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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Paul Constant Joins the Staff of The Stranger

posted by on February 13 at 8:38 AM

Ladies and gentlemen, exciting news: Paul Constant is now on staff at The Stranger. Starting today. Yes, Constant has written for every section of the paper and, yes, his writing has largely come to define The Stranger’s tone and, yes, Paul Constant sounds like a made-up name, but the truth is he is an actual human being, and a great writer. Expect to hear a lot more from him now, in the print edition, on Line Out, and here on Slog.

For now, let’s revisit five great pieces of writing by Paul Constant from The Stranger’s archives, listed here in no particular order:

On the Oprah-Endorsed Best-Seller The Secret
“When I worked at Borders, I came to hate Oprah Winfrey and NPR. The reason for this was simple: Both suggested books all the time—and every time a title tumbled from the lips of Oprah or Ira Glass, our phones would start ringing like a celebrity disaster telethon.”

On Oprah Choosing The Road for Her Book Club a Month After The Secret
“One has to wonder how Oprah’s book club will take this selection—will soccer moms across the country slit their wrists after being exposed to McCarthy’s Mad Max–meets–The Sorrows of Young Werther magnum opus?”

On the 9/11 Truth Movement
“There is no end to the variety of what Truthers believe, but almost all of them believe that the United States government perpetrated 9/11 in an elaborate conspiracy to bring about the decomposition of civil liberties and the fortifying of the American empire in the Middle East. The reason that they think this is because, since 9/11, we’ve witnessed the decomposition of civil liberties and the fortifying of the American empire in the Middle East.”

On the Weird Loneliness of Publishing Industry Conventions
“So here I am, at the Cosmos Club, one of the oldest old-boy clubs in D.C., one which just started allowing women in three or four years ago. I’m at a party celebrating the upcoming titles from Thomas Dunne Books. I have already gone to the bathroom and stolen an engraved Cosmos Club comb, and I have just eaten pâté, which I put in my mouth thinking it was hummus, when who walks in? G. Gordon Liddy, followed by a C-SPAN crew.”

On Gerald Goddamned Ford
“Not long after he became president, Gerald Goddamned Ford took a vacation to Vail, Colorado, for some skiing. According to the book Presidential Anecdotes, while the Ford family ate dinner, one of their dogs took a shit in the lodge…”

(About that Gerald Ford piece: remember this?)

RSS icon Comments


I'll always love Paul Constant for his fabulous Party Crasher columns!

Posted by Suz | February 13, 2008 8:47 AM


Posted by Mr. Poe | February 13, 2008 8:48 AM

This is great news. I love his writing!

Posted by congrats | February 13, 2008 8:50 AM

Excellent news. I thought he was on staff already.

Posted by Fnarf | February 13, 2008 8:50 AM

Cool. Is he on the News team?

Posted by la | February 13, 2008 8:52 AM


...But, I thought he already was on staff. I always have the same reactions to these announcements: "I didn't know they ever did work there" or "I thought they left a long time ago" or "Haven't they been working there for ages?"

Maybe some day someone funny (Cienna Madrid) could explain how the Stranger works for those of us who will never have a career in Kremlinology? I mean, I thought Tim Keck was a fictional character until he walked up and introduced himself.

Posted by elenchos | February 13, 2008 8:58 AM

Yay Paul! Congrats! Definitely looking forward to getting into it on Lineout with you . . .

Posted by Levislade | February 13, 2008 9:06 AM

Judging just from those excerpts, this is very cool.

I have to say, I worked at a Borders Express, and I couldn't agree more about Oprah. We always knew in advance what book she was going to recommend, but they'd sell out the first day after the show aired. I was happy when the controversy over "A Million Little Pieces" broke because we finally stopped selling out of the damn thing and having to order more several times a week.

Posted by Jo | February 13, 2008 9:11 AM

Was he hired for having an huge penis? Even larger than Christophers?

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger | February 13, 2008 9:18 AM

Fantastic news. Congrats to you all!

Posted by kid icarus | February 13, 2008 9:36 AM

I heart Paul.

Posted by Jo Jo | February 13, 2008 9:39 AM

Oh good, another Stranger "reporter" with an opinion - and Google on his desktop (rather than undertaking actual reportage) from which to plagarize.

Posted by Who? | February 13, 2008 9:53 AM

A Million Little Fibers is better, anyway.

Posted by Mr. Poe | February 13, 2008 9:58 AM

Congratulations, Paul; great hire, Christopher.

Posted by Eric F | February 13, 2008 10:23 AM

I remember that guy... He tries too hard, reminding me of Chicago Fan... But I couldn't possibly loathe anyone more than Chicago Fan. I'm okay with this though. So far. I guess. I'll be nice...

Posted by Amelia | February 13, 2008 10:27 AM

@15: Seriously? Paul Constant is amazing, and when I read his pieces I never think "forced." Also, that's not being nice, that's being snarky. For future reference.

Posted by Aislinn | February 13, 2008 10:55 AM

awesome possum! i'm a fan.

Posted by adrian | February 13, 2008 11:46 AM

@11 -- He was hired for one reason and one reason only! Paul Constant respects the authority enormous penis!!!

Posted by Christopher Frizzelle's Enormous Penis | February 13, 2008 6:25 PM

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