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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

But What if Elliot Spitzer Wanted to Shit in His Wife’s Mouth, Dr. Laura?

posted by on March 12 at 9:26 AM

We don’t know what Client 9—that would be New York Governor Elliot Spitzer—was doing with those hookers. We do know, however, that it was something kinda out there. From the NYT:

In a wiretapped conversation after the encounter, the prostitute, Kristen, called her booker to inform her that the session had gone well, and that she did not find the client “difficult,” as other prostitutes apparently had, according to the affidavit.

The booker responds that he, in an apparent reference to Client 9, sometimes asks the women “to do things that, like, you might not think were safe.”

On the Today Show yesterday Dr. Laura blamed Mrs. Spitzer for her husband’s resorting to prostitutes to get his “difficult” sexual needs met. Via ThinkProgress:

“When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings—sexually, personally—to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman. […]

When asked if she meant to blame Mrs. Spitzer, Dr. Laura answered affirmatively:

The cheating was his decision to repair what’s damaged and to feed himself where he’s starving. But yes, I hold women accountable for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need.

Oh for crying out loud. Men don’t cheat simply because their wives are failing to worship them with sufficient zeal. Some men (and women) cheat because they want a little variety, because monogamy isn’t natural (even Bill Bennett says so!), and because after ten, twenty, or thirty years of married life, the desire to see someone else naked—and gobbling your knob—can become too powerful to resist. Monogamy sounds good on paper, but it’s a long, hard, thoroughly unrealistic slog in practice. I’m not saying men and women should have a license to cheat, or that folks shouldn’t honor their commitments, keep their vows, refrain from hypocritically hiring escorts after signing a law that stiffened (ha! stiffened!) penalties for men that patronize prostitutes. All I’m saying is that it’s idiotic to make—or extract—commitments that we damn well know few of us will be able to keep.

And many men patronize prostitutes because they have desires—unsafe desires, difficult desires—that their wives, however worshipful, can not or will not indulge. Some men are kinky—good, decent guys, good husbands and fathers—and their wives would rather look the other way than be pestered about BDSM or choking or two-girls-one-cup action. Some women actually encourage their husbands to get their more problematic sexual needs met safely and discretely with other women.

That may well have been the case here. We don’t know what Client 9 asked of his escorts, but if professional sex workers regarded it as difficult and potentially unsafe, it’s safe to say it wasn’t anything as basic as oral. I’m guessing that Spitzer was into something kinda hardcore, something that a woman secure about her husband’s devotion to her—or a woman that wants to get off the hook—might encourage her husband to seek out elsewhere, even if it meant going to a pro.

If this was the case here—and that’s a huge if, I realize—it doesn’t make Spitzer’s patronizing a prostitute any less idiotic, risky, or hypocritical. But a man going to a prostitute to get a difficult need met isn’t necessarily evidence that his wife is insufficiently worshipful, or that he doesn’t feel like a hero at home, or any of the other idiotic things Dr. Laura had to say on the Today Show. For many couples—happy couples, healthy couples—allowing the husband seeing a sex worker is a mutually agreed to, mutually agreeable, and loving solution to the problem posed by a husband’s kinks.

So the follow up question I would’ve put to Dr. Laura if I were the host of the Today Show (in some crazy, fucked up, alternate universe) would have been, “But What if Elliot Spitzer Wanted to Shit in His Wife’s Mouth, Dr. Laura? Is that a need a wife should focus on, or is that a need a wife might reasonably refuse to meet—even if it meant that her husband would go elsewhere to get that need met?”

UPDATE: Spitzer’s out. And this is funny.

RSS icon Comments


Well, she did take him for better or for worse.

Seriously--just because Dr. Laura's first name is Doctor and she has a radio call-in show, what entitles her to any credibility whatsoever?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | March 12, 2008 9:32 AM

Who listens to Dr. Laura anymore? What a crock.

Posted by ahava | March 12, 2008 9:33 AM

I have been wondering this entire time if Spitzer was into some or all of BDSM, and the delay in making a decision was tied to the fact that he may not actually have been having sexual intercourse with any of these women. A lot of powerful men have urges to be dominated in private, and it isn't always about sex. But BDSM is such a huge taboo, bigger than prostitution.

Posted by hiding my name on this one | March 12, 2008 9:34 AM

wasnt Spitzer getting enough of that power trip by fucking Wall Street?

Posted by Bellevue Ave | March 12, 2008 9:36 AM

I do wish Kelly and Regis would have asked Dr. Laura your headline question...

Posted by It's Mark Mitchell | March 12, 2008 9:37 AM

Other reports said the "unsafe" activity was nothing kinky, but just a desire for unprotected sex. I hope he's in a sexless marriage, because if that's true, he was putting his wife in some significant danger there.

Posted by tsm | March 12, 2008 9:37 AM

I was thinking the other way around, @4. To be dominated, not to dominate.

