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Thursday, November 29, 2007

British Schoolteacher Sentenced to 15 Days in Sudan Prison

posted by on November 29 at 16:38 PM

From the Daily Mail:

The British teacher who let her pupils call a teddy bear Mohammed escaped a flogging yesterday—but must now endure 15 days in a notorious Sudan jail.

Gillian Gibbons will be incarcerated at the squalid Omdurman women’s prison in Khartoum, which is massively overcrowded and infested with mosquitoes. The 54-year-old from Liverpool was said to be “stunned” by the sentence imposed for insulting Islam—after which she will be deported from Sudan.

Last night, her conviction and punishment were furiously condemned and the Foreign Office was criticised for not fighting her case more forcefully.

Gee, sentenced to be deported. You’re really twisting the ol’ knife there, Sudan. No doubt after being arrested on a bullshit blasphemy charge, threatened with forty lashes and six months in prison, and then packed off to a prison for two weeks where she’s likely to encounter physical violence and may just contract malaria—I’m sure after enduring all that, Sudan, remaining in your shithole country was Gibbons’ fondest wish.

This whole mess cries out for a Teddy Roosevelt. Enough with the “expressions of displeasure” from the diplomats. Someone in the British government needs to deliver a “Perdicaris alive or Raisuli dead!” speech on Gibbons’ behalf. And mean it.

Before I go home tonight I’m going to pop across the street to the new Crypt, buy myself a buttplug, and name the fucking thing Mohammed.


RSS icon Comments


Teddy Mohammed calls out for Teddy Roosevelt!!

Posted by Dee in SF | November 29, 2007 4:36 PM

I name my bowel movements Mohammed.

Posted by Just Me | November 29, 2007 4:37 PM

What about Steely Dan from Yokohama?

Posted by Greg | November 29, 2007 4:42 PM

I agree that these expressions of displeasure with the government of Sudan and the government that props it up (PRC) are total bullshit, but the British Foreign Office needs to be condemning the masacre of 2 million people in the south, the enslavement of hundreds of thousands of others and the systematic rape of women and children by the muslims of the north.

Posted by left coast | November 29, 2007 4:45 PM

I'm really tired of the Muslim world. Almost to a 't' their countries are shitty and useless. Much like Europe until a few centuries ago.

Its high time they have their own secular revolution and confine their religious idiots to the margins were they belong. Until this happens I say we just ignore them. Give them the silent treatment and only talk to them by asking other countries to please tell them stuff.

Posted by giffy | November 29, 2007 5:00 PM

It's not a good idea to name your/a buttplug Mohammed. I've tried it. Bad, bad, super bad results.

Posted by Mr. Poe | November 29, 2007 5:03 PM

So basically she'll get malaria or some other disease that will stay with her until she's dead.


Not good.

Posted by Will in Seattle | November 29, 2007 5:27 PM

Whereas on our side of the coin we jail people for having radical Muslim opinions and "being dangerous". Its only fair that Sudan get to take their shit out on someone too.

Posted by Alex | November 29, 2007 5:30 PM

After this, why would anyone from the first world care to go teach in a Muslem country? Or more precisely, why would they dare too? OK, so there are Muslem countries and Muslem countries; Indonesia is not Saudi Arabia, for instance. But damn, that's some serious bullshit.

Posted by Eric in Boulder | November 29, 2007 5:49 PM

I can imagine the British Foreign Office to be many things. Forceful is not one of them, except maybe at tea time fighting over the crumpets.

Oh and if you're expecting something from Gordon Brown or anyone else in Parliament- they're about as forceful as Senator Craig's toe tapping. Skiddish to say the least.

BTW Mr. Poe- why is it such a horrible idea? Please elaborate for us bored slog readers.

Posted by Dave Coffman | November 29, 2007 5:57 PM

I suppose you realize that you have forever slammed the door on any chance of a future Sudani vacation.

(BTW, I've been watching some clips of you on YouTube and despite what you keep saying, you are one sexy man.)

Posted by Chuckamok | November 29, 2007 6:29 PM

Yeah, go for it, Poe. Anything would be more entertaining than story #817 about a church youth pastor.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | November 29, 2007 6:33 PM

I probably do more international travel to weird parts of the world than most people, and I have no intention of visiting Sudan on business or as as a tourist. Ever.

Posted by Dave Coffman | November 29, 2007 7:12 PM

Maybe we could bomb the shit out of one of their aspirin factories.

