Thursday, November 15, 2012
Chow In Case You Wanted to Never Eat Hot Dogs Again
Posted by Anthony Hecht on Thu, Nov 15, 2012 at 9:21 PM
For the first half, I was repulsed, but by the end, I kinda wanted one again. USA!
via Kottke
1
I haven't eaten a hot dog since high school microbiology class, where the Petri dish with the hot dog showed more bacteria growth than the one that had the swab from the men's restroom.
4
What??? The production of food is less appetizing than the eventual eating of it? You must be kidding!
5
Next up: a gross-out video for vegetarians which follows organic fertilizer from the ass of a pig to your veggies TO YOUR MOUTH OH NO OH NO OH NO!
6
I like that they use "soccer field" instead of "football field" as a unit of measurement. I am 38 years old, and I have no goddamn idea how long a football field is. But I, like every suburban kid, grew up playing soccer.
9
@7: I've been told that every time I ask, but then I keep forgetting. See? I already forgot.
It's meaningless to me as a unit of measurement. A city block? Ok, as long as it's a real city and not, you know, Bellevue, then that works very well as a unit of measurement. I walk in the city. But a football field? I have never in my life been to an actual football game in person, nor have I suffered more than ten minutes of one during Thanksgiving at the Republican relatives' house. As a woman, I certainly never played it, as I look horrifying in lingerie.
It's meaningless to me as a unit of measurement. A city block? Ok, as long as it's a real city and not, you know, Bellevue, then that works very well as a unit of measurement. I walk in the city. But a football field? I have never in my life been to an actual football game in person, nor have I suffered more than ten minutes of one during Thanksgiving at the Republican relatives' house. As a woman, I certainly never played it, as I look horrifying in lingerie.
13
#9 - you are leotarded. "I'm so hip and urbane because I don't know how long a football field is! But a city block, I can use that accurately to measure distances, as long as it's the right kind of city and nevermind the fact that blocks aren't standard at all. Look at me! WHEEE!!!!" Leotard.
16
@13 said it best. An American who doesn't know the length of a football field is either functionally leotarded or a willful douchebag of the Nth degree.
Good question @14. The best part about TVdinner's douchebaggery is the fact that soccer pitches do not in fact have a standardized size. Even FIFA (which is only one of the governing bodies) allows a pitch to range from 90-120 meters. MLS pitches vary in size as well: Starfire's field is smaller than the CLink's, for example.
So anyone who acts as if they can use "soccer field" to determine something's size is wrong, and knows little about the sport. Unlike, say, American football: even high schoolers play on the same size field as the NFL.
Good question @14. The best part about TVdinner's douchebaggery is the fact that soccer pitches do not in fact have a standardized size. Even FIFA (which is only one of the governing bodies) allows a pitch to range from 90-120 meters. MLS pitches vary in size as well: Starfire's field is smaller than the CLink's, for example.
So anyone who acts as if they can use "soccer field" to determine something's size is wrong, and knows little about the sport. Unlike, say, American football: even high schoolers play on the same size field as the NFL.
17
@14, it depends. The measurements are not standardized, much like baseball fields. The usual is around 120 yards by 75 yards wide, though some semi-professional teams like the San Jose Earthquakes or the Portland Timbers play on much smaller fields, because, well, you know. The Timbers's pitch is about the size of your living room, while the Earthquakes play on a field that would embarrass most US high schools.
A gridiron field includes the end zones, of course, and thus is also 120 yards long, though much, much narrower. When the Sounders played with gridiron sideline markings (but thankfully not yardage markings), they were more than ten yards in from the edges on both sides. Gridiron football players get tired if they have to run far, you see.
I eat hot dogs several times a week, because they are the only food option near my place of work that costs less than $20 a meal, and I have lost 30 pounds in the past several months doing so. My secret? THROW AWAY THE BUN. It's much, much grosser than the meat. The other thing to know about gas station hot dogs is that they are FAR SUPERIOR to the supposedly fancy options, the Johnsonville Brats and so on, sold next to them, which have no snap and taste like spoiled dog food. Regular beef wieners taste like America.
A gridiron field includes the end zones, of course, and thus is also 120 yards long, though much, much narrower. When the Sounders played with gridiron sideline markings (but thankfully not yardage markings), they were more than ten yards in from the edges on both sides. Gridiron football players get tired if they have to run far, you see.
I eat hot dogs several times a week, because they are the only food option near my place of work that costs less than $20 a meal, and I have lost 30 pounds in the past several months doing so. My secret? THROW AWAY THE BUN. It's much, much grosser than the meat. The other thing to know about gas station hot dogs is that they are FAR SUPERIOR to the supposedly fancy options, the Johnsonville Brats and so on, sold next to them, which have no snap and taste like spoiled dog food. Regular beef wieners taste like America.
19
I prefer my sausage/franks made like this, with real intestine used for the casing. I have no problem with commercial production; it's not much different functionally, just faster and not as good because everything has to be ground down to mush for uniformity. You'll notice that this guys sausage making bunker probably isn't even as sterile as the factory, but I still prefer it.
20
Oh Jeebus Keerist lay off, you assholes. TVDinner can be excused for not knowing how big a fawkin' football field is.
She's female, hates football, and lives in the city. 'Nuff said. I bet if I asked The Future Mrs. Dr. Awesome how big a football field is she'd have to guess. It's just something that's not important to her. At all.
You all realize 'How it's Made' is filmed globally, right? It's not uncommon for them to use other units of measurement that not all Yanks are familiar with.
She's female, hates football, and lives in the city. 'Nuff said. I bet if I asked The Future Mrs. Dr. Awesome how big a football field is she'd have to guess. It's just something that's not important to her. At all.
You all realize 'How it's Made' is filmed globally, right? It's not uncommon for them to use other units of measurement that not all Yanks are familiar with.
21
@ 16/17, thanks. I actually was a bit aware of the differing dimensions. One of my enduring childhood soccer memories is of the game we played on a high school pitch rather than one in a city park. We were seven or eight and could not run the full length of the the field without tiring and turning it over. It was the only match I ever played that ended in a 0-0 tie.
But TVDinner is no douchebag. She rocks most of the time, like most sloggers.
Also, Hebrew National forever!
But TVDinner is no douchebag. She rocks most of the time, like most sloggers.
Also, Hebrew National forever!
24
It said that traditional hot dogs are made from a mix of pork, beef, and chicken. Bullshit. At least in Chicago, a proper hot dog is all-beef.
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