na Na
Na Na Na Na
(insert final phrase here)

SLOG posting requires a tough skin - and the ability not to take it too seriously.

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 13, 2008 12:41 PM

@35: Gawd Poe I loves you so much.

Chelsea: As mentioned above, you really need to get a thicker skin. The people who read your other blog were friends or coworkers, I doubt many total strangers read it until now. So they aren't going to be mean to you.

And, if you could have gotten past the hazing period of 2 weeks or so (when most trolls get bored) you'd have been just fine. On top of that, the spelling and grammar police have always been here, and many writers appreciate it. Maybe it's because they are professionals?

And honestly, people have been much worse on here to ECB, Charles, and some of the freaky friday sloggers and yet we all manage to meet up each month and hang out. No fights, just great times together.

So, I guess.... toodles darlin!

Posted by Original Monique | June 13, 2008 12:43 PM

I think "Chelsea Alvarez-Bell", "Ecce Homo", "H. Birch Steen" and "Spencer and Heidi" all went to the same high school together.

"Ed Anger" and "Libby Gelman-Waxner" were their favorite teachers...

Posted by michael strangeways | June 13, 2008 12:44 PM

#103: Dan said user registration is definitely coming soon.

Posted by reads all comments | June 13, 2008 12:44 PM

Chelsea, this is some fabulous drama you've stirred up. I don't disagree with you on the nastiness of some SLOG commenters, but I concur with many others that you failed to do your homework. Anyone reading the SLOG for a day would notice that the insults you endured are fairly common, especially since you're a newcomer. You also seem to be unfamiliar with internet culture in general, and how nasty anonymity can make people.

Furthermore, a long, angsty post about your feelings is a very poor way to peace out. It was overly dramatic and only confirmed everyone's suspicions about you. Learn how the blogging/commenting game is played and then try again some other time.

Posted by Ashley | June 13, 2008 12:51 PM

How will user registration help? Instead of someone posting as "asshole commenter" you will merely be assured that there is only one person posting as "asshole commenter".

What exactly is the difference? Do you really think people like Mr. Poe are going to get banned?

The answer is almost certainly no.

Posted by w7ngman | June 13, 2008 12:53 PM

Will @104:

SLOG posting requires a tough skin - and the ability not to take it too seriously.


Posted by lostboy | June 13, 2008 12:58 PM


But, we've been hearing this now for several months - setting up registration accounts isn't exactly rocket science, so why the long delay?

And @109 is correct: registering accounts only means that, if someone eventually goes over some sort of arbitrarily imposed line of good taste, their account can be banned. But, that won't prevent anyone from setting up a dummy hotmail account and re-registering under a different name; they just won't be able to use their preferred handle, is all.

Posted by COMTE | June 13, 2008 1:02 PM

"That may sound melodramatic, but we do live in a world where bullying, both electronic and otherwise, has led fragile people to commit truly terrible acts."

Yes, this is melodramatic.

Some Slog commentators are ruthlessly cruel. With your posts, it seems that sometimes that cruelty reached cartoonish proportions, to the point where it was obvious the insults had become a merely academic exercise.

I really find it hard to believe anyone could take those kind of insults so seriously, particularly a (semi?)professional writer. Telling you to die is, at face value, a horrible, horrible thing to say, and even on the Slog it's not business as usual, but it's not outside the realm of online discussion forums.

Now, if you were a critically depressed teenage girl pouring your heart out to an internet boyfriend who then told you to die, then I might become outraged (as I recall Sloggers here doing).

Posted by Gloria | June 13, 2008 1:05 PM


Hell of a way to leave. Wouldn't you agree? My tirade here is justified. She asked for it by specifically calling me out.

And I'm having fuuuuuuun!

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 1:06 PM

Unlike the majority of the commenters in this thread, I know Chelsea in real life. I have known her for a long time, and she has always been a sweet, funny girl.

Maybe you don't like her writing style? Fine. Maybe you think her Slog post topics are dumb? OK. Perhaps you don't like gratuitous swears? Great.

But that is no reason to fucking pig pile on every single thing she has posted. Seriously, how many of you are over the age of 18? You are adults. Act like it.

I am guilty of being one of the first regular commenters on Slog, and have long believed that this forum can, at times, be a valuable and dynamic place. Unfortunately, the comment threads have become more and more of a place for personal insults and petty online fights. It's ridiculous.

It's funny to me that Slog Happy is touted as a spot where everyone gets along...why the hell do you think Amy Kate put that thing together in the first place? It was an obvious effort to at least tone down the anonymous vitriol that is so abundant here. All it did was create little cliques of meanness, emboldened by nights of drinking together. How embarrassing.

Chelsea doesn't need me to fight her battles. She's pretty damn fierce in real life, and it's a shame that the playground bullies scared her off. Thin skinned? Perhaps, a little. But can you blame her?

Posted by kerri harrop | June 13, 2008 1:07 PM

She's going out with a bang, that's for sure. I predict the 200-comment line will be breached.

If only there was a way to work this magic on Will. Could we work a trade somehow?

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 1:07 PM

@103 - I don't know Comte, but you're right, they have been threatening registration for ages. Maybe there is internal disagreement regarding how best to proceed? I could see the "Chelsea Alvarez-Bell experiment" providing a good justification in favor of it. Okay, I'm taking off my tinfoil hat now.

Posted by kid icarus | June 13, 2008 1:11 PM

I did like that link to the Atlantic Monthly article. I still haven't finished the goddamned thing though.

Posted by The General | June 13, 2008 1:13 PM

Sorry to hear Chelsea isn't going to tough it out -- she must be pretty new to blogging if she's that surprised to find there are mean people trolling Teh Interwebs looking for noobs to pick on, though. I've been writing for the web for over 12 years and, heck, I don't even bat an eye at the occasional death threat anymore.

I'm against banning comments from anyone, though, and that goes double for banning comments from someone just because they're an arsehole. If you're serious about wanting to write for the web, you should know not to take that crap seriously. You can't escape it (certainly not by forcing people to register before commenting -- what decade is this? You guys haven't figured out the futility of that yet?) -- you have to learn to let it roll off and keep on truckin'.

Good luck with your other blog, Chelsea. I'm sure at the very least you got a couple of new readers over there, which isn't worth nuthin', after all.

Posted by Jane | June 13, 2008 1:15 PM
Posted by Brody | June 13, 2008 1:19 PM

Comte, it's because there are some twisted fucks at The Stranger...also, your "Where's my Prize?" line up above reminds me of the "Another National Anthem" number from Sondheim's Assassins...or was that your intent?

AND, WHO are all these people crawling out of the woodwork to whine about how awful the comments are? I'll take Trollism over petulant Lurkers, any day of the week...

