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Friday, June 8, 2007

Kathy Griffin—Her Life on my Shitlist

posted by on June 8 at 9:57 AM

My girlfriend and I recently gave into the bored and disaffected bourgeois yearnings of our hearts and had cable TV installed. Since that day, watching television has been a celebrated event in our home.

“Have you been watching TV?”

“Yes, since I got home.”

“Yay! Good work! “


A couple nights ago I was home and, in the grand (if brief) tradition of our household, watching TV. Kathy Griffin—My Life on the D-List was on Bravo in some kind of Kathy Griffin marathon including her standup show and the new season premiere of her series. As much as I want to hate Kathy Griffin (because she’s so obnoxious), she does make me laugh. A few things that bothered me about her have been percolating in me since that night.

1. Doesn’t she closely resemble Lady Elaine from Mr. Rogers?



Seriously, except for Kathy’s hair (which is fake), they could be twins. Same sharp pronounced chin, same bulbous nose, same red and defined cheekbones and scary eyebrows; it’s uncanny. It’s like the more Kathy tries to be beautiful (she’s admitted to having lots of cosmetic surgery) the scarier she gets. Without makeup she looks like a normal (and homely) woman, but with all of that cakey face paint on she becomes some creepy drunk carousel attendant of an imaginary world.

By the way, I don’t feel the least bit guilty about criticizing her looks, and if you’ve ever watched her standup you’d understand why. The woman makes a living being a total bitch to whomever she wishes. It’s hilarious.

2. She claims to have the gay demographic on lock.

She goes on and on about her gays, and gay this, gay that. That bugs me. Who does she think she is… Margaret Cho?! I don’t think so. Like a crack baby with tons of health problems, Kathy Griffin was adopted by the gays because no one else wanted her. She loves us because we’re the only ones willing to give her a chance in this cold, cruel world (gays love an underdog). Will she abandon us when she’s finally upgraded to the C-List? Only time will tell.

This woman has a voice like nails on a chalkboard and tells frantic stories about her brief encounters with celebrities who constantly dismiss and belittle her. She gives off a vibe of dejection and inferiority that makes me want to break her. I think it’s a Darwinian instinct on my part. She’s weak and compromises the integrity of the human race.

I appreciate her standup, but what does she leave you with? A few spent laughs, and that’s it. There’s no sound bite, there’s no catchphrase, there’s no joke that you can pipe up with at a party. It’s just some desperate woman telling her stories of brief encounters with those who are more famous and more talented than she. Her self-esteem is all tied up in price tags, status, and celebrity acquaintances. It’s sad. She’s sad.

And that’s what’s funny.

RSS icon Comments


I think that white girl looks like a drag queen, ya know?

Posted by Shaniqua Jackson | June 8, 2007 10:02 AM

You need catchphrases and sound bites? Maybe you and your woman should stick to network television. Specifically, CBS.

Posted by Boomer in NYC | June 8, 2007 10:05 AM

"She’s weak and compromises the integrity of the human race."

You hit the nail on the head. Amen.

Posted by Hernandez | June 8, 2007 10:05 AM

#2—I just feel like a comedian should leave you with something. Eh, I dunno. I watched it for hours though, heh.

Posted by Carollani | June 8, 2007 10:07 AM

She's a late-night stoner's delight.

Posted by Dan Savage | June 8, 2007 10:08 AM

Second that, Dan. She's ugly-funny.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | June 8, 2007 10:12 AM

"Like a crack baby with tons of health problems, Kathy Griffin was adopted by the gays because no one else wanted her."

Dude you are the meanest person ever. I coughed, I laughed so hard.

Posted by Kim | June 8, 2007 10:13 AM

By gays, she means fags. Sorry Carollani, but I don't think you are her demographic.

I will say that she can be mean, but she only picks on the detestable. Whitney, Britney, Lindsay, Oprah, etc. And that bit during her comedy show about her mother's cursing had me in tears, son of a bitch, god dammit.

Posted by SB | June 8, 2007 10:13 AM

"Like a crack baby with tons of health problems, Kathy Griffin was adopted by the gays because no one else wanted her."

Dude you are the meanest person ever. ha!

Posted by meany | June 8, 2007 10:14 AM

I love her.

Posted by Lindy West | June 8, 2007 10:14 AM

Women stand-ups. So often there is a disconnect with the funny bone; so hit or miss.

