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Monday, May 12, 2008

Note on Freeway Park

posted by on May 12 at 11:38 AM

It is not without reason that the squirrels in Freeway Park are so strange and bold.
6075590.jpg That reason is found in the high number of squirrel mystics who visit the park. These types have something in them that is greatly satisfied by physical contact with the little creatures. These types stand or sit still and wait for the squirrels to overcome their natural fear of humans. The satisfaction of contact has its source in this overcoming. The squirrel mystic feels he/she is clearly a good person because he/she has won the trust of a creature that lives much of its life in panic. Pigeons have no sense of this fear or panic. They are happy to walk with humans on the sidewalk. From the pigeon we do not get a species of mysticism but of homeless altruism. Because their relationship with humans is all about pity—pity from those who are recipients of urban pity—pigeons do not suffer from confusion. This is not so with squirrels. They are often confused because the humans who want contact with them are after something else, something not of this world, something that is cosmic. The goodness of the squirrel mystic connects with an energy of goodness that travels across the vast and empty spaces of the universe. It is a goodness that can turn ice into a star.

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Stay in one place too long on the UW Campus and they'll come up and try to hump your leg. (The squirrels, not the squirrel mystics....)

Posted by NapoleonXIV | May 12, 2008 11:26 AM

Is it time to stage an intervention for Charles?

This seems like a cry for help.

Posted by Scott Dow | May 12, 2008 11:37 AM

"a creature that lives much of its life in panic"

Best characterization of squirrels ever.

Posted by w7ngman | May 12, 2008 11:43 AM

Did the squirrels tell you this themselves, Charles?

Posted by Hernandez | May 12, 2008 12:10 PM

And lest we forget: squirrels, being the shyest of God's heaven-on-Earthly creatures, are also the only ones that truly understand Michel Foucault. If you wait long enough to truly gain their trust, they will fully explain The Order of Things to you, free of monetary charge.

And then they will shyly yet gleefully proclaim:

"Now that I've told you this, I'm going to have to gnaw you to death. Trust me, this will hurt me more than it hurts you."

Posted by Jeff Stevens | May 12, 2008 12:14 PM


When I see them they are mostly eating or playing and not panicking at all. Maybe midwestern squirrels are more relaxed?

They don't even REALLY panic when my dogs chase them--as evidenced by their bypassing tree after tree until the dog gets really close, then running up the nearest tree and sitting on a low branch, chattering. I think they taunt the dogs, frankly.

Posted by Nora | May 12, 2008 12:15 PM

Man, I don't know why but the squirrels by my house are absolutely fearless. I swear one flipped me off the other day. I could hear the spaghetti western music playing as we faced off against each other. Maybe I should call a squirrel mystic for help.

Posted by PopTart | May 12, 2008 12:16 PM

I am going to Freeway Park after work and give those squirrels something to be scared of...REALLY scared of!!!! Where is my gun?

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger | May 12, 2008 12:28 PM


Don't you know that squirrels, as deceptively cuddly as they are, are in fact a species of rodent?

Ewwww! Rodents are grody!!!

Posted by Natalie Merchant's Enormous Death Stars | May 12, 2008 12:47 PM

Charles' posts are why I troll through all of Slog instead of just reading the BOOM category.

Charles, you remind me of BLDGBLOG.

Posted by Hey wait | May 12, 2008 2:38 PM

Perfect for the Green capitol of the Golden Age.

Posted by Vince | May 12, 2008 2:52 PM

Squirrel gravy. Mmm...

Posted by Spoogie | May 12, 2008 3:19 PM

Yes Charles, yes. I want some of that good shit, too.

Posted by Greg | May 12, 2008 3:35 PM

Squirrel mystics? People satisified with physical squirrel contact? A creature that lives its life in a panic?? Where do you get this...SHIT?!

Posted by D | May 12, 2008 4:35 PM

And capitaism is screwing up the squirrel/mystic encounters how?

Are there any squirrel mystics in this park with really nice hips?

I could see Natalie Merchant smiling beatifically as a squirrel clambered up her thick leg. Oh yes.

Do any of these squirrel mystics carry the squirrels home in plastic grocery sacks?

Posted by CP | May 12, 2008 6:03 PM

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