AND, once again, if you don't like it, then don't read it! If you're reading SLOG purely for the brilliant reportage from The Stranger Staff, then ignore the comments section. No one is forcing Mr Poe down your throat! (i will NOT make smutty joke; i will NOT make smutty joke)

And I agree with PopTart. "CAB" should have stood up to the bullies from the very start, instead of waiting to vent her fury at the end. And if ECB had done the same thing years ago, I think she'd get a lot less hate, but I think she prefers to be a martyr. Charles doesn't give a shit and Savage will lower the boom occassionally, (but he doesn't really get that much grief anyway because everyone is either scared of him or suffers from a sycophantic case of Savage Worship.)

Posted by michael strangeways | June 13, 2008 1:20 PM

I just don't understand what was said that was so bad/scary/whatever. This is slog. It's a game. It's not real life. Mr. Poe doesn't actually exist. He is a charactor played by somebody who is probably actually a nice person. You shouldn't have given up...

Posted by Jerod | June 13, 2008 1:22 PM

character. fuck.

Posted by jerod | June 13, 2008 1:26 PM

It's true. Sort of.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 1:27 PM

I sympathize to some extent--I've looked at a comment dozens and dozens of times on something I've written and been tempted to reply. But the best lesson I learned years ago is to ignore any comment, or letter to the editor, that doesn't substantially add to the topic (or inspire an equally worthwhile one). Otherwise, you had your chance to say something in your original article/post; if someone catches you missing something, that's your fault. Better luck next time, learn from it, etc. And if someone's being a dick, you don't really need to come on and point it out; the rest of us are pretty bright and can sort the wheat from the douchebaggery. G'luck.

Posted by Sam M. | June 13, 2008 1:30 PM

Wow, I feel it's 1994 and I've just walked into a Rwandan village and you've all massacred each other! And I don't know who to side with. Make that "whom to side with."

Posted by Will in 98103 | June 13, 2008 1:30 PM
If you don't fit in (you're not a macho whiteboy asshole), you'll get bullied until you stop saying anything or you leave. Especially if you're a woman.

Oh, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Annie and Ari don't inspire much venom. Charles does, but he's fully capable of brushing it off. A fair amount of it has to do with the poster in question's skin thickness and willingness to honestly engage the commenters.

Posted by tsm | June 13, 2008 1:32 PM

I've always been a fan of the lurkers. And it's true that there are more lurkers afraid to pop out and say something for fear of being attacked than there are commenters. That's too bad. But sometimes closing your eyes and jumping into the deep end of the pool is the only way to get acclimated to the cold, cold water. Any lurkers who decide to step forward will always be welcomed by me, unless they agree with Ecce, Seattle Crime Blogger, or Will in Seattle, in which case I will eat your guts with ketchup on them.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 1:33 PM

@106 - Leave it to Kerri to stick up for this dummy.

Posted by Clarabelle | June 13, 2008 1:33 PM

The commenters who claim the Slog as their own territory in order to make other people feel small are weird and sad. It's a shame that childish name-calling has come to define what started out as a welcoming community forum. We've all seen this phenomenon before. A group of people who have always been outsiders gets a chance to form their own group, and the first thing they do is find a way to exclude anyone who wants to join them. All those years of being labeled as freaky or unimportant, and they can't wait to start applying those labels to someone else. Of course I relate to Chelsea - it sucks to be attacked by people who by all rights should be defending you. All of us are fart smellers who love blogging about our personal preoccupations and seeing our "names" scrawled across strangers' screens. What's the harm if one of us briefly gets a slightly larger audience? Chelsea deserved better.

Posted by Gurldoggie | June 13, 2008 1:34 PM


Posted by Brian | June 13, 2008 1:37 PM

She is winning, she is getting more famous by each post. She is still a little cry baby.

Posted by Stop we are making her famous | June 13, 2008 1:38 PM

Shut up, Gurldoggie. Go kill yourself.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 1:39 PM

The gratuitously malicious ones, Fnarf.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | June 13, 2008 1:39 PM

What I really long for at Slog is an ignore list feature, so I can pretend that people are basically good again.

Also, a dedicated Mudede-only blog.

Posted by Kiru Banzai | June 13, 2008 1:42 PM

Okay. Just to prove a point I WILL kill myself! See how you like it! Bleeah!

Posted by Gurldoggie | June 13, 2008 1:43 PM


Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 1:44 PM

It's all in fun, Gurldoggie. The fact that it doesn't LOOK like fun is actually what makes it much, much funner. I guess it's an acquired taste.

But you're right, I'm very sorry that Chelsea can't see it that way, and we are to blame. It's mean. I wish we had made that clearer to Chelsea. I think she was a great Slogger, personally.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 1:45 PM

@129 Agreed. There are a few regulars who think they own the Slog and anyone who dares post and not use a "REAL NAME" like Fnarf, Jubilation T. Cornball or even Gurldoggie get reamed. I change my name every time I post on here - never used the same one twice. That's my choice. I don't want to fit in with the regulars; I have real-life friends. And I don't need a virtual community. And what the fuck is a "REAL NAME" anyway?

I love seeing this merry little band of shit-slinging Sloggers unravel and go for each others' throats.

It was bound to happen. They're even doing it on our little neighborhood forum right now. Anonymity breeds hatred. It's easy to be all big man when you're posting from behind the shield of your shitty little Dell.

@114 - thanks: that was an intelligent post. Agreed.

Posted by Astro ChiChi | June 13, 2008 1:45 PM

That picture they use--with these comments--is beautiful.

I'm going to cry.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 1:47 PM

Huh.  This fracas made Gawker?  (@131)

I know next to nothing about Gawker except that it's famous.  Will we end up with a Slashdot effect, I wonder?  Might be time to abandon this thread.

Posted by lostboy | June 13, 2008 1:49 PM

Chelsea, I'm sorry to see you go.

I don't believe I ever commented on a single post of yours. That's only because I was somewhat busy during your short stint here. I had to reserve my comments for criticism of ECB, of course.

While your post is contradictory in several places ("I can totally handle the name calling," "I could care less," "FUCK YOU I HATE YOU ALL DIE MOTHER FUCKERS," etc. etc."), I understand your point.

In this ether that is the Internetoblogosphere words are weapons of the rough and tumble toughs that likely would never say any of this to your face. Mr. Poe especially.

But you've got to take the good with the bad. I know from first-hand experience how difficult it can be to deal with anony-trolls. But at some point you have to turn your blinders on if you want to retain some semblance of sanity.

Mr. Poe has teased me before. I dealt with it. That's just Mr. Poe. That's how he is. I assume at some point I might even meet Poe at a Slog Happy Hour and we can get drunk and screw (and I'm straight! Oh what world we live in here on the West Side .... no?).

Maybe you should consider the same.

Posted by Sam | June 13, 2008 1:51 PM

*Sigh* Of course it'd be the Gawker, @131. Of course. And people say WE'RE mean.

