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Friday, May 2, 2008

GTA IV Contest: Posse on Broadway

posted by on May 2 at 15:02 PM

Methinks Rockstar Games would be wise to mock Seattle in a future video game. Your entries for the Grand Theft Auto: Emerald City contest were full of corruption, elitists, slums, bicyclists, asshole developers, and creative uses of landmarks and stereotypes. Well done! Thanks for building the next great crime simulator—and, in the case of entry #35, the next utter, soul-crushing depression simulator. Jesus, man.

Shorter entries with a flair for the cinematic were appreciated:

[After throwing Clay Bennett off of the Space Needle:] The silhouette of Bennett’s falling body against backdrop of Key Arena at sunset.
Kidnap the Pig on Parade from Pike’s Place market and violate it in no less than two holes.
Film a woman fisting herself on the Jimi Hendrix statue.

Jonah leaned toward these two eloquent, city-appropriate crime ideas:

Smoke a bowl, then steal a bike from a messenger and ride to city hall to hand out pot brownies to the Mayor’s staff, all while armed to the teeth.

And my personal favorite came from Steve in Chicago:

Get elected to Emerald City council. Consistently use your influence to table motions expanding greenbelt development while quietly softening restrictions on payday lenders. Also, kill a hooker. Dark irony bonus awarded if you bury her body in a P-Patch.

But, as many of you predicted, the Stranger council wholeheartedly agreed that entry #9 beat everyone to the punch with what’s probably the most appropriate “criminal mission” in a Seattle video game:

1. Pick up posse at 23rd and Jackson. 2. Down to MLK. 3. Back to 23rd. 4. Up Union to Broadway. 5. Down Broadway to Taco Bell — closed! 6. Back to Dick’s; pick up girl; start a fight.

S. Ben Melhuish, you life-long Mix-a-Lot fan, this copy of GTA IV for the PS3 is yours. Even though S. Ben later posted that he didn’t have a PS3, we didn’t care. As Jonah put it, “he can trade that shit in, or cut it up and snort it.”

RSS icon Comments


Congratulations, dog!

Posted by Greg | May 2, 2008 3:43 PM

I love you entry #35!

Posted by kid icarus | May 2, 2008 5:40 PM

how about working with ELF and torching some luxury homes?

too serious? my bad

Posted by j | May 2, 2008 7:00 PM

Sweet, congrats Ben. I'm sure I can find a buyer for that!

Side note, on the Bas Rutten cameo, he's a pretty cool guy and does some instructionals that are a must have for bouncers everywhere...comedy included:

Posted by Gabe | May 3, 2008 2:17 AM


Ask Mayor Green if he'll sign your copy of GTA: Emerald City, dawg!

Posted by Will in Seattle | May 3, 2008 6:22 PM

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