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Saturday, February 23, 2008

You Know What’s Wrong With America?

posted by on February 23 at 16:31 PM

The president pees sitting down. Seriously. And that’s not right.

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His tie is way too long.

Posted by Medina | February 23, 2008 4:44 PM

... or his torso is way too short.

Posted by mmbb | February 23, 2008 4:47 PM

As is his sermon. I quit at 1:47.

Posted by homage to me | February 23, 2008 4:47 PM

you know, I think he means it.

This is why I miss going to church sometimes.

Posted by This Guy | February 23, 2008 4:55 PM

"Men piss against the wall; women don't."

I am so glad he cleared that up.

Posted by Joey the Girl | February 23, 2008 5:01 PM

tl; dw

But you know...

Posted by elenchos | February 23, 2008 5:16 PM

This is brilliant. I love the antagonistic tone he takes with his congregation, which can't number more than three. Is he the pioneer of a new movement? Thanks for posting, Dan.

Posted by Bub | February 23, 2008 5:27 PM

Is that a dig at Hillary?

Posted by K | February 23, 2008 5:42 PM

But I wanna piss against the wall too! So unfair.

Posted by maxine | February 23, 2008 6:02 PM

Oh My God. I don't know what's more pathetic. That awful, sad, stupid little man, with the church that is apparently in the back of a used piano store, preaching about an obscure wording difference between two works of fiction, or me, sitting here in a Portland hotel room with a crappy wireless connection, who sat through it, buffering stops and all, and has now composed a ridiculously long run-on sentence whining about it.

But I just woke up from a nap, so think he wins the pathetic contest.

Why, in the name of Dear Sweet Jesus Christ in Heaven (or whatever deity you care to invoke), would ANYONE waste their time at a church like that? It's like lame humiliation porn, except everyone is (presumably) clothed.

If nothing else, I think it's safe to say that he won't be the social hit of Germany.

Posted by catalina vel-duray | February 23, 2008 6:07 PM

I like how he tries to get himself worked up over it.

Posted by Vasya | February 23, 2008 6:36 PM

My stepmother's sister married a guy from Germany who put up signs in all the bathrooms of their house ordering guests not to pee standing up. But they go to a fundamentalist congregation in Texas that is probably very similar to this church. To complicate things further, I've seen and used urinals in liberal Lutheran churches. I guess non-fundamentalist Germans pee standing up? I'm confused...

Then, this pastor quotes a Bible verse saying God will strike dead those who pee against a wall. So what is he do? He tells his congregation that he is going to pee against a wall! Does he have a death wish or something?

Finally, I would bet everything I own that this guy and every member of his flock voted for Bush. Yet he says Bush isn't a man because he pees sitting down?! This is puzzling in so many ways...

Posted by RainMan | February 23, 2008 7:06 PM

D'oh! Middle paragraph of my post: read "So what does he do?". I really should drink less before going to the Slog...

Posted by RainMan | February 23, 2008 7:11 PM

As stupid as this was, what bugs me the most is the fact that he insists that it's OK for him to say the bad words because it's a direct quote of what Jesus said.

News flash, buddy, JESUS DIDN'T SPEAK ENGLISH, nor was the bible written in English.

Now that the language/grammar Nazi in me has gotten that out ...

What the fuck is this guy smoking?

Posted by Jo | February 23, 2008 8:13 PM

Uh, there's no way in hell I'm watching that video; I quit after 0:29. But, uh, what's wrong with peeing sitting down?

Posted by Fnarf | February 23, 2008 10:15 PM

Not only that, but the Bible passage he quotes comes from the Old Testament, which predates Jesus by several centuries.

I went to this guy's website and looked at another of his sermons in which he talks about the then-upcoming Super Tuesday primaries. He comes about as close as he can without losing his tax exempt status to telling his congregation to vote for Ron Paul. That would explain what he's been smoking.

