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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Overseers to Haggard: Get a Job!

posted by on August 29 at 20:40 PM


Ted Haggard’s overseers cracked the the motherfuckin’ whip yesterday—p*tsch! p*tsch!—and told the cocksucking, freeloading fundy to stop shaking down gullible Christians and find some honest work.

Overseers tell Haggard: Stop asking for money and get a job

Disgraced pastor Ted Haggard won’t be fundraising for a Monument nonprofit run by a sex offender, won’t be ministering to anyone and needs to get a job, his overseers said in a statement released this afternoon.

“Mr. Haggard’s solicitation for personal support was inappropriate,” his church supervisors said in the statement.

Take a bow, Dave Coffman. It was Coffman who discovered that Haggard had had directed his supporters to send him money via a convicted sex offender, and it was this revelation—which we broke here on Slog—that brought the wrath of Haggard’s overseers down on his head. Good work, Dave!

Oh, man. What a great day. I fucking live for the day when every asshole out there bilking gullible Christians out of their hard-earned dough—from the Nazi pope on down—is told the same damn thing: Get a fucking job, you parasite.

UPDATE: The spanking Haggard received from his overseers yesterday also makes the Washington Post—although the WaPo omits the sordid “registered sex offender” angle. Still, man, the Washington Post… sucks to be Ted, huh?

RSS icon Comments


Any day now, he is going to fucking kill himself.

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 29, 2007 8:57 PM

"Putsch" is a word, Dan.

Posted by Jeb | August 29, 2007 8:58 PM

It's not "putsch," it's p*tsch--the sound of a whip being cracked....

Posted by Dan Savage | August 29, 2007 9:14 PM

Alienated labor will save us all from our hypocracy!

Posted by johnnie | August 29, 2007 9:20 PM

I wonder why the sound of a whip being cracked isn't crack! crack!

I'm also trying to picture who will hire this man. And what is he qualified to do? He went to Oral Roberts Univeristy, according to Wikipedia. We can guess that he isn't going to be doing any more of what he majored in. Perhaps he minored in something marketable?

Posted by elenchos | August 29, 2007 9:37 PM

congrats, dan. your obsession with haggard pays off!

Posted by arduous | August 29, 2007 9:41 PM

Oral. Heh.

Posted by Bento | August 29, 2007 9:42 PM

between this and Larry Craigopalooza all i gotta say is, Happy Birthday Dan! and Merry Chistmas too. If not for the Mariners, this could have been a nominee for best week ever.

Posted by longball | August 29, 2007 10:32 PM

Yes, I would like fries with that!

Posted by DJSauvage | August 29, 2007 11:13 PM

Oh dear. Who volunteers to whip elenchos?

Posted by Jonathan | August 29, 2007 11:14 PM

For many reasons this news makes me HAPPY!

Posted by mj | August 29, 2007 11:23 PM

That's an AP story, actually. It'll be EVERYWHERE!

Posted by annie | August 29, 2007 11:40 PM

I'm telling you, Public Intern needs to bake Dave Coffman a cake. CAKE CAKE CAKE!

Posted by MF | August 29, 2007 11:51 PM

I'm with ya Dan. Let's tell all the parasites, the preachers, teachers, and leechers: GET AN FFFFING JOB!

Posted by helena handbasket | August 30, 2007 2:10 AM

Mr. Coffman, you are a national hero. So are the interns you mentioned on an earlier post, which I'm too lazy to look up -- Ary and ....? You'll never buy a drink in any bar that I'm in.

Posted by Fnarf | August 30, 2007 5:01 AM

He looks like he is squishing poop in his hand in the photo there. And, I might add, really getting off on it!

Posted by Kristin Bell | August 30, 2007 5:37 AM

Once again, what Fnarf said. Dave, good job! And if you're ever in Denver I'll buy the drinks.

