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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

What Shall We Do With the Woodland Park Bunnies? Oh Whatever Shall We Do?

posted by on February 14 at 14:36 PM

From today’s inbox, courtesy of

These park rabbits are being trapped and forcibly relocated from their natural burrow homes in Woodland Park/GreenLake in Seattle.

More hand-wringing, know-nothing jackassery from do-gooders without the brains God gave a… well, a rabbit.

First of all there is nothing natural about the rabbits in Woodland Park.

The rabbits belong there about as much as I belong in the veldt trying to chase down a zebra for dinner—they are abandoned pets and the children of abandoned pets. They overbreed, they starve, they suffer, they die. They overbreed because during the summers, know-nothing (but well-meaning) jackasses come in droves to feed them. (The rabbits have stripped nearby food sources bare, are killing off trees by nibbling around the bark and roots, and are finding their way into the nearby zoo to eat the plants there.)

Then, in the winter, without hordes of know-nothing jackasses to toss them lettuce, they waste away, get sick, and die. Slowly. And hungry. So let’s not indulge in “happy-rabbits-in-their-natural-habitat” bullshit. Just because they’re furry and living in a park doesn’t mean that they’re happy or healthy.

The parks are trying to relocate the rabbits because they are a hazard to themselves and others. And is worried because:

… there is inadequate vet care for these captured rabbits.

Do I even need to say it, There is pretty inadequate vet care in the fucking park.

Also the captured rabbits are being housed in an abandoned building (called “the chapel”) at Discovery Park in Seattle under inhumane and inadequate conditions. The building is rat & mice-infested and the rats are attacking the adult rabbits at night & eating their food. The male rabbits are kept in small cages with no activity nor exercise whatever…

Rabbitsave, know-nothing jackass that he is, may have a point here. Dumping rabbits to fester and die in park is cruel, dumping them in an abandoned building is also cruel. And I’m not a fan of cruelty. The answer is simple:

Kill ‘em. Kill ‘em all. Butcher the meat, make a stew, feed it to the hoboes.

Everybody wins.

RSS icon Comments



That is the most sensible thing I've ever heard from you. Perhaps a story, and take-down, about these fools is in order. More please...

Posted by Kiley Kritik | February 14, 2007 2:40 PM

ITA...but, I wouldn't eat those rabbits...I've seen bunnies over there with some nasty tumours...i mean tumors...wouldn't want savage mad at me and kick me out of the theatER for using britishisms...

Posted by michael strangeways | February 14, 2007 2:46 PM

Weird. I was thinking about these very bunnies the other day. The obvious answer is that they need sweaters:

Posted by Levislade | February 14, 2007 2:52 PM

I've never understood why we don't just resolve the problems of bunny or Canadian goose overpopulation by simply making it legal to catch and kill a certain number of them. There's certainly enough hungry folks out there who could use the extra protein. And if the occasional tourist gets hit by a stray bullet...well, it is tourist season, isn't it?

Posted by Too Many Bunnies | February 14, 2007 2:53 PM

Better yet, let's rip out their hearts and take photos of them "wandering" around Seattle. Heartless bastards.

Posted by Red Wendy | February 14, 2007 2:55 PM

Where's my hasenpfeffer?

Posted by atown | February 14, 2007 2:57 PM

Open Woodland Park to hunting. Dogs, rabbits, gay toilet trolls, etc. All game.

Posted by frederick r | February 14, 2007 2:57 PM

Yes, yes--kill the gay toilet trolls. Because men seeking consensual sex with other men in public places deserve to die.

Look, I don't like the toilet trolls anymore than you do. In fact, I may like them less. There are certain parks that, if you're there and you're gay, you're presumed to be a toilet troll. Or seeking sex in bushes. I hate being lumped in with them.

But they're not harming anyone, they don't rape anyone, and if seeing men on the prowl for sex offends you... well, stay the hell out of Pioneer Square, the U-District, and Belltown on Friday and Saturday night. Unless, of course, we can shoot straight guys trolling for sex too.

Posted by Dan Savage | February 14, 2007 3:05 PM

Can you show a photo of the cute little bunnies, please? I've been watching too much '24' lately. Thanks.

Posted by bunny | February 14, 2007 3:14 PM

Yep, eat 'em. Vetting the tumor-y ones first of course (some testing, etc.)
I suspect, however, the tender people of Seattle wouldn't go for a yearly Rabbit Hunt, so we could instead set up small, P-patch style rabbit farms around the city. Perhaps individuals could be granted a wrack of rabbits and some help building a rabbit run in their backyard to start up a small rabbit farm (--40 rabbits and a hutch, perhaps?), along with automatic membership in a cooperative rabbit abatoir.

