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Tuesday, April 8, 2008

“This is a mighty indictment Mr. Scmader!”

posted by on April 8 at 10:10 AM

Yesterday brought the following email from one Dale Richard Huff. If it’s meant for April Fools, it’s a week late—which isn’t too bad for a Biblical literalist, who’ll typically trail reality by a couple thousand years or more.

Anyway, the “outlandinsh attacks on faith” Mr. Huff alleges come from the Tuesday and Saturday items of this week’s Last Days. Enjoy.

Dear Mr. Scmader

I am writing in regards to the recent outlandinsh attacks on Faith and people of Faith that you have sought to include in your “Weekly Roundup” feature. It is disgusting bias and while it is your right to publish your venom, it is my right to respond sir. Respond so I shall!

I want to make clear firstly that I do not peruse your scandal sheet. There are volunteers who read the Stranger and inform us when a campaign of anti-Christian slander has slithered from the sewer like a demon from Hell. I left Seattle with my family five years ago precisely to get away from crap like this, and other things which I’m sure you know ALL about, Mr. Scmader. So it is one damn thing when there is a parade up and down Broadway with nude gay men on floats and bicycles and “dykes” in full defiance of the Laws of Nature AND the LORD, like one never ending “middle finger” to Christians and families and anybody who doesn’t “toe the line” on your Secular Fascism. THAT is protected speech! But if a Christian family chooses FAITH to allow the LORD GOD to heal His child, and by that I mean a child of GOD, then you want to say “Faith” killed the child. This is a outrage, sir and one that will not go unresponded too!

Unless I am utterly ignorant of science, sir, it would appear that in the first tragedy, diabetes killed the little girl and in the second instance the coroner is yet to have his say. But, leave it to the “loony left” to use the DEATH OF A CHILD to further your own twisted agenda and in fact invite more doom upon our nation as we wallow in SIN and revel in DEBASEMENT!

What would you say, sir, if I wrote a little article that said “another homosexual dead of AIDS- secular humanism claims another victim!” You’d be up in arms then wouldn’t you? Don’t get your feathers ruffled, Mr Scmader, I’m not a big shot homosexual newspaper columnist who uses his bully pulpit to condemn FAITH and promote sexual license, sodomy, the destruction of parental rights, open displays of filth, violence against Christians, and advocating that those who pray SHOULD TURN IN OTHER MEMBERS OF THEIR CHURCHES IF THE PRAYER RUNS AFOUL OF YOUR LITTLE INTERPRETATION OF THE LAW!!!!!

I thought you liberals hated interrogating “terrorists”? Oh that’s right that is only for your “approved” religion of Islam and the Islam-o-fascists whom you believe to be somehow your “buddies”.

IN CONCLUSION I am announcing to you a project I have addressed with a pastor friend of mine in Spokane area for some time, and that is the FILING OF A CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT on behalf of ALL Christians who have been slandered, defamed, threatened, libeled, insulted, prevented from worshipping, denied equal accees to public facilities and placed in threatening environments… attacked on the television and reviled on the radio, victimized by concerted conspiracies DIRECTED BY NEWSPAPER HONCHOS WITH A VIOLENTLY ANTI-CHRISTIAN AGENDA (hint hint, sir!) , otherwise upset or tinkered with, and anything else the people at the American Center For Law and Justice can come up with that you have, in the Secular Fascist Left, been doing for 30 years to eventually annihilate Christianity, Christians, America, Faith, and effectively doom the chance of this nation to redeem itself and welcome back the Prince of Peace Himself when He chooses to arrive and REDEEM MANKIND!

This is a mighty indictment Mr. Scmader!

And rest assured this lawsuit WILL GO FORWARD, and your conspiracy will answer in OPEN CHRISTIAN COURT for your lies, defamations, slanders, opprobrium, dirty tricks, innuendoes, insults, smears, castigations, recklessness, flat out meaness and rotteness, and any other damn thing you have up your sleeve and haven’t been vile enough to do yet!

I invite your response, Mr. Scmader, in the spirit of OPEN DEBATE on the issues and your own bigotry to Christians, and why you insist on turning all of Seattle against GOD! Need I remind you, sir- glorious Mount Raineer is a scant 60 miles away from your temple of degeneracy, and the LORD GOD will not be mocked! It is as if HE Himself planned for this, and left an “emergency option” right down the road to RENDER UNTO DUST ALL THOSE WICKED AND FACINOROUS FOOLS WHO MOCK HIS NAME AND ABANDON HIS LAWS!