Posted by hiding my name on this one | March 12, 2008 9:38 AM

Here it is.

Law enforcement officials confirmed to The Post that Spitzer didn’t want to wear a condom.
Posted by tsm | March 12, 2008 9:42 AM

Dr. Laura is still alive?

Posted by Peter F | March 12, 2008 9:44 AM

Nobody listens to Dr. Laura anymore. Legend says that some do, but I'm skeptical.

We do read her, though.

Her advice was awesome. I love it when women are blamed for everything.

Posted by Mr. Poe | March 12, 2008 9:46 AM

@8 - so, completely different from what he could get at home.

@9 - I think she's always been animatronic.

Posted by bohica | March 12, 2008 9:48 AM

who actually WANTS to wear condoms?

Posted by Bellevue Ave | March 12, 2008 9:49 AM

God, enough already. This was a Republican conspiracy to destroy a high-ranking, effective Democrat, and it worked. They finally have their Bill Clinton to crucify.

Posted by laterite | March 12, 2008 9:49 AM

The scariest part of Dr. L's advice: "make him feel like her hero". Because life is just like a bad pop song.

Posted by Fnarf | March 12, 2008 9:52 AM

oh cmon laterite, it isn't a conspiracy to destroy someone if the PERSON IS ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING WRONG!

Posted by Bellevue Ave | March 12, 2008 9:55 AM

@13: So, you're blaming the GOP? Did they force him to screw these women? ...I could care less about the sex. However, the judgement is awful.

Posted by C'mon | March 12, 2008 9:56 AM

And it wasn't enough for him to go to a hooker. No, he had to cross state lines to do it, which makes it a federal offense. Dumbass.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | March 12, 2008 10:07 AM

@12: nobody does, but what choice is there? how often do you get out of it man? unless you don't mind STDs.

Posted by jon | March 12, 2008 10:12 AM

Monogamy is a nice solution for me.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | March 12, 2008 10:27 AM

All sorts of rich and powerful people visit prostitutes or escorts. How many become the target of federal(!) investigations? Yes, he was the governor and therefore would be high-profile, but I bet one could find other, more enticing clientčle in key positions of corporate and governmental power, if one were so inclined to look.

This is all leaving aside the monumental dumbassery of Spitzer to do what he did, especially with the no-condom thing. He had to know that someone would catch him, even if it was the local sheriff. He could still be prosecuted, even after resigning. Maybe there's way more to the whole affair (no pun intended); I'm sure if people keep digging they will find more malfeasance. And there's still the question of how aggressively prostitution should be pursued by law enforcement, to which Spitzer is a hypocrite for strengthening that enforcement.

But it all just seems a little too pat, with a federal investigation, coming in an presidential election year (many thought Spitzer to be the next viable Democratic candidate in '12 or '16), in the middle of a Wall Street death spiral that many corporate raiders arguably blame on Spitzer to some degree.

Posted by laterite | March 12, 2008 10:31 AM

I blame his penis! Men think the world revolves around the penis and it gets them in a whole bunch of trouble!

People do listen to Dr. Laura and I hope and pray they lynch her for saying what she said. I wish I was joking but I'm not.
Please, somebody, ruin her career over this.

Posted by mj | March 12, 2008 10:33 AM

IF you're going to go around slaying giants, don't put yourself in a position where you will be slayed yourself when you become a giant.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | March 12, 2008 10:39 AM

Umm, wait a minute. The whole world DOES revolve around my penis.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | March 12, 2008 10:40 AM

Nude pics weren't enough to ruin her.

Posted by laterite | March 12, 2008 10:46 AM

I'm with Mr. Poe in that I also love it when it's always the woman's fault. If they don't have dinner ready on time, if they don't greet him with a martini and a foot massage after a hard day's work, if they don't regularly tell him he's a big/strong/successful man.... of course he is going to cheat.

Posted by Julie | March 12, 2008 10:47 AM

Where's ecce homo on this one, by the way? I'm sure he agrees completely with Dr. Laura.

Posted by Julie | March 12, 2008 10:59 AM

Jesus Fucking Christ, Dan. Of all people, I would expect you to know the difference between the word discreet and the word discrete.

Posted by Ken | March 12, 2008 11:00 AM

Technically, to a prostitute, a "Difficult and unsafe" client can mean that they want to kiss and hold hands. It becomes 'personal' then.

A client like that can be a handful when all you want to do is have sex, get the money, and have them leave.

Posted by Colton | March 12, 2008 11:36 AM

So who's responsible when a woman cheats?

Posted by keshmeshi | March 12, 2008 11:49 AM

i read somewhere that spitzer had preferred not to use a condom, and that was the difficult/potentially unsafe act he was wanting. Don't know if it's true or not, obviously.
I'm sure that a desire to shit in your wife's (or anyone's) mouth would be high on Dr. Laura's list of reasons to throw you in an insane asylum/castrate you/sew up your bum hole/jail you/whatever her favourite method would be of punishing "deviants."