Since we know cows are already infected with MadCow/BSE, and modern cow "production" is based on a petroleum culture anyway, we should cultivate our meat locally, now, before catastrophe strikes. And rabbit is the perfect, healthy, yet managebly small-scale option. Rabbit, the new Beef. And yeah, we'd have a cottage rabbit-sweater industry, and gloves, and jackets, and "lucky rabbit's feet" again. This could be huge.

Posted by treacle | February 14, 2007 3:18 PM

Brendan, your Urban Hunting guide was perhaps the greatest article in the paper's history.

Kudos for calling these fucking idiots out.

And if this idiot is so concerned for the rabbits, why is he not as concerend for the rats?

Posted by Mardy Bum | February 14, 2007 3:20 PM

Omelettes are infanticide! Beekeeping is slavery! Save the bunnies!

Thank you.

Posted by flamingbanjo, for PETA | February 14, 2007 3:27 PM

I feel the same way about the idiots who feed pigeons. Do those fucking birds look like they need help?

In your experiment, Brendan, didn't the rabbit meat taste like shit?

Posted by keshmeshi | February 14, 2007 3:29 PM

Rabbit is delicious, but I wouldn't eat those little fuckers. They eat too many french fries.

I see them every day, and the crowds of morons who pet and feed them, and yes, they are killing the trees. If one of those trees falls across Aurora onto your or your car or your head, they'll be killing you. God, I hate the bunnies.

I've never even noticed the trolls, gay or otherwise. Don't trolls live under bridges?

Posted by Fnarf | February 14, 2007 3:39 PM

Don't forget that rabbits are great fun for dogs. Go at around dusk and let the dogs run them down. Police are known for giving a thumbs up to people with rabbit chasing dogs. Your dog will love you forever. (just be sure to pick up the shit).

Posted by GDC | February 14, 2007 4:02 PM

besides it's duck season...

Posted by michael strangeways | February 14, 2007 4:04 PM

rabbit season

Posted by Will in Seattle | February 14, 2007 4:10 PM

Rabbit meat used to be a fairly standard mainstay of the American diet, particularly in urban settings, primarily because of the small amount of space needed to maintain a hutch. An elderly friend of mine once told me that when she was growing up in Seattle, most families that could had a rabbit hutch in their back yard (or on the roof of their apartment building) and would bring home a rabbit each Monday and fatten it for a couple of weeks for Sunday diner.

Posted by You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me | February 14, 2007 4:12 PM

Rabbit On a Stick

4lb deboned rabbit backs and legs cut into small cubes
4tbl spoons olive oil
5cloves garlic minced
2tbl spoons rosemary
3tbl spoons parmesan cheese
salt and pepper

Place rabbit {cotton tail} cubes in combined marinade and let marinade over night

Place rabbit on skewers {small portions} roll skewers in flour then in egg then in seasoned bread crumbs.

Heat a cast iron frying pan with oil and brown skewers in oil place browned skewers in roasting pan standing vertical and roast at 400 degrees for 40 minutes enjoy serve with a nice Niagara merlot

Posted by Jake of | February 14, 2007 4:58 PM

then we could give the homeless full bellies AND stylish rabbit-pelt hats, the kind with little flaps over the ears! how resourceful.

Posted by z is for xylophone | February 14, 2007 6:09 PM

Just sterilize and release them. It's simple enough.

Posted by Gitai | February 14, 2007 7:14 PM

A contribution to the large cat feeding program at the zoo would appear to be in order.

Posted by ratcityreprobate | February 14, 2007 9:49 PM

I'm a volunteer with the rescue project, and Brendan is correct that the rabbits are getting much better care than in the park. The facilities for temporary housing are more than adequate, and vet care is provided. If you have any questions or concerns, just contact the Parks Dept.

Posted by meggo | February 15, 2007 12:33 AM

Trape them and feed them to the carnivorous animals at the zoo. Don't they have snakes? Wouldn't a bored line like to work for lunch now and then?

Posted by monkey | February 15, 2007 8:27 AM

oops, I meant bored LION not bored LINE. I'm not even stoned.

Posted by monkey | February 15, 2007 8:28 AM

Having horrible flashbacks of watching Watership Down as a child.

But yeah. Kill em. And kill the assholes who dump them in the park.

Posted by Sha | February 21, 2007 2:33 AM

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