I await your response if you have the GUTS and can stop your campaign of lies for one afternoon. IN THE NAME OF JESUS, HIS FATHER, SON AND THE HOLY SPIRIT- Dale Richard Huff, SEMPER FI DO OR DIE!

RSS icon Comments


Stick with these guy, kids. You'll go far.

Posted by Mr. Poe | April 8, 2008 10:10 AM

*this. Fuck.

Posted by Mr. Poe | April 8, 2008 10:10 AM

sounds like he's been talking to illinois assembleywoman Monique Davis

Posted by Jiberish | April 8, 2008 10:16 AM

Oh the poor abused christians. for fucks sake!

Posted by mickey in AR | April 8, 2008 10:19 AM

Nice! I just learnt me a new word.

[L. facinorous, from facinus deed, bad deed, from facere to make, do.] Atrociously wicked. [Obs.]

Posted by leek | April 8, 2008 10:20 AM

This sounds a lot like the same unhinged lunatic who freaked out over the CHILD RAPE! sculpture park fountain a few months ago...

Posted by kid icarus | April 8, 2008 10:21 AM

What exactly is OPEN CHRISTIAN COURT? And can I go?

Posted by Giffy | April 8, 2008 10:21 AM

This guy should have his blood pressure checked. I bet he got all sweaty and red-faced two paragraphs into this TRIUMPHANT RESPONSE! Tonight I will use my FAITH and DEDICATE MY PRAYERS to the health of Dale Richard Huff. SEMPER FIE DO OR DIE!

Posted by Ain't No Docta of Love | April 8, 2008 10:24 AM

"Respond so I shall!"

Posted by Jimmy Legs | April 8, 2008 10:25 AM

"I want to make clear firstly that I do not peruse your scandal sheet. There are volunteers who read the Stranger and inform us when a campaign of anti-Christian slander has slithered from the sewer like a demon from Hell."

Does anyone actually write like this? I call fake.

Posted by jon c | April 8, 2008 10:26 AM

That's fun! America, the Christiano-fascist country of the west! I look forward to my public stoning as an atheist.

Posted by wow | April 8, 2008 10:26 AM

Hint, hint, sir! Sounds like a classmate of A. Birch Steen. Or Foghorn Leghorn. Good stuff.

Posted by Fnarf | April 8, 2008 10:28 AM

I am almost 100% certain (96.43994% to be exact) that the single most important qualification for rabid Evangelical sainthood is the inability to spell correctly.

Poe, that makes you almost holy...

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | April 8, 2008 10:30 AM

I can't help ENGAGING with some of the ODD arguments Dale makes. Like suing you for LIBEL against Christians. They'll have to go to the SUPREME (theoretically secular) COURT since that court ruled that libel can't happen if more than 20 people are in the libeled group.

I guess Dale would have to eliminate lots of Christians to get his class down to 19.

Posted by Mike | April 8, 2008 10:35 AM

Umm, I think you better e-mail back. I think the 2nd to last paragraph said he's going to blow up Mt. Rainier to "render us unto dust"!?? Is that bad or good?

Posted by poppy | April 8, 2008 10:37 AM

The Romans had the right idea.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | April 8, 2008 10:37 AM

I'm glad the writer was able to make it across the Cascades to Cheney safely.

Posted by Former Easterner | April 8, 2008 10:38 AM

bicycles and "dykes"

They're really not alleged dykes, sir; they call themselves the Dykes on Bikes so feel free to use that phraseology.

I find it wonderfully ironic that he specifically uses the term "Prince of Peace" in his mighty indictment.

Posted by Carollani | April 8, 2008 10:40 AM

I can sue someone for being "otherwise upset or tinkered with?" Sweet! The case of "JD vs. the remaining population of the entire damn world" will commence just as soon as I get all your names and addresses for service.

Posted by JD | April 8, 2008 10:41 AM

OPEN CHRISTIAN COURT! Do they accept spectral evidence?

Posted by David | April 8, 2008 10:42 AM

Ha ha, I bust a gut after "a campaign of anti-Christian slander has slithered from the sewer like a demon from Hell."

Are you sure that Betty Bowers and her friends at Landover Baptist Church aren't the ghostwriters of this lovely mash note?

