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Thursday, September 6, 2007

Hi, I’m Not From Around Here

posted by on September 6 at 13:12 PM


A Stranger staffer just sent out this email to the entire office:

Subject: Honeycrisps are HERE!

I just purchased the first of the season from QFC. Looks like only the non-organic variety are available at the moment.

Huh? “What the hell is a honeycrisp?” I wonder out loud.

Apparently they’re apples. According to Megan Seling, “they’re retardedly good.”

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they are retardedly good, Haggen/top food has had them a while,

Bellewood acres has a lot of honeycrisp trees, and even makes honeycrisp cider, even more retardedly good

Posted by vooodooo84 | September 6, 2007 1:17 PM

Megan Rules.

Posted by Mr. Poe | September 6, 2007 1:20 PM

The only thing retardedly good in Seattle are Pumpkin Latte's from Starbucks..Now only a little over 2 1/2 months away. Hmmmmmmmm artifical pumpkin flavoring!!!!

Posted by Just Me | September 6, 2007 1:21 PM

Honeycrisps are celebrated annually upon their arrival at the house of icarus. Huzzah!

Posted by kid icarus | September 6, 2007 1:25 PM

Word to the "retardedly good". My first of the season from Pike Place yesterday was indeed that. What are they? They are so good they're now the state fruit of Minnesota ( Yum!

Posted by Ben | September 6, 2007 1:31 PM

I thought Larry Craig was the state fruit of Minnesota.


Posted by E | September 6, 2007 1:44 PM

Honeycrisp, the champagne of apples. Invented by the University of Minnesota. I grew up on an apple orchard, and they were the ones we weren't allowed to swipe out of the back room.

Posted by Ariel Dumas | September 6, 2007 1:49 PM

Best apples ever. Available at PCC as well. The PCC apple guy tells me that the trees are over watered to make the apples super juicy and, as the orchards mature, the honeycrisp season will become longer. I'm beside myself with apple-y joy, yet concerned that increased availability will decrease my excitement about them.

Posted by LMC | September 6, 2007 1:51 PM

As a Foodie, I make sure to eat seasonal, local and sustainable produce. With Yom Kippur comming up, my sukka in the making, all I need is a box of honeycrisps to celebrate the season.

Posted by Foodie | September 6, 2007 1:55 PM

Fucking fuckers why do you have to use 'retarded'? Do you fucking KNOW or LOVE anyone who has a cognitive disability?

I thought not.


Posted by Fed up with your terminology that insults people with disabilities | September 6, 2007 1:57 PM


Shut up, you retard.

Posted by Mr. Poe | September 6, 2007 2:03 PM

Pos: I really must agree with 10. An apple this good can stand on its merits without insults and trash talk. Anything with high sugar content could be more accurately described as drunkenly good.

Posted by WenG | September 6, 2007 2:14 PM


Posted by craig | September 6, 2007 2:15 PM

I can stand behind 'drunkenly' any day.

Poe, YOU shut the FUCK up. Ass.

Posted by Fed up, yada yada, etc, blah, blah. blah | September 6, 2007 2:17 PM

here's a little background behind our office obsession:

Posted by Ari Spool | September 6, 2007 2:20 PM

I clicked the comments in hopes that someone like 10 beat me to it.

You all are supposed to be WRITERS . . . find a better adverb. Don't you know that saying "retarded" is so gay?

Posted by Otter | September 6, 2007 2:23 PM


Fed up is right, why don't you quit being a jerk and shut up you fucking retard!


Quit making fun of drunks.

Posted by PC | September 6, 2007 2:28 PM

Wow, Megan Seling - what a genius you've proved yourself to be. Mind if I drop by the Stranger offices with my 4-year-old niece someday? She's adorable. And she's what you'd call "retarded."

Posted by U.R. Ajerk | September 6, 2007 2:35 PM

PC, aren't you a funny one! Maybe you should give up your day job and try the stand-up comedy route?

Posted by It's not a matter of 'correctness,' it's a matter of respect | September 6, 2007 2:37 PM

They are effin' delicious apples. Don't ever waste your tastebuds on those sad bastard red delicious apples. All the flavor and texture has been bred out of red delicious; thus they taste of disappointment and failure.

