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Friday, December 7, 2007

Holy War

posted by on December 7 at 16:48 PM

Mitt Romney’s big “I’m Okay, You’re Okay” speech—but you’re only okay so long as you’re religious—doesn’t seem to be helping. Mike “Pardons for Rapists” Huckabee has opened a double digit lead in Iowa. From Newseek:

Former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee has vaulted over his major GOP challengers to take a commanding lead in the race to win the Iowa caucuses…. The most dramatic result to come out of the poll, which is based on telephone interviews with 1,408 registered Iowa voters on Dec. 5 and 6, is Huckabee’s emergence from the shadows of the GOP race into the front runner’s spot in just two months. The ordained Southern Baptist minister now leads Romney by a two-to-one margin, 39 percent to 17 percent, among likely GOP caucus-goers. In the last NEWSWEEK survey, conducted Sept. 26-27, Huckabee polled a mere 6 percent to Romney’s 25 percent, which then led the field.

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This scares the living shit out of me. I had enough of this douche at home.

Posted by mickey in AR | December 7, 2007 5:26 PM

It really hit me the other day, that sinking feeling that one of these horrible men—Ramnuts, Ghouliani, Fuckabee, whichever—is gonna be our next president. It’s as inevitable as if it’s already happened.

Americans hate women, black men, and alleged faggots with expensive haircuts, so there go the Demrat frontrunners right out the door. On the other hand, they love Jesus, the military, paranoia, and talking about 9/11.

It’s true, one of these Republicans will be our new psycho Caesar.

Here’s how it’s gonna go down (ha,ha): The Dem will be in the lead, trip all over themselves for months responding to some bullshit, swift-boat style fake controversy, then the Repub will screech “Terrah! Terrah! Terrah!” Voters will be all “I don’t wanna have a beer with the Demrat fuckah—they don’t even like Ronald Reagan!” then mindlessly push the Repub button. Game over, man, game over!

It’s all on Karl “Goebbels” Rove’s laptop.

Me? I’m working on my Spanish.

Posted by Original Andrew | December 7, 2007 5:35 PM

heil Tancredo

Posted by vooodooo84 | December 7, 2007 5:43 PM

Maybe, Original Andrew. While I keep thinking that Giuliani is the only Republican who has a chance, I also think back to 2000. President GW sure didn't seem possible then, so maybe Romney or Huckabee could be our next president.

Posted by PJ | December 7, 2007 5:44 PM

Nobody's buying it on the WaPo or other boards.

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 7, 2007 5:45 PM

Part of me wants a nutjob like Huckabee or Ron Paul to win the Republican nomination. I mean, how could the Democrats loose then? Right?

But then, that's what I thought about Bush in 1999. So I'm gonna just shut up now.

Posted by SDA in SEA | December 7, 2007 5:52 PM

The first Imperial Proclamation of the new Republican Presidency will be that all calendars are to be reprinted so that every day is 9/11.
All clocks must be reprogrammed so that they only display 9:11.
All restaurant menu prices must be recalculated so that all dinners out cost $9.11 (including tax but not tip, you cheap suckahs).
And finally, all gallon grades of motor fuel, including diesel, regular, mid-grade, and premium unleaded, must be re-priced to reward the companies that matter most. The price will be...wait for it...$9.11 forever !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Original Andrew | December 7, 2007 6:19 PM

Of course it didn't work. When you're running as a religious conservative, there's no way that you can say that your religion is unimportant. It's not difficult for many Christians to easily say that Mormonism is not merely another branch of Christianity, but another iteration of Abrahamic religion, no more Christian than Baha'i is Muslim (well, the last part isn't easy, given Evangelicals' general ignorance of all other religions). If he had run on a secular platform, it would have been about as useful as pretending to be an evangelical, but on the off chance he made it to the general, it would have helped him then. As it is, I think he's gonna wish he hadn't blown millions of his own dollars.

Posted by Gitai | December 7, 2007 6:23 PM

Calm down.

Most of America is totally turned off by the republicans: Do you identify as D or R is now something like 50% D, 36% R.

