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Monday, August 21, 2006

The Latest in Christian Pajamas!

posted by on August 21 at 12:00 PM

It’s the newest thing in Christian child sleepwear, ARMOR OF GOD PJS!


“Mommy protected me from the evils of sin sneaking into my mouth at night—and for only $39.95!”

And while you’re at it, check out this wicked awesome “Cross on a Sweatband” from!
Wear this beauty to the b-ball court and put a slamma-jamma-whamma on SATAN! Only $2.99!

Thanks and a tip o’ the hat to RT!

RSS icon Comments


the pink headband looks gay.

Posted by very funny | August 21, 2006 12:09 PM

"Worried your kids may not look dorky enough? Well worry no more!"

I predict if these catch on that Adult "marital aid" stores will be stocking grown-up versions of these in, oh, fifteen to twenty years, right next to their extenxive line of catholic-school uniforms and "saucy nun" outfits.

Posted by flamingbanjo | August 21, 2006 12:11 PM

There is no f-in way this can be real. No way. Shit this dorky cannot possible exist.

I refuse to believe it!

Posted by Mike in MO | August 21, 2006 12:13 PM

Christians want their kids to wear magic underwear, and Jews believe god wants Rabbis to suck the blood of baby cocks. All religion is a farce.

The Torah and bible are both equally good for wiping shit off your ass.

Even New York Public health can't stop religious idiots -

Posted by religion sucks | August 21, 2006 12:16 PM

Can I get that headband in red? Should be easy enough to wear it upside down and please my master Beelze.... Beezu... Bezel... err.. Satan. =)

Posted by John | August 21, 2006 12:16 PM

These PJs seem to modelled after the Knights of the Templar. How about some KKK pajama outfits for the kids to wear when the Templar outfits are in the wash?

Posted by CoolAqua | August 21, 2006 12:18 PM

To whom must I "donate" to get those cool pjs?

Posted by Napoleon XIV | August 21, 2006 12:25 PM

By the way, that boy is totally either 1) stoned, or 2) feeling like an absolute geek for being forced into the photo shoot.

Posted by Napoleon XIV | August 21, 2006 12:26 PM

This looks like another version of the Mormon undergarment.

Posted by Ivan Cockrum | August 21, 2006 12:30 PM

Good idea John. An upside down cross headband would be bitchin'. Pink or red, either would freak people out...

Posted by Mike in MO | August 21, 2006 12:38 PM

I can only wonder when we'll get to see the first Armor of God-inspired parricide.

Posted by Napoleon XIV | August 21, 2006 12:44 PM

I was thinking the same thing, Coolaqua. Klan robes for sure. I wonder if they come with pull-down face coverings with eye holes. The shield is pretty bitchin', too.

It says "when they dress they should replace them with the spiritual Armor of God", which suggests that (a) jammy time isn't spiritual time -- go crazy, kids! and (b) there is a window of evil when the kids are out of their jammys and not yet into their spiritual armor when Satan can sneak in and do his dirty work. So many opportunities for evil!

Posted by Fnarf | August 21, 2006 12:48 PM

Do these pj's include easy-access fondle flaps?

Posted by him | August 21, 2006 12:56 PM

It doesnt look any different than what Northern Ireland's protestants wear throughout their silly parades.

You can see that King George red cross all over Belfast.

Posted by SeMe | August 21, 2006 1:06 PM

The Latest in Get Mad & Get Even! Slap down sin & pollution!

To my friends in the faith community (e.g. Focus on the Family) & the ecoterrorist community: We ain't gonna take it any more. For too long The Stanger has practiced the weird alchemy of turning trees into shit, & electrons into slime. Follow these simple step-by-steps to strike a blow for God, Elf, & Alf:

1. Locate & identify (by their smell) Stranger dispenser boxes in your 'hood. The boxes look like old Trojan machines (unsightly smudges, unspeakable stains) in the pestilential toilets of old Conoco (hottest brand going!) gas stations ... only bigger & dirtier;
2. Pry open lid/cover of smelly Stranger 'hood box;
3. Take out 20, 30 smelly Strangers, hand them in piles to the wife & kids (all wearing latex gloves); take out 20, 30 more WITHOUT PAYING! That'll show 'em!
4. Burn.
5. Repeat.

