Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

« Since I've Already Mentioned L... | Army Arrangement »

Monday, April 14, 2008

Candy Should Not Be Mean

posted by on April 14 at 12:42 PM


“Jellybeans! Yum! Yes, I would like one, thank you. Which kind? Oh, Buttered Popcorn is my favorite. What the fuck!? [gagging, spitting noises] This isn’t buttered popcorn, this tastes like fucking rotten egg!? You sick fuck!”

One box, 10 colors, 20 flavors. Half taste delicious—Cafe Latte, Pear, Carmel Corn, etc. Their evil twins, though, taste like shit. Or pencil shavings. Or ear wax. And the only way to know which is which is to taste them.


It’s a dare, you see? Jelly Belly is daring you to eat the jelly beans that may or may not make you want to die.

That’s just fucking mean. They’re selling them at the QFC on Broadway and Pike if you’re looking to ruin someone’s day.

And yeah, the vomit really does taste like vomit. It’s fucking disgusting.

RSS icon Comments


Wait, buttered popcorn is a NON-PRANK flavor?
That's the nastiest jellybean ever. I'd rather eat a handful of vomit/skunk spray/armpit jellybeans than a single buttered popcorn.

Posted by pogo | April 14, 2008 12:49 PM

I hope JK Rowling is getting compensation for this.

Posted by julia | April 14, 2008 12:49 PM

Further proof that Jelly Belly makes the worst jellybeans known to man.

Posted by T | April 14, 2008 12:57 PM
Posted by jessica yen | April 14, 2008 12:58 PM

Okay, hold on. Naturally and Artificially flavored? I hope they clarify which is natural and which is artificial.

Posted by egid | April 14, 2008 12:59 PM

What's wrong with black pepper?

Or toothpaste?

Or boogers?

Posted by w7ngman | April 14, 2008 1:03 PM

I want black pepper! Now! OMG OMG OMG.

Posted by Dawgson | April 14, 2008 1:03 PM

Looks like someone in Product Development is a little too obsessed with Harry Potter.

Posted by Hernandez | April 14, 2008 1:10 PM

@4 - I clicked on the link. BOOB flavor?! LMAO! I didn't realize that boobs came in flavors. You know, a flavor different than say, ARM or LEG flavor. Too funny. And really, Megan, I love your candy/weird drink posts, but buttered popcorn?! I'll have to second #1 on that one. I didn't realize that there were people that actually liked that! Thanks for taking one for the team again, though. Not that I would take the risk of eating the vomit or baby wipe (WTF?!) flavor in the first place... I'll stick with the pink grapefruit jelly bellies. They are really the only ones that taste good.

Posted by DanFan | April 14, 2008 1:26 PM

Jones Soda is probably in cahoots as well.

Posted by Gabriel | April 14, 2008 1:33 PM

I have a hard time believing that Skunk Spray and Licorice are two distinct flavors.

Posted by Mike of Renton | April 14, 2008 1:34 PM

Wouldn't you have wanted to sit in on the focus-group interviews for these?

"Does sample A taste more like boogers, or, would you say sample B tastes more like boogers?"

"Which of the following does the sample taste more like: A.) Jaeger shots and hotdog at 3:00 a.m. vomit; B.) Saki and rancid tuna-belly at 7:00 p.m. vomit; or, C.) Bloody Mary and Hangtown Fry at 11:30 a.m. vomit?"

And finally, is there really ANY appreciable difference in taste between "skunk spray" and "licorice"?

Posted by COMTE | April 14, 2008 1:38 PM



Posted by COMTE | April 14, 2008 1:45 PM

Help I ccan't post polital jokes with real peoples names as anonymus anymore...what's the world coming to??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Posted by kieneker, daniel bennett | April 14, 2008 1:48 PM

Let me try, really..... seriously..... to post one and see if the spelling changes again after I post it with a weird name change......

Posted by kieneker, bennett, daniel | April 14, 2008 1:50 PM

Jelly Belly made the Harry Potter ones and the Booger flavored one seriously almost killed me. But the grass one was pretty good!

Posted by um | April 14, 2008 2:12 PM

Take your meds, DKB, or Slog will continue to rearrange the photons beaming toward your eyes. No colander can protect you now.

Posted by Fnarf | April 14, 2008 2:21 PM

Pardon me -- DBK, not DKB.

Posted by Fnarf | April 14, 2008 2:44 PM

If there *is* a jelly bean flavor worse than buttered popcorn (there isn't), it would have to be licorice.

Posted by w7ngman | April 14, 2008 2:51 PM

Considering Jelly Belly was the ones that made the real-life version of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, this is not surprising. Now that HP mania is over (or in a lull till the next movie), they've got to do something with all that investment.

Posted by K | April 14, 2008 3:35 PM

Buttered Popcorn is my favorite flavor as well. It reminds me of eating popcorn and JuJu beans at the movies when I was a kid.

Posted by lilblackcat | April 14, 2008 4:21 PM

No regular Jelly Belly flavor is worse than strawberry.

Posted by keshmeshi | April 14, 2008 6:41 PM
Buttered Popcorn is my favorite flavor as well. It reminds me of eating popcorn and JuJu beans at the movies when I was a kid.

Sweet! I'm partial to cherry nibs & popcorn, myself. I always smuggle a bag of them into the drive-in, since they don't sell them there.

Posted by wench | April 14, 2008 7:20 PM

I tried these back when Jelly Belly was selling them under the "Bertie Bott" label as a Harry Potter tie-in. The black pepper ones are awesome: I just wish there were some way to buy them without having to invest in the vomit, booger and earwax flavors, all of which I can sadly confirm are shockingly realistc.

Posted by Doctor Memory | April 14, 2008 8:22 PM

What is the point of having half a package of candy tasting terrible?

Posted by lawrence clark | April 15, 2008 3:51 AM

This can't be real. If you search on Jelly Belly's web site there's no mention of this. The prank is the fact that the product doesn't exist.

Posted by Randi | April 16, 2008 8:04 AM

i've had them. they're fascinating. the rotten egg was impossible to eat and made me want to vomit even more than the vomit flavored bean. i agree that grass was ok! so was soap!

Posted by dcnyc | April 16, 2008 10:08 AM

Comments Closed

In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).