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Thursday, May 29, 2008

Oral is Standard

posted by on May 29 at 11:43 AM

Man, I got yelled at when I offered this advice to a guy whose girlfriend wouldn’t go down on him in a Savage Love column back in May of 2005

Dump her, BLOW. Sucking cock can no longer be regarded as some sort of above-and-beyond-the-call indulgence. Blowjobs are standard. Any make or model that doesn’t come with blowjobs should be immediately returned to the showroom.

That line has been cited as proof of my sexism. But in the same column the very next letter was from a girl whose boyfriend wouldn’t go down on her and I offered her this advice…

Dump him, WM. Eating pussy can no longer be regarded as some sort of above-and-beyond-the-call indulgence. Cunnilingus is standard. Any make or model that doesn’t come with cunnilingus should be immediately returned to the showroom.

But most of the grief I got about that advice was from folks who felt I was wrong about oral sex—it’s not standard! It’s an option, not an expectation! Well, doubters, science has caught up with me. As Thomas Freidman once said, suck on this

[Oral sex] is now more basic than vaginal sex. That may not be part of God’s or nature’s plan. But according to survey data, it’s a fact of life.

The latest evidence comes from “Noncoital Sexual Activities Among Adolescents,” a study published in the July issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health. The study analyzed the U.S. government’s first survey of such practices, conducted in 2002 and released three years later…. What’s interesting in the new analysis is the correlation between oral and vaginal sex. If your kid is doing one, he or she is almost certainly doing the other.

The raw numbers indicate that 50 percent of teenagers aged 15 to 19 have had vaginal sex. Fifty-five percent have had heterosexual oral sex. Are kids substituting oral for vaginal? Nope. Among technical virgins—teens who have never had vaginal sex—23 percent have had oral sex. That number sounds high until you notice that among nonvirgins, the oral-sex figure is 87 percent. If your teenager has had “basic” sex without somebody’s mouth being involved, congratulations. You’re probably the only such household on your block.

Look at the data for older adults, and you’ll see similar patterns. At ages 20 to 24, the percentage who admit to oral sex trails the percentage who admit to vaginal sex by around five points. (A study of Georgia college students, published last year, produced similar numbers: 96 percent of those who had lost their vaginal virginity had also lost their oral virginity.) At ages 25 to 44, the gap is around eight points. If anything, these numbers understate the prevalence of oral sex, since they’re based on self-reporting. The discomfort most of us feel around this topic surely affects some survey responses, even with guaranteed anonymity.

RSS icon Comments


The Oral Sex Myth segment on Day To Day.

Posted by stinkbug | May 29, 2008 11:49 AM

I would 100% rather suck a hot cock than anything else in the repertoire.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | May 29, 2008 11:50 AM

An ex of mine considered blowjobs part of making out. Is that weird?

Posted by Matt Fuckin' Hickey | May 29, 2008 11:52 AM


Posted by Is The Worst | May 29, 2008 12:07 PM

While we're discussing Savage Love columns (I'm pro-oral by the way and totally agreed with you on that one) can you clarify what you meant by this in yesterday's column:

"Please tell your girlfriend from me, a geigh, that we don't want straight people to stop getting married—divorced, yes; married, no—..."

Are you really saying that gay people don't want straight people to get divorced? And if so, why do gays not want straight people to get divorced?

Posted by PopTart | May 29, 2008 12:08 PM

These surveys never seem to ask about those of us who happily perform oral sex on an almost daily basis, but have never, ever, had straight vaginal sex.

Posted by Reverse Polarity | May 29, 2008 12:17 PM

The "geigh" thing needs to stop. It is a horrible flash-in-the-pan affectation that will bring deserved opprobrium to those who use it.

Posted by inkweary | May 29, 2008 12:21 PM

What kind of crystal ball does someone need to look into to be proven right that oral sex is commonplace and not special? The same crystal ball that says the sun will rise from the east tomorrow!

If the Slog was a party balloon it would be pumped full of helium. It is lighter than air.

Posted by Bob | May 29, 2008 12:38 PM

@3 Yes, that's definitely weird, and completely fucking awesome.

Posted by T | May 29, 2008 12:50 PM

@9: Want her number?


Posted by Matt Fuckin' Hickey | May 29, 2008 1:23 PM

I want to know about your friend in Olympia you told me about Matt.

Posted by rye | May 29, 2008 1:37 PM

This just proves that freaks don't always know that they are freaks. People who don't perform oral sex are freaks. They just don't realize it.

Posted by Jim | May 29, 2008 2:05 PM

We'd rather not moderate your comments, but off-topic, gratuitously inflammatory, threatening, or otherwise inappropriate remarks may be removed, and repeat offenders may be banned from commenting. We never censor comments based on ideology. Thanks to all who add to the conversation on Slog.

Posted by I see your boobie | May 29, 2008 2:08 PM

are people who like giving but don't like RECIEVING oral sex freaks?

cuz i know someone like that.

Posted by max solomon | May 29, 2008 2:14 PM

@11: which one? That could be quite a list.

Posted by Matt Fuckin' Hickey | May 29, 2008 2:18 PM

@14: my ex girlfriend was like that. Didn't bother me too much.

@15: the pornstar

Posted by rye | May 29, 2008 2:28 PM

@14. I think the technical term for someone like that is "young woman." Like #16, I also have dated someone like that. I think this is something that some young women feel because they are uncomfortable with their bodies. Hopefully they all grow out of this unpleasant phase.

In the meantime at least when it comes to giving they suck it up. So to speak.

Posted by Jim | May 29, 2008 3:13 PM

My comment is grossly off topic. I can't type with a dick in my mouth. Sorry.

Posted by Vince | May 29, 2008 3:44 PM


Posted by kyle [TCBITR] | May 29, 2008 3:48 PM

This doesn't really relate to the topic at hand, but it seems as good a place as any to state it for the record : I am a heterosexual male who VASTLY enjoys giving oral more than I do having intercourse (of any kind), and, for that matter, to receiving oral.

I know, you don't believe me. But hand on heart - it's the truth. And I can't be the only one. Eaters of the world, sing out!!!

Posted by Mr. Awesome | May 29, 2008 4:11 PM

No, you're not the only one. But if you can talk about it, you're not giving enough.

Posted by Will in Seattle | May 29, 2008 4:34 PM


Posted by Mr. Awesome | May 29, 2008 6:13 PM

Does this dick in my mouth make me look fat?

Posted by rg | May 30, 2008 7:09 AM

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