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Thursday, April 24, 2008

Deaf Can Dance!

posted by on April 24 at 13:59 PM

Dancing with the Stars. Has there ever been anything more horrible, more misguided, more completely soul-crushingly, skin-crawlingly painful to behold? Don’t be ridiculous. Even I’m not gay enough to appreciate that crap—-watching C and D-listers prance and twirl like coked up ponies in glittery hooker costumes…ugh. It’s like Lawrence Welk with a mental disorder.

Tragically for everyone, I accidentally caught about twenty seconds of it by TOTAL chance earlier this week, and this is what I saw:

Yes, that’s Marlee Matlin shaking her little tail feathers up there, and yes, it is the same “profoundly deaf” Marlee Matlin from Children of a Lesser God and What the Bleep Do We Know (ugh) and The ‘L’ Word, et al. Indeed.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that making a deaf woman mambo is a small lateral step from putting a blind man on a greased-up pole and watching him crash to the ground. Live. On national TV. And you are oh so very right. It’s like a piano recital for children with no fingers. Like a butt-kicking contest for people with no butts. But…just look at that deaf chick go!

Now I really have nothing to compare Marlee’s mambo to, for, as I think I said, I’d rather eat a candied turd taco than sit through this garbage. I’ve never watched an episode before. But from my unschooled point of view, that woman danced like no deaf woman should be allowed. It was amazing, really. It was pretty much spot-on. (And, let’s face it, it was a damn sight more tolerable to watch than What the Bleep do We Know). It was certainly better than I could have done, and I’m blessed with a wicked sense of rhythm and two functioning ears. I simply couldn’t help but swoon a bit.

But, um, she was voted off. First week. Bam. Just like that.

A tragedy.

Oh, and it was sickening to watch. Everyone hugged her, and simpered, and gave nauseating speeches about how “inspiring” she was, and I couldn’t help thinking of a phrase David Schmader coined many years ago, “clapping extra loud for the retarded kid.” It seems just so wrong that she was so precipitously kicked off. Cruel, even. The bastards.

Poor, poor Marlee. She’s no retarded kid. She’s the Big Deaf Queen of the Mambo.

Dancing with the Stars. What a bunch of crap.

RSS icon Comments


What do you mean by "first time out"" She has lasted on the show for weeks. She outlasted Penn Jillette, Monica Seles, Steve Guttenberg, Adam Carolla, and Priscilla Presley.

Stop bashing Marlee. She had a bad week and got the boot. She wasn't as lucky as Brooke White. Blah Blah.

And yes, I need to stop watching tv.

Posted by stinkbug | April 24, 2008 2:12 PM

bashing marlee? you don't only need to watch less tv, you need to learn to READ.

Posted by adrian | April 24, 2008 2:17 PM

I fucking love COALG, but that's mostly because of Michael Convertino's awesome score. Man, he fell off the face of the Earth. Oh, no he didn't. I'm simply the only composer fan who like him. Huh.

I remember jacking off to the sex on the couch scene when I was a kid. God I had the hots for William Hurt. I wanted him to tell me to say his name. I wanted her to say his name. But she wouldn't. Because she's a deaf bitch.

Posted by Mr. Poe | April 24, 2008 2:19 PM

i was so embarrassed for her when i learned she was to appear on this show. she won an academy award! she should never do this...

Posted by infrequent | April 24, 2008 2:20 PM

*Likes. Fuck!

Posted by Mr. Poe | April 24, 2008 2:21 PM

Adrian! When will you be on dancing with the stars, babe?

Posted by farmer zach | April 24, 2008 2:23 PM

Marlee was cute on the show and did amazingly well, but it WAS time for her to go...

sadly, I think the big, dumb football player will probably win, even though the Yamaguchi is the best thing on here.

oh, er, I only watch the show 'cause Tom Bergeron is a comedic genius...seriously, the guys got some killer timing.

Posted by michael strangeways | April 24, 2008 2:27 PM

Yeah, ok, I know you were bashing marlee. I just wanted to sound like a crazy slogger.

She's still very cute. Hard to believe that COALG was TWENTY TWO years ago. Yikes.

And adrian, go watch clips of Penn or Adam dancing. They were pathetic.

Posted by stinkbug | April 24, 2008 3:03 PM

no, I think for once Adrian was being serious...

how can you NOT like Marlee Matlin? She's adorable and all her interpreters are obviously was her dance partner.

Posted by michael strangeways | April 24, 2008 3:13 PM

Well that wasn't the first week. But since you never watched the show before, I'll forgive you. She was pretty good, but it was her time to go.

Posted by Ivory | April 24, 2008 3:18 PM

Er, typo, I meant: "I know you weren't bashing marlee..."

Posted by stink | April 24, 2008 3:19 PM

is there a reason a women didn't read her bio? I thought she was a transvestite for a second.

Posted by hazel zone | April 24, 2008 3:20 PM

oh, and watching the backstage personality shove a mic into marlee's face for the first two weeks was pretty funny.

Posted by stinkbug | April 24, 2008 3:22 PM

Penn Jillette was pretty terrible, but no one will ever match the dancing horribleness that was Master P. Who wouldn't change out of his sneakers.

Posted by Fnarf | April 24, 2008 3:37 PM

even if your deaf you can still feel the music, literally--specially. taking a balloon to a concert lets you feel the music with your fingers. so in other words she can still follow the music and the dance cues by feeling the bass.

Posted by Jiberish | April 24, 2008 4:06 PM

@12 Marlee Matlin employs a full-time ASL interpreter and he is a man. He's the one you heard voicing her when she was talking on the show. It is a little disconcerting at first, but I'm glad she was able to use her preferred interpreter.

In my job, I have to hire ASL interpreters from time to time and the Deaf people I work with have definite preferences for the interpreters they work with based on the interpreter's style, the sign language dialect they are most comfortable with, and the personality of the interpreter. Often these considerations are more important to the Deaf person than making sure their interpreter is the same gender they are.

Posted by rrr | April 24, 2008 4:25 PM

Dear Adrian Ryan,

There are two people you need to look up:

*Alicia Alonso
*Heather Whitestone

Thank you.

Posted by Rachael F. | April 24, 2008 4:44 PM

I could never get over the horrible music they use for the show. They'll even set something like the paso doble to some top 40 dreck.

Posted by keshmeshi | April 24, 2008 5:01 PM

"I felt bad for Marlee getting kicked off, until I realized that she didn't have to hear Ashley Simpson sing."

Posted by stinkbug | April 24, 2008 5:38 PM

"People are going to wonder how a deaf person is going to dance..."

Uh, they're gonna dance on their legs not on their ears, buddy.

Posted by Y.F. | April 24, 2008 5:50 PM

Thank you, Adrian. love you.

Posted by NaFun | April 24, 2008 6:05 PM

She's beautiful.

Posted by Deacon Seattle | April 24, 2008 8:49 PM

You'd never guess she has a peg leg.

Posted by Moomp | April 25, 2008 7:04 AM

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