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Monday, October 22, 2007

A Norris For All Political Seasons

posted by on October 22 at 13:53 PM

posted by Ryan S. Jackson

Not content to change the world of home fitness and murder various assortments of America-invading communists with high impact kicks to the throat, Chuck Norris has now conquered the world of political writing from his high-profile perch atop World Net Daily.

In one of the most finely crafted political endorsements you will ever read in your entire life, experience the Biblical truth behind Governor Mike Huckabee: You’re going to be reeling from this all day long.

The one question that remains is: Can Huckabee win the nomination? The presidency?

As with the other candidates, Huckabee has, and will continue to have, his hecklers: “He hasn’t raised enough money.” “He’ll never beat Hillary.” “Our society is too prejudice and paranoid to vote for a once Baptist minister.” “He’ll never out-race the top four Republican candidates.”

I was thinking about these types of comments the other day when I recalled another leader in ancient times that didn’t match up in the line up: King David. Seven men were poised and paraded for the position of king, but David was left in the field shepherding because he wasn’t “a frontrunner in the polls.” They overlooked the best because they were too busy judging by outward appearance. But God appointed David king.

It’s time to quit choosing our leaders based solely upon charisma or one strong suite, and move back to being a culture which esteems and elects its leaders because of character and qualifications. It’s substance, not pizzazz, we should want in a leader. Mike Huckabee is the real deal.

Other than the high profile nod from Norris, Huckabee’s still riding the wave from a successful sweep through the Values Voters Summit, where he nearly scored a come-from-behind victory over former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney in participant voting.

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That is some wild endorsement.

Like most Republican candidates, King David screwed around with a woman he was not married to, Bethsheba. Then he had her husband killed in battle. Huckabee have something going on the side that Chuck knows about?

Also, I guess you can compare the "tens of thousands" slain by David and his armies to the "tens of pounds" defetaed by Huckabee.

By the way, unpaid intern, run "endoresements" through your spell check. And did you really mean to say Huckabee "overturned" Romney?

Posted by elrider | October 22, 2007 2:09 PM

You forgot that he expressed a love for Jonathan greater than any he felt for a woman...

Posted by Just Me | October 22, 2007 2:16 PM

With your lead-in, I expected fireworks. I didn't think there was much that was very noteworthy about this endorsement.

Posted by Timothy | October 22, 2007 2:29 PM

Methinks Chuck is angling for a dark-horse veep nomination.

Posted by Hernandez | October 22, 2007 2:29 PM

"defeated" damn it.

Posted by elrider | October 22, 2007 2:49 PM

Wow. Between those things, he's all the way up to what, 4%?

Posted by Gitai | October 22, 2007 3:07 PM

Meanwhile, Mitt scores a REAL endorsement, from a political figure who actually matters: Bob Jones. The fundies have figured it out. There will be no Christianist third-party candidate. A year to go, and once again the Republicans are streets ahead of the Dems, who will continue fighting for nothing until the convention.

Posted by Fnarf | October 22, 2007 3:11 PM

“Our society is too prejudice and paranoid to vote for a once Baptist minister.”

Too prejudice? Sorry, Chuck. Keep the poorly written endorsements to yourself and stick to not curing cancer by refusing to cry.

Posted by Jessica | October 22, 2007 3:26 PM

So...this is like some twisted post-modern Chuck Norris joke, right?

Posted by laterite | October 22, 2007 3:31 PM

If God™'s going to pick the President, then it doesn't really matter how or if we vote. Fuck it.

Posted by K | October 22, 2007 3:45 PM

I'd have thought that Chuck Norris would want our president to be chosen through the only truly rational, fair-minded, transparent political process mankind has ever developed: SURVIVING THE OCTAGON!!!

Posted by BillyCorazon | October 22, 2007 4:17 PM

Seriously? He used King David reference? Anyone who has read 1 Samuel knows that David is one of the most gay characters in the old testiment, he and Jonathan had constant star-crossed lover scenes.

Posted by Megan W | October 22, 2007 5:17 PM

If Chuck's going to endorse somebody he should probably have God proofread it first.

Posted by alejo699 | October 23, 2007 12:23 PM

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