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Tuesday, May 6, 2008


posted by on May 6 at 14:55 PM

It’s the word of the week.

If you didn’t make it to the end of Tao Lin’s essay “What I Can Tell You About Seattle Based on the People I’ve Met Who Are from There (I Live in Brooklyn)”—which, according to Slog commenters, was either the worst thing The Stranger has ever published (“It’s seriously the worst cover piece I’ve read in the Stranger”) or one of the best (“I’m glad the stranger saw fit to print it; it gives me hope for the state of literature”)—you might not know what “choad” means. Or you might think it means what Annie Wagner thought it meant: “I’ve always heard it meant the nowhere land between your anus and your vagina, and also for guys.” Or you might think it means what Wiktionary thinks it means (which is pretty close to Tao Lin’s definition, although not quite it). Tao Lin’s definition is at the very end of his piece, in the section titled “People in Seattle Have Choads.”

It’s not Merriam-Webster, but here’s a young lady giving the Lin-approved definition of choad:

And here’s a choad-related letter we got this afternoon:

To the Editor:

In regards to the comment that people in Seattle have choads I can only assume that Mr. Lin meant a) that men in Seattle have choads as I, as a woman, do not have a choad or any other kind of penis and b) that he had not taken a good look at the genitalia of a representative portion of the male Seattle population. I have not noticed a excess of choads, or any kind of choads on Seattle men. I have noticed that sex with men in Seattle lasts forever, like they might be wishing they were on a Marco Polo team but were trying really hard to be good at sex since they were in the uniform. I also assumed Mr. Lin was a woman; how odd.


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Mr. Lin is a woman when you compare his penis to mine.

Posted by Mr. Poe | May 6, 2008 3:05 PM

The secret is that Seattle is thick, or "dense".

Revel in it, because, quite frankly, it's a lot more important than length, and if you have too much of that it can result in damage ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | May 6, 2008 3:08 PM

I was completely relieved to find a publication taking my side on the "what is a choad" debate, although however, I grew up spelling it "chode".

Back east, I grew up defining "chode" exactly as Mr. Lin does. However, upon my Western migration, I began to meet people who said that "chode" was a alternate definition for "taint", the fleshy fun bridge between arse and testes.

This to me, is insanity, why give an extra name to something with a fine name already, especially when penis that are equally wide as long, don't have a special name? But this argument continues to happen, with friends from Montana, Denver, California, even Seattle.

According to, the main two definitions of "chode" (not choad however) represent these main two parties which in my mind are in complete civil war with each other, one much more important than any previous civil war before, the slavery one or the gangsta rap one.

Even though I believe this cover story settles the debate once in for all, my Western friends disagree. It would be nice to put it to rest. For the Union.

Posted by John Totten | May 6, 2008 3:08 PM

Growing up in Seattle, a choad always refered to what Annie's definition, the skin between the anus and ballsack (on males).

Posted by choadlicker | May 6, 2008 3:20 PM

Growing up in Seattle, a choad always refered to what Annie's definition, the skin between the anus and ballsack (on males).

Posted by choadlicker | May 6, 2008 3:21 PM

1.Usually penis, penis wider than it is long, or the area between the penis and anus. Taken from colloquial Spanish.

??!!urbandictionary: sucking ass since day one.

Posted by Mr. Poe | May 6, 2008 3:26 PM

Kilgore Trout claimed to sport a choad in Breakfast of Champions.

Posted by tabletop_joe | May 6, 2008 3:36 PM

uh, that's the taint...

oh, goodie; only 24 more hours until the new Stranger comes out and they can stop crawling up Tao Lin's derivitive ass and focus their attention on someone else's ass, or choad, or taint if you prefer...

Posted by michael strangeways | May 6, 2008 3:37 PM

Mr. Lin's mom is a choad.

Posted by meks | May 6, 2008 3:41 PM

Yep - in the Seattle area, "chode" = taint. Every school I went too, this was the norm. Listen people, Californian's took your "pop" away, don't let them steal your chode.

I have no idea what this cho-ad business is.

Posted by Dougsf | May 6, 2008 3:42 PM

Huh. Always thought it was a synonym for Taint.

Speaking of Urban Dictionary, check out the history of the word "Skeet". Hilarious.

