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Thursday, November 15, 2007

Seattle Will Win, and Barry Bonds indicted

posted by on November 15 at 14:13 PM

Seattle will win Sunday. I say this because the geniuses that run the Chicago Bears have decided Rex Grossman will start while Brian Griese lets his injured non-throwing shoulder owie heal. Grossman’s only problem as a starter is that he rattles easily, he cannot handle anything resembling an unpredictable blitz, and if it’s too noisy, he’s useless.

Seattle will rush unpredictably, rattle him, and the noise makes the over-under on fumbles on the exchange with center 3.5, with the over-under for false start penalties 7.5.

So. I surrender. The Chicago Tribune even ran a fawning story on Mike Holmgren’s genius, so I guess we’re doomed. And I just figured out that the seats I got, while about mid-field, are in the last row. The very last row. The one where the beer vendors are Sherpas with calves the size of watermelons.

But at least they will have gotten massively large the natural way, instead of the unnatural way, like newly-indicted Home Run King Barry Bonds. Lying to the Feds is a crime? Shit, who knew?

RSS icon Comments


the only sports stories i read have "indicted" or "convicted" in the headline. more, please.

Posted by brandon | November 15, 2007 2:42 PM

If there's a positive about Grossman starting, it's that the Bears' coaches probably won't trust him to call any audibles, so noise won't be a factor there.

Barry's rich. He'll get away with lying to the Feds. After paying his lawyers, he'll be slightly less rich when it's over, but he'll get away with it.

Posted by Mahtli69 | November 15, 2007 2:58 PM

Glad you came around, Chicago. The last row still puts you inside the stadium. Hope you don't have a bladder the size of a broken record. At least you won't get rained on.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | November 15, 2007 2:58 PM

In those seats, you are your own beer vendor.

Posted by Clint | November 15, 2007 3:00 PM

Yeah, you'll still have a decent view of the field, but it's about a mile up and down to the concessions/bathrooms/etc.

Posted by Jonah S | November 15, 2007 3:11 PM

i still can't believe i'm reading this on Slog.

Posted by max solomon | November 15, 2007 3:26 PM


I'm HH so that makes me 11 rows cooler than you. Also, if you're on the west side of the field that far up, you'll get a nice cold breeze straight off the sound down your neck for the whole game.

That's football!

But seriously, there isn't a bad view in the place. Even that high up you have a great view of the action, and the jumbotrons w/ replays make up for anything you miss. plus, for 30 bucks, you can get a hand-held direct-tv-enabled tv that carries stats for all the games as well as replays. steep price, but if you have a fantasy team it's kind of nice to be able to keep up.

or you can do like i do, which is peer over the guy in front of you and watch his.

so sit back, have some garlic fries, let your nephew sip off your beer, and make sure he's cheering for his home team!


Posted by SEXY REXY | November 15, 2007 3:36 PM

So Chicago Fan, is this a change of tune about whether Bonds is a cheater?

Posted by Matt from Denver | November 15, 2007 3:38 PM

I'm a Hawks (and Vikings) fan, but I still look forward to a few Grossman airgasms, probably because they'll end up as picks. Sometimes, you gotta unleash the dragon.

Posted by Jason Josephes | November 15, 2007 4:05 PM

@ 8: No. Note he did not get indicted for any steroid use--he got indicted for lying to the Feds. And I approve of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. Even if he did everything he is accused of doing, he still hit those balls over the fence.

And I wonder what Giants fan among the Feds managed to keep the indictment on the back burner for so long. . .

Posted by Chicago Fan | November 16, 2007 3:05 PM

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