At the risk of exposing my softy nerd underbelly, Chelsea hun if you think this is bad, never dare post on a WoW forum or reveal yourself as a female unless you are 1) unanimously hot or 2)a well established persona.

It should speak volumes that I consider Slog tame, comparably.

PS: I concur with @Kiru Banzai. That way I could whiz right past it and onto Jonah and his Hulk-fantasmum.

Posted by Marty | June 13, 2008 1:54 PM

AstroChichi @138 -- my real name IS Fnarf, in the sense that I've answered to it if called since 1978, and I have never been shy about my "true identity", such as it is -- I'm Steve Thornton. Wanna email me? I'm at

Who's hiding now?

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 1:58 PM

People who complain that Slog is nasty ought to be tactfully but firmly directed to the newspaper that spawned and contains it. It isn't like The Stranger has ever been a bastion of civility--and Slog won't ever be, either.

If you're looking to lay blame for the roughhousing, go bitch to the people who built the playroom.

Posted by Boomer in NYC | June 13, 2008 2:01 PM

I can't believe this made Gawker. This is just getting weirder and weirder.

Posted by kid icarus | June 13, 2008 2:03 PM

Gawker's comments are similar to Slog's, in many ways, except for their uniformly inferior quality.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 2:07 PM

P.S. ~ Only at Slog could a friggin' departure from a blog be so damned melodramatic.

Hulk Smash!

Wait, what?

Posted by Sam | June 13, 2008 2:07 PM

Ooo, Gawker, we're somethin' now. I especially love the slings and arrows those Gackers are throwing at Seattle. I say we do take 'em on, West Side Story style.

"When you're a Slogger, you're a Slogger all the way, from your first outraged post to your last dying flame."

Posted by PopTart | June 13, 2008 2:07 PM

So when will it be revealed that this is all just one big social experiment?

Posted by The General | June 13, 2008 2:09 PM

Slog! *snap* *snap* *snap*

Gawk! *snap* *snap* *snap*

Posted by Sam | June 13, 2008 2:09 PM

I have no idea who you are or what you wrote (and I don't care, and I'm not going to go back and find out), but you are complaining about commenters on a blog? On the internet? Are you stupid?

This is the land of men and women reverting to their primal child-like stupidity. What else did you expect?

Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

Posted by Eric | June 13, 2008 2:09 PM

No apparent flood of linked-from-Gawker commenters so far.#&160; Yay.

Posted by lostboy | June 13, 2008 2:10 PM


Posted by Judah | June 13, 2008 2:11 PM


This is now officially boring.

Please bring out the replacement guest blogger. We're ready.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 2:12 PM

Fnarf - what do you expect me to do with that? I never asked for your email or your real name. Who's hiding now? you ask - not me. I prefer not to meet you nor do I have anything to say in a personal email to you. So if that's what you call "hiding," well, I don't want to meet GWBush either so yep, I'm guilty of "hiding" from him, too.

My point is there are a few bullies here who think it's sporting to go after anyone who doesn't have 1,000 posts or a cute little nickname established here.

BFD. That's your gig, people, not mine. I'll keep using a different name every time I post and you'll keep rising to the bait. Step right up, folks.

Posted by ACC | June 13, 2008 2:15 PM

the gawker article was a nice touch, but i have to agree w/ fnarf @ 146.

Posted by tiffany | June 13, 2008 2:16 PM

uh, folks, I just read the Gawker comments on "our" scandal. WE'RE waaaaaaay more entertaining than the Gawker trolls.

Fuck you, New York.


If Leno does us in the monologue tonite, then we've really made it!! Or the ladies at The View!!

Posted by michael strangeways | June 13, 2008 2:17 PM

I feel really bad about the way she's been treated. We're all going to have to grow up together, us bloggers, I mean.

Posted by Matt Davis | June 13, 2008 2:17 PM


That, and the Gawker comments all mention WALNUTS! and whore diamonds. All of them.

Posted by Bison | June 13, 2008 2:18 PM

here the good is overshadowed by the bad.

That is the understatement.

Look, the point has been made over and over. Grow the fuck up! Seriously. Doesn't it bother you at all that you're totally validating your detractors?

I have always admired Howard Stern's approach to criticism or attack. He reads his hate mail almost everyday on the air, and laughs. And if you think the little boys on The Slog are cruel, you ain't seen nothin like a Howard Stern listener. Mr. Poe at his meanest couldn't hold the average HS listener's jockstrap.

Oh, speaking of Mr. Poe...nice one on 35...

Posted by Mike in MO | June 13, 2008 2:19 PM

my, oh my, I thought I was done with middle school 25 years ago.

Besides making my drive to seattle quick and dangerous, it was a pretty boring read. Until 31 and 35. Fucking hilarious. And dare I say, even keshmeshi made a funny @92. Must have been sock puppetry.

Thanks all, for getting Mr. Poe so pumped up, should make for some extra good lovin' tonight.

Posted by Le Juif du Monsiur Poe | June 13, 2008 2:22 PM

Perhaps it's a guilty pleasure but I enjoy reading the negative comments as well as the smart insightful ones. It's entertaining. It's what keeps SLOG alive and interesting. Imagine how dull it would be if all the 100+ comments were like @158. I hope The Stranger does not start restricting users or have commenters put in security codes before they post. Heaven forbid this blog becomes like the Weakly's.

Posted by Chalupa | June 13, 2008 2:40 PM

I've been a bad, bad young man. I need to be punished.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 2:41 PM

162, you're right. I try to be pretty nice, though occasionally I do get bitchy here and there. But dude. That's really boring. I enjoy the entertainment from Poe et al. Poe's comment at 163? Made me laugh out loud.

Posted by arduous | June 13, 2008 2:48 PM

@114 I really wish you'd shut your cherry canoe hole. Nobody cares who you know or how long you've been "regularly" commenting. Get over yourself.

Posted by Amy Jo | June 13, 2008 2:53 PM

This is a classic example of why if you are a blogger (guest or otherwise) not having a realistic understanding of the Internet is a net detriment to your whole operation.

Posted by brent | June 13, 2008 2:57 PM

Whether or not Mr. Poe is a nice guy in real life is totally irrelevant. The vast majority of us interact with him (and every other commenter) only through Slog. I really don't care if you get together once a month and share a friendly pint. Like Kerri said, the comments here have deteriorated to the point that you know that the first half dozen or so comments on a given thread are always going to be the same bitter, immature garbage from Poe, tsm, Fifty-two-eighty and whoever else. It's just boring, guys. That's the biggest sin. You've turned Slog into a fucking tedious place. It's only fun for about a half dozen of you.

Posted by Gabriel | June 13, 2008 2:59 PM

Kotex with wings are on sale at QFC, Gabriel. Check it!

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 13, 2008 3:03 PM

@125 -- From a pan-African perspective, Mr. Poe put the hot in Hottentot, but specific to Rwanda, he's a complete and utter Tootsie.

