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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Best Post (So Far) on

posted by on May 27 at 13:58 PM


“I used my $600 to bail myself out of prison, along with $6900 more.”

Nick, 28, Welder
Ephrata, PA

A random sampling of some charges that’ll earn you $7,000 bail: insurance fraud, failure to pay child support, and beating a man to death in 1864.

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Wow, there's some heartbreakers on the next page.

"Following the January announcement, in anticipation of receiving Dub-ya's election year stimulus bribe, I allocated the $1200 toward the purchase of this cemetery monument for my wife, who died in November at the too-young age of 54. The money for the monument stayed in the US."

"I'm totally disabled due to a back injury at work and because I had $2980 in income by cashing out my sick leave from work, I was $20 under the required amount to get a stimulus check. I need it badly but don't "qualify", explain that one Bush! I had to charge a whirlpool tub to help my back because I can't afford physical therapy."

Ain't that America.

Posted by laterite | May 27, 2008 2:10 PM

That guy has a Bob Marley poster behind him... he probably didn't beat a guy to death in 1864. Potheads aren't usually the violent type of rapscallions.

Posted by pain | May 27, 2008 2:15 PM

So, I'm curious, how many of you have gotten your checks? Because, I'm still waiting for mine.

Posted by The Artist Formerly Known As Sigourney Beaver | May 27, 2008 2:17 PM

I'm much to wealthy to "deserve" one. I have the privilege of paying the ones the rest of you get. Hope you choke on it.

Posted by You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me | May 27, 2008 2:22 PM

@2 : They might well be the child-support-ducking type, though.

Posted by laterite | May 27, 2008 2:22 PM

I'm dumping mine in savings to get the hell out of here.

Posted by Mr. Poe | May 27, 2008 2:25 PM

per the IRS payment schedule, I have another month to wait before I see a check.

i owed a little this year, paid via direct debit over three months ago. but the IRS can't do direct deposit to me since they didn't have permission or whatever.

so not all of us are rich quite yet.

Posted by stinkbug | May 27, 2008 2:35 PM

We received our check REALLY fast--like, third week of April--but I heard a rumor that they're being distributed by social security number, and mine begins with a zero.

I still haven't gotten my regular federal refund, though. Grrr.

Posted by Christin | May 27, 2008 2:36 PM

Mine is currently "stimulating" my savings account.

#4, if I understand correctly how the stimulus works, you're not paying for anything.

Posted by w7ngman | May 27, 2008 2:37 PM

"but I heard a rumor that they're being distributed by social security number"

rumor? anyone can view the schedule via a link on,,id=180250,00.html

Posted by stinkbug | May 27, 2008 2:40 PM

I'm still waiting for mine.

Posted by Will in Seattle | May 27, 2008 2:46 PM

Made to much money, didn't get anything. At the least they could have sent me a letter: "You are rolling in too much phat cash to get a stimulus payment!" but no, I didn't get jack shit.

Posted by meh | May 27, 2008 2:56 PM

Still waitin' for ours. I think they're punishing people who still file on paper on April 15th, which is smart if you owe, which is also smart.

Posted by Fnarf | May 27, 2008 3:00 PM

@9 You obviously don't understand how it works. Every dollar the Government spends (on stimulation, war, roads, education etc. and etc.) has to be raised somewhere through taxes... I pay those taxes, but don't qualify for stimulus, (apparently I don't need to be stimulated) so, ergo, I am paying for the stimulus you are receiving. Any benefit I get from your stimulation is at best negligible, and probably non-existent, since recent increases in the price of gas more than consume the entire stimulus package. This is not Stimulus, it's soviet style wealth redistribution.

Posted by You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me | May 27, 2008 3:04 PM


You and me both... (Obviously we would have used the cash in some un-stimulating way (like possibly investing it and creating jobs) instead of spending it in stimulating ways (like on malt liquor and cigarettes)).

Posted by You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me | May 27, 2008 3:08 PM

$7000.00? Learn to add, the kid needed $7500.00 to bail out of prison not $7000.00. So those items that you could bail out on with just $7000.00 are wrong, you are still short by $500.00.

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger | May 27, 2008 3:18 PM

@3 and 13,

They're distributing the checks based on the last two digits of your social. You can find the schedule on the IRS's website.

I'm not getting mine til mid-June, the bastids.

Posted by keshmeshi | May 27, 2008 3:23 PM


Or maybe it's more like reducing taxes for people on the lower end of the income scale. Or is that Soviet-style income distribution as well?

Posted by keshmeshi | May 27, 2008 3:24 PM

I gots me an xbox 3 and 60. I say a little thank you to GW everytime I run over some hookers and pedestrians.

Posted by mcFly | May 27, 2008 3:29 PM

Keep up, Cato. In the fast-paced world of New Media, there's no time for math.

Posted by Brendan Kiley | May 27, 2008 3:46 PM

All I have to say is, GWB is a douchebag and he can't even succeed at THAT. Evil Republican conspiracies and PR stunts are supposed to benefit the am I gonna get wooed to the dark side if these hair-brained economic schemes don't scale exponentially to hook me UP? DAMN!

Posted by meh | May 27, 2008 3:54 PM

@21 - good points.

Remember, it's not just the poor and middle class being screwed under King George, it's the rich.

Only the ultra-rich did better under this Royalist Red scum.

Posted by Will in Seattle | May 27, 2008 3:59 PM

#14, feel free to school me if I'm wrong, but I think you need to get a clue.

Do you think the stimulus is just free money? It's not a normal expenditure like roads or education. It's money that taxpayers would have saved in 2008 due to a new tax credit, but the government is fronting it to us now.

The disabled guy from #1 will eventually receive the money if he ends up with enough 2008 income. Over-payments aren't returned, though. The only stimuli you would truly be paying for are those of people whose 2008 income has been over-estimated.

Of course, all taxpayers will bear that burden.

Posted by w7ngman | May 27, 2008 4:36 PM

@14, government money doesn't come from taxes, it comes from loans from the central bank of China. Remember Dick "Deficits Don't Matter" Cheney, your hero? You're not paying anything; everyone is, as the money supply becomes worthless.

Posted by Fnarf | May 27, 2008 7:29 PM

That too.

Posted by w7ngman | May 27, 2008 7:39 PM

I got a letter saying mine will come in two weeks. I am going to use it to pay half of the taxes I owe to the govt. dammit. I wanted to give it to my 1 1/2 year old neice, considering its her money, but Im too broke. Waah

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Don't be a victim. Stop credit card debt now. We can help.

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