Posted by gfrancie | September 6, 2007 2:41 PM

Is that the new iPhone?

Posted by DOUG. | September 6, 2007 2:45 PM

I agree that the word "retarded" should be limited to actual discussion of people are, you know, retarded.


Saying something is "retardedly good" is akin to saying it is "amazingly good" or "incredibly good." So I don't really think of it as an insult; it seems to be saying retarded = amazing/incredible, no?

Still, though, let's all avoid "retarded" except where appropriate.

Posted by Levislade | September 6, 2007 2:49 PM

Winesaps are better.

Posted by Will in Seattle | September 6, 2007 2:59 PM

And @10, yes I do. There's the Pres, and the VP, and ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | September 6, 2007 3:01 PM

I got some organic ones yesterday at madison market.

Posted by kyleen | September 6, 2007 3:10 PM

Respect? For retards? Hmmm?

Posted by Mr. Poe | September 6, 2007 3:13 PM

I find it bizarre that uber PC fuckheads think 'down syndrome' whenever they read 'retarded', in any of its forms.

(Pseudo bigots who are not even good at caring.)

Posted by Mr. Poe | September 6, 2007 3:16 PM


I don't see any mention of Down's in this comment thread.

Posted by keshmeshi | September 6, 2007 3:19 PM

When considering loose terms, #10, 18, 22.

I doubt you looked hard, anyway.

Posted by Mr. Poe | September 6, 2007 3:36 PM

I grew up in Washington, and I swear up and down there's only like 2 kinds of Apples, Granny Smiths, and red ones. Something funny is going on here.

Posted by Dougsf | September 6, 2007 3:52 PM

@3 the Pumpkin Spice Latté is back!
@ 30 - I'm confused by all of these new apple varieties, too.

Posted by brappy | September 6, 2007 4:03 PM

Knock knock.

Who's there?


Drunk who?

Drunk retard.

Posted by I'm so outraged, I can't think of some new slogan. | September 6, 2007 4:11 PM

You mean like Fujis, which have been around since 1962, or Braeburns, from even earlier, or Cameos, discovered (in Washington!) in 1987, or Galas, from the 1920s, or Gravensteins, from the early 19th century, or McIntoshes, from 1811?

Granny Smiths have only been in the US since 1972.

Posted by Fnarf | September 6, 2007 4:32 PM

Well, I've only been around since 1974, so anything pre-"me" has inherently always been around. My family moved to Seattle from the mid-west, we could only tell types corn apart. (on the cob, canned, frozen, etc.)

Posted by Dougsf | September 6, 2007 7:09 PM

And you were apple deprived in Washington state. Now that is retarded.

The bramley apple has been around since about 1809 and it much like the granny smith. Only larger and more tart. So really with a granny smith is a weak facimile.
The baldwin apple has been around since the 18th century. I love the fact that it is also known as Butters.

Posted by gfrancie | September 6, 2007 8:30 PM

I think a more appropriate term would be CUNTFULLY delicious.

Posted by Katelyn | September 6, 2007 9:06 PM

you eat apples from BC Canada don't you have your own?
Looks like a Braeburn to me.
See, The same picture in link below

Posted by -B- | September 6, 2007 11:59 PM

@7, honeycrisps are not the champagne of apples. champagne tastes like fizzy spit. everyone knows this. also, jazz apples are worth mentioniong. funny name, perfect flavor.

Posted by mongo like slog | September 7, 2007 9:57 AM

Damn, I e-mailed y'all about them last week. I've been shoving them in my face at every available opportunity since I found them at Whole Foods. When I walked up to the checkout, the checker got really excited when she saw them and said she waits all year for them as well.

They are ridiculously delicious, and as long as they're available, I bring them to everyone I visit like some crazy apple missionary. Viva la Honeycrisp!

@38: French champagne has never been my sparkling wine of choice, I suggest the Spanish cava. Like biting into an apple, but with the bonus of alcohol! Also, you can get a good bottle for ten bucks.

Posted by Jessica | September 7, 2007 5:16 PM

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