All your downer talk just protects you from the hard work of going out and supporting the democrats and helping to win.
Plus all the R's have problems. Giuliani is too liberal for them plus spent public $$ on girlfriend protection; Romney is a Mormon and too liberal for them; Huckabee absolutely no foreign policy experience and let loose a rapist; McCain too anti torture for them.
The D's have a wealth ofgood candidates in C, O, E and R.

Plus today we have NEW scandals on the Iran NIE and the destruction of torture videos which will go on and on. Hearings are being scheduled. The destruction of the waterboarding videos violates about 3 laws and is obstruction ofjustice about 3 ways, and may well let some terrorist win an appeal. PR nightmare for Bush!

Y'all are panicking when we should be planning how to work this election to win the presidency, get 60 seats in the US Senate, get Reichert out of there, and get enough seats in the Washington state legislature to pass gay marriage rights.

This is the Big One. Use it. Dont' be afraid.

Posted by unPC | December 7, 2007 6:26 PM

Yes, he's a preacher, but in truth Huckabee's a lot less scary than most of the other Republican candidates (note his stands on environment and immigration).

Posted by parsonbrown | December 7, 2007 6:39 PM

unpc @10: word. all this moaning about the regugs is just tedious. they've lost all cred, even with those closer to the right than you all are. hilary is running scared, more scared than she needs to, imo.

Posted by ellarosa | December 7, 2007 7:28 PM

@10, true he seems to understand both sides of Christianity better than Bush, but he will likely waste another 10,000,000,000 on abstinence education, and stymie any stem-cell progress with his Literal Creationism religion

Posted by vooodooo84 | December 7, 2007 7:31 PM

oops, that's unpc @9.

Posted by ellarosa | December 7, 2007 7:46 PM

unPC @9 has convinced me. Thank you.

Posted by PJ | December 7, 2007 8:02 PM

To @6 and the 26 gazillion other illiterates out there: There's a HUGE difference between the words "loose" and "lose." The first means "the opposite of tight;" the second is the opposite of "to find." Now, I know you were probably too busy smoking dope while they were trying to teach you something in English class, BUT WOULD YOU LEARN THE DIFFERENCE NOW SO YOU DON'T SOUND LIKE A COMPLETE FUCKING MORON???

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | December 7, 2007 8:32 PM

@2: Kerry's mistake with the swift boat ads was trying to stay above them, instead of fighting back. Democrats think they can out-nice Republicans and win by taking the moral high ground. It doesn't work that way. They have to fight it out in the gutter with the Rove machine, fighting back with the same dirty tricks. Otherwise they'll keep losing.

For all Americans talk about hating negative campaigning, they secretly enjoy it. It gets their attention. They like seeing people backstabbing and demolishing each other, or they wouldn't watch Survivor.

Posted by Orv | December 7, 2007 9:55 PM

@2: Oh yeah, and...Spanish? Huh? Why would you go to Mexico? It's even more religious and right-wing than the U.S. Besides, why would you want to live in a third-world country without safe water? Learn French and go to Canada.

Posted by Orv | December 7, 2007 9:58 PM

Orv @ 16 & 17,

It's called humiliation porn, and this country's all over it.

We won't be so cocky when 9/11 replaces Jonathan and Jennifer as America's most popular baby names. Or when people start using 9/11 as a noun AND a verb like on the Smurfs: "Oops! I 9/11ed my 9/11. I just have to 9/11 another one tomorrow."

P.S. I'm talkin' Spain, mi amigo. Buenas noche!

Posted by Original Andrew | December 7, 2007 10:56 PM

Ah, very well. Carry on, then.

Posted by Orv | December 7, 2007 11:31 PM

I feel compelled to point out that really, he only thinks you're okay if you're a member of some form of Abrahamic religion, only probably not Muslim. Those of us who follow other religions are pretty much screwed as well.

Posted by Rebecca | December 8, 2007 4:04 AM

@15--Lay off, why don't you? If you get that roused up over a little stupid grammar error, I'd hate to see how you react to life's real problems.

Posted by a.m. | December 10, 2007 9:46 AM

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