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Friday, March 14, 2008

Sally Kern’s Son Says He’s Not Gay (And I Believe Him)

posted by on March 14 at 15:55 PM

Sally Kern’s son denies reports he is gay

by: Mick Hinton, World Capitol Bureau

OKLAHOMA CITY — The son of a state lawmaker who has condemned homosexuality as a worse threat to the U.S. than “terrorists or Islam” said Friday he wants it known that he is “straight and not gay.”

Jesse Kern, son of Rep. Sally Kern, R-Oklahoma City, said information purporting that he is gay, which has appeared on several blogs, is damaging to himself and his family.

Kern, 31, said he feels the media has a responsibility to seek out the truth, then report it.

Kern, who said he is affiliated with the Des Moines School of Metaphysics, said that he chooses to be celibate, but he is not homosexual.

Was his statement and consequent oversharing about his celibacy necessary? I would guess not, but according to the very snazzy website of the Des Moines School of Metaphysics, he is not just affiliated, he is the director of said school. He also looks possibly do-able, in a squirrely but earnest kind of way.


“First of all, no one’s sexuality is anyone’s business. It is not even my mother’s business,” he said. “I practice celibacy to give to my God,” he said.

He neglects to mention if he’s celibate like a Catholic priest, and only diddles children, or celibate like the Blessed Virgin and may one day give birth to a saviour. I’m too afraid to delve into Metaphysics to find out. It is possible too, I suppose, that he’s gay and is celibate because he is afraid of his Mommy, but that is too tedious and sad-making to consider.

It is hoped that Mr. Kern will return to keeping his big trap shut, and let us also hope that his bigoted, dangerous, and paranoid mother learns to do the same.

RSS icon Comments


I'm interpreting this as "I'm only gay when having sex, as I am obviously not having sex right now, I could not be possibly identified as a gay man. Tah dah!"

Posted by seattle98104 | March 14, 2008 3:57 PM

Am I the only one that thinks celibate = flaming homo?

Also, nice one about celibate like a catholic priest!

Posted by Mike in MO | March 14, 2008 3:58 PM

Celibate because you're too nerdy or confident enough to score with girls == possibly not gay. Celibate in order to give to your God = mega gay.

What in Christ's name does God want with your celibacy, you fucking enema nozzle? Is he making a necklace out of it, or what, exactly?

Posted by Fnarf | March 14, 2008 4:35 PM

@ Fnarf Enema nozzle? You a sicko.

Posted by It's Mark Mitchell | March 14, 2008 4:50 PM

I'm confused- wasn't the "attempted oral sodomy" charge they dragged up on him from 1989? And he's only 31?

Posted by erika | March 14, 2008 5:09 PM

31 + celibate for Jebus = closet case.


Posted by Reverse Polarity | March 14, 2008 5:22 PM

i tried celibacy once in 1979 for about three weeks. it gave me purple balls and almost landed me in a hospital. i traded it in for gay and have been mostly happy about it ever since
..snicker.. 'fucking enema nozzle'..tee hee

Posted by reverend dr dj riz | March 14, 2008 5:47 PM

Let me see if I have this correct- He's a celibate Music teacher, and we're debating IF he's gay...?


Posted by UNPAID BLOGGER | March 14, 2008 6:22 PM


Gay and more bent than a left hand all 'good' Christians.

Posted by Y.F. | March 14, 2008 8:22 PM

You know all I can think of is Morrisey.

Posted by DJ Eternal Darkness | March 15, 2008 7:11 AM

a celibacy are a poet, fnarf.

Posted by ellarosa | March 16, 2008 12:30 AM

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