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Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Meanwhile in Spokane

posted by on January 9 at 15:11 PM


A man walks into a bar in Spokane, Washington.

The man proceeds to make rude remarks about another man in the same bar. The second man, fed up, hauls off and punches the first man in the face, causing the first man to fall backward and strike his head. This causes the first man to lose consciousness. The unconscious man has recently moved back to Spokane from Auburn with his 4-year-old daughter. His daughter’s mother, his ex, lives in Spokane. In an odd coincidence, his ex was on her way to the hospital for the birth of her brother’s baby—the story doesn’t indicate whether she was the one carrying her brother’s baby—while the bar fight transpired. She arrived at the hospital shortly after her ex did, moments before he died of his wounds but not, sadly, in enough time to make it to his room to say goodbye.

In a final, freakish twist, the dead man’s mother and sister have his 4-year-old daughter, and the girl’s mother tells police that they refuse to return the child to her only surviving parent (the woman who was at the hospital for the birth of her brother’s baby and the death of her ex).

The police have spoken to the man who threw the punch but they made no arrests.

Everything you need to know about Spokane, Washington, is contained in this story.

RSS icon Comments


I am very confused..

Posted by huh? | January 9, 2007 3:23 PM

I lived in Spokane while going to school at ..... well one of the "Christian" schools that is not Gonzaga. And that story is a small taste of the class that is Spokane. I wish Idaho would annex it.

Posted by Andrew | January 9, 2007 3:29 PM

Maybe slapping is the new punching.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | January 9, 2007 3:36 PM

That was completely incoherent.

Posted by Wha? | January 9, 2007 3:39 PM

When I was a kid, and I guess still to this day, I avoided fights. I was called a chicken more times than I care to remember because I wouldn't throw a punch even in defense. But what I was afraid of wasn't getting beat up (that happened plenty to the kid who didn't fight back). My fear was that I would accidentally cause some irreparable damage like putting an eye out or even knocking some kid down who hits his head on a rock and dies or becomes retarded.

I did finally get into a fight. A kid just kept pushing me into a corner until I had nothing left to do but throw a punch. I did. He fell. He left me alone after that. I went home and cried and never told anyone for fear I would get into trouble.

THIS story is a prime example of why I didn't (and still don’t) like fighting.

Posted by monkey | January 9, 2007 3:46 PM

"Everything you need to know about Spokane, Washington, is contained in this story." ???
Surely there's at least 20,000 stories in that naked city...

Posted by treacle | January 9, 2007 3:48 PM

Everything you need to know about Spokane? Then where's the evangelical Christian angle?

Posted by Lark Hawk | January 9, 2007 3:53 PM

Surely you could have worked in a Benny & Joon reference, Dan.

Posted by Captain Jack | January 9, 2007 3:55 PM

Because nobody ever died in a bar fight, had a kid with a woman and then broke up, or was part of a custody dispute in Seattle, right?

Coulda happened in Ballard or Lynnwood or Auburn or Sheboygan, Wisconsin for all it matters.

Posted by D Huygens | January 9, 2007 4:01 PM

Oh, but clearly he deserved it, right? You can't just go around talking shit at people and not expect to get hit eventually, right? C'mon, everybody who was saying Sacha Baron Cohen should have known better, where are you now, defending the assailant here?

And Dan, great job throwing in a bunch of irrelevant details to make it sound like a Peyton Place episode.

To translate for the gibberish-impaired: Mother of man killed in bar fight is keeping his daughter from her natural mother. End of story.

Posted by BC | January 9, 2007 4:10 PM

Hey, fuck you! As if hilarious/tragic white trash shit doesn't happen on the West Side of the mountains. I've been to Auburn.

Posted by gillsans | January 9, 2007 4:19 PM

Andrew, are you a Whitworth College Alumn?

Posted by Chris | January 9, 2007 4:50 PM

Dan, as an advice columnist you know this crap happens everywhere. Yet you can't pass the opportunity to take a shot at Spokane.

I grew up there for the first 25 years. The second 25 have been over here. Spokane's metro area is home to almost a half million people. Surely they are not all of one mind anymore than the residents of Capitol Hill.

Posted by spokane transplant | January 9, 2007 4:58 PM

Without an appearance by the Suction Goat (I'm sure you'll see him if you stare at the picture hard enough), that story cannot encapsulate Spokane entirely.

Posted by Dougsf | January 9, 2007 4:58 PM

BC @ 10. Walking into a bar talking shit? What world do *you* live in? I'd call that -- with all my sympathies for a *father* in a bar fight gone terribly wrong, and as a guy that doesn't look for trouble -- asking for it.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | January 9, 2007 5:07 PM

Chris, Yeah I am a Whitworth Alumn or as I say "The college whose name I must never mention"

Posted by Andrew | January 9, 2007 5:25 PM

One other thing, after living in Spokane for 5 years I can only say there are many many people there whose parents should have used a rubber or gone out and had that abortion.

Posted by Andrew | January 9, 2007 5:34 PM

My boyfriend grew up in Spokane. I spend a lot of time there. My opinion is an informed one.

Posted by Dan Savage | January 9, 2007 6:07 PM

Hi Lloyd! I knew someone would be willing to admit that they think slugging someone who says something you don't like is OK. And if they die, well, that's what happens if you stand in the wrong place when you get that punch you so desperately deserve, right?

Posted by BC | January 9, 2007 6:24 PM

@14: That suction goat is the ONLY thing I've ever missed about spending summertime in Spokane as a kid. Seattle needs a garbage goat! Maybe at the scuplture park.

Posted by Amy Kate | January 9, 2007 7:18 PM

BC -- No. What I believe, and perhaps you'll agree, is that people generally should be respected and given a socially-accepted allocation of space. Tip o' the cap, sir? Why yes, indeed, sir; tip o' the cap back at you! That's the way it should be. Niceties.

But here you have the puffupery of disrespect. You're calling out someone to see how they respond.

Maybe your gamble is simply absorbed -- they cut you some slack and let it slide. Maybe you'll talk about it -- a verbal truce. Maybe your affonts will make the person back down, thus justifying the rude remarks being made. Maybe you'll get more than you bargained for if sufficient umbrage is taken at the offense. It's risky behavior, unnecessarily risky, don't you think?

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | January 9, 2007 7:49 PM

I miss the Holy Sucking Goat. Seattle should definitely get one.

Posted by gfish | January 9, 2007 8:15 PM

Dan, you left out the best part. The name of the bar is "The Screaming Yak". I thought your BF looked familiar. Dempsey's, I think?

Posted by spokevin | January 9, 2007 9:09 PM

2 guys fight and one dies. So the "final freakish twist" turned out to be that there is a custody battle over his kid? What a boring-ass story to slog about. But--it IS about Spokane, and Dan don't like Spokane.

Next time you use the words "final freakish twist", there had better be zombies involved.

Posted by sleestak | January 9, 2007 9:55 PM

We always drop by Dempsey's when we're in Spokane. Have a drink. Thank God he got out of there, go back to the hotel.

Posted by Dan Savage | January 9, 2007 10:21 PM

The story doesn't quite tell you that the bar scene in Spokane isn't half bad. All the bars there are a little bit like Re Bar. None of the bars there are the least bit like the Cha Cha.

Posted by elenchos | January 9, 2007 10:43 PM

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