@161 -- Ride him like the bitch-kitty he is, Monsieur Le Juif!!! Are we ever going to meet???

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 13, 2008 3:07 PM

I see you haven't become any more clever with your insults than when you stopped by my blog, Poe. Keep trying!

Posted by Gabriel | June 13, 2008 3:07 PM

Ms. Chelsea. I insincerely apologize for Mr. Poe's recent behavior. He HAS been VERY, VERY naughty, and believe me, he WILL be punished when his daddy gets home. Multiple times.

OK, everyone can leave the room now.

Posted by Le Juif du Monsiur Poe | June 13, 2008 3:11 PM

Gabriel, you're failing to realize that he doesnt post to satisfy you requirement for cleverness.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 3:11 PM

Ms. Bell, I would have thought you would not let the men tear you down. Is this the sexism in the media we hear so much about?

Posted by Sargon Bighorn | June 13, 2008 3:12 PM

@168 -- Riffing on that and other news today, I was thinking my head would explode if Kotex with Wings used R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly" for their ads...and had a flying Kotex, like that Moth-From-Satan that Lunesta uses -- busting through suburbia and into soccer mom's windows.

God. TGIF.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 13, 2008 3:13 PM

I will not be the one to punish Mr. Poe, as I am a married heterosexual, and don't like to come into physical contact with teh ghey, but I heartily applaud whomever takes up the challenge. Maybe he or she could tear some strips off if Kerri's cherry bark canoe (who knew?) and flog him with them?

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 3:14 PM

I cant imagine how large of a castle we could build with all the sand washed out from everyones collective vaginas (*vaginae?)

Posted by bobcat | June 13, 2008 3:15 PM

@175 -- Mr. Poe should be beaten with the entirety of a 10-man crew shell.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 13, 2008 3:16 PM

@172 Oh, I know. I don't expect cleverness from Poe. It's just a shame that he doesn't compensate for his lack of wit with any other redeeming qualities.

Posted by Gabriel | June 13, 2008 3:17 PM

Actually Gabriel, tsm often offers insightful and meaningful comments, and though we seem to always disagree, he has made me think a bunch of times.

And like Bellevue Ave seems like he's actually a really decent guy. I remember he once told Poptart straight away that he would email her the next time everyone was getting drinks.

And Poe makes me laugh. I don't really think I'm a Slog insider, hell, I don't even live in Seattle, but even from their online personas, they seem like good people.

Posted by arduous | June 13, 2008 3:17 PM

And now for something completely different:

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 13, 2008 3:18 PM

@179 I don't doubt that many of them are good people. I'm just bored with the tenor of the comments. I've commented for years but it's much less frequent now - I mostly just scroll down to see what Fnarf says and to see watch WiS slowly losing his mind. The rest has been taken over by tedious wankers.

Posted by Gabriel | June 13, 2008 3:21 PM

@181 -- My dear Gabriel:

First of all, sir, may I say thank you for your deployment of "wankers." It is a solid and good word, used by good people; such people, as a matter of fact, who are currently sitting out Euro 2008 and that makes me melancholy...

At any rate! Yes, Cornball, snap to, old man.

What gives me wonder about your post is the topic of people expressing boredom with the mileu in which they continually enmesh themselves.

Is the profession of ennui more prevalent online? It's worth a study. Anecdotally, it seems to me that people post, "I'm bored with" this or that.

It's particularly strange in the realm of personal ads. People say, "Bored and looking" or "I'm bored. Entertain me!" Why do people feel that is a means to attract a sex date? Why do they not.

I'm going to ruminate on this for a bit.

Carry on. And thanks for stoking a thought.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 13, 2008 3:27 PM

@162 - Exactly! Why would I even read the comments section if it weren't for the likes of Mr. Poe? You are all my personal entertainment! The bitchier the better.

Posted by SwissMiss | June 13, 2008 3:27 PM

*Anecdotally, it seems to me that people post, "I'm bored with" this or that quite a bit more online than in print or voice.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 13, 2008 3:28 PM

arduous no one who supports free markets is decent. we are the scum that lubricates trade!

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 13, 2008 3:28 PM

What Chelsea, are you 12 years old? It's a blog, and therefore the comments are either negative or absent. Positive you will rarely find.
Grow up!

Posted by calvin | June 13, 2008 3:31 PM


We'd rather not moderate your comments, but off-topic, gratuitously inflammatory, threatening, or otherwise inappropriate remarks may be removed, and repeat offenders may be banned from commenting. We never censor comments based on ideology. Thanks to all who add to the conversation on Slog.

Posted by bobcat | June 13, 2008 3:32 PM

JTC @182

Ah, thanks for mentioning happier things, namely Euro 2008. I just watched a bit of the Netherlands destroying France, and that made me a happy man.

Hmm, it's not really surprising that people profess boredom about things which otherwise generally interest them. Staying on the football theme, fans often complain about Chelsea being boring. You wouldn't respond with 'well why don't you watch a different sport then?'. Mmm.

Posted by Gabriel | June 13, 2008 3:35 PM

I rarely comment, because I don't have time to go back and re-read the long list, to see if anyone responded, and I think that's part of the point.

That said, I'm just commenting so Chelsea can get to 200.

I thought everyone was vitriolic on her first post, and didn't understand what the big deal was. I certainly don't think she's more inane than some other people.

Posted by Tizzle | June 13, 2008 3:37 PM

@188 -- I thought Chelsea was completely boring. That's the whole point of this thread. Ahem...

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 13, 2008 3:39 PM

Oh Bellevue, I said you seemed like a decent guy. But you can be decent and still be wrong about everything. ;)

Posted by arduous | June 13, 2008 3:41 PM

@188 Yes, that match was incredible. I just got home from watching it in the fanzone on the banks of the Rhine with all the disorderly Dutch and the grumpy Alsacians. When they scored that 4th goal in injury time it was like the world had exploded in orange! Hup Holland!

Posted by SwissMiss | June 13, 2008 3:41 PM

amy kate, are you there? it's me, scary tyler moore. PLEASE delete post #187 STAT! it's the lunatic ravings of a dolphin fucker. completely inappropriate ANYWHERE. please and thenk yew. and bobcat? here's hoping you get cornholed by a shark.

Posted by scary tyler moore | June 13, 2008 3:41 PM


It can all be explained in a few words:

1) small dicks;

2) improper potty training.

Whatcha gonna about either?

Posted by maninthestreet | June 13, 2008 3:43 PM

@192 -- The schadenfreude of thinking France and Italy could crash out in the first stage...oh, it's too delicious. And hey, Dutch dudes have always been cool to me in Amsterdam, so I'm supporting them all the way.

