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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Queen of England

posted by on February 19 at 15:55 PM

I saw this satisfying Spanish actress, Ana Torrent, in a movie, The Other Boleyn Girl, that previewed at noon today at the always controversial, always difficult, always dizzying (space) Pacific Place.

The thing in the film that trapped all of my attention was not Natalie Portman’s forehead (it plays Anne Boleyn), not Scarlett Johansson’s fleshy upper lip (it plays Mary Boleyn). Both of these fine particulars could not compare with the exquisite mole that’s just above the right side of Ana Torrent’s upper lip. (It’s hard to see the mole in the above picture, but it’s there.)

A minute of the film that did not have that mole in it was a wasted minute. When her mole trembled, my soul trembled. When the mole was still; my heart raced. As the moon influences the movement and mood of large bodies of water, that mole exerted its mysterious force on the water that is so much of my body. If the walls of the Pacific Place crumbled all of sudden, I would have missed that catastrophe because all of my mind was held by the power of that Spanish mole.

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How drunk ARE you right now?

Posted by heywhatsit | February 19, 2008 4:03 PM

moles are so much sexier if they're waxed.

Posted by max solomon | February 19, 2008 4:04 PM

Shhh - don't tell John le Carré about this!

Posted by RHETT ORACLE | February 19, 2008 4:13 PM

Oh, fuck all that - how come you didn't post a pic of the big, wet, sloppy kiss between Natalie and Scarlett at the premiere of this movie?

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | February 19, 2008 4:21 PM

What's so controversial about Pacific Place? It's a fucking mall.

Posted by JC | February 19, 2008 4:21 PM

That's what has been bugging me the last week! I've been feeling that fucking mole too, tugging at me, twisting me in knots. Making my soul, like, tremble. Only unlike you, I'd never heard of Ana Torrent or seen the offending mole until now.

All I knew was there was something rocking my world and without the insight and connections that you have in movieland, I was frightened and powerless but to wonder what was happening to me.

Posted by elenchos | February 19, 2008 4:26 PM

Your posts about women are pointless and annoying.

Posted by D | February 19, 2008 4:27 PM

Holy mole!

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | February 19, 2008 4:28 PM

Charles' posts about women in general, but particularly those publicly lusting after women, can be summed up in one word: creepy.

Posted by johnnie | February 19, 2008 4:34 PM

@4: Why didn't YOU post a link to a picture of that kiss!

Posted by Aislinn | February 19, 2008 4:37 PM

I, for one, enjoy Charles's enjoyment of moles.

Posted by tsm | February 19, 2008 4:39 PM

It was a food reference ... mole ... mole.

I think the controversy is the turnover in the stores there ... at least on the upper levels.

Posted by Will in Seattle | February 19, 2008 4:47 PM

Cut Charles some slack. It's not easy being horny all the time for gorgeous women when you're ugly as sin and have no chance of getting them.

Posted by tree | February 19, 2008 4:47 PM

the mole is a lie.

Posted by some dude | February 19, 2008 4:51 PM

@10, because every time I try to post a link (or do anything HTML-related, for that matter), the idiot server blows it out. The Daily Mail had it a couple days ago, though.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | February 19, 2008 5:00 PM

Whatever. The thing I want to know about this movie is, do Scarlett and Natalie Portman have a threeway with Eric Bana? Because that would make a great movie.

Posted by Greg | February 19, 2008 5:22 PM

That mole is actually on her LEFT upper lip.

Posted by isabelita | February 19, 2008 5:50 PM

everytime you post about women I want to vomit. Half the just doesn't make sense, and the other half looks like some dumb statement a frat boy would make with his guitar to get laid.

Posted by hunter | February 19, 2008 7:30 PM

Chaz's white woman thing has now officially moved from creepy to actionable. But Dan and Chris, who between them have maybe one pair of balls, will just smile and nod and tomorrow there'll be more of the same ChazGazms on Slog.

Posted by croydonfacelift | February 20, 2008 12:09 AM

Changing meds is always a bit disorienting, but I wish you the best of luck.

Posted by Donovan | February 20, 2008 2:42 AM

Okay, thanks for reassuring me. I was hoping I wasn't the only one who is being made uncomfortable by this sort of thing. Geesh.

Posted by LeslieC | February 20, 2008 7:57 AM

Oh, and Lloyd #8, that's hilarious.

Posted by LeslieC | February 20, 2008 7:58 AM

OK just plain creepy!

Posted by -B- | February 20, 2008 11:24 AM

The same little Ana Torrent from "Spirit of the Beehive" and "Cria Cuervos"? Surprising, unnecessary creepiness of the post notwithstanding.

Posted by levide | February 20, 2008 12:34 PM

Since when did the Slog become home base for Charles' faux poetic masturbatory musing? gag, creep.

@19: Croydonfacelist! xo! I heart Vicki Pollard!

Posted by INORIGHT? | February 20, 2008 2:00 PM

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