And you just gotta love that his typo-filled tirade confirms your right to free speech and then announces a class action lawsuit against your free speech five paragraphs later. For srsly, it's like the different parts of his addled brain haven't talked in years.

You oughtta let him know that it's all true and he has exposed the entire Leftist Agenda:

The Strangler, along with the Terrahists, the Feminists, the Abortionists and the ACLU, are working overtime on a nefarious plot annihilate Christianity. And we Seattle Libtards won't stop our spiteful, satanic fornification until God turns Enumclaw into Pompeii II: Lake of Fire.

Suck it, Jayzus!

Posted by Original Andrew | April 8, 2008 10:43 AM

Watch it! He's got a pastor!!

Posted by heywhatsit | April 8, 2008 10:44 AM


Posted by Greg | April 8, 2008 10:44 AM

Number six, I don't remember that and I just love "Mr. Scmader". Did he post that here? What child rape statue? Chiluly (sp) is steppin' up in the world.

Where the hell is this damn statue in town? Anybody got a URL?

Posted by Gay Luke | April 8, 2008 10:46 AM

This has to be a joke. If not:

Dale, I'm calling Youth Pastor Watch on your ass right now.

Dale you are so right. You should take your family to the tribal regions of Kenya. There you will be far away from crap like this. You will be able to brainwash and molest your children freely. Oh wait, there's nudity in Africa so that won't pass. But you could sue them for being nude, Dale, right?

Wait, how bout a class action lawsuit against Dale and his molesting preacher pastor buddies? Semper Fi that. Talk about God on that one, Dale. Redeem that. Yeah, it takes guts to molest and brainwash kids and lives, Dale.

Isn't there that freedom of speech law, Dale? Ever heard of that one? I know, it's a terrible thing, to have people think differently than you. Here's what Dale, you should take your family and lock them in an underground cell. Save them, Dale.

Mr. Sc(h)mader is violent? Dale, you are the one saying do or die. From reading your letter Dale, you sound seconds away from either molesting or violence.

But this is a joke, right?

Posted by trent moorman | April 8, 2008 10:48 AM

1865 called - they'd like their manner of speech back.

Posted by switzerblog | April 8, 2008 10:54 AM

@24 -

Here you be.

The fountain is at the foot of the SAM Sculpture Park, next to Pier 70.

Posted by kid icarus | April 8, 2008 10:55 AM

He knows that Pierce County stands between Seattle and Mt. Rainier, right? If that thing blows, it's taking out a host of fundies in Sumner and Orting before it gets anywhere near Cap Hill.

Posted by giantladysquirrels | April 8, 2008 11:05 AM

I think Betty Bowers is the correct call. Too many flowery turns of phrase.

Posted by Fnarf | April 8, 2008 11:10 AM

Kid Icarus-

Oh. My. God.

Thank you! I'll be busy all day! Did you see that there's another link to ANOTHER homophobic tirade from some other fundy? Why does "Mr. Scmader" get all the fun mail? I want somebody to call ME Davey Boy Faggot Ass too!

Posted by Gay Luke | April 8, 2008 11:12 AM

Don't forget - the existence of non-christians anywhere violates the religious freedom of christians everywhere.

Oh, and to Original Andrew....
Suck it, Jayzus! is my new favorite catchphrase.

Posted by steve | April 8, 2008 11:14 AM

This made my day. Thanks for posting. My favorite part:


I'm pretty sure the law is the law on this one. There's no interpretation needed. Also:

Unless I am utterly ignorant of science

I would be willing to bet my life savings that this man is, in fact, 100% ignorant of science. Any takers?

Posted by Julie | April 8, 2008 11:22 AM


Oh, they'll just be considered "martyrs for Christ" or some such nonsense - besides, I'm sure in this guy's mind, sacrificing a few (thousand) of the Faithful is a small price to pay if it means taking out all the Sodomites in God-forsaken Seattle.

After all, HE'S safely ensconsed on the Eastside, so it's not like he'll be standing in the path of that Apocalyptic devastation when Ialdabaoth causes Tahoma to blow her top.

Posted by COMTE | April 8, 2008 11:22 AM

@ giantladysquirrels,

Well, we all know that God has fat fingers when it comes to the heathen smitin'.

