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Friday, March 7, 2008

The Morning News

posted by on March 7 at 7:30 AM

While the Dems Duke It Out: The GOP is amassing a shit ton of money.

Lights Out: Karachi forgets to pay its power bill.

Rib Eye: USDA may install cameras in slaughterhouses.

Ballin’: Microsoft, Costco may bail out the Sonics.

Bring On the Soylent Green: Population growth, global warming could lead to massive food shortages.

Face the Music: RIAA may be forced to reveal investigative tricks.

Blowing Smoke: Minnesotans going to ridiculous lengths to smoke in bars.

Fucking Retarded: Pasadena City Council declares “No Cussing Week.”

And now, John Carpenter’s The Thing in…LEGO VISION!!!!

RSS icon Comments


Foul! Foul! I cry!

The Thing got into the base camp through one of the sled dogs!

Posted by NapoleonXIV | March 7, 2008 7:52 AM

Did Andy ever WATCH The Thing? That's absolutely nothing like it.


Posted by Mr. Poe | March 7, 2008 7:53 AM

Hillary is demanding yet another firing of somebody or other this morning. My god, but does that woman love to crush careers? Eats em for breakfast.

Posted by elenchos | March 7, 2008 7:54 AM

Hillary is the Thing, and she's picking us off one by one! :(

Posted by NapoleonXIV | March 7, 2008 7:59 AM

Ha! You're calling her a monster! Calling her a monster is why she wants to get that Obama adviser fired. I'd watch out.

Somebody should make a complete list of everybody Hillary has fired or has gotten fired since this started. Just to prove that she hasn't axed more jobs than Mitt Romney. Or maybe to raise serious questions about her management style -- like does she think you can motivate her loyal minions with something other than "you're fired?"

Or maybe just for the fun of seeing how long the list is.

Posted by elenchos | March 7, 2008 8:09 AM

Yes, we Minnesotans are ardent supporters of the theatrical arts.

Posted by Ariel | March 7, 2008 8:10 AM

Eh. The truth hurts. Hillary is a monster led by the lust for power. In fact, she'd rather see McCain as president instead of Obama. That doesn't appear terribly Democratic of her. Rancid. She's rancid.

Posted by Michigan Matt (soon to be Baltimatt) | March 7, 2008 8:15 AM

With the Hillary "Monster Bitch From Hell" Clinton's tactics; explain to me again how she wins in November if she steals the nomination? I will vote for Nader before her; and I fucking HATE Nader!!!

Posted by Andrew | March 7, 2008 8:18 AM

If you've ever seen Hillary Clinton's head turn into a giant spider and scamper away from a debate, you should be willing to cut that Samantha Power person some slack.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | March 7, 2008 8:39 AM

Hillary Clinton is a demon from "It"!

Posted by Bellevue Ave | March 7, 2008 8:49 AM

ballmer et al: day late & a dollar short.

where were you when schultz was whining like a little bitch?

bennett's not selling. stern's been bought. the NBA owners don't want their own mobility affected. they're gone.

go buy the hornets from shinn.

Posted by max solomon | March 7, 2008 8:51 AM

This Minnesota smoking thing rather bothers me only because the smoking ban seems like such a no brainer now. Those Minnesota bars think they’re being all cute and everything not taking into account the majority of people who don’t want to inhale other people’s shit. Who knows the irreparable damage that has already been done to me from the many years when going out to the clubs was more like working in a smelter factory? How nice is it in Seattle to come home from the bar and not stink like a fucking trailer park? I am sure many other people are happy as well. Now this 25 Feet from the door thing is stupid and is intent on forcing smokers to quit by pushing them out to Timbuktu. Smoke all you want just don’t do it in an enclosed public space.

Posted by Gay Seattle | March 7, 2008 8:52 AM

Saying she is a monster is nothing compared to what the GOP will say about her. Stop whining.

Posted by Fitz | March 7, 2008 8:53 AM

I just hope they don't ban onstage smoking in /actual/ theaters. Bertolt B. would spin in his grave.

Posted by Ariel | March 7, 2008 9:04 AM


You're a fucking idiot. I have nothing but PUNCHES for you.

Posted by Mr. Poe | March 7, 2008 9:11 AM

Hillary is a cunt, a nasty smelly cunt with yeast infections crawling out of it.

Posted by John McCain | March 7, 2008 9:12 AM

Isn't there a difference between Pasadena and South Pas?

Posted by Matt | March 7, 2008 9:25 AM

In other news: Karaoke!

Posted by NapoleonxIV | March 7, 2008 9:30 AM

I would like to point out that it's South Pasadena NOT Pasadena. They're two different cities. So you're able to curse a storm in Pasadena.

Posted by Rachael F. | March 7, 2008 10:43 AM

I like the whole make the rich people that get the most value out of the the team pay for it concept. Frankly, I'd rather have the Sonics move because they're a bunch of greedy crybabies. But if they're going to stay I'm glad I won't be footing the bill directly.

Here's to collecting enough parking ticket revenue on game day to pay for the wear & tear on Mercer.

Posted by Anon | March 7, 2008 10:52 AM

@14: Motherfucker has it coming. The Good Woman of Setzuan SUCKED.

Posted by Greg | March 7, 2008 1:38 PM

thanks for saying what millions of people are to polite to say #16
oh and #12, I dont have punchs for you but I'm sure the blue collor workers who actually LIVE in a traler park who work there ass off everyday and just want a relaxed drink and smoke with friends after a hard days work without standing out in -40 degree snow drifts would love to challange you to a fight....maybe smokeing bans are appropreate for limp wristed yuppie wine sippers but it pisses us people off who have to bust ass for a liveing.....just because your paid more to push around pencils and jerk of under your desk does not give you the right to dictate how the dishwashers and floorsweepers should live there lives

any excuse to dress up in a flamboyant outfit is fine with me

Posted by linus | March 7, 2008 2:47 PM

Hillary Clinton isn't maintaining that she's not a monster; she'll never deny that. Hillary just called Barack Obama's hand and he folded. Instead of calling Hillary's bluff; so Hillary, are you in fact saying that you're not a monster? Barack loses a staffer instead – while Hillary struts her stuff. Monster in this sense: inhumanly cruel or wicked person. So, Hillary, do you deny that you are in fact an inhumanly cruel or wicked person:

Posted by Peggy McGilligan | March 7, 2008 9:47 PM

"...does not give you the right to dictate how the dishwashers and floorsweepers should live there lives"

Sure it does, shithead - as long as we keep having to pay for that trash's lung cancers and emphysemas. Most of you don't have insurance.

Now pour me another chardonnay, loser - and make it snappy.

Posted by Pencil Pushing Masterbator | March 7, 2008 9:56 PM

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