Posted by RainMan | February 23, 2008 10:16 PM

Religion and politics don't mix.

Posted by Will in Seattle | February 23, 2008 10:52 PM

It is true though - men do have to sit down to pee in Germany, although not usually in public places, as they do have urinals. The shape of the bowl on sit-down toilets is a little different, giving a sort of 'inspection platform' to catch whatever is deposited so it can be looked at before being flushed into the water and down the pipes. Yes. Really.
And a side-effect of this platform is that if men pee standing up, there's significant splash-back. Hence the signs asking men to sit down.
It all makes sense, in a German sort of way. And apparently has the amusingly satisfying effect of riling small-town second-rate piano-shop preachers who are insecure enough to feel their manliness threatened by not being able to stand up like a man (but not like a 'male').

Posted by Traveling Toilet Expert | February 23, 2008 11:01 PM

Pisseth. Pisseth. Pisseth!

Posted by Andy Niable | February 23, 2008 11:54 PM

that was first-rate weird.

Posted by superyeadon | February 24, 2008 12:07 AM

I kept waiting for him to whip it out and start hosing down the wall behind him.

Posted by Paulus | February 24, 2008 12:41 AM

So THAT'S why the King James Bible is supposed to be the only "real" version. The other's I've read just say "men."

Posted by Mr. Joshua | February 24, 2008 12:46 AM

This just inspired me to piss on as many walls as I can, becauuse, symbolically pissing on a wall will break down a wall. If we can just get enough people to piss on walls, sooner or later there won't be any walls.

Posted by Gabriel | February 24, 2008 3:49 AM

Wow, he got pissed there at the end.

Seems like he's pissing into the wind.

What is it about pissing, specifically Men pissing, and his extreme desire for those men to be upright with tackle dangling like god intended, for all to see, proudly streaming their golden offering forth from a fully upright and erect posture, that makes this man so hot and bothered?


Posted by Daniel | February 24, 2008 7:05 AM

I finallly understand the difference between the King James version of the Buy-Bull and others. One is piffle the other is blather.

Posted by Heather | February 24, 2008 7:20 AM

A king wrote the Bible, which is the literal word of God.

Therefore, it stands to reason that Kings know God.

Therefore, if we are to be a truly Christian nation, as our forefathers intended, we must surrender our democracy, and appoint a king.

George W. Bush: FORTY MORE YEARS!!!!

Oh wait, he pees sitting down.....

Posted by catalina vel-duray | February 24, 2008 9:33 AM

I can't wait for the followup:
"Biblically Correct Wiping: the Lord, the Soil and YOU".
I bet it's a real page-turner.

Posted by behelden | February 24, 2008 10:59 AM

Don't know why the issue isn't about *aiming* when one stands to pee. It's blasphemy to pee standing up without carefully aiming at the Church of Amazonmidwife; offenders go to the level of hell where they get the privilege of cleaning the toilet and floor...but not with their toothbrush, so maybe it's just a level of purgatory.

Posted by amazonmidwife | February 24, 2008 1:13 PM

Golden shower queen. Seriously.

Posted by Vince | February 25, 2008 8:46 AM

What a wingnut. I don't understand something though, he says the Bible says men should not piss against the wall because God doesn't like men to piss standing up, then at the end, he says he is going to piss standing up in Germany. Is he declaring to be against the word of God at the end, or is he just so stupid he forgot what he was talking about?

Posted by inkweary | February 25, 2008 11:55 AM

OK, Dan. Get over it. It's a great secret women have kept for years. Sitting down to pee is quite OK, relaxing, efficient, etc. It's also nice to be able to stand in the alternative, when necessary. Don't you think you should be a little more alert to using such cliches to hint at masculinity or lack of it? I know you'll never see this but it was great to get it off my chest

Posted by robt | February 26, 2008 8:03 AM

Now I know what insane looks like.

Posted by j-cat | February 26, 2008 11:01 AM

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