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Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Best Extinction Comeback Ever

posted by on October 31 at 13:26 PM

Who needs ghouls and horror and sexy, sexy [insert plural noun here] when you’ve got the motherfucking bone crusher?

From the International Herald Tribune

Europe’s immense bearded vulture, sometimes called the [motherfucking] “bone crusher,” boasts a wingspan of nearly 10 feet, plucks meals from avalanche debris, and breeds its chicks in the subzero temperatures of the wintertime Alps. Its gastric juices register a “1” on the pH scale, nearly pure acid. Seething belly bile is a necessity for a creature that subsists mainly on weather-bleached bones.

They were close to extinct, they’re coming back, and they’re badder than you.

From the wikipedia article on the motherfucking bone crusher (aka the “Lammergeier,” or “lamb-vulture”):

Like other vultures it is a scavenger, feeding mostly from carcasses of dead animals. It usually disdains the rotting meat however and lives on a diet that is 90% bone. It will drop large bones from a height to crack them to get smaller pieces. Its old name of Ossifrage (or [the motherfucking] Bone Crusher) relates to this habit. Live tortoises are also dropped in similar fashion to crack them open… According to legend, the Greek playwright Aeschylus was killed when a tortoise was dropped on his bald head by a Lammergeier which mistook it for a stone.

They’ve got acid for body fluids, they eat pure bone, and they kill playwrights for sport.

Theater is doomed.

All hail the motherfucking bone crusher!

RSS icon Comments


Archeologist of the day- Brendan!!
Maybe a Lamb-Vulture is the new in-house pet at Stranger HQ.

Posted by patron | October 31, 2006 2:12 PM

More specifically, bald men whose heads look like stones from above are fucked.

Posted by david | October 31, 2006 2:47 PM

Can we get one of them lamb-vultures to drop a turtle on Neil Simon?

Posted by Napoleon XIV | October 31, 2006 2:56 PM

Or Moby?

Posted by Jeff | October 31, 2006 3:01 PM

What does it say when the Theater Editor is singing the praises of a gigantic raptor that kills playwrights by dropping rocks on their heads?

Posted by flamingbanjo | October 31, 2006 3:54 PM

That's a Mutter-Ficker Ossifrage, to you Herr Kiley!

Posted by COMTE | October 31, 2006 4:06 PM

I totally thought this was like the Hotheaded Naked Ice Borer, which I believed existed for years. But no! This vile beastie is real! Maybe we should cancel that upcoming Alpine ski vacation... this thing sounds like a real fucker.

Posted by L | October 31, 2006 4:24 PM

This is why I love the Slog.

Posted by Kristi | October 31, 2006 10:51 PM

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