So, if the California Supreme Court rules in favor of marriage equality for gay men and lesbians, for example, it means that a tornado full of rattlesnakes will instantly descend upon the God-fearin' yokels in Kansas.

Posted by Original Andrew | April 8, 2008 11:24 AM

Religious people are funny.

And I think CHRISTIAN COURT would be a fun TV show.

Posted by monkey | April 8, 2008 11:33 AM

I call fake too-- I don't think anyone is that rediculous.

Watch out though, or he'll sue you!

Posted by SDizzle | April 8, 2008 11:44 AM

Why is it that religious belief is so often accompanied by abject stupidity? Is it a pre-requisite or something?

Posted by Roscoe | April 8, 2008 11:46 AM
I want to make clear firstly that I do not peruse your scandal sheet.
That sounds like how I write, oftenly.
Posted by Gay Seattle | April 8, 2008 11:50 AM

This letter sounds like the Dr. Bronner's soap bottle diatribe that didn't make it onto the final edit.

Posted by norbert | April 8, 2008 11:51 AM

oh come on, thats gotta be a joke. I couldn't write better parody

Posted by mnm | April 8, 2008 11:51 AM

@35 - great idea.

Doug Llewelyn: "Remember, when someone blasphemes, don't take the law into your own hands, you take 'em to court."

Cue hard-hitting theme music...

Posted by Joe M | April 8, 2008 11:57 AM

Right now I am looking at a semi-literate co-worker whose job involves the writing of technical manuals. He writes them in a horrible, stilted, pretentious style that reminds me of this guy. Gawd used "thee" and "thou" when he invented the world, and if you want to impress the heathens of today you have to out-intellectualize them.
Fer Christian writin' this was purty dam good.

Posted by Eddy | April 8, 2008 12:16 PM

Dale Richard Huff? Any relation to Kyle Aaron Huff?

Posted by NaFun | April 8, 2008 12:19 PM

So, I had to look this up in the OED.
FACINOROUS adj. Obs. exc. arch. - Extremely wicked, grossly criminal, atrocious, infamous, vile. Said both of persons and their actions. Very common in 17th c.

Obsolete, archaic, used in the 17th century... wow.

Posted by Will in STL | April 8, 2008 12:41 PM

Y'all been punk'd, ya freakin' morons...

Posted by Lazlo Toth, American | April 8, 2008 1:04 PM

too similar to the statue park letter. this is likely not just a troll, but a very funny troll.

Posted by LMSW | April 8, 2008 1:04 PM

Is the OPEN CHRISTIAN COURT legally binding?

Posted by JTContinental | April 8, 2008 1:05 PM

Spell check is forbidden by his faith.
He really boiled over by the end of the letter. You'd better be careful.

Posted by mattro2.0 | April 8, 2008 1:17 PM

Is God allowed to have weapons of mass destruction?

Posted by Just Askin' | April 8, 2008 1:41 PM

That was hilarious. You know We (I) just let people like this exist as a joke, right?

Posted by God, Jesus, & that other one. | April 8, 2008 3:59 PM


So shenanigans.

As the spawn of right wing evangelical Christians I can verify that no right wing evangelical Christians read the Stranger or have volunteers that read the Stranger. That's paranoia on the level of Howard Hughes, or that woman who thought that Mars Hill was staging guerilla marketing campaigns on Ballard buses.

There isn't enough organization in the church to have such volunteers.


Posted by JT | April 8, 2008 5:35 PM

Liberals, downstairs! We "revel in DEBASEMENT!"

Posted by Irena | April 8, 2008 6:16 PM

I think he does propose a pretty good job title though.

David Schmader: Big Shot Homosexual Newspaper Columnist!

Posted by Sara | April 8, 2008 8:06 PM

"And rest assured this lawsuit WILL GO FORWARD, and your conspiracy will answer in OPEN CHRISTIAN COURT for ... any other damn thing you have up your sleeve and haven't been vile enough to do yet!"

You can sue for something that hasn't been done yet? Sweet! I'm filing a buncha suits right now!

Posted by LeslieC | April 9, 2008 10:53 AM

Gentle readers, thou hast taken up thine quilles and dipped into thine inkpots to hurl wondrous excoriation and invective at this religiously-corrugated baboon. 'Tis but a marvel to behold your consolidated chastisement of his tedious umbrage! Ye Gods! but these cult members are flabbergastingly banal!

Posted by EB | April 9, 2008 4:53 PM

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