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Tuesday, July 24, 2007

RIP Weekly World News

posted by on July 24 at 11:23 AM


As ECB notes in The Morning News, the Weekly World News, America’s preeminent all-fiction tabloid, is calling it quits.

Full disclosure: My first published writing appeared in the Weekly World News, in the form of a letter I wrote to the WWN’s legendarily cantakerous advice columnist Dotti Primrose in 1989. I was a tremendous fan of Dear Dotti’s unapologetically abusive and bigoted advice, so I wrote a letter under the guise of a femme lesbian named Monica, who was eager to convince Dotti that not all dykes were truck-driving, flannel-wrapped hogs.

To my delight, Monica’s letter was selected for print, and Dotti hit it out of the park. “Dear Butchy,” wrote Dotti. “I had to use kitchen tongs to open your letter because it was so covered with yucky lezzie germs.” Swoon!

RIP, Weekly World News.

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Well now just where in the FUCK am I supposed to go for breaking bat boy news?

Posted by heywhatsit | July 24, 2007 11:26 AM

I printed out a bunch of great WWN covers (Osama and Saddam SECRET LOVERS) and used them for gift wrapping paper.

Where will I get my batshit crazy from now?

Posted by monkey | July 24, 2007 11:26 AM

Wow! She knew before she even opened it that it was from a yucky lezzie? She's even better than I thought.

Posted by David | July 24, 2007 11:26 AM

david? full disclosure. i was secretly dotti.

just kidding.

i am really sad about this.

Posted by adrian! | July 24, 2007 11:37 AM

@2: my favorite WWN cover EVER is the osama & saddam secret lovers, i've still got it somewhere. i applaud your taste.

schmader, you are a fucking classic.

Posted by kerri harrop | July 24, 2007 11:40 AM

I was always a big fan of Ed Anger. His rants hilariously encapsulated a whole worldview that was quite common in my hometown (and everyone else's.)

I always assumed it was written by the same sort of stoner smartypants that would later form the editorial staff of the Onion.

Posted by flamingbanjo | July 24, 2007 11:42 AM

Ed Anger! He'd always refer to gay guys as "Broccoli Bruce" in his MY AMERICA column. Plus he was always pig-biting mad at something or the other.

Posted by Rafe Klinger | July 24, 2007 11:43 AM

Oh, I loved me some Ed Anger.

Posted by Fnarf | July 24, 2007 11:44 AM

"Pig-biting mad"!

Oh, that brings back memories...

Posted by David Schmader | July 24, 2007 11:46 AM

What?! No! Dammit! So much for my 10-year career plan...

Anyway, my favorite thing in the WWN was a headline not long that said "Very Tiny Baby Found In Avocado."

I just imagine someone at the office saying "how about...Tiny Baby Found In Avocado?"

And someone else says, "It would have to be a very tiny baby."

Posted by Jordyn | July 24, 2007 11:50 AM

And how about the sexy psychic, Serena (or Sabrina?). That was always worth a read.

Posted by David | July 24, 2007 11:57 AM

monkey @ 2,

"Where will I get my batshit crazy from now?"

There's always!

Posted by Original Andrew | July 24, 2007 12:03 PM

True Story: one of my aunts fell down at the end of her icy drive way and broke a bunch of bones in her leg. It was freezing cold outside and because she lived in BFE the odds of someone being able to get to her to help her were miniscule. Her dog ended up dragging her all the way back up the 1/2 mile driveway and saved her life. She was able to drag herself over the door-stop and pull the phone down off the wall to call for help. They printed that story in the WWN. May have been the only true story they ever reported.

Posted by JessB | July 24, 2007 12:11 PM

Let me rephrase... where will I get my FUNNY batshit crazy from now?

Posted by monkey | July 24, 2007 12:31 PM



(at least.. *whimper*. When the Weekly World News dies, you know all the angels in heaven have died.)

Posted by matthew fisher wilder | July 24, 2007 12:55 PM

hahah. Jordyn, that is the biggest laugh i've had in a while.

Posted by konstantConsumer | July 24, 2007 12:58 PM

Just the byline in the pic in the entry!

"Top 5 Disgusting Diets for 2002". Holy shit!

I hate to say it, but American took WWN for granted, big time. Why weren't we investing in the right publications?

Posted by matthew fisher wilder | July 24, 2007 1:02 PM

Anyway, watch for e-bay shmoes to capitalize on selling back issues. ;_;

Posted by matthew fisher wilder | July 24, 2007 1:03 PM

This is TERRIBLE! I swear most of the band flyers me and my friends made in college started with a WWN photo (caption optional). This is truely bad news.

Posted by scharrera | July 24, 2007 2:05 PM
20 friends and I. Sorry.

Posted by scharrera | July 24, 2007 2:06 PM

Schmader, how will the Men in Black be able to operate without their number one intelligence gathering operation?

Posted by Dave Coffman | July 24, 2007 3:19 PM

Dammit!!! But I get all my news from WWN and Slog. Now I'll only be half as well informed.
Plus WWN is like an antedote to that icky consumer fealing i get at the checkout line having to stare at bradjotomcatohan's "even my problems are better than your's" faces. Sometimes I'd daydream of Batboy biting the head off of Paris Hilton.

Posted by pidgin | July 24, 2007 4:44 PM

Does this mean my copy of the WNN with the "Iraqi Submarine Spotted in Great Lakes!" headline will be worth something someday?

Enquiring minds want to know!

If only that wasn't the only one I ever bought!

Posted by K X One | July 24, 2007 6:07 PM

@13, While WWN was one of the best crappy newsweeklies, they did print quite a few actual REAL news stories. I will miss them (even though I haven't bought a copy lately), and I hope your aunt is OK.

Posted by lawrence clark | July 25, 2007 2:37 AM

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