Posted by UNPAID BLOGGER | May 6, 2008 3:44 PM

I always thought it was the taint, or more appropriately, the part of the penis that is unexposed under the scrotum and taint.

I don't know if it was where she was going with this, but the Marco Polo reference reminded me of a quote from Rules of Attraction:

If I can't make a girl come, then why bother? It's like asking questions in a letter.
Posted by w7ngman | May 6, 2008 3:45 PM

I thought that was what the muyul cut off ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | May 6, 2008 3:58 PM

I've never heard of chode meaning anything other than taint. Or perineum, if you want to get fancy.

If I saw a penis wider than it was long (we're talking diameter, not circumference, correct?) I would politely excuse myself and leave. Gross.

Posted by Aislinn | May 6, 2008 3:59 PM


I believe that was the narrator of the book, not Kilgore.

Posted by keshmeshi | May 6, 2008 4:03 PM

Though I hate to agree with him about anything, Tao Lin's definition is the one I've always heard.

Posted by Greg | May 6, 2008 4:05 PM

Hung like a tuna can, baybee. You know you want it. C'mere, hey, where ya goin'?

Posted by Fnarf | May 6, 2008 4:06 PM

Choad = Taint. Grundle also means the same thing.

And for the record, the term to describe the similar spot of skin on a woman is scrum.

Posted by Sam M. | May 6, 2008 4:07 PM

I always thought a choad was the larger cousin of a dingleberry.

For those who wish it meant taint: 1. Taint already exists to mean taint, and 2. Choad/Chode is clearly descriptive of an object or thing, not a location. Seriously.

And scrum, for the record, is already a word that denotes a rugby melee, and has nothing whatsoever to do with woman's body. How crude.

Posted by treacle | May 6, 2008 4:31 PM

@18 Ugh, now playing rugby will take on a whole new meaning...

sidenote: as a back row involved in a Scrum, I have had to be in contact with another man's Chode (both kinds, in fact)

Posted by UNPAID BLOGGER | May 6, 2008 4:59 PM

#19 - crap, to come to think of it, I DO remember "chode" being synonymous with "dingleberry" for part of my elementary school years as well.. Then, of course, we've got the multiple, grade-school definitions of dingleberry to contend with.

Posted by Dougsf | May 6, 2008 5:12 PM

@19: Taint has another meaning as well. As does pussy. Your point?

Posted by Sam M. | May 6, 2008 5:15 PM

I have no idea what this means.

Posted by max solomon | May 6, 2008 5:30 PM

I can't hear Choad without thinking of the Hawaii Show (aka Steve Dude & former member of LFTR PLLR).


Posted by dod | May 6, 2008 5:49 PM

NO! "Taint" is always (and only) "taint", as in the part that taint you balls and taint your asshole.

Posted by You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me | May 6, 2008 6:41 PM

@25, no, sorry, "taint" also means "a contaminating mark on influence" or to bestow such a mark or influence.

Posted by Rebecca | May 6, 2008 6:52 PM

hanging choads.

and it's 'mohel', will in seattle. i'm smarter than you.

Posted by scary tyler moore | May 6, 2008 7:00 PM

Wonder what Will thinks a brisket of beef is? I think he was showing off and ended up moiling the waters.

Posted by RHETT ORACLE | May 6, 2008 7:18 PM

Guys, guys. Must we disagree so? The usage rules of these words as dysphemisms are very simple.

Choad is the perfect term for a short, fat penis. It sounds like toad, which is evocative of the shape and describes how most people feel when they find one - grossed out, but also morbidly intrigued.

Taint, on the other hand, is a serviceable term for the perineum. It has an amusing (and apocryphal) etymological story - "'Tain't his balls and 'tain't his ass." It also suggests a stain or a contamination, which should be familiar to all you back-to-front wipers.

This has been an update from the Profanity & Expletive Review, Validation, & Expert Recommendation Team (PERVERT). You can contact us through our web site or by shouting FUCK! loudly and repeatedly.

Posted by Greg | May 6, 2008 9:37 PM

It's not what you have.

It's that it's eight inches long.

Posted by Will in Seattle | May 6, 2008 10:16 PM


I think you're right.

Posted by tabletop_joe | May 7, 2008 10:01 AM

And @29 Wins!! One free drink from everyone to Greg at SlogHappy tomorrow!

Posted by treacle | May 7, 2008 5:55 PM

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