Posted by Dobson's Doberman | August 21, 2006 1:09 PM

And remember to frequent the escorts on the back four or five pages of the paper which make it all possible!

Posted by Napoleon XIV | August 21, 2006 1:14 PM

Homeland Security Alert!

No person of any gender should at any time be excorted by the horizontal entrepeneurs on the back four or five pages of the paper (who make it all possible) unless that person of gender is wearing, for personal protection and for the protection of public safety, sacred jammies ($39.95, as advertised on the SLOG), a holy headband, or wholesome LDS underwear.

Posted by jammin' | August 21, 2006 1:29 PM

entrepReneurs. Sorry about that.

Posted by oopsie | August 21, 2006 1:31 PM

eScorted. That's what Stranger escorts do. Escort. Still, wear your jammin' jammies, justincase. And for God's sake, keep your shields up.

Posted by oopsie x 2 | August 21, 2006 1:42 PM

Jews say god tells them to wear little hats, and Christians think god wants their kids in francy pajamas.
All religion is for idiots.

The Torah is good only for wiping your ass with, the bible isn't even good for that, it's pages are so thin.

Posted by religion sucks | August 21, 2006 1:53 PM

This is ridiculous. Everyone knows to get the real Armor of God, you have to descend into a secret European catacomb and defeat an army of monks with your wacky kung fu hijinks. Further instructions here.

Posted by Greg Barnes | August 21, 2006 2:14 PM

"...with their belief in Jesus and His protection they will feel safe and secure..." (emphasis mine).

Not be safe. Feel safe. The very essence of truthiness.

Posted by K | August 21, 2006 2:22 PM

es·cort n. One or more persons accompanying another to guide, protect, or show honor. v. The state of being accompanied by a person or protective guard.

Homeland Insecurity Alert, Part Deux: In the act of being escorted (v.) by your Stranger-pimped escort (n.), you may observe that your Stranger-pimped escort is providing insufficient guidance & protection, and is signally failing to show requisite honor, as per memo, attached.

Warning! Your Stranger-pimped excort either (1) failed to get the memo, attached, or (2) is an agent of the International Islamo-Fascist Conspiracy (Red Alert) that seeks to corrupt your precious bodily fluids.

Protect yourself, Christendom, and the march of freedom. Follow these steps:

* Strap on sacred jammin' jammies, prayer-warrior shields up;
* Divest Stranger-pimped escort of all liquids, gels, aerosols, and shoes;
* Apply Holy X-Ray Spex to face (yours) and unobtrusively examine body cavities of Stranger-pimped escort for contraband;
* If you observe, during previous step, that Stranger-pimped escort is wearing (under his gay apparel or under her street apparel) Jihad Jammies (Hyper-Red Alert!!!) contact Michael Chertoff immediately.

Posted by DHS | August 21, 2006 3:01 PM

Jesus *is* my Stranger-pimped escort!

Posted by Napoleon XIV | August 21, 2006 3:04 PM

Or, as pre-Lieberman expats from Connecticut used to say, Dodd is my co-pilot.

Posted by - | August 21, 2006 3:11 PM

I'm wearing The Suppository Of Superstition right now!

Posted by Touchdown, Jesus! | August 21, 2006 3:57 PM

The Suppository of Superstition? Is that anything like The Boots of Escaping?

Posted by Napoleon XIV | August 21, 2006 4:12 PM

I'm surprised there aren't matching "peace" slippers (Ephesians 6:15).

Posted by GrammarCop | August 22, 2006 11:24 PM

<a href=>erosive esophagitis</a> all about

Posted by erosive-esophagitis | September 2, 2006 7:04 AM

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