Posted by Mahtli69 | November 29, 2007 7:39 PM

if you work in a country without due process, with ongoing slaughter and extremist beliefs/punishments, you can pretty much expect that something like this will happen. If you have a choice and sense you leave. obviously Gibbon is being persecuted but why was she there? Yes extreme worship of Mohammed results in this kind of BS. However, for our part , it seems "odd" to get so riled up about a first world teacher doing a stint in jail, even a terrible jail, while genocide is continuing.

Posted by MSW | November 29, 2007 7:56 PM

Right on, Dan. I'm renaming my cat Mohammed.

Posted by James | November 29, 2007 8:15 PM

I'm naming my dick muhammad, dress it up in a condom burka and beat it.

Posted by N | November 29, 2007 9:17 PM

Christ, it's not as if it was a stuffed pig... that I might kinda get, somewhere, very far far away... seeing how Muslims loathe pigs.

Posted by piglet | November 29, 2007 10:42 PM

A woman is sentenced to 15 days in jail and that's news? Oh, wait, it was a white woman?! This is an outrage! Oh lord, she could be bitten by a mosquito! FUCK! This is much bigger news than the 100s of thousands of brown people dying in a genocide there.

Yeah, the readers here and Americans in general don't give 2 shits about the genocide in Darfur. It's been going on for 4 years and we don't care, it's true, but a white woman gets a 15 day sentence and we've got major headlines across the country and people naming their butt plugs in protest. What a protest! Could you possibly have made yourself look more impotent?

Posted by Dan Is Losing It | November 30, 2007 12:17 AM

Just in response to the comments about all Muslim countries being shit, that isn't entirely true. Countries like Morocco and Tunisia are almost entirely Muslim (and so are their govt.s), but they are very liberal, tolerant, and welcoming. But Sudan does sound like a shithole.

Posted by Elizabeth Jane | November 30, 2007 12:28 AM

How many wars are you really up for?

In any case, I agree with the other posters, if anyone is going to go to war with Sudan it should be over genocide.

Sudan is one of the very worst places in the world. I appreciate that this is a fucked up situation, but at least she hasn't been raped and mutilated, which is a lot more than many, many women in Sudan can say.

It's sort of surprising to me that anyone could go over to Sudan and not expect this sort of thing. It's so freaking dangerous there that I would think anyone going would have to be really up on stuff to not do. I am not blaming the victim, because I don't agree with anything that is happening to her, but it does surprise me that she didn't know any better.

You don't tug on Superman's Cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger, and you don't go to motherfucking Sudan. (or Liberia, or Chechneya, or anywhere there is a civil war, genocide, or kidnapping for profit going on)

Posted by Jim | November 30, 2007 2:55 AM


Well if you don't like Dan's protest, then what do YOU propose he name his butt-plug?

Posted by NJ Matt | November 30, 2007 6:17 AM

To be fair, horrible as this all is yadda yadda, if you're getting your news from the Daily Mail, then outrage is pretty much ensured. THE IMMIGRANTS ARE STEALING OUR CARP!!

Posted by Steve | November 30, 2007 7:15 AM

I hope the Sudanese government doesn't follow thru with this teacher's incarceration. As a muslim, I find this whole episode abhoring. This fanaticism in some muslim countries is getting a bit much. But what do you expect when you have countries with 30 to 40% literacy rate. The majority of the people can't even read the Coran let alone understand it's meaning. They buy into teachings of islamist zealots.

Posted by Sam | November 30, 2007 7:51 AM

Many Sudanese now think she deserves the death penalty

Posted by amy | November 30, 2007 7:57 AM

James - what are you doing with your cat? Should we be calling PETA?

Posted by Michael | November 30, 2007 8:17 AM

I remember drinking some beers in Cairo and hearing how Libyan guys are convinced (on some estoteric reading of the Koran) that Mohammed will come back to earth born of man. So they wear those baggy pants to catch their shit so they can poke through it with a stick at the end of the day to see if a tiny Mohammed is in there.

For an end times story line, that one has to be the funniest.

Posted by Mohammed in Shit | November 30, 2007 8:20 AM

If I name my pig Mohammed, will that make the bacon and ham we get from it Halal?

Posted by Mohammed the Pig | November 30, 2007 8:23 AM

Hmm.. Dan that's an idea you have.. could be an interesting addition the product line at [not work safe].

Posted by Mike Rock | November 30, 2007 8:28 AM

Elizabeth Jane's right---Turkey, also, is a really great place. Belorus, on the other hand, is Christian, and a total pit. Islam has very little to do with it.

Posted by That Fuzzy Bastard | November 30, 2007 9:09 AM

Turkey freaking rules. But I understand it has gotten a little less welcoming of Americans now that W has convinced 92% of them that we suck.