@193 -- I had a BF who was into fetishizing dolphins. He made a fake fin that he would strap on with a nylon harness and make me hold it while he pulled me around the swimming pool. That was the sum total of our sex life for, like four years. And that pool got nasty.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 13, 2008 3:45 PM

Chelsea should be honored; only ECB can come close to inspiring this much verbiage.
Ever forward to 200 comments!

And while I'm flattered, arduous@179, my contrarianism demands I vigorously disagree. I can only hope that my posts someday offer the kind of insight that Dolphin-Sex Guy up above has.

Posted by tsm | June 13, 2008 3:46 PM

@196, dude, I don't know that any of us will EVER offer THAT kind of insight.

Which ... probably for the best, really.

Posted by arduous | June 13, 2008 3:51 PM

I'd just like to point out that there's a whole world of Slog readers out there (likely the majority) who never bother to read the comments. Most of us enjoy the blog posts and move on. We don't have time to waste reading that crap, even if there is occasionally an insightful comment buried in there.

Don't take this group to be anything more than the small inbred clique that it is.

Posted by kate | June 13, 2008 3:52 PM

It's the queerest thing. I have the strangest craving for a tuna salad sandwich...

And I'm not sure if I want to eat it, or make love to it...

Posted by michael strangeways | June 13, 2008 3:54 PM

200! Yay!

Posted by SwissMiss | June 13, 2008 3:55 PM

Why is it women with opinions always get Slog bashed? I thought Slog commenters were supposed to be so, I don't know, enlightened. But you have proven yourselves to be nothing but navel gazers (and dolphin-sex abusers.) These kinds of comment threads always degrade to the written equivalent of a gang rape. You are stopping and pissing on your "prey," and that not only invites weirdo dolphin fuckers, but national media attention which makes you all look like dip shits

Posted by smp | June 13, 2008 3:56 PM

I find that difficult to believe...

Apparently, YOU took the time to read the comments today.

Posted by michael strangeways | June 13, 2008 3:57 PM


You win! Best comment in the thread. Brilliant.

Posted by tabletop_joe | June 13, 2008 3:57 PM

I read the Slog every day. Who is "Chelsea Alvarez-Bell" and why should I care?

Posted by Hey wait | June 13, 2008 3:58 PM

@199: You could prepare it ahead of time and make love to it later when your blood sugar gets low and your too... ah, forget it.

Posted by Jerod | June 13, 2008 4:02 PM

hey let me guest blog.

although i disdain negative comments for the sake of being negative, starting a guest blog spot with a post on sex in the city was asking for it.

Posted by hahnsolo | June 13, 2008 4:09 PM

Whooooo yeah!!!

Posted by Is The Worst | June 13, 2008 4:11 PM

@ 201 -- I almost completely agree, although I don't say it cause I'd have to defend it to just about all the regular commenters.

Posted by Tizzle | June 13, 2008 4:12 PM

Is this a record? Can anyone remember a post with more comments?

Posted by tabletop_joe | June 13, 2008 4:17 PM

& I just checked out your "Who Did What To Who," that's what you call your "best material"? Seriously?

With all due respect I'm not sorry you're gone.

Posted by Is The Worst | June 13, 2008 4:19 PM

@209 -- Probably is. I don't know why I'm fueling it.

Posted by Tizzle | June 13, 2008 4:22 PM

I love you Chelsea, and I want to apologize. For days I have sat here and read all of these asshole's comments and not defended you (not that you need my defense). I love your blog, your writing and I think you are an entertaining, insightful writer in addition to being a human being that I generally like a lot. I should have spoken up sooner.

Posted by Callie | June 13, 2008 4:25 PM

Dear Arnold,

My friends and I were discussing what some of the greatest (cinematic) battles would be. Of course, your name came up very quickly, and we put you up against Yoda. Most of my friends tell me that you'd lose to Yoda because Yoda has the force on his side and will just use his mind to throw you into the wall a few times. However, I beg to differ with them. Yes, Yoda has the force. Yes, Yoda could probably throw you into a wall a few times. But, when has a wall ever stopped you? From being crucified to surviving a nuclear explosion, I think a wall would be child's play...

Although these are good arguments, there is still one that is far above the others. What does Arnold do best? The impossible. If defeating Yoda is impossible, then you would do it... I'm curious as to how you'd answer such a ludicrous question: Who would win, you or Yoda? And why?


This is the funniest question anyone's ever asked me and, to be honest, when it was forwarded to me, I thought at first someone in my office was just trying to have fun with me. But after I read it, I thought, why not? It's kind of an interesting question. Let's have fun.

Actually, I've seen the STAR WARS films a few times, and of course, my kids like them tremendously (there's even a life-size Yoda in the conference room at the office -- a gift from a friend). Although I wouldn't consider myself an expert, what I can say about Yoda is that he's character with a strong, serious mind and a disciplined will. To become a Jedi Master, Yoda would have had to work very hard and make tremendous sacrifices. He would have needed to spend tremendous hours training; levitating rocks, practicing with his light saber, that sort of thing.

By now, I think you'll see what I'm getting at; becoming a Jedi Master is not unlike becoming a champion bodybuilder, or becoming an actor. I worked hard in the gym to become a champion, and I worked very hard to become an actor, and I couldn't have done any of it without commitment, and that takes discipline and willpower first. The mind is actually more powerful than the body, because it is our will that helps us shape everything else around us, whether it's our careers, how we help our communities or even if it's just making time for our families.

So who would win? Possibly Yoda, but I'm sure I'd kick his butt in a pose-down!

Posted by Ask the Guvinator | June 13, 2008 4:26 PM

OMG but where will I get a new tuna sandwich receipe to try when I watch Sex In the City LOL!!

Posted by Jezebel E. Honeypot | June 13, 2008 4:29 PM

RE: 210

WOW. I too just went over to her blog.

Now I'm pissed at Amy Kate Horn and Dan Savage. What the fuck possessed the two of you to invite this airhead to Slog? Have you reead her blog? It's fucking utterly inane.

Posted by Hey wait | June 13, 2008 4:30 PM

I love you Chelsea, and I want to apologize. For days I have sat here and read all of these asshole's comments and not defended you (not that you need my defense). I love your blog, your writing and I think you are an entertaining, insightful writer in addition to being a human being that I generally like a lot. I should have spoken up sooner.

Posted by Callie | June 13, 2008 4:30 PM

Dolphin-safe tuna brands sold in the US
The following is a partial list of EII-approved, dolphin-safe tuna brands sold in the US. Their companies have cooperated with IMP and have adopted worldwide dolphin-safe tuna policies. IMP has the necessary assurances that these policies are verifiable and fully implemented.

