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Thursday, May 29, 2008

Whose Side Is Billo On?

posted by on May 29 at 16:44 PM

Tonight on the O’Reilly factor… Bill tries to segue from a discussion about Warren Jeffs making out with 12-year-old girls to the gays getting married in California and what these things, taken together, mean for the country. And Dennis Miller isn’t having it.

MILLER: Listen, I have to bring a big curtain down here visually between discussing, to me, a monster like Warren Jeffs and going over to talk about the issue of gay marriage. I just have to bring down a massive curtain first.

O’REILLY: No, there’s absolutely no link there.

MILLER: These couldn’t be more different to me. Now listen, I have to be very delicate here to protect people’s privacy, but I know of a young child who over the course of her life, as I’ve seen her, has been raised by homosexual parents. And as I’ve watched her blossom, I am enamored, and I can see in her face that she’s loved.

Now listen, I am going to give the heterosexual community the procreative vigorish, as they say in the betting game, because without any procreation, the planet dies. So obviously, I think that is the way to go. The hetero thing is what works, just the physics of it. But love is never a bad fallback position.

And I’m sorry, I just can’t get—I just happen to know a couple gay men who are married, and they’re very happy…. It is nothing. It is—on my list of things I worry about on a day-to-day basis, humans with similar genitalia wanting to get married is like 10 billionth on my list.

I’m down with the procreative thang myself, Dennis. I mean—hey, thanks for the DNA, Mom & Dad. But with more than six billion people on the planet right now, the “procreative vigorish” is causing our planet to die.

But thanks for getting our backs regardless, Dennis.

RSS icon Comments


I don't want to be treated equal. I like oppression, complaining, being a victim. But I'm also a masochist, sooo...choke me!

Posted by Mr. Poe | May 29, 2008 5:03 PM

wouldn't the consumption habits of gay men also imperil the planet and 3rd world workers?

cmon savage, don't try to pass of your natural state of being as heroic for the planet.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | May 29, 2008 5:04 PM

Just stay away from plastic bags, Mr. Poe.

You don't know where they've been.

Posted by Will in Seattle | May 29, 2008 5:09 PM

Bellevue darling, please enlighten me: Just what ARE "the consumption habits of gay men"? I just want to make sure I haven't missed anything.

Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay | May 29, 2008 5:13 PM

gay men consume more loafer lightener, obviously.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | May 29, 2008 5:19 PM

"It is zee life blood of the industry"

Posted by vooodooo84 | May 29, 2008 5:21 PM

the Bush Backlash continues: Dennis Miller morphing from Bush's favorite warmongering asshat comedian to something remoting resembling a human being before our very eyes...

Posted by brett | May 29, 2008 5:56 PM

The worm has turned...

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | May 29, 2008 5:57 PM

This is what I'm seeing: the general populace is just sick of this. It was fun to hate the gays for a few years there, but now they're bored. And they're probably more than a little tired of throwing in their lot with the least uncool people on the entire planet.

Posted by whatevernevermind | May 29, 2008 6:00 PM

Bellevue, I only use biolightener on my loafers

Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay | May 29, 2008 6:27 PM

Voting for state constitutional amendments to define marriage as a union between one man and one woman is so 2004.

Posted by Hernandez | May 29, 2008 7:01 PM

You hate us breeders yet you couldn't adopt our babies and smugly sneer at us without us.

Must suck to be so incredibly irrelevant in the grand sociobiological imperative scheme of things. You need us for everything.

Posted by Bob | May 29, 2008 8:25 PM

Oh Bob, dear silly Bob, We don't hate you - but we don't need you either.

Even I, the most gayest of gays, have laid with a woman as I would with a man (approximately) on several occasions. And I saw it through to the end, and delivered the goods, if you know what I mean.

I daresay that my gay brothers and lesbian sisters and I could repopulate quite effectively, if need be. Particularly if we were given access to tequila and pornography.

Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay | May 29, 2008 9:25 PM

how did you discover the ingredients to conception; tequila and pornography?

Posted by Bellevue Ave | May 29, 2008 11:20 PM

Bob. Really. We don't need hets to procreate. Science and of course tequila and porn have found ways around it.

Posted by Sha | May 30, 2008 12:18 AM

Check your prevalence rates out there in the big cold scary world sometime. Then calculate the % of erstwhile breeders within said demographics. The wind would howl endlessly through the empty streets of everywhere if your imaginary happy world free of hetero breeders existed. Let alone who would fix your cars and pump your gas? And invade foreign soils to secure the oil? ;)

Posted by Bob | May 30, 2008 12:32 AM

Am I supposed to believe an imaginary hetero-free world wouldn't have any lesbians that could fix cars?

Posted by brent | May 30, 2008 12:55 AM


Tequila, pornography and turkey basters.

Posted by keshmeshi | May 30, 2008 1:01 AM

@16 Bob--- your summation is correct: There are way more heterolly-inclined folk out there, which is what makes the whole ongoing debate about gay marriage so unbelievably stupid.

How insecure and selfish can a giant be?

Posted by Hartiepie | May 30, 2008 5:44 AM

OK ... so let's look at this another way - let's say global warming or an alien warlord fiat kills off everybody except a couple hundred homosexuals who pair up in breeding couples to repopulate the earth. I can accept that this could be done biologically. However, it's a one generation Happy Gay World. 95% of the babies are gonna be straight. Then what?

Do you cull them in drowning pools to maintain your Gay Utopia Happy World? And if so, how do you repopulate at a rate that works? A lesbian would have to have 100 babies to keep 5 to 10. This is nuts!

Posted by Bob | May 30, 2008 7:15 AM

oh yes. definitely cull them in drowning pools. or, if they are like 16 and we discover that they are secretly het, we can always lynch them or burn them at the stake.
anything to preserve the greater good of th Happy Gay World. None o them bisexuals or trannies either. only kinsey 6s in my dream world please. well, maybe a 5s who could tolerate the procreating.

Posted by philly | May 30, 2008 8:58 AM

bob=stupider than dirt

Posted by brett | May 30, 2008 10:10 AM

An Alien Warlord *car* is going to destroy the earth, @16? Way cool.

But who says that a "Gay Utopia Happy World" has to be 100% gay/lesbian? Is that because your "Straight Utopia Happy World"™ would be 100% straight, Bob?

While a 100% gay world would be super-hot, I think 'teh Gayz' would be happy with, oh, say a 90-10 split [or 80-10-10 counting the transgendered, transsexual, bi-sexual and multi-sexual contingent].

Posted by Schweighsr | May 30, 2008 11:08 AM

Fiat (duh)

1. an authoritative decree, sanction, or order: a royal fiat.
2. a formula containing the word fiat, by which a person in authority gives sanction.
3. an arbitrary decree or pronouncement, esp. by a person or group of persons having absolute authority to enforce it: The king ruled by fiat.

Posted by Bob | May 30, 2008 11:15 AM

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