Posted by Jim | November 30, 2007 9:27 AM

some of it is that she's a white woman.

but there's also something to be said about protecting those who can be assisted, and those who do go over there to help. not just because she's "like us", or a white woman, but because she's trying to make a difference, and because some control over her situation can be had.

Posted by infrequent | November 30, 2007 9:49 AM

There is only one way out of ignorance -- education. This woman was trying to teach children, presumbably so the next generation would be a little less hysterically superstitious. That is actually the only way it can be done.

Posted by Cat in Chicago | November 30, 2007 9:50 AM

Naming your butt plug Mohammed? Hell, I'm going to start a new company, Mohammed's Islamic Pork Product Emporium. That'll show the fucks.

Posted by wile_e_quixote | November 30, 2007 11:00 AM

Just in case we thought that it was just the government handing out some insane sentence, this seems to be actually the will of quite a few Sudanese people:

"According to some agencies, some of the protesters chanted: "Shame, shame on the UK", "No tolerance - execution" and "Kill her, kill her by firing squad"."

Posted by Vasya | November 30, 2007 11:52 AM

yo, then there's this!

why no Mohammy? cuz they no they will be killed, of course!

Posted by Lewie | November 30, 2007 12:02 PM

Yeah, Alex, all those innocent Muslims we pick up - nothing but good intentions all around, I'm sure.

Posted by Lee | November 30, 2007 12:13 PM

I like the idea of a butt plug named Mohammed and while you're at it pick up a massively huge dildo and name it Jesus for me cause all religion sucks ass. Seriously. Religion is for stupid fucks.

Posted by Jersey | November 30, 2007 12:56 PM

Fantastic idea! Mohammed would be the perfect compliment to my dildo named Jesus!

Posted by Brian | November 30, 2007 1:12 PM

Heh - I got an old pair of workboots I used to wear when I shoveled pig manure out of the barn - as of this moment, the right one in named Jesus and the left one Mohammed. They both stink...

Posted by ronbailey | November 30, 2007 1:47 PM

funny how quickly it turned from being about a particular case, to being "all religion sucks". is it so difficult to imagine that there are some people out there who maybe have a decent practice of religion? anyone?

Posted by infrequent | November 30, 2007 1:51 PM

I'm renaming the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is the byproduct of anal sex "Mohammed."

Posted by Gregg | November 30, 2007 2:13 PM

All religion sucks except the flying spagetti monster. Religion should be dicussed and thought of only under the terms of the FSM because that's what it is, a huge load of bullshit!.

Posted by Jersey | November 30, 2007 3:00 PM

oh, come the fuck on. you know people would be burning crosses in the yard of any teacher who named a teddy bear "Jesus Christ" in the South. that teacher would probably lose his/her job.
I agree that while I'm not blaming the victim, it does seem like she could have avoided the problem...I mean, if she had read much about Islam (which I reeeeeally hope she did before going to, uh, Sudan), she would know that animals--not just pigs--are a touchy subject, because they're considered dirty.
go ahead and name random shit Muhammad, but it's not going to do anything except make you sound like an indignant pothead. "heh heh heh heh, I named this sex toy Muhammad, heh heh heh heh, isn't that funny? I'm really making a statement. now where did I put the chips...?"
if you don't like the ridiculously reactionary rules in Sudan, get up in there and make something happen, or write to a Congressperson to make something happen, or give someone money to make something happen, don't passive-aggressively bitch about it by naming your silicone items after that country's religious figure of choice.

Posted by Adara | November 30, 2007 3:29 PM

Call me a dumb fuck but what's the problem with using the name? Is it just teddy bears that can't be named Muhammad? Boxers is OK but bears is out?

Posted by CPR | November 30, 2007 3:39 PM

re: CPR (#45):

it's a respect thing. Muslims revere (not worship, revere) Muhammad, so I guess it would be demeaning to Muhammad's memory to name a lowly animal after him. to name another person after him would be fine, since Muhammad was also just a regular person, but an animal? that doesn't fly.
but it also doesn't deserve prison time or lashes.

Posted by Adara | November 30, 2007 3:46 PM

I think we need to be careful in classifying all Muslims as bad people....JUST KIDDING. I wish Muhammed were still alive so I could squirt him with my meat juice. (He'd like it too).

Posted by Comisk | November 30, 2007 4:49 PM


I live in the South (Mississippi), and it's really not that backwards. No one would burn crosses on the lawn of a teacher who named a teddy bear Jesus. She would probably get some complaints about bringing religion into schools, though.

Posted by Jocelyn | November 30, 2007 4:55 PM


From what I heard, the Teddy Bear got named because her students chose the name.