* Starkist (H.J. Heinz)

* Empress (Mitsui Foods Inc., USA)

* Chicken of the Sea

* Bumble Bee

* Deep Sea Tongol (imported by Humble Whole Foods)

* Ocean Light (imported by Humble Whole Foods)

* Captain's Choice (Safeway brand)

* Natural Sea (Cornucopia Natural Foods)

Dolphin-safe pet food brands

* 9 Lives (H.J. Heinz)

* Figaro (Bumble Bee)

* Trophy (Safeway brand)

Dolphin-safe major food service companies

* Kraft Foods

* Camerican

* Atalanta

* Connell

Posted by one to grow on | June 13, 2008 4:32 PM

How dare you speak to my beloved grandaughter this way! Her "Sex In The City" post was the toast of my last canasta party!

Posted by Grandmother Smalvarez-Smell | June 13, 2008 4:34 PM

@216, insightful? Are you fucking serious?

I'm losing my shit over here after visiting her blog and trying to reconcile it with this goodbye post. Seriously people, lest you have any doubt, visit her blog. It's drivel. Is this whole thing some kind of joke?!

Posted by Hey wait (I'm a little late) | June 13, 2008 4:35 PM

How dare you speak to my beloved grandaughter this way! Her "Sex In The City" post was the toast of my last canasta party!

Posted by Grandmother Smalvarez-Smell | June 13, 2008 4:36 PM

90% of the trolls who leave comments on blogs do so to hear their own voice anyway, cause no one else will listen ( self included). Now the Blogger get a Buck!

Posted by atomic elroy | June 13, 2008 4:44 PM

90% of the trolls who leave comments on blogs do so to hear their own voice anyway, cause no one else will listen ( self included). Now the Blogger get a Buck!

Posted by atomic elroy | June 13, 2008 4:54 PM
Posted by Link | June 13, 2008 4:55 PM

His persona here, along with most others, is just a schtick.

Oh, come on. NOBODY seriously thinks we really MEAN much of what we post, do they? It's the WWE of the internet, staged for your enjoyment.

Get a thicker skin. Learn to laugh at yourself.

On SLOG, I might tell you where to go. In real life, I'd probably just offer you a map. And if people are correcting your spelling/grammar, maybe you should take that as a learning experience to make you a better writer.

Posted by Wolf | June 13, 2008 4:58 PM

I'm pulling for 300 personally.

Posted by arduous | June 13, 2008 5:00 PM

I guess everyone just makes up for their introvertedness in this city by snarking at guest bloggers. oh well. Gawker is way more entertaining anyways. Not that I wont keep reading Slog all day instead of working either, but still..

Posted by JesseJB | June 13, 2008 5:03 PM
Posted by goatse | June 13, 2008 5:03 PM
Posted by goatse | June 13, 2008 5:06 PM
Posted by goatse | June 13, 2008 5:06 PM

Rock on, Chelsea whatever-your-name is! I never read any of your posts, never commented, but I want Tim Keck to pay for at least two cans of Coke for ya.

Money. In. The. Bank.

Posted by Uncle Vinny | June 13, 2008 5:08 PM

Abby will attest to the fact that I was pimping Holland last night at Slog Happy. I like France too, but it's awesome to see the two WC finalists fall out (which is close to happening). That Romania-Italy game was freaking amazing -- that Buffon penalty save was maybe the best I've ever seen.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 5:17 PM

Aw, a snowflake melted.

Posted by Chef Boyardouche | June 13, 2008 5:23 PM

FYI Commenters:

One dollar for every comment on ĎFuck This, Iím Outí posted before 4 pmÖ

Good effort, though.

Posted by Sarah | June 13, 2008 5:26 PM

Wow, a whole week's worth of attention-hogging. Bet that really perked things up at Bank of America.

Posted by Debbie | June 13, 2008 5:30 PM

Goddamnit! I missed the dolphin fucker's comment. Anyone care to fill me in?

I know, it's sick that I wanna know. Eat me.

Posted by Mike in MO | June 13, 2008 6:22 PM

Why was Josh Feit fired?
Chelsea quits, another Stranger voice goes.
So Mr. Cornball, another writer driven from The Stranger.
Chelsea had things to say; she's out.
The said thing is, the blogs go on. Savage celebrates his very special life, Erica pumps Darcy, but the story of Josh Feit's departure gets killed. MSM won't cover because Josh wasn't one of them, much as he tried to get hired at the P-I.

Posted by Josh_Feit_Was_Fired | June 13, 2008 6:31 PM

Good for you, girl -- the money, I mean. Have another buck on me.

Posted by Bebe | June 13, 2008 6:36 PM

I like the comment about your mother. I think no one should be able to say something online, anonymously, unless they agree to say the same thing in person to their mother, out loud. If they agree to that, let them say what they want.

Posted by WendyB | June 13, 2008 6:44 PM

Those cruel sloggers represent the part of society that tries to be cool and interesting. After they say something, the response they like most is, "I can't believe you just said that!" They wear clothes and go to events that makes them seem edgy and celebrate their cruelty with enthusiasm. This isn't an online community, because communities exist to support its members and has meaningful dialog. I hope one day these sloggers develop wisdom and realize that they are only putting more agression into the world with their behavior which sabotoges what they claim to belive in. The true greatness comes from compassion.

Posted by Tracy | June 13, 2008 7:11 PM

Feit got fired?

Posted by Mike in MO | June 13, 2008 7:28 PM

Can someone speak to this Feit firing rumor? Does anyone know anything?

Posted by Hey wait | June 13, 2008 8:12 PM

Whiners: quit reading the SLOG, quit posting to the SLOG. We'll get along fine without you.

Posted by Big Sven | June 13, 2008 9:10 PM

ps- kesh@92 FTW

Posted by Big Sven | June 13, 2008 9:11 PM


Posted by Mahtli69 | June 13, 2008 9:51 PM

I first realized I was a Delphinic Zoophile when I was 12 years old, which is when I had my first sexual encounter with a dolphin. This is not that particular occasion, since my first lover was brutally killed in an act of sensless violence that I will never forgive, or forget. She continues to live in my memories, though...

I volunteer with dolphins whenever I get the opportunity. They are special to me, highly intelligent, empathic creatures that are dear to my heart, and are a healing aspect in my life. So it was that I met this particular dolphin, a female bottle nose dolphin, 7 years old, who is residing at my home cities coastal harbour/aquarium.

She is a beautiful dolphin, inquisitive and playful, and more used to human contact than her other, older pod mates. I answer any questions the general public have about dolphins, and spend most of my free time with them, studying and talking with them. I learned through continued contact that each dolphin has a very particular personality and habits, traits useful for differentiating between the fins who are sometimes hard to distinguish on visual markings alone.

In order to avoid the bustle tourists, I usually visit the dolphins at night, illegally I must add, since I am considered to be trespassing. But it is the only time I do not have to be distracted by tourists or the staff. I do not expect to have sex with the dolphins every time I visit them; I am not that sort of person. I spend time with them because they are a relaxing and stabilizing source of peace in an otherwise hectic and unbalanced lifestyle. So it came as a pleasant surprise when this 7-year-old dolphin began to engage in sex-play with me.