They'll all wind up Paula Poundstoning it on Hollywood Sqaures in the end, wearing almost-BET-Comicview-caliber clown suits and neck ties, and making uncomfortable jokes about the child battery and drinking allegations against them. Even the funny ones!

And while usually jokes about alcohol-fueled child abuse are hilarious, these particular ones will fail.

Posted by jackie treehorn | June 8, 2007 10:15 AM

She's an "any time of the day" stoner's delight, thank you very much.

Gay MEN love her. At least all the ones I know.

Posted by monkey | June 8, 2007 10:18 AM

She played The Moore last year. Two solid hours of extemporaneous stand-up. She was hilarious and brilliant.

Posted by David in Wedgwood | June 8, 2007 10:18 AM

I wish to revise my post:

"Women" should be changed to "Kathy Griffin."

That is all.

Posted by jackie treehorn | June 8, 2007 10:22 AM

I love her, too.

She called Sharon Stone the "white Whitney" 'cause she'll shive you if you cross her!

Posted by Original Andrew | June 8, 2007 10:30 AM

Bravo's Workout is my no longer secret guilty pleasure. That Jackie Warner has got to be the gals' new crush.

Posted by Original Andrew | June 8, 2007 10:32 AM

Yeah, lately I've been following the dictum by BOAT

and "Really, Really, Rethinking my life."

Isn't Griffin the woman who heckled Jerry in that one episode of Seinfeld? I thought it was hilarious.
So we go to CHAC's comedy night recently and offered a few g-rated barbs, some loud, some soft, a one two- liner. And the audience vibe was definitely a "not cool" statement to us.
Maybe we should have been more harsh like Griffin? Is that what people enjoy? We were even warned by the staff not to continue. Seriously rethinking the worth of Cap Hill culture.

Posted by Garrett | June 8, 2007 10:36 AM

i love lady elaine. boomerang, toomerang, zoomerang!

Posted by adrian! | June 8, 2007 10:41 AM

I love Kathy Griffin. She's just a funny storyteller and I can dig that.

I also like that she works her ass off and isn't too proud to take any gig she can.

Posted by love | June 8, 2007 10:42 AM

Okay, so I get that her demographic is gay MEN, but I like all of the other shit that's made for gay men (including dude on dude porn, minus the cum shots—*shudder*) so I feel like my voice shouldn't be entirely discounted just because of my gender. (Bitches.)

And I think you're missing the part where I say that I think she's hilarious. I just hate her as a person. Heh.

Posted by Carollani | June 8, 2007 10:43 AM

Ugh. I hate her. Then again, I'm straight.

Saw her live once in a small club in LA and I seriously wanted to kick her in the back.

Posted by Anthony Hecht | June 8, 2007 11:06 AM

@7, I concur. The line about the crack baby is pure genius.

Posted by Mark Mitchell | June 8, 2007 11:09 AM

I love Kathy Griffin.

Posted by Gitai | June 8, 2007 11:38 AM

FINALLY SOMEONE MADE THE REFERENCE TO KATHY GRIFFIN LOOKING LIKE A PUNCHING JUDY DOLL! I thought I was the only one that couldn't stand her! Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me!

Posted by JJ | June 8, 2007 12:09 PM

she's perfect for cable: there's no way in hell you need to watch it.

Posted by maxsolomon | June 8, 2007 12:15 PM

Hecklers at comedy shows are, for the most part, obnoxious assholes. The crowd didn't pay to hear your version of wit, and that they weren't more welcoming of it might be an indication that you aren't as funny as you think you are.

Posted by Bison | June 8, 2007 12:16 PM

Ummmmm #24 I think you mean Punch and Judy

Posted by I love puppets | June 8, 2007 2:30 PM


Posted by Bill | June 12, 2007 2:54 PM


Posted by Bill | June 12, 2007 2:54 PM


Posted by Bill | June 12, 2007 2:55 PM

I can't believe someone else made the Kathy Griffin/Lady Elaine connection too. I've thought that for years. Fugly, but hilarious!

Posted by Rob | June 14, 2007 5:15 PM

Elaine from what??? Kathy Griffin is Andy Dick on his off-days u fucking idiots...just look at both of them and you will fucking shit yourself from realizing such an epiphany.

Posted by Im going to Kill Kathy Personally | June 22, 2007 4:15 PM

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