Posted by Rebecca | March 12, 2008 11:59 AM

If monogamy is unnatural... then why do so many people choose to enter into monogamous relationships?? No one is making them. If 30-40 years with the same person ain't your cup of tea, then stay single. If you're kinky, and your kink is so "dangerous" that your GGG potential-partner won't do it, stay single and go see professionals.

Also, I take issue with the whole "monogamy isn't natural, thus we shouldn't do it." Going to the bathroom inside isn't natural either, doesn't mean I think we should revert back to outhouses.

Posted by Marty | March 12, 2008 12:13 PM

@31: The tradition of preferring married men with families over bachelors is a long tradition in politics (going back to at least ancient Rome). I'm willing to bet that's one of the many factors that makes otherwise broken political families cling together.

Posted by Gloria | March 12, 2008 12:25 PM

Dr. Laura comments has an element of truth. The wife AND the husband both have the opportunity to have a satisfying sex life if they really wanted it. It's a two way street. Dr. Laura is not excusing Spitzer, she's just calling attention to what's lacking in their marraige.

Posted by raindrop | March 12, 2008 12:31 PM

i WANT to wear a condom when we do it on backpacking trips - there are no bidets available.

Posted by mr. natural | March 12, 2008 12:34 PM

@29. The Woman. Duh.

Either because:

A. She's a slut
B. She's weak and incapable of saying no
C. She's completely ruled by her emotions, or
D. All of the above

Posted by Julie | March 12, 2008 12:59 PM

Well, I informed my husband that if his needs aren't being met and he feels the need to visit a prostitute, we need to have a budget, because $5,000 ain't gonna happen.

Posted by ahava | March 12, 2008 1:16 PM

Keep trying, raindrop.

Posted by tsm | March 12, 2008 2:12 PM

Dr. Laura is such a fucking idiot.

He didn't fall prey to the "charms" of a woman. It's not like he was a sexually deprived guy who had sex with some cute young intern who flirted with him.

He's a guy who sought out and regularly paid for sex. BIG difference there.

Posted by Jo | March 12, 2008 2:14 PM

@33 It is true that both wife/husband or partners have the responsibility to meet the needs of the other person.

Dr. Laura has no way of knowing anything about the Spitzers sex life and this was not just about sex anyway.

This was about doing what he knew was wrong but thought he could get way with, breaking the law, and being a power hungry, egoistical monster. I'm sure it was all very exciting but it was not worth the risk he took.

How is a wife supposed to fulfill the needs of a man that wants way more than any one human is capable of giving him?

Dr. Laura was just trying to make her ridiculous man pleasing book sell more and trying to make this scenario fit into her psychology. It just doesn't and she is an idiot and somebody should shut her up.
Listen to her and then tell me she is just a simple male pleasing little women.
She's a Queen Bee Bitch by nature and I think all this just please your man stuff is her talking to herself. There is NO WAY a woman like her is just rolling over for her husband.

Pleasing each other is great but Dr. Laura was way out of line and I"m no great women's libber either!

This rant is not aimed at you. I just started a rant and could not stop.

Posted by mj | March 12, 2008 2:49 PM

sheesh. talk about getting screwed!

Posted by heckler | March 12, 2008 2:53 PM

Wow, a 5 paragraph response to a women who isn't really even a Dr,even though she has the 3rd biggest audience in radio.

Posted by Nat Cur Vag | March 12, 2008 3:26 PM

What if I want a threeway with two women? How is my wife supposed to provide for that need by herself?

Posted by My penis | March 12, 2008 3:53 PM

Well, if your wifes vagina is in agreement with the needs of your penis I guess you would have a grand time.

Posted by mj | March 12, 2008 4:34 PM

who doesn't want to shit in elliot spitzer's wife's mouth, eh?

Posted by William Thirteen | March 13, 2008 3:13 AM

If he wanted to shit in his wife's mouth he should have married someone who was into scat play. Or at least someone who was cool with him getting that need met by someone else.

Embrace your kink! As someone who falls on the whore side of the virgin/whore complex, I've been dumped by guys because "you're not the type of girl you marry" or "because you make me want to do bad things". So they settle down and play house with the "wife" type, and then call me begging for something on the side because they aren't being satisfied at home. I hang up the phone. It isn't fair to the wife he promised to forsake all others for, and it isn't fair to me (who actually does want to settle down for a life of kinky monogamy at some point).

Posted by Melissa | March 14, 2008 9:20 AM

Let's face it...Spitzer is a weenie. He has no balls. Strong men don't behave this way. If he had a modicum of respect for his family, he would have divorced his wife and worried more about his career than his inability to get it up any more.
Dr Laura should not be interviewed on topics that she obviously has little experience with. She apparently doesn't care about strength of character..whether it be a man or a woman.

Posted by Kate | March 15, 2008 4:37 PM

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