Posted by Matt from Denver | August 30, 2007 6:55 AM

Dan, you missed the ball here in gloating over Haggard without bitching about his overseers too. Sure, Haggard is a bastard and deserves what he gets, but what about those hyper-hypocritical "Christian" overseers who've just thrown their own to the lions and left the lamb to fend for himself? Granted, Haggard is hardly a lamb, but you get the metaphor! Wail on them too -- it's more disgusting than poo-eaters how they preach forgiveness and acceptance, yet show their true colors in how they treat people like Haggard (or Senator Craig) -- in a second they put their own in a meat grinder and turn their backs forever, just like the pricks they really are. F*ck the lot of them. If you do a column on Craig, please rail on the hypocrisy of his colleagues a bit. The whole bunch should go to hell. Times like this I feel sorry I'm an atheist, Haggard got what he deserved but most of these Republichristians will upon death simply cease to exist, with millions in their pockets going tax-free to their brats, and a smile on their sanctimonious faces...

Posted by Mark | August 30, 2007 7:41 AM

Just when I thought it was again safe to wade in the Slog cesspool, you dredge this tasty nugget about my man Hag. ... What will you Kos-tards do when you don't have fabulous Ted to swish & swat any more? You'll probably try to set up a happy-feet conservative senator for entrapment.

Posted by Hag Fag | August 30, 2007 8:40 AM

"Thrown the lamb to the wolves"? Bullshit, that was EXACTLY the right response. His superiors have apologized and covered for him enough already; it's tough love* time. You can fling a lot of shit at that particular church, but I don't see how they can be faulted for their actions here.

*a different kind of tough love

Posted by MBI | August 30, 2007 8:56 AM

Nazi Pope. You're a real class act, huh.

Posted by Andrew | August 30, 2007 9:30 AM

Thanks Dan and everyone.... and to answer Fnarf's question it was Adam and Ary in the office who did a lot of the grunt work as well. And we were going to leave early last Friday!

Posted by Dave Coffman | August 30, 2007 10:27 AM

Yes, I should only speak politely of the Nazi Pope--he's never been nothin' but kind to me and mine, after all. "Intrinsic moral disorder," etc.

Posted by Dan Savage | August 30, 2007 10:44 AM

The Pope is a Nazi and the ignorant goi need to be reminded of this. Tikkun Olum, the repair of this torn-apart piece of the world embodies the ideals of tzedakah - this mean attacking Christians whenever and wherever we can.

The goi must be show the emptiness of their religion so that the true religion Judaism may spread it's light and justice through this world.

Thank you Dan for these postings, you are the only Seattle Paper willing with the balls to call the Pope a Nazi. Mazel Tov!

Posted by Issur | August 30, 2007 7:01 PM

The Pope actually did belong to the Hitler Youth as a child. That doesn't technically make him a Nazi, of course. But the Pope in office during World War 2 was probably a closet Nazi. He was much more worried about the Commies than the Nazis. The Nazis were "Christians" after all. Read the book, "Hitler's Pope" for all the details. And remember, the Roman Catholic Church helped many Nazi criminals escape Europe after the war. It's all in the record. The Catholic Church has much to answer for, from the Inquisition to Galileo to supporting Franco to its current-day gay-bashing. I say ban the Church and give all its property to the Quakers.

Posted by bobbyr | August 30, 2007 8:48 PM

aliyah, you're getting redundant and it's beginning to be too easily ignored.

how did it take THIS long and OVERSEERS for him to be told this?! you want money, get a fucking job. isn't that how america works?

Posted by frequency ass bandit | August 31, 2007 1:39 AM

Nazi Pope? You fuckwit Americans elected a president who's Grandfather bankrolled the Nazis! Your CIA bankrolled Osama Bin laden during the Russian Afhgan war and now he hits you with everything you taught him!Your CIA supported and helped Saddam Hussein into power in Iraq only to lose control of him. You supported the IRA terrorists who blew women and children to bits in Northen Ireland and in England, Now terrorisim will hit America. God has abondened America, reap the worldwind

Posted by Terry | September 1, 2007 3:13 PM

Terry, it's hard to argue with anything you say, except the last sentence. God is a myth, a human construct. We are in charge of our own destiny, not some supernatural daddy in the sky. If we fuck up, there's nobody to blame but ourselves.

Posted by Bobbyr | September 3, 2007 6:34 AM

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