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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Dick Cheney Never Met A Whale He Couldn’t Kill

posted by on April 30 at 11:40 AM

Joining the many things Vice President Dick Cheney has no patience for? The endangered Right Whale, which has the unfortunate distinction of having become a nautical speed bump for high-speed shipping approaching American ports.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration issued new rules calling for slower ship speeds off the coasts, hoping to save the lives of the whales. The Vice President’s office was less than enthused, according to a House oversight report (PDF):

Another internal document shows that the officials working for the Vice President also raised spurious objections to the science. According to this document, the Vice President’s staff “contends that we have no evidence (i.e., hard data) that lowering the speeds of ‘large ships’ will actually make a difference. NOAA rejected these objections, writing that both a statistical analysis of ship strike records and the peer-reviewed literature justified the final rule. In its response to the objections from the Vice President’s staff, NOAA reported that there is “no basis to overturn our previous conclusion that imposing a speed limit on large vessels would be beneficial to whales.

In the immortal words of Marge Simpson:

“Out of my way, nature.”

(Via TPMMuckraker).

RSS icon Comments


Or, in the immortal words of Nelson Muntz: "Nuke the whales? You gotta nuke something!"

Posted by Ari Spool | April 30, 2008 11:48 AM

waterboarding the whales proved innefective.

the vice president's team of scientists also moved to reclassify the whales as left whales to make a better case for their justifiable destruction.

Posted by chops | April 30, 2008 12:22 PM

I assume NOAA will be getting a new administrator soon. Ken Hutcherson? Gotta be some pig-ignorant compliant Christianist nitwit; might as well be him.

Posted by Fnarf | April 30, 2008 12:44 PM

Does he go out of his way to make himself more unlikable? Seriously. He's got an approval rating in the teens. It's almost impossible to get any lowers. But he does try.

Posted by Reverse Polarity | April 30, 2008 12:45 PM

Those whales are lucky that he can't drive a car up and have someone let them out of cage; otherwise, he'd be out there drinking and harpooning one his friends in the face.

Posted by left coast | April 30, 2008 5:58 PM

Cheney just does this shit to annoy Seattle latte swilling hippies who shake uncontrollably in their Volvos in traffic while mouthing "He is SUCH a fucker!"

Posted by Bob | April 30, 2008 6:26 PM

No Bob, he's just making sure that they're keep his seat warm in hell. With all the babies he's sucking the blood out of, you wouldn't think it would be a problem, but I guess he's just a belt and suspenders kind of mother-f'ing prick.

Posted by left coast | April 30, 2008 7:14 PM

Well, it's not news that Cheney is an ideological prick. He meddled in the mess on the Klamath river years ago, to make a wingnut point for rich white farmers and ended up destroying a run of salmon and hurting the Yuroks and Karuks. We know he's a scum demon. But this one strikes me as he and his staff just yanking on hippie dreadlocks for fun. DICK CHENEY HATES WHALES.

Well, duh. Time to put Dick Cheney on spiritual ignore.

Posted by Bob | April 30, 2008 8:32 PM

Wow, hippies, huh? But what about the beatniks ? If you are going to use very dated terms then at least do it all the way.

Posted by Dead Reagan | May 1, 2008 10:10 AM

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