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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Spray On Condom

posted by on November 27 at 10:24 AM

I get letters at “Savage Love” every day from men who insist that the split second it takes to put on a condom—and it only takes a second, guys, if you’re smart enough to remove the condom from its wrapper before you get busy—is a boner assassin. All it takes is that momentary distraction and—phffft—they’re soft and it’s over. Let’s watch TV, honey.

So I don’t think the makers of the new “spray-on condom” are gonna be rich anytime soon.

The system works a bit like a car wash. The man put his penis in a chamber and presses a button to start the jets of liquid latex, sucked from a detachable cartridge. The rubber dries in seconds and is later rolled off and discarded like a conventional condom.

The aim is for the process to take just 10 seconds but at present the latex drying time is around 20 to 25 seconds. “We’re working to shorten that time,” said Krause.

“In a survey we conducted, men had a two-fold reaction to the idea. Some said it’s a great idea and would help them because they can’t find conventional condoms that fit them. Others say they can’t imagine it working in practice. There’s the romance factor: applying the condom does interfere with the sex act.”

No shit. In other disincentives, the spray-on condom chamber is large and expensive and so are the latex cartridges—and you can’t fit the chamber in your wallet either. And given a choice between putting up with ill-fitting condoms or leaping out of bed and shoving their hard cocks into a box for a 15 second blast of ice-cold liquid latex men are going to continue to put up with those ill-fitting condoms.

RSS icon Comments


Couldn't they make the spray device look like the guy's favorite sexual receptacle?
It could come in different varieties for different orientations. Build it into a blow up sex doll for chrissake.

Posted by Paul In SF | November 27, 2007 10:32 AM

Who the fuck comes up with this shit?

Also, one has to have a pretty delicate boner if they can't keep it hard for a split second.

Posted by Mike in MO | November 27, 2007 10:34 AM

Actually, I think Mistresse Matisse could probably find some interesting uses for the ice-cold latex-spraying cock-in-the-box thing. But for the rest of us, not so much.

Posted by Providence | November 27, 2007 10:38 AM

Who can't find one that fits? You can stretch one of those things over your arm, for crying out loud. People's excuses are just ridickulous.

Posted by Levislade | November 27, 2007 10:38 AM


Posted by muggims | November 27, 2007 10:42 AM

"You can stretch one of those things over your arm, for crying out loud."

Er, I don't think that the condom being too small is the problem there.

Posted by Paul In SF | November 27, 2007 10:42 AM

Really? From hot to limp in a couple seconds? Maybe such guys' biggest problem isn't the condom.

Posted by Gomez | November 27, 2007 10:44 AM

This product is just waiting to suck.

Posted by Mr. Poe | November 27, 2007 10:45 AM

Vacuum pump, anyone?

Posted by Spoogie | November 27, 2007 10:51 AM

The resevoir tip would be difficult too.

Posted by meks | November 27, 2007 10:54 AM

Actually the best virtue of this dohicky is the fact that there probably isn't a better way to get your own presized condoms ... especially since not all of your errections are equal.

Posted by OR Matt | November 27, 2007 10:57 AM

They are after a few years of dating, Matt. Trust me, I know.

Posted by Boomer in NYC | November 27, 2007 11:03 AM

My cock is huge and I personally prefer the tighter Kimono condoms.

Posted by Catman | November 27, 2007 11:09 AM

I'm a grad student in science ... I do know what depressing sex is like ... even then .... I STILL know that all my erections are equal ... well at least the ones I'm sober enough to remember ...

Posted by OR Matt | November 27, 2007 11:13 AM

This scares me.

Posted by arduous | November 27, 2007 11:14 AM

sorry NOT equal

Posted by OR Matt | November 27, 2007 11:19 AM


Muggims -- the thing that really makes Slog NSFW is how loudly I shrieked with laughter upon reading your comment.

As for the product in question, long years with Dan's column proves that some guys will like this. They will like it far too much. And then they'll tell us about it in the Lovecast.

Posted by amy! | November 27, 2007 11:23 AM

It's still probably better than the female condom.

Posted by Jason Josephes | November 27, 2007 11:23 AM

Here's a serious question that I'm hoping someone can answer. Why don't condoms come in a variety of sizes?

I've heard that men are embarrassed about going to the check out line with a box of 'small' condoms. That's BS. As they do with women's clothing, the manufacturers could use vanity sizing starting at 'large' and going to 'dangerously huge'. It's a fixable problem.

So why isn't there a better (more realistic) set of condom sizes? Dan, maybe I should send this over as a Savage Love question.

Posted by CCSea | November 27, 2007 11:28 AM

LLAA should distribute this box in a combo-pack with a pipe and some crystal meth.

Posted by fixo | November 27, 2007 11:32 AM

I think the problem is that the guys are putting the condoms on themselves. If your partner puts the condom on you, that usually doesn't result in boner destruction - unless the guy is REALLY self-conscious about his package. And if you're embarrassed at having your partner SEE your unit when they put a condom on it, should you really be playing hide-the-sausage with someone with whom you're that insecure?

I can't speak to male size queens, but most women I know aren't going to pull out a ruler along with the rubber to see if you measure up, so calm down and let your partner array you in latex loveliness.

Posted by Geni | November 27, 2007 12:34 PM

So you stick your cock in a box, and it comes out covered in latex? I don't think I'd want to buy one of these, but it sure would be fun to try out.

Posted by Greg | November 27, 2007 12:46 PM

Sure, sure, loads of fun you say. UNTIL you accidentally hook up a bottle of mace instead of liquid latex by mistake. THEN who's laughing.

Posted by SDA in SEA | November 27, 2007 1:08 PM

No thanks. When I stick Admiral Wanky in a hole, I prefer to do the spraying.

Posted by koof | November 27, 2007 1:22 PM

And what if you get latex in your urethra? Eww.

Posted by Jonah S | November 27, 2007 1:27 PM

I could see it being a turn on for some of the rubber fetish crowd. And there's nothing saying they couldn't use a little heater to warm it up to skin temperature.

Posted by Ferin | November 27, 2007 2:41 PM

OH! Oh! I know!
An entire body contraption, kinda shaped like an Iron Lung. Spray down the whole body except the head...REALY safe sex...and the latex can come in diferent colors so you can use it for Halloween to make yourself an instant super hero!

Posted by muggims | November 27, 2007 2:47 PM


Posted by Greg | November 27, 2007 4:37 PM

I'm wondering if I could put my hand in there?

No, no latex fisting in my future, but there are times you just don't want fingerprints left laying around . . .

"HONEST Officer! I was just getting ready for some REALLY rough sex! Here in the bank!"

Posted by snort | November 27, 2007 4:42 PM

When they mentioned spray-on condoms I was thinking it would come in a can like Cheez Whiz or Redi Whip.

PSSSSSHHT!!! Aaaaaaaaaand your done!!!

Posted by Gromit | November 27, 2007 7:02 PM

This was mentioned last year on SNL's Weekend Update. I almost wet my pants when they said, "The company hopes it will be more successful than their iron-on condom."

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