I was quite happily swimming around with the dolphins when she suddenly decided to grab my foot with her genital slit. Dolphins have very muscular vaginal orifices, and can use these muscles to manipulate objects and carry them. I stayed still for a while, to see if she was just playing, but she continued to masturbate against my foot, and in the light of the torch I sometimes carry, I could see that her slit had become very pink and had swelled as well. She was aroused!

So, I started to back-paddle with my hands towards a small beached area, partially submerged in the water. A couple of times she pulled me forward into the deeper water, but eventually I got my self to the shallows. I dislodged my foot (Being careful not to pull too hard), and took her gently by a pectoral fin and rubbed her belly just to aclimatize her, I guess. She immediately rolled belly up and started doing pelvic thrusts against the palm of my hand. It was unmistakebly erotic, and by now I was fully aroused.

I stripped off my shorts, and gently pulled her into the shallows until she was lying on her side, her belly facing towards me, half submerged in the water. I nestled myself belly to belly against her, and pressed my member against her genital slit. She immediately arched her body against mine, and took me inside her body, initiating a quick series of muscular contractions with her vaginal muscles. I wrapped my left arm around her body and just held her close while she manipulated me inside her body, until I climaxed barely 2 minutes later. Surprisingly, her body also shuddered against mine, and we spent the next 5 or so minutes just lying together in the shallows, holding each other, enjoying our company and revelling in the fact that we had shared something special together, something very few people can claim to have done.

I do not brag about this though. It is not something you can brag about, since it not only is demeaning to the act, but it destroys the purpose of the act as well; to express affection, and trust. I only consent to those dolphins who ask. As a result, I have mated only three times. Each time was memorable and special, because each time it was something we both wanted to share with each other. Sex, for me, is just another, albeit powerful, expression of affection and trust. I wouldn't engage any other animal, though; it is not my attraction. But there is little I wouldn't do for a dolphin.

I am aware there are people who would look at this and turn away in disgust. I can not force my beliefs or my feelings upon them, neither do I wish to. The only thing I ask of those people is that they try to understand that love, and trust, and respect are not limited to within a single species. Human kind has created religions and laws and barbed-wire fences that have been created, written and erected out of the former belief that we are the best, the smartest, the most powerful creature on the planet. Now we are realising that we have been extremely short sighted; many of us are realising this, but there are others who are bound by their former beliefs. One word is the key to improving our civilization. One word which could improve many lives.

My life is now dedicated to understanding dolphin kind. The way they act, the way they communicate, the reasons why a completely wild animal would take any interest what so ever in humans, a very dangerous wild animal. These may be answers that I may not answer in my lifetime, but this is a path that has been layed by a special dolphin who taught me more about love and trust in one week than any human taught me in my entire life. A path that I hope others will choose to also tread with me, towards a pool of knowlegde where dolphins and humans can interact with one another, and learn a great many secrets.

Posted by weeeeeeeeee | June 13, 2008 10:59 PM

Dolphins aren't any smarter than birds. And you're a freak. But I'm delighted you posted your kookorama here.

Posted by Fnarf | June 13, 2008 11:55 PM

"Dolphins aren't any smarter than birds."

Of course they are. As far as I know, they're still the only non-primates to recognize their reflected image, they have much larger encephalization quotients and they have a vastly more convoluted and voluminous neocortex.

Posted by Bison | June 14, 2008 12:20 AM


Posted by sam e. | June 14, 2008 12:53 AM

@248: thank you for your insightful contribution, you distended piece of rotting rectum meat.

Posted by infected asshole | June 14, 2008 1:03 AM

QA) What is Zoophilia?

AA) Zoophilia is best described as a love of animals so intimate that the person (and the animal) involved have no objections to expressing their affection for each other in the sexual fashion. This is not to be confused with bestiality, where a person forcefully mates an animal, without their consent, and with no mutual feelings whatsoever. This is something that I would never do to a dolphin, since I love them dearly, and treat them with the same respect that an honest husband would have for his wife and children.

QB) Why Dolphins?

AB) Dolphins are very intelligent, highly emotional and expressive creatures. They enjoy the company of humans, and if a relationship develops between a human and a dolphin, as has happened with me, they will, on occasion, wish to express their trust and affection for you in the most direct way; through mating, or sex-play. You see, dolphins do not use sex purely for procreative reasons. They use it as a way of strengthening the bonds between pod mates (mothers and calves included), and also for fun. Dolphins and humans share this common trait with very few other animals, so sometimes it makes me wonder when people continue to ask me "How DO you mate with a dolphin?". Easy. Let the dolphin tell you!

Q1) How do I tell a male dolphin from a female one?

A1) Probably the most common question I get asked. There are 2 ways of determining the sex of a dolphin. The most obvious way is to take a peek under the peduncle (the long part of the body connected to the tail flukes). On the dolphin's belly, directly opposite the dorsal fin, will be the umbilicus, or the navel of the dolphin. Looking further down towards the tail, you start to see the differences.

Male dolphins have two separate slits for the penis (the urogenital opening) and the anus. These are separated by a bridge of skin. The male's urogenital opening is generally located further up the belly, towards the navel.

Females, on the other fin, have one continuous larger slit, the anus located at the end of it. On either side of the genital slit, you will find two smaller slits; these are the mammary slits, where the nipples of the dolphin are kept for feeding the calves. The slit is also located closer to the tail stock of the dolphin.

The other way to determine the sex of a dolphin, if you can't reach their belly, is to look at their mellon, or head. The males tend to have a fatter, rounder mellon, while the females are more sleek and streamlined.

Q2) How do I know if a dolphin wants to have sex?

A2) There are various ways a dolphin has of showing that she or he is interested in sex.

Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand. If you are in the water, they may rub it along any part of your body, or wrap it around your wrist or ankle. (Dolphin males have a prehensile penis. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.) Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also denotes sexual excitement.

Females can be a little harder. The most obvious way a female dolphin has of displaying her sexual interest is the pink-belly effect. Their genitals become very pink and swollen, making the genital region very prominent. They may be restless, or they may be acting as normal. If you are out of the water, they may swim up to you and roll belly up, exposing themselves to you, coupled with pelvic thrusts. If you are in the water, they may press their genitals up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your crotch, or do pelvic thrusts against you.

Each dolphins way of expressing sexual readiness varies, so the longer you know the dolphin, the better you will detect when they are sexually active.

Q3) What do I do if a dolphin wants to mate with me?

A3) Accept, if possible! I will go through the steps involved with males and females...

The Male:

When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough... so I cannot say for sure if it is safe to mate with them. I would suspect not, due to a dolphins size, but then again, I cannot say for a woman.) WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward....

A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship.

The Female:

Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.

Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.

Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.

One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them.

Q4) What diseases can I get from dolphins? Can I give them any?

