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Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Dildos in Texas

posted by on March 5 at 12:56 PM

The state Attorney General in Texas, Mr. Greg Abbott, is appealing the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeal’s pre-Valentine’s Day decision to toss out his state’s ban on sex toys, vibrators, and dildos. Allowing Texans to own dildos, the state believes, will lead to Texans fucking members of their immediate families—and then marrying all their relatives too. Only a ban on dildos, it seems, stands between Texas and total incestuous, bigamous anarchy.

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Sex toys in Texas: if that's what happens, you're doing it wrong!

Posted by Jessica | March 5, 2008 1:02 PM

Appeal away. Like there's a snowball's chance im hell that the Supremes will grant cert for that - especially when they've already made their position on this issue quite clear already.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | March 5, 2008 1:07 PM

Seriously? I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Texas executes so many inmates, the AG is probably worried about job security if they start taking laws off the books.

Posted by Dr. Pants | March 5, 2008 1:16 PM

Yah...sheesh... think so!!??

Uh huh!! and while we confirm hat one we'll probobly find out that the Sean Bell case has been tried bfore a closd special prosecutor right hre in good old Seattle... the town wth the infamous George W. Bush Courthouse and the new whatever they're gonna name it renovation across he street from the Koolhaus.

Just go down and see the new art show on wesern ave tonight and see the sexy painings of the women and death heads... the place with the dissected frog and timeclocks in the belly.... it's cool.
Oh ya... do it drunk cause it don't make it junk.

Posted by danielbennettkieneker | March 5, 2008 1:21 PM

Both of my aunt-wives love their dildoes - what's the big deal?

Posted by Ziggity | March 5, 2008 1:30 PM

Shit, next they'll want to ban sheep in Montana.

Posted by six shooter | March 5, 2008 1:34 PM

If only somebody had let those those Texas women have a dildo, they wouldn't have all that pro-Hillary anger driving them to destroy America at any cost.

Posted by elenchos | March 5, 2008 1:38 PM

I'm not following the logic on the argument here ...

Posted by OR Matt | March 5, 2008 1:39 PM

Fucking sheep is already illegal in Montana. And Texas. And just about everywhere in the world. Except Saudi Arabia, because they're, you know, civilized.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | March 5, 2008 1:42 PM

If you take a moment to consider the average Texan I think you will find that nothing has been standing in the way of Texas and total incestuous, bigamous anarchy for quite some time.

Posted by Mittens Schrodinger | March 5, 2008 1:46 PM

I kinda wish the names of the posters would be put at the top of the posts so i could ignore those by danielbennettkieneker

Posted by vooodooo84 | March 5, 2008 1:47 PM

Jeez, given that its Texas and so thoroughly republican he's probably right.

Posted by Jersey | March 5, 2008 2:29 PM


Can't you tell by the first sentence?


OK, then Texas should make owning dildos legal, but make it illegal to use them.

Posted by keshmeshi | March 5, 2008 2:55 PM

Well, Texas *is* very special. Perhaps if the people there are allowed any sexual freedom they will return to their inbred ways.

Posted by Gustopher | March 5, 2008 4:00 PM

"Only a ban on dildos, it seems, stands between Texas and total incestuous, bigamous anarchy."
Gee, I thought that only a ban on gay rights stood between Texas and total incestuous, bigamous anarchy!
@10: I just can't win, can I? I was born in Texas, and I've lived over half my life in Florida!

Posted by Anna | March 5, 2008 7:38 PM

Fifty-Two-Eighty said... Fucking sheep is already illegal in Montana. And Texas. And just about everywhere in the world.

Oh, yeah? It's not illegal in Florida. It's still a furry free love zone.

Posted by Zippy | March 6, 2008 1:30 PM

When dildos are made criminal. Only criminals will have dildos.

Posted by Seth | March 6, 2008 1:47 PM

another example why we (the North) should have let the South secede. We'd be a far better country, and we wouldnt be fighting these stupid battles.
When are the Reich Wing, fundamentalists, and Repugnicans of America going to keep their noses out of others' private lives ?
It's pathetic

Posted by Mike D | March 6, 2008 2:05 PM

If dildos are outlawed in Texas will that mean G.W. Bush wont be allowed back in the state?

Posted by JC | March 6, 2008 3:44 PM

Maybe it would be ok if they were shaped like pistols?

Posted by dd | March 6, 2008 3:51 PM

If dildos are "obscene devices" because they can be used for masturbation then what does that make hands?

Posted by cls | March 6, 2008 4:47 PM

Sex toys in Texas: if that's what happens, you're doing it wrong!"

Too many holes. Not enough plugs...

Posted by Jaime Frontero | March 6, 2008 9:44 PM

There is a fine line between back massager and dildo but its not a very defined line. How far do these anti-masturbation laws go? What are they going to do, ban cordless drills and cob corn? People are way too smart for stupid laws like these.

Posted by HB | March 6, 2008 11:18 PM

Maybe they can start by removing that dildo they left in the White House.

Posted by Dubya MD's | March 7, 2008 6:52 AM

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