Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

« On the Radio | One Teen Killed, One Wounded A... »

Friday, January 4, 2008

Caucus, Schmaucus—Britney’s in the HOSPITAL!

posted by on January 4 at 9:04 AM


Clearly furious at being upstaged by the hubbub in Iowa, Britney Spears ratcheted up the crazy last night, reportedly refusing to hand over her two children to primary parent Keven Federline at the scheduled time, instigating a three-hour standoff with police during which Britney “appeared to be under the influence of an unknown substance” and after which Britney was strapped to a gurney and hauled off in an ambulance. She’s reportedly being held in a Los Angeles hospital for psychological evaluation.

After that, the drama really begins, as allegations of Britney’s “substance”-fueled mini-kidnapping of her children are investigated by various authorities. At best, she’ll probably never enjoy unsurpervised visits with her kids again. At worst, she could face criminal charges.

In other news, Britney Spears is desperately mentally ill. Last year, I wrote at least twice that humanity is forbidden to stand around and watch as Britney’s sucked into the same pathetic public death-trap as Anna Nicole Smith. This year, I think Britney will be lucky to have so dignified a death. After last night’s ruckus, I can easily imagine her being fatally shot in a McDonald’s parking lot by a man in a police helicopter.

RSS icon Comments


I hate racists.

Posted by J.R. | January 4, 2008 10:12 AM

/everything I said before all of the comments were deleted.

Posted by Mr. Poe | January 4, 2008 10:13 AM

Apparently you are a racist hater. SLOG says so.

Posted by heywhatsit | January 4, 2008 10:16 AM

I wasn't aware that Britney Spears was a race. I guess she does have some accomplishment.

Posted by Mr. Poe | January 4, 2008 10:18 AM

Britneycide would be the final glittering nail in the coffin of the Bush Era. Perhaps she can keep it waiting til early November.

Posted by JW | January 4, 2008 10:23 AM

You can hear the excitement in the voices of the people reporting it.


Posted by aww | January 4, 2008 10:28 AM

After last night’s ruckus, I can easily imagine her being fatally shot in a McDonald’s parking lot by a man in a police helicopter.

Not while tasering is still in vogue.

Posted by BallardDan | January 4, 2008 10:48 AM

Isn't it interesting how the worst parents often cling to their children the most fiercely?

Posted by keshmeshi | January 4, 2008 10:49 AM

You don't need to stand around and watch her get sucked into the same pathetic public death-trap as Anna Nichole.

Walk away. If you can. ;)

Posted by NapoleonXIV | January 4, 2008 10:53 AM

I guess she is well along the path to overdose and/or porn.


Posted by Gordon Werner | January 4, 2008 11:07 AM

I wonder who will play her in the Lifetime movie.

Posted by monkey | January 4, 2008 11:14 AM

"I wonder who will play her in the Lifetime movie."

Ummm, maybe her sister, after she's spit out her first kid?

Or is that too easy?

Posted by Scott H | January 4, 2008 11:21 AM

@11; that's a fantastic question to ponder! How about Hannah Montana for the 17yr old Brit-Brit and Lindsey Lohan for the 26 yr old version (assuming shes still with us)?

Posted by Robare | January 4, 2008 11:21 AM

Please stop reporting on Brittney, cause it makes her illness worse.


Anyone ever studied how many Disney kids grew up all messed up? It's something like 80 percent, isn't it? Think of the kids and don't buy Disney!

Posted by Will in Seattle | January 4, 2008 11:27 AM

I admired her for rebelling against the system that created her. I guess it's just the lack of education and/or all the enablers around her. I wish it would serve as a warning about valuing looks and the emptiness of this trash society, but she'll just be condemned for being weak.

I'm really not a fan of this form of schadenfreude. It's dehumainizing and a stupid waste of time. I think it's pathetic that people find it entertaining.

Posted by left coast | January 4, 2008 11:31 AM

i posted schadenfreude in before the comments were eliminated

Posted by Bellevue Ave | January 4, 2008 11:42 AM

I promise to go "green" when the media honestly commits to "Spearlessness". She is not news - people dying in Iraq is news - a black man becoming president is news. An overpaid ex-teeny-bopper and an ill-suited mother with poor taste in men is not news. Sadly, she seems to be the norm, and journalists sip at her well because they're too lazy and unmotivated to act otherwise.

Posted by RHETT ORACLE | January 4, 2008 11:58 AM

@16, I will cede and give you the point. It seemed to good to be true that someone didn't have it in there already.

@17, agreed. 7:30 this morning, GMA - man falls 41 stories and survives, Today - woman creates false story so daughter can meet Hannah Montana, CBS This Morning - how to meet your New Year's resolution to lose weight. There's a reason the American public is apathetic, why would GE want you to hear bad news about Iraq or Afghanistan? Just keeping the funding coming and contemplate whether surviving that fall was miracle and nothing to do with physics.

Posted by left coast | January 4, 2008 1:01 PM

Right on @ 15

Posted by Wes | January 4, 2008 8:24 PM

Having dealt with addictions in my own family, it's really heartbreaking to see this...but maybe it's the wake-up call she needs. You want to be a Janis Joplin or a Marilyn Monroe--or even, god forbid, an Anna Nicole--go for it. But remember, dead is forever.

Posted by Wolf | January 5, 2008 8:56 AM

Comments Closed

In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).