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Thursday, February 21, 2008

I Am Now Extremely Excited For Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

posted by on February 21 at 13:29 PM

Each year, movie studios spend millions on sending lame promotional gimmicks to media outlets. In the past, The Stranger has received (among other things) a bloody foot for the remake of The Hills Have Eyes


…a pair of panties for John Tucker Must Die


…and a Nerf football (perplexingly) for Rambo


It’s all useless crap (except for the milkshake for There Will Be Blood, which was delicious), and serves nothing but making Annie Wagner’s cubicle even messier than it already is.

Today, however, I received a package from Paramount Pictures that really stood out…


It was for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and the label claimed the package contained an “Indiana Jones DVD” and “Indiana Jones leather whip.”

But when I opened it up, all that was inside was a pound of sand.


Thanks, Paramount. Let your marketing department know they at least got a Slog post out of their little fuck up.

Update: Damn you Mola Ram! Earlier today, Adam Sekuler from the Northwest Film Forum sent me a cryptic email that said:

Throw me the idol and I’ll throw you the whip.

Confused, I replied:

Dr. Jones, again we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away.

To which he replied:

You’re digging in the wrong place.

As it turns out, the promo package sent for me was delivered to NW Film Forum by mistake — and now the scoundrels are holding my “Indiana Jones leather whip” hostage.

My apologies to the fine folks in Paramount’s marketing department. As for Northwest Film Forum…I shall have my revenge!

RSS icon Comments


Did you investigate the sand? There could be some blow in there. Or, you know, some trap.

Posted by Mr. Poe | February 21, 2008 1:57 PM

damn good promotion. do you realize the meaning in that? a DVD and whip of the movie would be worth a golden idol head... see? see? see???? now you have to get out alive before the ball runs you down like Mario in Donkey Kong!

Posted by NOS | February 21, 2008 1:59 PM

I repeat... Throw me the idol and I'll throw you the whip.

Posted by Adam | February 21, 2008 2:02 PM

Mayhaps this is the film industry's version of getting a lump of coal in your stocking on X-mas morning?

Posted by COMTE | February 21, 2008 2:04 PM

I think the sand implies someone in the Paramount mailroom decided to swap out your whip/DVD with sand of the exact weight so none would be the wiser and they could make a hefty profit on eBay.

Posted by Mr. Joshua | February 21, 2008 2:06 PM

Careful! Remember what happened when Belloq and his Nazi enablers only found "sand" in the Ark of the Covenant!

Posted by Bub | February 21, 2008 2:07 PM

No! Get it? Its like when they opened the lost ark and all that was in it was sand! You're lucky your face didn't melt like some SS goon.

Posted by mikeblanco | February 21, 2008 2:08 PM

I don't think it's a fuckup. I think they're telling you to pound sand.

Posted by Fnarf | February 21, 2008 2:15 PM

Just be happy that you weren't wiped clean by the Wrath of God.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | February 21, 2008 2:16 PM

In the opening scenes of the first movie Jones uses sand to swap out the Golden Idol. Maybe it is a really elaborate contest. Have you got the right amount of sand or will you be crushed by the giant stone ball?

Start the chant: Stone ball! Stone ball!

Posted by Zander | February 21, 2008 2:16 PM

jesus h. christ the planet is dying & we're at war for oil, & they're wasting jet &/or truck fuel shipping pounds of sand?

Posted by max solomon | February 21, 2008 2:21 PM

I have your shrunken head and I'm using it for bowling for Obama tomorrow night.

Next time pick up your mail in person.

Posted by The Postal Intern | February 21, 2008 2:24 PM

Thats awesome. I know I'm the NM film girl on the slog, but this new india jones movie was filmed in NM.

To keep it under wraps they called it "The Genre Project".

Posted by catnextdoor | February 21, 2008 2:25 PM

I'm inclined to agree with Mr. Joshua. It sounds like someone along the way took the contents and replaced them with sand so it still had a shipping weight.

Posted by Aislinn | February 21, 2008 2:25 PM

When the Nazis opened the Ark of the Covenant, all they found was sand.

Then the avenging angels whupped their Nazi asses....

Posted by NapoleonXIV | February 21, 2008 2:30 PM

Don't you have an army of squirrels or some shit to take care of this?

Posted by Mr. Poe | February 21, 2008 3:06 PM

This movie will only be good if it really turns out to be Laser Floyd.

Posted by Jason Josephes | February 21, 2008 3:15 PM

i choose to believe is the sand that was used to replace the idol. i think it's clever. and even if an employee switched it out -- just like indy did so many years ago -- then that's clever, too. they could have used anything. but using sand, despite it being more difficult than using a belt, is genius.

Posted by infrequent | February 21, 2008 3:25 PM

Bradley Steinbacher, Indiana Jones, and a whip. Let the fan fiction commence!

Posted by Explorer | February 21, 2008 3:40 PM

That's brilliant. If only Paramount's marketing department _had_ thought to do that... maybe they should hire the folks at NW Film Forum.

Posted by Ivan Cockrum | February 21, 2008 4:00 PM

Dammit, I had a great response to that, and Fnarf beat me to it in @8. Damn this being-at-work stuff.

Posted by Geni | February 21, 2008 4:00 PM

I don't know what "idol" they're referring to. I think they want those panties.

Posted by Fnarf | February 21, 2008 4:00 PM

@12, Thats kind of why I'm proud to be an American.

Posted by Giffy | February 21, 2008 8:45 PM

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