Posted by Shini | November 30, 2007 5:37 PM

Shini (#49),
this is true, but she could have, erm, diplomatically overrode the vote, especially since the kids were taking the teddy bear home as part of the assignment.

Jocelyn (#48),
it may be accepting like that in some areas, but having lived in the Midwest and the South, I know what some other areas are (unfortunately) like...

Posted by Adara | November 30, 2007 6:53 PM

I have a jack-off sock who's last name is Mohammed. His first name is Suckit.

All this shit about it being a white woman is why we're excited. Goddamn right!!! Do we give a shit about any of their females facing this kind of stuff? Hell no... they're just as guilty and actually support and nuture this primitive culture. I could care less if they kill and torture each other, good fucking riddance. But I do care when a western, christian, white woman gets caught in their caveman games - I'd say a few dozen sea-launched cruise missiles into downtown Khartoum would be great entertainment and solve the problem. USA baby.

Posted by Don Vito | November 30, 2007 8:45 PM

On one level I understand #19's trouble with the West's expressing outrage against a European being the target of feudalism while not enough is being done to end the atrocities in Darfur.

However, concern with the Gibbons case does not preclude concern with Darfur. Concern with atrocities perpetrated in other cultures does not preclude concern with those in our own. We shouldn't respond with more tribalism but we should respond.

This is barbarism. So is the Iraq War. Neither cancels out the other.

Posted by Ted | December 1, 2007 2:47 AM

Thanks for fanning the flames of hatred, Dan.

Posted by Bob | December 1, 2007 4:32 AM

My question is: Why is anybody still trying to help these people? It's like the general population (not just the government) is looking for an excuse to sentence foreigners to death for some imaginary offence. You intentionally gave their kids AIDS in the hospital, even though the kids started getting sick before you even got there. (Libya) Or, you're trying to steal their children to sell them to rich white people. (Chad)

Then there is "insulting islam" in this case. Some of the thinnest skinned people in the world are muslims -- awful damn easy to insult, and ready to kill you for it.

And to everybody who raised genocide in the comments above: If you got arrested on a bullshit charge, would you hope for me to say "your injustice doesn't matter -- there is a genocide in Sudan!"

Posted by m | December 1, 2007 10:27 AM

Naw, fanning the flames would be printing festive toilet paper with a Koranic verse on each leaf. It'd probably be a profitable venture, too.

Posted by zzz | December 1, 2007 10:35 AM

"Muhammed my friend, it's time to tell the world, we both know it was a girl, back in Bethlehem. And on that fateful day, when she was crucified, we wore Susheido red and drank tea by her side."
- Tori Amos

Muhammed [Peace be Upon Him] my friend, it's time to tell the world, we both know you raped Khadijah, your childbride. And you the pedophile, who raped so many women who cried, deserve a pork stuffed up your softer side.

Posted by Allah the Anus | December 1, 2007 1:50 PM

Muhammad's childbride was Aisha not Khadijah. Aisha was 9 when Muhammad took her cherry. ouch.

Posted by Aisah | December 1, 2007 2:49 PM

@32 @41 I agree with both of your statements, Infrequent.
@52 I also agree with you, Ted.

@54 No, I wouldn't expect you to say that, neither would I expect my rather minor plight to become international headlines for several days.

The whole point is that this incident barely makes the needle twitch on my injustice-o-meter, but Dan relishes tit-for-tat and takes any excuse to bash religion and the press loves to fan the flames of hatred, and it's all hysterically disproportionate. You're not helping your causes. You just look foolish.

Posted by Dan Is Losing It | December 1, 2007 6:46 PM

I call my vibrator Mohammed. The buttplug is Jesus.

Posted by Happy To Burn For Eternity! | December 2, 2007 8:05 AM

I've been calling my scrotum Mohammed for years.

Posted by JoeBagadonutz | December 2, 2007 11:55 AM

There is nothing wrong with Mohammed [Peace be Upon Him] for inventing a religion hundreds of years ago and getting a bunch of followers. It is the stupid fucks who then refuse to contextualize what Mohammed did in the medieval times into modernity that has led to all this jihad nonsense.

Posted by Ahmedinajad | December 3, 2007 8:58 AM

I swear that I’ve read a lot about World War II, and of all the things said about Hitler and Stalin, it remains a fact that I never saw a speech given by any of them, that had as much profanity or hatred as there is in this blog.

Someone, once, told me that the rules of war propaganda never changed since the days of the opium wars. I’m starting to think that he wasn’t wrong. In fact he might not be wrong at all.

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[url=]roommate nation[/url]. Looking for female state coordinator to share a room Thursday Feb 1st through Monday night Feb 5th. I have a room reserved in my name with two double beds.
Be in touch. Lynn in Maine

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