A4) I have had no experiences with Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD's) with dolphins, so I couldn't rightfully say. I do know, however, that you can pass the Flu between you, along with other respiratory problems. (I got a cold when a dolphin sneezed on me once. It cleared up after a week or so.) You can also pass some skin irritations on to them, if you handle them with chaffed or broken skin. Just like with a human, it is best to BE CLEAN when you handle a dolphin. If you have cuts on your hands, avoid touching them unless you wash with a Betadine surgical scrub prior to handling. This is available from most Veterinary and Surgical suppliers. If you have some disease of some sort, avoid mating, for the dolphins sake. This is a little known area, more so because Zoophilia is considered illegal in many places (which I think is a load of crud, but the law's the law....)

Q5) Is their any way I can invite a dolphin to be masturbated?

A5) Well, yes. If they are hanging around, but not looking particularly excited, but you are, you can invite them with this way...

Male and Female dolphins can be invited by rolling them on their sides, again, but instead of going straight to the genital slit, rub along their bellies, between their pectoral fins, along the navel, and every once in a while, over the genital slit. If they are responsive, they will show the signs of excitement as described earlier, and you can proceed as usual. If, however, they are not responsive, they will swim away, or turn back upright. DO NOT force the issue with a dolphin! Trying to restrain them will only break their trust in you, and could cause you serious injury. Pat them, stroke them and talk to them lovingly, but do not try anything else. It is best, anyway, to let the dolphin tell you when they are ready. It is far more pleasant, and more fulfilling anyway. And more special.

Q6) Where can I find a dolphin to mate with?

A6) Aquariums are a bad choice, for many reasons. Too public, the dolphins are not in their natural habitat, night visits are impossible, etc etc... some may have external enclosures, which may be accesable, but that is no guarantee. Best thing sometimes is to find a beach or a cove that the dolphins frequent. It takes time to develop a relationship with a dolphin to the point where they will let you mate with them (although some have been as quick as 3 days to acclimatize). Gaining their trust takes time, and you need to visit frequently. This is impossible for some people, I understand, but it is the best way. Sometimes you just need to be in the right place at the right time. I have been extremely lucky on two occasions with wild dolphins, and my current mate is a dolphin who lives in the harbour of my resident city.

Well, I hope this is of use to whoever is interested. One final note. You should love a dolphin, not because of the sexual relief they can provide, but because they are a unique animal, one of the few wild animals that seek the company of man by their own initiative. This is special. Do not abuse it.

Posted by Flipper | June 14, 2008 1:08 AM

Fnarf is beloved here only because he serves as no threat. He is a withered old man whose wife has been a dried up meat pot since the Ford administration. However, his claims about Will are completely proven. Will from Seattle is quite possibly the most retarded human being to ever touch hot dog fingers to jizz covered keyboards. Will, compulsive masturbation and self-mutilation will never bring back algenon.

As for miss whiney pants chelsea, you are still an insufferable and banal cunt. The pointlessness of your blog and by extension, your life, demonstrates one things very clearly. Not everyone needs to be on the internet. Now, I suggest a good goats milk enema followed by a round of frightfully good sodomy by your lonely and frustrated local panhandler. At least that way you will be entertaining someone.

Hugs, Ecce.

Posted by ecce homo | June 14, 2008 1:16 AM

still worth a buck?

Posted by ephemera | June 14, 2008 6:38 AM

meanwhile, no one seems to care that Capitol Hill is under siege with an epidemic of LICE!!!

oh. the . horror.

Posted by michael strangeways | June 14, 2008 9:29 AM


Posted by Reed | June 14, 2008 11:18 AM

AH HA HA, funny. $255

Posted by Jimmy! | June 14, 2008 12:39 PM

To the lint-licker posters:

What a bunch of asshole scrotum-and/or/-twat-flappers. Good luck with all that, bitches and hos.

Glad not to see ya, wouldn't want to be ya, buh-byeeeeee.

Posted by Michael K. | June 14, 2008 2:31 PM

Chelsea- I dont really know what you expected to happen, you were a guest blogger for a publication that stays afloat by selling spots for sex ads and taking cheap shots at anyone, anywhere, anytime.

the Stranger is a piece of shit that only exists to line litter boxes and start fires.

Posted by douche | June 14, 2008 5:46 PM
@246 "Dolphins aren't any smarter than birds."

Of course they are. As far as I know, they're still the only non-primates to recognize their reflected image...

Bzzt. Wrong answer, you are the weakest link.
Google "elephants recognize".

Posted by Thomas Smith | June 14, 2008 8:33 PM

Poe, and the other trolls, you're fucking pussies. Shut the fuck up, you didn't get a guest blog spot here. Quit fagging off in the comments. You'd get a fucking knock in the teeth if you ever mouthed off like that to someone in person. And you know it. Pussies.

Posted by Brandon | June 15, 2008 3:02 AM

Ugh. And: yawn. All the way around.

Chelsea may not be an interesting writer, but even LESS interesting is this comments page. What's up with all these teenagers running around on here actin' like they OWN the place?

Ecce Homo, Mr. Poe, Junniper T. Cornball, whatever. Losers, all of you. That's why you live in Seattle and spend all your time blah-blah-blahing on the internet.

Also: everyone who called these losers out for being internet tough guys (gals?) is totally right on. If these pussies had any balls at all, they'd stand up for themselves. Feh.

Posted by DefChef | June 15, 2008 4:40 AM

Just wanted to post in an EPIC THREAD.

Fnarf is right, Poe is amusing, Gabriel sounds like someone I'd never like to spend time with, and Chelsea who?

P.S> Thumbs up to comment registration.

Posted by Donolectic | June 15, 2008 2:34 PM

@110 - oh, fuck off, loserboy.

Posted by Will in Growup Baby Lostboy Seattle | June 15, 2008 11:08 PM

I'm so bummed that I wasn't asked to be a guest blogger because of the blog I don't have and never have had.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 16, 2008 8:26 AM

@263, you run out of jam, Mr. Poe? Didn't your mother ever tell you if you can't make a decently snarky, biting comment to just shut your yap?

Posted by dbell | June 16, 2008 11:03 AM

One of these days I'll reach the level of snark+bite to post a "didn't your mother ever tell you" comment.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 16, 2008 11:07 AM

mo money mo money

Posted by Philly | June 16, 2008 2:39 PM

chelsea needs all the money she can get

Posted by in order to afford some dignity | June 16, 2008 3:23 PM


Mr. Poe.
Bellevue Ave
fifty - two - eighty

Not until we get to fnarf ( do we see any indication of what double life any you jerks live. And hell, is that a bland, commentless, unoffensive blog. Comte has a link somewhere too.

All you trolls should go to these trolls respective blogs and post to your hearts desire.

Posted by LOsers | June 16, 2008 6:48 PM

Is this over already? Darn.

Posted by ??? | June 17, 2008 8:34 PM

Comments Closed

Comments are closed on this post.